Snowflower Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Back on topic, hamilton, have you asked your wife specifically what would make this better for her after the recent contact by the xOW? If you've answered this already, I apologize. I'm just wondering what maybe you could do to help her after having to deal with the xOW nastiness. From what you post, it seems like your reconciliation was going well but then the contact from the xOW set your wife back. Have you really sat down and talked with your wife about this? What would help her? OTOH, I think you should really try to take the initiative here in making every effort to make sure there is no more contact from xOW. It is your mess that you made, you need to continue to clean it up. Please know I'm not saying that you're not trying to fix this--it seems like you are. Just continue to take the initiative.
Confused48 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 From j'adore Thanks Confused, I have to be a sociopath to know when someone is not telling the truth. :) and i am repugnant because I am an OW.... nice. I was going to agree with you on the rest of the post but you just quoted me instead thanks. j'adore - I apologize for this completely. It was over the top wrong and I'm ashamed I said this. In fact I do not find you repugnant. I just disagree with your viewpoint on a regular basis. I also do not know you to be a sociopath. You may or may not be but I should not have said you were when in fact I do not know. Hanging my head in shame.... So sorry. 1
waterwoman Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I don't find it hard to beleive FWIW. OK so I'm a BS but I did have what I guess I should call an EA many many years ago. I ended it suddenly when I realised that he wanted much more and took it much more seriously than I did. He sent me one very hurt and angry letter based PURELY on his expectations, nothing to do with broken promises. He said we had a connection - yes, we did, so did H and I. After H broke it off with OW after dday she sent me a quite nasty text months afterwards, prompted by her approaching H again and being told 'thanks but no thanks'. Disclaimer; I know H might be lying. It goes with the territory. I know that. But from what I have been told he didn't promise to leave me but she probably have quite liked him to. However when it comes to my EA I am definitely not lying. H doesn't read here - there is no purpose to my lying.
janedoe67 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Bunny Boiler is referencing a scene in Fatal Attraction where the OW takes the MM's daughter's pet rabbit and boils it. I would recommend that if you have to send anything else that it be brief, blunt, and apology free. basically: Our affair was wrong. It is over. I am with my wife. If you contact me or my wife again I will take legal action. Go away.
ComingInHot Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 hamilton, Well I think you have learned a valuable lesson!! I don't think it matters what kind of an A you had (sex or no sex), it has NOTHING to do w/how you are proceeding. An A is an A is an A. So whether you "bare all" here or not isn't to be judged or admonished. The whole point is that you say you cheated, You regret it, You feel badly for Your behavior towards exOW but MORE SO for Your betrayal of Your W & M. Just That and com I g here inquiring as to what You can & should do next to R & Protect your W takes both courage and integrity. Not to mention it's awesome that you made the/a decision that Your W & M & families are priceless. Side note: Good for you, keeping your dragon in the dungeon!!* 3
Author hamilton23 Posted July 4, 2013 Author Posted July 4, 2013 To LFH/other OW: It was not just some "flirting." I had what I understand is an EA, just without the ILY. Let us not downplay what it was. It was 9 months of us growing closer/getting deeper and me falling for the OW at the time. That, I am sure is, why she acted the way she did in the ONE letter. Either way, I am done speaking about the relationship and ask for everyone to respect that. To BS/WS: how do you handle triggers? For the BS, what would you like your to SO do to help with your triggers? Thanks to everyone for the help!
Pierre Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 I believe the OW has been given way too much consideration and hence she believes the relationship with OP meant something. I would not give the OW any additional importance. In the eyes of the betrayed wife the OW is receiving way too much attention. The truth of the matter is that generally the OW can be anyone and OP should let his wife know this. Thirdly, any response from the couple to the OW will make the OW believe she actually means something to the OP. I suggest the couple go into 100% indifference to the OW. Any attention to OW will encourage more of the same. 1
Confused48 Posted July 4, 2013 Posted July 4, 2013 To BS/WS: how do you handle triggers? For the BS, what would you like your to SO do to help with your triggers? Thanks to everyone for the help! OMG, I wish my WS felt the need to ask this question. I want over the top expression of remorse. I would shut it down right away but I would want WS to start it and let me be the one to say, enough. I believe you are sorry. My WS is sorry. I do know that. But it would be great to hear it when I need it most. At trigger time. And to hear it in spades.
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