is it normal to be a 21 year old male virgin?

[ohwell123]

I am 22 and I am still a virgin. I have had the chance of losing it but I chickened out both times, I deal with a lot of things internally every day and they tend to get the best of me causing me to not live my live as best as I can:( I was fat my entire life and over the past couple years slimmed way down,grew up in a very religious environment until one day turned 18 and was on my own, started working and since then been overwhelmed with the grown up life. Ever since slimming down,I've been told to be very attractive by a number of girls and have no problem establishing a connection, but I always thought of myself to be so disgusting that no girl would ever look at me lol, until one day it changed. I've lost so many good opportunities with great girls for pussying out but I just don't get the desire to go after em,( of course they attract me, incredibly) but my excuse is, what for? I hear people say how sex and relationships are great but I'm way too comfortable living a lonely life in my ugly ass routine to put myself out there, instead I make excuses and hide in obligations and reasons not to, I want this to change,I'm tired of living miserably for no reason,so tips will be appreciated

[CarrieT]

You are fine and normal. As a former fat-person, I can totally understand how you simply are not yet accustomed to your thinner self. When that happens, you will feel more comfortable establishing intimate relationships. Don't rush it - you are doing fine and there is nothing wrong with you.

[TaraMaiden]

Yes, it's perfectly normal to be a 21-year-old virgin.

 

However, your reasoning behind you chosen abstinence, is not.

 

I would suggest you seek counselling.

I suspect your background, upbringing and physical history have contributed much to feeling as phukked up as you seem to feel.

 

Putting yourself down and referring to yourself as living a lonely life in your ugly ass routine is part of the problem.

 

Tell yourself (in a nutshell) that you're crap, and you begin to believe it.

Where is the positive and upbeat tone to your post?

 

Exactly.

[steppero]

Sounds like performance anxiety to me. You sound scared you will not please her or you may feel you are inadequate downstairs. I blame this on both the porn industry and women magazines. Women get sold all sorts of bull**** in those mags they buy. Also if you watch a lot of porn you are probably comparing yourself to the actors.

[bson1257]

My situation is fairly similar to the OP. I used to be morbidly obese so that gave me a legitimate excuse to never approach women. However, over the past 2 years I have slimmed down and now look completely different and don't know how to change my mindset.

[TaraMaiden]

Simplistic as it sounds, it is exactly AS simple as that.

 

Just - change it.

 

I know, I know... easier said than done.

 

Well, of course it is - but nothing really worth working hard for, is easy to do.

 

Simple? Yes.

Easy? Nope.

Doesn't mean the same thing at all.

 

Start by investing in some audio self-help CD's, you can listen to as you go to sleep.

Paul McKenna had some bad press a while ago, but much of what he does now, is first-class, and works very well indeed. He wouldn't be a wealthy man, otherwise.

Other 'Motivational' CD's also exist.

Read self-help books - borrow from the library, then you won't have to pay for books first. You can always leave the ones which don't appeal, and maybe ultimately invest in those which resonate.

 

Let me assure you my shelves were absolutely groaning under the weight of self-help books, (most of which were relevant to an early-middle-aged mother of two young children going through an identity crisis!) so there's plenty out there.

 

be proactive. You want to change your perception of yourself and the world in general?

Then do the work and walk the talk.

It's tough.

But it's not impossible.

[Esoteric Elf]

Depends on where you live. Regardless of whether you are 21 or 22, the average age in America for first sex, if my memory serves me correctly, is ~16.8ish as the average age that a person will lose his/her virginity in the U.S., with upwards of 2/3 already non-virgins by age 19. Is virginity at that age normal? I suppose "normal" is applicable, though you are in a minority which increases with age.

[Pompeii]

Nope, but what is normal in these crazy days.

[sillyanswer]

grew up in a very religious environment

 

Yes it's totally normal, especially given the bit quoted above.

 

(Also, it's totally normal for people to not be virgins any more at that age.)

[TheGuard13]

Normal is relative. Some people think its normal to lose virginity in their early teens. Others think waiting till you're older is normal.

 

Being a virgin at 21 is quite common, though. I was. Didn't slow me down one bit. I would encourage you...even if you're not having sex...educate yourself about it, and develop your ideas about it.

[William]

Another new member who posts a thread and disappears for a week now. Consider this one done.