Author hamilton23 Posted June 27, 2013 Author Posted June 27, 2013 Ok. Well good luck. Tell her flat out to go away if you want her to. Leave zero room for interpretation or confusion. Anything else in this situation is leaving you open to additional contact from her. Not sure what you said or did that she's managed to turn into something else in her head, but I guarantee she has or she woudln't be acting like that. It might help if you can figure out what it was. Thank you, I appreciate it! I have been very clear in past letters, and I am even more clear in this one. I hope it is effective. I'm not sure what I said/did either, I think she just fell harder for me than I for her (she told me she loved me on a few occasions). Right now, though, I need to focus more on my wife and fixing what I messed up as best I can, and if OW pops up more, I will handle that when the time comes. 1
Praying4Peace Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Hi Hamilton, I don't know if this is good advice but I were you I'd write OW a email (and let your wife see it while you draft it) telling her that you do not appreciate the LIES she created to try to cause more strife in your life than you already have. Call her out on it! Two things will be accomplished: 1) You are saying directly to her that those statements are lies, in front of your wife 2) Since she's being a vindictive person, at least your W shouldn't worry about any feelings being left for her and you going back to the A. Sorry you are going through this.
2sunny Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 What was stated in prior emails that you sent her? Why do you think she didn't get the clear idea that it was over? What can you say more effectively this time? Are you planning to have your wife review it before sending it to your OW?
Author hamilton23 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 What was stated in prior emails that you sent her? Why do you think she didn't get the clear idea that it was over? What can you say more effectively this time? Are you planning to have your wife review it before sending it to your OW? To summarize, I told her that our affair/relationship is over, wished her well and that I requested no contact so that I can attempt to reconcile with my wife. To edit: I don't know why she didn't get the message. The email has already been sent but yes, my wife reviewed it.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Hamilton the reason why most of us FOW are questioning all of this is because it is unusually for a woman to act like this if there was no sex involved. When we "give" ourselves to a man then is when the craziness can take place and it is hard to let go. This is just an extremely unusual set of circumstances. Write the no contact letter. Say you are sorry for engaging in this behavior because you have hurt the woman you love (your wife) and you are going to do everything you can to reconcile your marriage and tell her you will not contact her again and ask her to respect those wishes. Send it certified. Your wife should see this letter. It sounds like she has seen the others but emails can be ignored. Then if she continues get a restraining order.
2sunny Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 In real life - would you say you're more expressive about your thoughts/feelings than you are here?
Author hamilton23 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 To everyone: I do not understand why this is hard to believe or why this is considered unusual. I have been extensively reading past threads during my time on here, and I have seen instances where there have been affairs without sex. I have also seen instances where the OW sends horrible emails, as mine did. I do not know if that counts as being a 'Bunny Boiler.' I don't think anyone is reading the details of my situation at all. To Wanting More: No, the only time I ended it, was when I ended the entire affair. PS. Like I have said, the letter has already been written & sent.
Author hamilton23 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 In real life - would you say you're more expressive about your thoughts/feelings than you are here? Yeah, I would say so.
Confused48 Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 To everyone: I do not understand why this is hard to believe or why this is considered unusual. I have been extensively reading past threads during my time on here, and I have seen instances where there have been affairs without sex. I have also seen instances where the OW sends horrible emails, as mine did. I do not know if that counts as being a 'Bunny Boiler.' Its not adding up for me and I'm just reading it. Your BS sees you in person. So of course it is not adding up for her. If you said it fooled her then I might doubt what I was deducing from merely reading your lies and deception. You say on the one hand that you are reading a lot here. Then you say you don't know what a bunny boiler is. Hmm, ever heard of google? Me thinks thou dost protest to much.
Author hamilton23 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 Its not adding up for me and I'm just reading it. Your BS sees you in person. So of course it is not adding up for her. If you said it fooled her then I might doubt what I was deducing from merely reading your lies and deception. You say on the one hand that you are reading a lot here. Then you say you don't know what a bunny boiler is. Hmm, ever heard of google? Me thinks thou dost protest to much. You don't even make sense as far as my situation. What's not adding up to her? What's fooling her? I'm not lying to my wife any more, nor am I deceiving her. As far as the Bunny Boiler comments, you are right. I could'ved google it, but ever stopped to think that maybe I just hadn't looked it up at the time? I don't understand why people come to post if they aren't going to give any advice or try to.
wanting more Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 You say you've read a lot of here, I've been here about 10 months (on some other sites previously). I've tried to remember (and can't think of one) where a WS or OW/OM has told their story about a 9 month A, just kissing, ILYs from one side and I'm falling for You from the other side and that be the while entire truthful story. It's not an unbelievable story, it's just a little hard to believe. I think (my opinion) even most BSs would talk about the trickle truth or gas lighting they'd heard. I don't remember someone coming completely clean to their BS the moment they confess. But as I said previously, all we have is your word.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Here us an example, I have a friend who wanted to meet with me - she has been in an "ea" for the past 2 1/2 years and said there had been no sex but yet both of them are considering leaving their spouses?. She wanted me to give her the " life is too short " speech. I couldn't do it. I can't. Anyway - even my husband, who had his own affair, my sister who had an affair, myself included - none of us believe that anyone is considering leaving their spouses and setting up house with the AP unless sex was involved. That bring said, I don't believe what my friend told me. I only say this to tell you that this is HIGHLY unusual. I wish you well - I hope what you are saying is true and that you are able to reconcile with your wife. It is just that this pattern is so different than most.
HopingAgain Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Hamilton For what its worth, please don't allow yourself to be discouraged by the bitter and/or cynical replies from some OW here. You are a WH who is sincerely trying to reconcile with your wife and don't want OW in your life anymore. If your story is triggering these folks, that's not your fault. I for one believe your story. My own WH was an in a very short affair that only went as far as kissing. I confirmed this by accident and then later through surveillancre and his own admission. And his OW didn't want to let go either. I can be as cynical as they come and I know all this to be true. Good for you for writing NC letter. And please don't feel you owe Ex OW a thing more after this but a restraining order if she keeps after you. 1
Author hamilton23 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 You say you've read a lot of here, I've been here about 10 months (on some other sites previously). I've tried to remember (and can't think of one) where a WS or OW/OM has told their story about a 9 month A, just kissing, ILYs from one side and I'm falling for You from the other side and that be the while entire truthful story. It's not an unbelievable story, it's just a little hard to believe. I think (my opinion) even most BSs would talk about the trickle truth or gas lighting they'd heard. I don't remember someone coming completely clean to their BS the moment they confess. But as I said previously, all we have is your word. Well, of course there is no one who has an entirely identical story to mine. What I was talking about, is that I've seen instances (on this site and others that I have browsed), where an OW has thought of or sent a mean email or any email to the ex Married Person, or their spouse. I have also looked up instances of non-sexual affairs and so on. If I had the links, I would post the ones that I read. If it's hard to believe, that is fine. I'm not asking anyone to believe me, and whether you believe me or not is not important. Don't know why I would lie to complete strangers about my situation... Anyway, I want to thank everyone who has been of help to me. It is very appreciated and I will keep you all updated if I need more advice. 2
Author hamilton23 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 PEOPLE: Seriously. I understand that my situation is highly unusual, but that does not mean it is not happening. My life is a big mess of my own doing and I am trying to make my life right and if all you are going to post, over and over, is that you don't believe me, or think I am lying or what have you, please keep moving. I was/am looking for help (thank you to those who have helped and given me advice-- it is appreciated greatly). There is already enough of that here. 2
sweet_pea Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I will just say that I find it funny that most OW are quick to say that every affair is different, yet when we have a guy whose affair is different than most.... he's all of a sudden questioned about its validity. LOL, though that was kind of funny. 4
HopingAgain Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I will just say that I find it funny that most OW are quick to say that every affair is different, yet when we have a guy whose affair is different than most.... he's all of a sudden questioned about its validity. LOL, though that was kind of funny. My sentiments exactly! It's just misplaced anger at their own MM, imagining that he could move on with his wife in the same fashion. 2
wanting more Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I will just say that I find it funny that most OW are quick to say that every affair is different, yet when we have a guy whose affair is different than most.... he's all of a sudden questioned about its validity. LOL, though that was kind of funny. But it's also funny that most BSs are quick to say that all As are the same. 2
sweet_pea Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 But it's also funny that most BSs are quick to say that all As are the same. While that may be true, that's not the case in THIS thread, which is what I am talking about.
wanting more Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 But it happens in lots of threads. I did question OP in this thread. As I said, it's not unbelievable, just a little hard to believe. Lots of people are questioned on their stories when they first appear on here. Especially WSs and OW/OM
sweet_pea Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 I haven't read a recent thread in which a WS or AP is accused of possibly lying about their situation, have you?
wanting more Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Well, of course there is no one who has an entirely identical story to mine. What I was talking about, is that I've seen instances (on this site and others that I have browsed), where an OW has thought of or sent a mean email or any email to the ex Married Person, or their spouse. I have also looked up instances of non-sexual affairs and so on. If I had the links, I would post the ones that I read. If it's hard to believe, that is fine. I'm not asking anyone to believe me, and whether you believe me or not is not important. Don't know why I would lie to complete strangers about my situation... Anyway, I want to thank everyone who has been of help to me. It is very appreciated and I will keep you all updated if I need more advice. I do wish you luck, and hope everything works out for you and your wife. 2
2sunny Posted June 28, 2013 Posted June 28, 2013 Hopefully this OW gets the idea perfect clear that if she contacts again - you'll file a restraining order. Can your W have her work email changed? Ant further contact, if needed, to the OW should come from an attorney. That would send her the message she's not been seeing.
Author hamilton23 Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 Hopefully this OW gets the idea perfect clear that if she contacts again - you'll file a restraining order. Can your W have her work email changed? Ant further contact, if needed, to the OW should come from an attorney. That would send her the message she's not been seeing. I will have to ask my wife is she can/will change her email. Thank you for the advice.
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