grudges

[2sunny]

Truth is....I don't know what iam feeling.after I confronted her with my suspicions, and the phone call I overheard , its like a different woman.maybe its not so much as a grudge , I really don't know what it is.Maybe this whole thing will make things a lot better between us, I dunno.I hear her words to him on the phone when I don't want to .yes iam pretty certain something happened.she would never take a polygraph.I think I was led way off base after I started snooping.both him and her stand to loose a lot if it ever came out.I have talked with his wife and she is a complete dingbat as best I can tell.she don't have a clue i have also seen him and talked about other things he wouldnt look me in the eye and stutterd alot.it would be easier for me to "let it go"if I had all the facts.

 

She wouldn't take a polygraph? If she has nothing to hide - she'd easily want to take it.

 

Start making your expectations known - either she takes it or she moves out immediately.

 

Stand firm... It's not a request - and you have a right to know her truth.

 

And if she intends to cheat, fine - but you also have the right to divorce her if that's what she intends to do.

[whodat]

I'm curious as to how "taking her for granted" has become such a bad thing and how that often comes up in discussions about a WW. I take my wife and our relationship for granted all the time. To me, saying I take someone for granted is the same as saying I trust or have faith in them.

 

I take it for granted that my wife will come home every day.

I take it for granted that my wife won't cheat on me.

I take it for granted that when she says she'll pick up the kids she'll pick up the kids.

 

Why? Because we are both active equal partners in a relationship and life we both have built. I find the idea that some think I should have to continue to compete for my wife's attention or affection to be appalling. If the only reason she continued to be with me over another man is because I always "won" at some primal, competitive level I would feel pretty anxious in my day to day life. How can we ever mature as individuals and a couple if that is the case? Scary stuff to me.

 

Now, if I started hitting the clubs every night, rejected her sexually and started blowing off family time just because I assume she'll be there, that's another type of behaviour.

 

Taking for granted does not equal neglect, and should not be treated as such. Am I misinterpreting the meaning of "taking her for granted" or what?

[JustAReformedGirl]

I'm curious as to how "taking her for granted" has become such a bad thing and how that often comes up in discussions about a WW. I take my wife and our relationship for granted all the time. To me, saying I take someone for granted is the same as saying I trust or have faith in them.

 

I take it for granted that my wife will come home every day.

I take it for granted that my wife won't cheat on me.

I take it for granted that when she says she'll pick up the kids she'll pick up the kids.

 

Why? Because we are both active equal partners in a relationship and life we both have built. I find the idea that some think I should have to continue to compete for my wife's attention or affection to be appalling. If the only reason she continued to be with me over another man is because I always "won" at some primal, competitive level I would feel pretty anxious in my day to day life. How can we ever mature as individuals and a couple if that is the case? Scary stuff to me.

 

Now, if I started hitting the clubs every night, rejected her sexually and started blowing off family time just because I assume she'll be there, that's another type of behaviour.

 

Taking for granted does not equal neglect, and should not be treated as such. Am I misinterpreting the meaning of "taking her for granted" or what?

 

I think you might be, just a smidge. The types of taking for granted you used as examples at the start of your post are normal, and everyone has done it to one degree or another.

 

I think when they mentioned "taking her for granted", it was meant in the sense of neglect. People get comfortable in a long relationship, and that's okay. But, there is still work required from both parties to make it last. It doesn't have to be about competing with others for your spouses' attention, but rather, making sure that you're both satisfied together, and that any issues that come up are dealt with together.

[So happy together]

She wouldn't take a polygraph? If she has nothing to hide - she'd easily want to take it.

 

Start making your expectations known - either she takes it or she moves out immediately.

 

Stand firm... It's not a request - and you have a right to know her truth.

 

And if she intends to cheat, fine - but you also have the right to divorce her if that's what she intends to do.

 

You know, I've never cheated on anyone but I would NEVER take a polygraph. I'd be offended at him asking it.

[So happy together]

And if you feel you need to ask your partner to take one... you have issues.