Samms22 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Hey guys, so it's been awhile since I've made a post here. Last time I did, I worked through my failed relationship with a tremendous amount of help from this website. I'm coming here again for some advice regarding a different issue. A few nights ago I went to a bar with a good friend of mine to watch the NBA Finals, not expecting to hook up or anything. Suddenly he invites two girls that he knows over, very good looking, and one of them takes an interest in me. We talk and find out we have a lot in common, etc. and we hit it off from there. We go to my place and basically have sex all night long. During one of the "breaks" we both expressed interest in having a real date together. She said that she liked me, and I her, and we kept talking about a whole range of things. She literally jumped at the idea of seeing me again, even jokingly wanting to hang out later that night and even stay over at my house. I couldn't do this as I had work all day and I had to get sleep. I let her sleep in my room while I went to work, but when I got back at noon she was weird. She seemed distant. Coulda been tired, but she still said that she wanted to hang out later. We exchanged numbers, and when her friend picked her up she kissed me very quickly and left in a somewhat cold matter. I wouldn't even be worried about it, but I definitely liked her and I can tell when someone likes me, and she definitely did. Since that night 2 nights ago, I haven't received any communication from her, although I could text her if I wanted to. I'd like some input from you guys as to a couple of things: What could have happened to make her turn from warm to cold? Should I text her or wait for her text? Or should I just give it up as a bad job and a one night stand? Is she thinking the same things I'm thinking, such as "Why isn't he texting me?" My thoughts are that she might have felt awkward or might have thought I was just telling her I liked her to make her feel better, but I don't know. Before anyone says the sex was bad, she came about 12 times and was literally clamoring for more all night (to my somewhat annoyance). I'm not saying this to brag, just to reiterate the fact that we had SO much in common, the sex was fantastic (Her saying "I hope we can hangout and not just have amazing sex") and we clicked the whole night. I'd appreciate any advice/input here, and if by chance there is a girl reading this that has gone through the same thing from a female perspective, that'd be wonderful.
2sure Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Text her immediately, right now. And assume everything is perfect. 2
eastcoastgirl88 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 OMG, text her!!! She is DEFINITELY waiting to hear from you first. Take the initiative and plan a date ASAP! She shouldn't have hung around and slept at your place all day but chalk it up to being young and inexperienced (you didn't mention her age but this sounded like something a younger girl would do.) If she had left you both could have avoided the awkward thing. She DEFINITELY should have left when you got up to leave for work. Still, she's waiting to hear from you. The cold/distant thing was just her being nervous. 2
Author Samms22 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 It's a one night stand... You haven't texted her back, you aren't instigating anything more and the longer you go on this way the more she will think when you do contact her that you are only contacting for a booty call. Why haven't you contacted her? You know most women wait for the man to contact first. The longer you wait, the more it turns into a ons. The reason I didn't contact her is that when we left, she said that she would have to find out if she was going to be in town this weekend to see if we could hang (tonight). No response from her. So I assumed something happened and she wasn't interested, thus the advice thread. With that being said, I took the advice offered her and texted her. I definitely don't want a booty call, I want a real date, so I told her so. 1
Author Samms22 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 OMG, text her!!! She is DEFINITELY waiting to hear from you first. Take the initiative and plan a date ASAP! She shouldn't have hung around and slept at your place all day but chalk it up to being young and inexperienced (you didn't mention her age but this sounded like something a younger girl would do.) If she had left you both could have avoided the awkward thing. She DEFINITELY should have left when you got up to leave for work. Still, she's waiting to hear from you. The cold/distant thing was just her being nervous. Good point. She's 22, I'm 23, and she wanted to stick around. I would have prefered to take her home at 6am but I think she wanted more (sex) or something so she stayed. I drove my friend and his date home. I keep forgetting about nerves. Thanks ladies, a good reminder and a good way to be brought down to earth. I don't get nervous that often, but the thought of texting her DOES make me nervous, because of the fear of rejection I suppose. I might be getting a little stardust in my eyes, which is weird for me, and exciting, because I'm so used to not being in love that when I start to have the tiniest amount of feelings for a girl, it seems weird to me so I blow it. I texted her..."Hey ___! It's ____. I wanted to say that I had a great night the other night and I'd love to take you on a real date. I think you're amazingly smart and I want the chance to find out just how much smarter than me you are .. ;)" It's an inside joke, so if she doesn't respond to that, I'll just move on. You guys rock! Thanks for giving me the whack on the head I needed. 3
ForeverHopeful1 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 (edited) Good job!!! Edited June 23, 2013 by ForeverHopeful1
Author Samms22 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 Hey guys and gals -- Just a quick update. She hasn't texted me back yet. To be fair, she might not be in a position to be able to respond or she might be busy/sleeping. I'm going to wait it out I guess, but the deed is done. I declared my intentions as you ladies suggested and now all I can do is either wait for a response or move on.
mortensorchid Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I hope you did not send the text after midnight, because that implies somethin somethin.
brandnew2 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 No matter how much fun the two of you seemed to have when you were banging all night and no matter what was said, everything changes the next day. She may feel a bit of regret and shame for sleeping with you so soon and she'll deal with it by avoiding you. My gut tells me that you're not going to see her again, but keep us posted. I'm interested to see how this plays out. IDK though, it seems like whenever guys start these sort of threads it's because their intuition is telling them the truth. I feel for ya 2
SoulJazzBlues Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I don't think it is necessarily a one night stand. I think she is suffering from the common 'oh my god, I moved too fast and I actually really like this guy' worries. The best thing you can do is to stay in communication, don't come on too strong and arrange a relaxed date as soon as possible. Don't make a big deal out of the fact you slept on the first time you met. I guess the biggest concern is that she may just avoid all your texts. Hmmm. I agree with the above commenters, she shouldn't have stayed all day. 1
KatZee Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 What was her level of intoxication? You be surprised how thick a girl will lay it on, hook up, only to wake up with a severe case of beer goggles once sober. I'm a drunk ho, meaning that when I get some drinks in me i get super horny, super flirty, and if I had no respect for myself I'd be banging dudes all the time. I try to keep it in check but all I know is when I'm drinking and my awareness is a little skewed I'd debate doing something like this, only to go "woops!" After the fact. 2
Author Samms22 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 Hey guys, I have an update for you all. First and foremost I cherish every one of your responses. This forum is invaluable and you (along with friends) are helping me clarify this situation. Keep them coming as this might help some other guy (or girl) who is confused. Just to expound upon my experience a bit to give you all some more information, her and her friend came over WITH my friend. My date's other girlfriend actually told me while we were getting gas that she was really into me and that SHE wishes she could have gotten with me instead of my friend. It was a big ego boost, I guess, but it's entirely out of character for me to sleep around like this. The whole thing was weird. At 5AM she said that she wanted to spend the day with me and see me that night. When I went to work (on no sleep) and when I got back, she was whiny, distant, and frigid, and gave me a very fast kiss when I walked her to her friends car. Awkward. She might have felt weird because I live with my parents still to save money and they were home, although they didn't see her. @Brandnew, it's entirely possible she's feeling regretful, but why? She couldn't walk because I hit every spot she had, the sex was great, the conversation great, I'm just trying to figure out wtf went wrong. I gave her one text last night and a phone call this morning, but that's all I'm going to do. My guess is you're right. @Soul: Very true. She did say she liked me a lot, and I knew she meant it. She's avoiding me now and I have no way to get in touch with her other than texting. I'm not going to play the game of asking my friend to ask HER friend about it, or find her on facebook, because I don't want to get into a stalking mode here. I'm just going to let my communications sit and let her make the next move. @KatZee ... Hey, good to see you again . I see what you're saying, but again, I'm not ugly. I'm pretty attractive, and they both came up to me while they were sober. They both were sloshed by the end of the night though and she woke up tired/hung over. I think she was saying those heavy things while she was drunk, but she couldn't keep her eyes off me all night. I'm not going to say I"m a 10, but I'm fit, tall, and in shape, so if she had beer goggles, are you referring to something else? Aren't those things that make someone appear more attractive? @Forum Lurker: A decent point. I'm not so sure that I should be chasing her, but she said that I was "different" etc. so I figured she might not be this easy with every guy. I guess I'm flattering myself, right? I live with my parents and my room is tidey, she found nothing. I don't know about FB, but her friend loved me and I dont know what she could have said. She might be embarrassed or shamed or something . If that's the consensus I'm down withh that but I'd appreciate it if she'd just TEXT me that, or call me, or something to tell me that she's not interested. This silence is weird. I feel better today but I was little hurt yesterday. I feel like a woman haha. A little more info on her from what I can remember: tatooed girl who lives in a beach city, parties a lot (from what my friend told me). She could have just been looking for a hook up and lied to me, but it's just so WEIRD how she went from "I want to spend the day with you" at 5am to cold. We had about a thousand things in common so for her to just ignore me seems retarded. I might never know. Thanks guys.
Jaina19 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Hmm I was in the same situation as your girl today. I'm waiting for him to initiate another date because I don't want to be clingy/needy and want him to actually want to see me so I would say she was waiting for you to initiate contact to prove it wasn't a one night stand. As for her being awkward the next day, it is likely she was just nervous and feels embarrassed. It's kind of embarrassing to run into someone's parents if they had no idea she was at yours, just makes it feel a bit dirty from a young females perspective. Though it's not, but she would have been a stranger in someone elses house which is always a bit awkward, plus giving off a bad first impression to your folks if she was serious about you. What did you say to her before you left for work? If it was a rushed goodbye she may have felt blown off or like you weren't interested. You did the right thing by texting her, but it may have been too late. Two days is a long time to wait for a text if you're worried about it being a one night stand. Apart from calling and calling there's nothing more you can do apart from see if she gets back to you. You could maybe send her a more specific text with an actual date/time. The one you sent was clear and good but general. Maybe something like 'I'm going to ---- Friday night, would you like to join me?' But its up to her at this point. Good luck
AndrewJDC Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 hates to say this but it looks like you banged a 1 night slapper. I wouldn't be too upset about not hearing back. some women are for banging, others are for life.
ses Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I will admit that I've hooked up with a guy (2 days after meeting online) and felt horrible about it afterwards. Not only was it my first sexual experience, but I never intended it to be a one-night stand. I guess he had other ideas because he cut off contact with me. I cried a lot and felt used, but I acknowledge now that I was complicit in the act. I gave consent, and did not have an ounce of liquor in me. I just wanted to hook up because it felt good and I really liked the guy. I thought he felt the same too. I'm never going to go down that road again. It was messy, complicated and f***** with my mind. Yes, in hindsight she should've told you her feelings but she's more than likely feeling really low right now. The lack of contact from you initially probably reinforces her perception that you saw her as an easy lay and not serious LTR material. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and perhaps she feels you took advantage of her in her drunk state. She may have wanted an actual date, but thought hooking up would eventually lead to that route. Maybe she thought it would just be sex but realized she had feelings and feels like she screwed up by giving in to your advances. It could be a multitude of things. I do think it's weird that you let her stay over the entire day. I'm 24, live with my parents too, and I would never let a complete stranger crash in my home, irrespective of the circumstances. It's just disrespectful. You don't know her, and she could've been a complete headcase. Next time just take a girl home immediately. If she remains MIA cut your losses and take it as a lesson learned. Most girls enjoy being wined and dined before giving up the goodies to not leave a bad impression. Sure, sex is fun, but we still carry certain expectations of what is "good" and "bad" behavior. Get to know a woman outside of the bedroom first and treat her as someone worthy of a relationship. A lot of women need that type of assurance. It's work but it pays dividends. You don't need to advertise your sexual prowess. I'm sure she enjoyed it but feelings are very complicated. It's just not about your bedroom skills.
Author Samms22 Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 Hey guys, thanks again for the responses. So, basically she's ignoring me. Rather than rack my brains trying to figure out what I did wrong, I'm just going to go with the fact that even though she said she liked me and wanted to go on a date, she was drunk and might have changed her mind. Oh well. Before I left for work she was fast asleep, heavily. I should have made her leave. Lesson learned. When I got back, as I said, she was stand offish and when I suggested that we hang out on Saturday night, she said that now she might have a photo shoot and she'd know by 4 and "get back to me." This is why I didn't text her initially. I felt like she was already trying to back out of seeing me again. No IDEA what went on in her mind. Could be that she didn't find me as attractive in the morning, but she met me before she began drinking and was instantly turned on, according to her. Ladies, one last time, could this just be a case of "I like him, but he thinks I'm a slut and even though he likes me, I can't face him again?" Seems very irrational to me, because I don't feel that way. After texting once yesterday as I was told to, and calling to leave a brief message, I sent her one last hail mary text: "What's wrong with at least giving me a text? I didn't consider you a one night stand. You like me and I like you. Talk to me so we can hash out what we need to. It's a bit ridiculous to just ignore me after what we experienced. I'm not going to try forever. You are kind and amazing enough to at least talk to me, even if its to tell me you're not interested in seeing me again." That'll be my last text/communication of any kind to her. A thought occurred to me after I sent it: She could be hiding something. She could have a boyfriend. She wouldn't let me see her FB in the morning (even a picture she was looking at) and I didn't think much of it. Could I have been used and lied to for sex? Meh. Now I feel even worse because she could have cheated on her boyfriend or LMR for me. This explanation seems to fit. She woke up after the drunk getaway and realized what she had done. What do you all think?
Author Samms22 Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 So she finally texted me today after ignoring me for a bit. She sent me a text that was at complete odds with what she said the previous night. I'd like some gals to comment on it to confirm it , only because this is my only outlet and I'm allowed to be a little obsessive . Here is what she sent me : "Hey I'm sorry I've been really busy pushing out a project for work, I didn't mean to ignore you. You're a really sweet guy and you're cute but I just don't date. I'm focused on school and work and I just don't have time for anything romantic. Plus I'm moving at the end of summer. I hope you don't take it as something personal because its not." This looks like something I'd say to chuck a girl I didn't like, but it's completely paradoxical from what she said earlier that night.
Author Samms22 Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 Leave it be. I guess she isn't into you. Don't even bother trying to figure out why. As for the drunken bedroom words...I've had men pledge their undying love and propose marriage while in bed ...I surely didnt take their blabber seriously. I'm sorry she confused you, people are so messed up. Thank you so much for the kind words and advice . I think I've learned my lesson: don't take a girl who you just me and banged 2 hours ago seriously as a long term relationship contender. There is something you said that cheered me up immensely: there's no reason, even though she was a girl, to take her drunken blabber seriously. I definitely felt a spark and I thought she did too. It was confusing but it just seems like she wanted to ****. Oh well.
Msmickey Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Well you will meet someone better, no worries. Hugs
AndrewJDC Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 just a side note, hope you used protection, else you should get checked out. easy girls come with extra... 1
Jaina19 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Hey guys, thanks again for the responses. So, basically she's ignoring me. Rather than rack my brains trying to figure out what I did wrong, I'm just going to go with the fact that even though she said she liked me and wanted to go on a date, she was drunk and might have changed her mind. Oh well. Before I left for work she was fast asleep, heavily. I should have made her leave. Lesson learned. When I got back, as I said, she was stand offish and when I suggested that we hang out on Saturday night, she said that now she might have a photo shoot and she'd know by 4 and "get back to me." This is why I didn't text her initially. I felt like she was already trying to back out of seeing me again. No IDEA what went on in her mind. Could be that she didn't find me as attractive in the morning, but she met me before she began drinking and was instantly turned on, according to her. Ladies, one last time, could this just be a case of "I like him, but he thinks I'm a slut and even though he likes me, I can't face him again?" Seems very irrational to me, because I don't feel that way. After texting once yesterday as I was told to, and calling to leave a brief message, I sent her one last hail mary text: "What's wrong with at least giving me a text? I didn't consider you a one night stand. You like me and I like you. Talk to me so we can hash out what we need to. It's a bit ridiculous to just ignore me after what we experienced. I'm not going to try forever. You are kind and amazing enough to at least talk to me, even if its to tell me you're not interested in seeing me again." That'll be my last text/communication of any kind to her. A thought occurred to me after I sent it: She could be hiding something. She could have a boyfriend. She wouldn't let me see her FB in the morning (even a picture she was looking at) and I didn't think much of it. Could I have been used and lied to for sex? Meh. Now I feel even worse because she could have cheated on her boyfriend or LMR for me. This explanation seems to fit. She woke up after the drunk getaway and realized what she had done. What do you all think? I wouldn't worry about it. That's not your problem. She may have been embarrassed but you've made your interest in actually dating her very clear. If she doesn't want to, her loss.
Lansing Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I know the feeling of "trying to figure it out". You will probably get over the girl faster than wondering what happened but definitely move on at this point. I really hate when my female friends tell me how they avoid guys calls or texts, that is the worse thing you can do to a guy. A blunt "no thanks" is much better. For future reference, probably give more time between your text and contacting her again. Also, your 2nd text was a bit over the top and probably not necessary but I guess it helped you get closure you needed.
silvermercy Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 just a side note, hope you used protection, else you should get checked out. easy girls come with extra... So do easy men... Just throwing it out there because this thread slightly reeks of double standards...
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