flitzanu Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 This happened to me. I got a diagnosis and told my ex--no reply. At one point months later he simply said "heal up well" and a few months later told me he didn't care if I died. i'm glad you didn't die, for what it's worth.
diaryofar Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I agree that it really depends on how long the relationship was, how close and strong it was. In my case, if I found out anything above mentioned happened to my ex. I'd be by his side for as long as he needed me. Because I would never want him to feel like he was alone. No matter what we have been through, he's one of the greatest people I know. And I'll always care for him.
carhill Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 What would you do then in case they get really ill , loose family member or job, have accident stuff like that ? The same thing any of them would do/did do if I was befallen with any of those unfortunate events, and I have been...... Nothing. Great teachers, ex-spouses and ex-lovers are. Gifts.
Author bluegreen Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 :( The same thing any of them would do/did do if I was befallen with any of those unfortunate events, and I have been...... Nothing. Great teachers, ex-spouses and ex-lovers are. Gifts. Hm 1
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Absolutely nothing. My ex specifically told me that if I died she would not attend my funeral. Nice, no? She's simply a stranger now, and strangers die everyday. 3
mbgeezle Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I will share my story in brief. With ex for 6 years. I'm now 24 her 22. I got GIGS 2 and a half years in. Initiated a break up. Thought I had fallen 'out of love', loss of attraction. There was no one else, I was just being selfish about wanting to live my life without any tie downs. Being young and dumb After 5 of so months of the 'single life'. , still keeping in regular contact over this period. I didn't lead her on, I still loved her but at the time I just couldn't admit it to myself. Anyway we get back together, communication was poor between us. Her being extremely moody and difficult to handle sometimes. Me being stubborn and stuck in my ways. Anyway our relationship goes on, she comes and stays at my place most weekends, the attraction and bond we have is stronger than ever. Fast forward to December last year and she starts becoming extremely depressed, alcohol binges, cocaine use. She would ring me verbally abusing me one minute, then ringing me crying saying she's sad and doesn't no why, I would question her as to what had triggered this. Suicide Attempt came up shortly after,taking multiple amounts of tablets. She rang me a and says she's in hospital and doesn't no what she's done, I'm distraught, angry, confused. How could the girl I love do this? I couldn't bring myself to go to her bedside, I was being weak. But it would kill me seeing her this way. She attemps it again 2 weeks later with the same method, I rushed to her bedside, she's on drips and looks drugged out her mind. I look at her and could not believe she had done this. I was sharp with her at times, why are you doing this, you've got everything to live for etc. I kissed her head, and stroked her hair until she fell asleep. Kissed her and left. That day i got home and cried. It was killing me seeing the girl I love destroy herself. She continued drinking binges. Cocaine use. Until one day she rang me, saying she got into debt and couldn't pay the money. Relatively small amount. I was angry, but agreed to pay it. Aslong as she packed her things to come and stay with me for the foreseeable future. She agreed, she came to my home. That day I took her for a walk, we sit on a bench and she begins to cry saying she's turning into someone she doesn't want to be. I cry with her, and we hold each other for a while. She stayed for 2 weeks, I cooked her good food, her sleeping pattern was getting better, these walks continued. At the end of the 2 weeks, I arrange a weekend away for her birthday. 5* hotel, spa treatments, dinner. Amazing weekend, the love was there in abundance. She said we'd been getting on much better and she had a smile on her face as we strolled down the Thames, London. We come home, she makes a point of staying the night, because she knew she wouldn't see me for a week due to work commitments. She goes home as normal. Everything is ok for 1-2 days. Then her replies become less frequent, I arranged the cinema and for us to go and get some proper photos. She agreed to both. Told me to send her what was on at the cinema. She strings me along for a few days saying she's happy on her own, but she just needs space for a while, im not losing her, course she loves me. After a few days of me bombarding her with messages, receiving no replies, she ends it by text. 'I love you but it doesn't feel like enough sorry'. I'm distraught, how has this happened. I continue telephoning, texting, no replies. I go to her home, she comes to the door and laughs and asks me what I'm doing here, we go for a walk and she says she doesn't love me anymore. I try the someone else trick, she says who told you. Red flag. She denies anything has been going on, there just talking. I believed it for a minute. I return home heartbroken. I dig for answers. Turns out a lot of third parties knew it had been going on for anything from 4 weeks to 4 months. I confront her with the guys name and she just says yes and puts the phone down. I send her hateful messages for a week or so. How could she do this?! I message the new guy telling him all about her addiction problems and anger issues. Bad move I no. I then wish her all the best in several messages receive no reply to any. Go full NC. After 2 weeks she initiates, 'how r u'. I reply and bombard her again. Just to seek the closure I need. She doesn't even reply. So I go NC, she initiates again 2 weeks later. Same text. I ignore it. Don't reply for 2 weeks. We exchange a few messages. She says she loves me with all her heart and always will, I said if this was true you'd be with me, she said I love you but not like that, there is a difference. So I said so you love me, but your not in love with me? She replied yes. I've been there in some capacity but not leaving for another girl. I accept this and say we don't no what way happen. The doors open for reconciliation. Do not contact me again unless it's about us moving forward as a future. Full nc. Its been 7 days. I can say I'm actually over her. I want her back yeah. But it's a want not a need, if she doesn't return then I no it wasn't meant to be. She's swapped love for lust wouldn't you agree? Crushed out on another guy. She's receiving the chemicals to her brain she has been lacking, as well as being on meds for 3 months. The honeymoon period is in full swing. They've maybe officially been together for 3 months now. I just wonder if she'll ever realise she made a mistake. I did all i could for the girl I loved in her darkest hour. And she was deceitful for some time. And she left me. When most men would of ran, I stood firm as I knew this wasn't her. She says she's doing good now and is happy with herself for once. Her jumping from one relationship to the next surely is not healthy and shows she's insecure of being alone. Any opinions would be great. Sorry about the long story but it's extremely complex. To sum up. She says she's 'doing good now and happy for once with herself'. She genuinely will be. But if it's looked at from the outside. Depression, falling out of love with me during depression, put on meds, meets new guy, the chemicals she's been lacking are now there in abundance as she has that spark with him, all she sees me as now is a bad reminder of her depression, he made her feel good, continues to do so 3 months on. Would you agree she's jumped from one to the next because she can't be alone, she's had no time to work on herself because she's putting most of her energy into this new relationship, what happens when the depression does come back, because it runs in her family. Dads a alcoholic in a home, brothers are addicted to pretty much anything from red bull to gambling. I just worry for her I suppose. I love her to death and always will that's why I've made the decision not to have any contact ever again. Those residual feelings will always be present. As she was the girl I was going to marry, have kids with, lose teeth with etc . It's been 2 weeks since our last contact which was cordial and respectful on both ends (Finally). I just wonder now if I should tell her I accept the break up was for the best and I've finally found myself again and that we just weren't meant to be. In an ideal world I'd love her to be with me, but this World isn't ideal! She's with someone new obviously, so me saying this, will it make any difference? Or should I just stick with the NC. I'm not trying to win her back, I just wondered if this would get her thinking at all. I no you can't win anyone back, they have to want to come back.
Emilia Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 (edited) What would you do then in case they get really ill , loose family member or job, have accident stuff like that ? Simple am sorry and keep on NC or rush to their side no matter how they treated you and would you let them know if some of this happened to you? I suppose none of them ever treated me in the way that would require holding grudges so I wouldn't hesitate to help and did so in the past including hospital visits, support at a funeral, putting one up when he had nowhere to live, etc. I think if you treat people as disposable, you are likely to be treated as such yourself and vice versa. Edited June 24, 2013 by Emilia 1
SweetiePie12 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Simple am sorry and keep on NC or rush to their side no matter how they treated you and would you let them know if some of this happened to you? I wouldn't reach out to him should, God forbid, something negative befall me because he's not been one to provide emotional support lately, however, I did reach out to him to inquire about his dad and was quite glad to know that Dad's doing well. If he'd allow me to be by his side, I'd be right there!
Inviv_girl Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 OK perhaps is bit bizarre question but I seen few post of people saying he-she called me when this happened to them so it gave me this idea. What would you do then in case they get really ill , loose family member or job, have accident stuff like that ? Simple am sorry and keep on NC or rush to their side no matter how they treated you and would you let them know if some of this happened to you? Well, lots of things going on between me and my ex post break up. His mom was at hospital, my cat got abused by some a$$whole, my stepbro died etc etc.. we just say "sorry to hear that" to eachother. Like a fool and then it doesn't change anything really. We still broke up and yes until now sadly. We got in touch by those sad things and at the end of the day it just hurt more knowing his not around to hold me when tragedy happen and even if he does he will leave and it will only hurt even more because we no longer together. I would say, not knowing anything that happen to them after the break up is best. And they should not know what happen to us it will be even better! 1
Bozena Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I will share my story in brief. With ex for 6 years. I'm now 24 her 22. I got GIGS 2 and a half years in. Initiated a break up. Thought I had fallen 'out of love', loss of attraction. There was no one else, I was just being selfish about wanting to live my life without any tie downs. Being young and dumb After 5 of so months of the 'single life'. , still keeping in regular contact over this period. I didn't lead her on, I still loved her but at the time I just couldn't admit it to myself. Anyway we get back together, communication was poor between us. Her being extremely moody and difficult to handle sometimes. Me being stubborn and stuck in my ways. Anyway our relationship goes on, she comes and stays at my place most weekends, the attraction and bond we have is stronger than ever. Fast forward to December last year and she starts becoming extremely depressed, alcohol binges, cocaine use. She would ring me verbally abusing me one minute, then ringing me crying saying she's sad and doesn't no why, I would question her as to what had triggered this. Suicide Attempt came up shortly after,taking multiple amounts of tablets. She rang me a and says she's in hospital and doesn't no what she's done, I'm distraught, angry, confused. How could the girl I love do this? I couldn't bring myself to go to her bedside, I was being weak. But it would kill me seeing her this way. She attemps it again 2 weeks later with the same method, I rushed to her bedside, she's on drips and looks drugged out her mind. I look at her and could not believe she had done this. I was sharp with her at times, why are you doing this, you've got everything to live for etc. I kissed her head, and stroked her hair until she fell asleep. Kissed her and left. That day i got home and cried. It was killing me seeing the girl I love destroy herself. She continued drinking binges. Cocaine use. Until one day she rang me, saying she got into debt and couldn't pay the money. Relatively small amount. I was angry, but agreed to pay it. Aslong as she packed her things to come and stay with me for the foreseeable future. She agreed, she came to my home. That day I took her for a walk, we sit on a bench and she begins to cry saying she's turning into someone she doesn't want to be. I cry with her, and we hold each other for a while. She stayed for 2 weeks, I cooked her good food, her sleeping pattern was getting better, these walks continued. At the end of the 2 weeks, I arrange a weekend away for her birthday. 5* hotel, spa treatments, dinner. Amazing weekend, the love was there in abundance. She said we'd been getting on much better and she had a smile on her face as we strolled down the Thames, London. We come home, she makes a point of staying the night, because she knew she wouldn't see me for a week due to work commitments. She goes home as normal. Everything is ok for 1-2 days. Then her replies become less frequent, I arranged the cinema and for us to go and get some proper photos. She agreed to both. Told me to send her what was on at the cinema. She strings me along for a few days saying she's happy on her own, but she just needs space for a while, im not losing her, course she loves me. After a few days of me bombarding her with messages, receiving no replies, she ends it by text. 'I love you but it doesn't feel like enough sorry'. I'm distraught, how has this happened. I continue telephoning, texting, no replies. I go to her home, she comes to the door and laughs and asks me what I'm doing here, we go for a walk and she says she doesn't love me anymore. I try the someone else trick, she says who told you. Red flag. She denies anything has been going on, there just talking. I believed it for a minute. I return home heartbroken. I dig for answers. Turns out a lot of third parties knew it had been going on for anything from 4 weeks to 4 months. I confront her with the guys name and she just says yes and puts the phone down. I send her hateful messages for a week or so. How could she do this?! I message the new guy telling him all about her addiction problems and anger issues. Bad move I no. I then wish her all the best in several messages receive no reply to any. Go full NC. After 2 weeks she initiates, 'how r u'. I reply and bombard her again. Just to seek the closure I need. She doesn't even reply. So I go NC, she initiates again 2 weeks later. Same text. I ignore it. Don't reply for 2 weeks. We exchange a few messages. She says she loves me with all her heart and always will, I said if this was true you'd be with me, she said I love you but not like that, there is a difference. So I said so you love me, but your not in love with me? She replied yes. I've been there in some capacity but not leaving for another girl. I accept this and say we don't no what way happen. The doors open for reconciliation. Do not contact me again unless it's about us moving forward as a future. Full nc. Its been 7 days. I can say I'm actually over her. I want her back yeah. But it's a want not a need, if she doesn't return then I no it wasn't meant to be. She's swapped love for lust wouldn't you agree? Crushed out on another guy. She's receiving the chemicals to her brain she has been lacking, as well as being on meds for 3 months. The honeymoon period is in full swing. They've maybe officially been together for 3 months now. I just wonder if she'll ever realise she made a mistake. I did all i could for the girl I loved in her darkest hour. And she was deceitful for some time. And she left me. When most men would of ran, I stood firm as I knew this wasn't her. She says she's doing good now and is happy with herself for once. Her jumping from one relationship to the next surely is not healthy and shows she's insecure of being alone. Any opinions would be great. Sorry about the long story but it's extremely complex. To sum up. She says she's 'doing good now and happy for once with herself'. She genuinely will be. But if it's looked at from the outside. Depression, falling out of love with me during depression, put on meds, meets new guy, the chemicals she's been lacking are now there in abundance as she has that spark with him, all she sees me as now is a bad reminder of her depression, he made her feel good, continues to do so 3 months on. Would you agree she's jumped from one to the next because she can't be alone, she's had no time to work on herself because she's putting most of her energy into this new relationship, what happens when the depression does come back, because it runs in her family. Dads a alcoholic in a home, brothers are addicted to pretty much anything from red bull to gambling. I just worry for her I suppose. I love her to death and always will that's why I've made the decision not to have any contact ever again. Those residual feelings will always be present. As she was the girl I was going to marry, have kids with, lose teeth with etc . It's been 2 weeks since our last contact which was cordial and respectful on both ends (Finally). I just wonder now if I should tell her I accept the break up was for the best and I've finally found myself again and that we just weren't meant to be. In an ideal world I'd love her to be with me, but this World isn't ideal! She's with someone new obviously, so me saying this, will it make any difference? Or should I just stick with the NC. I'm not trying to win her back, I just wondered if this would get her thinking at all. I no you can't win anyone back, they have to want to come back. Well I am sorry to tell you, but the healer is always the healer. Once the person is healed, s/he just leaves the healer. Yes I really understood your side. I would have probably done the same. But, it was natural because she leaned towards you in order to pass through this depression stage and when she got healed, she just left you because she didn't need you anymore. She loves you and cares about you but not in a romantic way. She is not in love with you. My current ex left me when he fell into depression due to his grieving. When I told a psychologist friend that I wanted to be there for him and offering my help she told me no. This is a stage that he should passed himself but in any case I shouldn't be act like a healer, because when his depression will leave, my services wouldn't be needed anymore.
all_cats_rgray Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 LOOK When someone decides to to leave the position of "boyfriend" they are gone.... gone from your life. I you are okay with the position of "friend" then go ahead and try. But I have no idea why you would want to put yourself through that pain. Being friends with your ex is like picking at a scab that wants to heal. Every time you contact them. EVEN the contact of " oh my mom is sick or i lost my job" IT IS PAIN. THEY decided to to leave your life. Through good and BAD. 3
Author bluegreen Posted June 26, 2013 Author Posted June 26, 2013 LOOK When someone decides to to leave the position of "boyfriend" they are gone.... gone from your life. I you are okay with the position of "friend" then go ahead and try. But I have no idea why you would want to put yourself through that pain. Being friends with your ex is like picking at a scab that wants to heal. Every time you contact them. EVEN the contact of " oh my mom is sick or i lost my job" IT IS PAIN. THEY decided to to leave your life. Through good and BAD. Harsh but true 1
Sugarkane Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 Why when if you do contact you're ignored/ called a psycho for contacting? Bad stuff has happened to me eg my dog got very sick and died. No ex contacted me. 1
Author bluegreen Posted June 27, 2013 Author Posted June 27, 2013 Why when if you do contact you're ignored/ called a psycho for contacting? Bad stuff has happened to me eg my dog got very sick and died. No ex contacted me. Someone would really have to be ugly to call someone else that kind of thing
Author bluegreen Posted June 28, 2013 Author Posted June 28, 2013 I'd him/her to go f.uck themselves. That's just me tho. Some of them do definitely deserve that
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