Author iceisles Posted October 29, 2004 Author Posted October 29, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate Yikes! Do NOT buy her a birthday gift! And the massage gift certificate is just too personal and intimate, not to mention extravagant, for someone you are just getting to know. Any suggestion that you think her body could benefit from being rubbed - even if it is commercially accomplished - would seem intrusive, IMO. The most I would suggest is a nice little flowering plant for her desk. SMALL PLANT...she is not your gf...therefore you MUST NOT give her lavish gifts. It looks desperate, and/or like buying her friendship. Others may disagree. I agree on the massage gift - that is way too suggestive and would likely be taken the wrong way. Plus, I've never priced massages, but I concur that it would be far too extravagant for someone I hardly know. I'm not looking to get her a lavish gift or even spend a lot of money on her. I do, however, want to get something she would really appreciate. For example, if there's a DVD that her and/or her kids would like, that would be thoughtful. I know there are "friend" gifts and then there are "girlfriend" gifts, and I can pretty much tell the difference most of the time. Whatever I get her, I do want it to convey a little more sentiment than the cookies I previously gave her. The small plant idea is definitely a consideration, and I will keep that in mind. As for tomorrow, I'm thinking of going to see her before I leave whether she writes back to my e-mail or not. I think it's really important that I continue to visit her in-person and not hide behind e-mails. If she writes back, I'll say that I'm looking forward to getting lunch because I kind of feel I'm interrupting her work when I drop by (which I am). If she doesn't write back, I'll say something like "I hope you don't mind me asking about lunch, it's just that I really enjoy talking to you." I will make sure she doesn't feel pressured and that it's totally up to her if she wants to take me up on the offer. Does that sound like a good idea? I really think that she's not ready to handle "tough" questions on-the-spot, but that simple small-talk at her desk is fine until we start to spend more time together.
Melissa7611 Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Yep...like i said...dont get her a present now.. .It's ok to get her one...but just not yet. Wait...if it even goes that far. You dont know what she likes and you also dont know her too well. Something small would be good...definetely not the massage. That's way too much! So..what did you decide? Email and then later on go over to her and talk to her? This is tomorrow right? I think im getting confused..so much analyzing....SEE...I TOLD U IT CAN DRIVE YOU NUTS AND CONFUSE YOU !! Like i said...just be urself..dont tell her too much...keep ur feelings about her to urself for now..just cause i know i may be taken back a bit..and i may run..if i knew all the feelings u had for her. I am glad u are finally going to do it. You can let us all know what happens!
Author iceisles Posted October 29, 2004 Author Posted October 29, 2004 Originally posted by Melissa7611 Yep...like i said...dont get her a present now.. .It's ok to get her one...but just not yet. Wait...if it even goes that far. You dont know what she likes and you also dont know her too well. Something small would be good...definetely not the massage. That's way too much! So..what did you decide? Email and then later on go over to her and talk to her? This is tomorrow right? I think im getting confused..so much analyzing....SEE...I TOLD U IT CAN DRIVE YOU NUTS AND CONFUSE YOU !! Like i said...just be urself..dont tell her too much...keep ur feelings about her to urself for now..just cause i know i may be taken back a bit..and i may run..if i knew all the feelings u had for her. I am glad u are finally going to do it. You can let us all know what happens! Thanks. Her boss, who knows her personality better than I do, thinks that opening up to her a little wouldn't hurt. I may do that some when I see her tomorrow, but will proceed with caution. I will express that I enjoy talking to her without delving much further into my feelings. Thanks to all of you for your continued support! P.S. Sorry for confusing you. After thinking about it and talking it over with some friends, I have decided to e-mail her in the morning and stop by before I leave for the weekend.
Author iceisles Posted October 29, 2004 Author Posted October 29, 2004 Well, she's been in about an hour and has yet to write back. If she doesn't, I still plan to go over there before I leave. What do you suggest I talk about, though? Part of me wants to open up to her a little (like her boss suggested), but part of me thinks that I shouldn't mention anything about the invitation or my feelings. My read is that she would appreciate me telling her how much I enjoy talking, though that's just an educated guess at this point.
Melissa7611 Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 O.k. Give her time to respond to ur email. What did u say in the email if u dont mind me asking.?? She's only ben in one hour and is probably busy. So..i say yes...go over later on this afternoon and just say....hey..what's up? How have you been? Any plans for this weekend? You know...small talk. I wouldnt tell her any of ur feelings yet. Make it a casual dropping by thing. If she says anything about ur email...say...yeah..i just wanted to say hi and see what's up...and if she seems responsive and she's in a good mood...go for it ...ask her to luch next week! Say something to the effect of....Hey ..u know, wanna go to lunch sometime next week? Make it an easy question for her. Good luck again!
Author iceisles Posted October 29, 2004 Author Posted October 29, 2004 Originally posted by Melissa7611 O.k. Give her time to respond to ur email. What did u say in the email if u dont mind me asking.?? She's only ben in one hour and is probably busy. So..i say yes...go over later on this afternoon and just say....hey..what's up? How have you been? Any plans for this weekend? You know...small talk. I wouldnt tell her any of ur feelings yet. Make it a casual dropping by thing. If she says anything about ur email...say...yeah..i just wanted to say hi and see what's up...and if she seems responsive and she's in a good mood...go for it ...ask her to luch next week! Say something to the effect of....Hey ..u know, wanna go to lunch sometime next week? Make it an easy question for her. Good luck again! Here's what my e-mail said: Hey, I'm so glad it's Friday - between being out and having the office closed for a few days, things were really hectic this week. I was kinda wondering - would you like to get lunch sometime next week? If you're working Election Day, Jim will let me take as much as time as I want. Let me know if you'd be up for it. Dave I kept it pretty short and simple. I leave at 4, so I'll drop by for a few minutes before then to wish her a good weekend or something. Should I bring up my e-mail if she doesn't, though? It could be that she either hasn't had time to write back or doesn't know how to answer it.
Melissa7611 Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 That was a great email! Very short and right to the point. If she doesn't say anything about the email...i wouldn't say anything either. Wait till monday and then if still nothing...maybe you can stop by later in the afternoon and maybe mention something to her. That wouldnt be so bad. Just wait and see what she says this afternoon..ans if she says nothing..then ask her on monday afternoon...Just feel it out. I know..i know..u wish she would have emailed u back right away or stoped by....im the same way..i am so impatient when it comes to these things. Just like u mentioned.,..she may be busy and hasnt had a chance to respond....it will all work out...you'll see! By the way...if she declines..its her loss. But something tells me it;s all gonna work out in time.
Author iceisles Posted October 29, 2004 Author Posted October 29, 2004 Originally posted by Melissa7611 That was a great email! Very short and right to the point. If she doesn't say anything about the email...i wouldn't say anything either. Wait till monday and then if still nothing...maybe you can stop by later in the afternoon and maybe mention something to her. That wouldnt be so bad. Just wait and see what she says this afternoon..ans if she says nothing..then ask her on monday afternoon...Just feel it out. I know..i know..u wish she would have emailed u back right away or stoped by....im the same way..i am so impatient when it comes to these things. Just like u mentioned.,..she may be busy and hasnt had a chance to respond....it will all work out...you'll see! By the way...if she declines..its her loss. But something tells me it;s all gonna work out in time. Thanks for the kind words. I legitimately can't figure this woman out, as she waved to me in the hall a few minutes ago. Lol. I really like your advice. I will stop by and chit-chat about work and Halloween and leave it at that. I won't mention the e-mail but will bring it up Monday afternoon if she hasn't replied by then. If she has already read it, she might wonder why I didn't bring it up when I went over there - which will serve to make me appear less eager. My feeling is that she is at least willing to get to know me better but it is a little nervous about the situation. And I can totally relate - I get butterflies everytime I go over to talk with her. I'm hoping that if we can meet up for lunch that I might be able to get her e-mail address soon, as I would love to talk to her over the weekends, as well. I guess I just have to take things one step at a time.
Melissa7611 Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 You are a very sweet guy, and you have done well dealing with everything. Try not to worry too much about how she feels. It sounds like either she didnt read your email yet or isn't sure on how to respond. I really cant figure her out as well..from everything you have said...she may not be sure as to how she feels or maybe she is clueless...BUT I DOUBT THAT! I mean..come one now!! I would have defintely known by now that something was going on. But then again...not everyone is as intuitive as me... Just kidding. Go to her..make small talk like u planned and leave it at that...if she wonders why you didn't mention anything..serve's her right! She has the opportunity to make something of this situation if she wants too. she has to know that ur interested or at least that u want to get to know her. I think u have made it somewhat known..by the little things u have done. So ...leave it at that. If she says nothing, talk to her on Monday..ask her how her weekend was and how her halloween was....that's it...feel it out..then mention to her something about lunch. If she doesn't answer u then...then just forget it. don't ask her to lunch again! You have left the door open..it's up to her her to go through it!
Author iceisles Posted October 29, 2004 Author Posted October 29, 2004 I spoke to her for about 15 minutes, and this was the best conversation to date. I joked about some crazy lady who keeps calling me at work, asked her about her Halloween plans, talked about the upcoming election, etc. I asked her more questions this time, like the ages/names of her kids, what they were dressing up as on Halloween, and what she was doing this weekend. I thought it went really well and I left well before I wore out my welcome. She mentioned that she's been really busy since she got in, so I figure she hasn't checked her mail or had the time to reply. She's such a sweetheart, and I'm doing my best to not get my hopes up, but man it's tough. I haven't felt this way about someone in a real long time, and I would love to know what she thinks about me. Her talking to & acknowledging me can't be a bad thing, though I won't read too much into that right now. This chat took a big chunk of my apprehension away (and probably hers, as well), and I think I will be in good shape if I can get her to have lunch with me. Once she feels 100% comfortable with me, which hopefully won't be much longer, I fully intend to ask her out.
Melissa7611 Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im glad the conversation went well. Good for you! So..at least the ice is broken now. And u are more able to relax around her. Im glad u talked to her. So she is busy and she probably hasnt had time to read her email..i bet that's what it is..that's probably why she didnt mention anything. Well...all u can do now is wait....and now on monday ..u can ask her how her weekend turned out and all that stuff. I know how u feel..when u really like someone and they give u butterflies and u are not sure how they feel...just be cautious...bu it's a nice feeling..though Take it easy and wait till monday..which i know u probably cant wait for now Melissa
Amberaine Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Great news, I am glad you got to connect with each other some more. Worst case scenario you sound like you could become great friends. Sometimes that the best start to a wonderful relationship.. I really hope this works out for the both of you though. Hopefully she is as great as you seem to be. Keep us updated and I wish you luck.
Author iceisles Posted October 29, 2004 Author Posted October 29, 2004 Thanks Melissa & Amberaine. It's funny, I usually love the weekend, but now I can't wait for it to be over and Monday to roll around. I was really happy with the way things went today, and I think the ice has been broken quite a bit now. I pretty much feel I can just drop by and say hi without getting nervous (well, for the most part), though I think I will limit my in-person visits to 2 per week so as not to bug her. I think always making one of these days Friday will be good, since maybe she will keep that conversation (and me) in mind over the weekend. I must say that everything is going nearly perfect, though my impatience wishes she'd write back to my e-mails quicker. Lol. I do know that a lot of people aren't really big on e-mail, though, and that may be the case with her. I think asking her out is definitely on the horizon, perhaps even a week from today depending on how things go. Why do I feel more comfortable about asking her out than asking for her number? Wouldn't you think asking for someone's phone number would be easier than saying, "would you like to go to dinner sometime?" It seems backwards to me, but playing it out in my head, I forsee a lot less apprehension about asking her out for some reason. And am I right in saying that it doesn't matter if you ask someone out before getting their number? This seems to make more sense to me, because if the date goes well, then you can ask someone if you can call them. Before I left today, I thanked her boss again for putting in the good word for me this week, and he expressed that he is more than happy to help and that he would love to see Rebecca and I together. He told me that she thinks I'm really nice/sweet and he suspects that she thinks I'm cute, though she never actually came out and said that. He thinks she will say "yes" if I ask her out, but of course that's just his opinion. I'm glad that she has been bringing me up in the conversation, because I feel like she is at least somewhat interested. I'd love to know how she feels about me, but I guess that will come in due time. If we all knew what others were thinking, I'm sure LoveShack would be a much smaller place. One thing's for sure: I have 2+ days to daydream about her, and right now there's nothing better I'd rather be doing.
Author iceisles Posted October 30, 2004 Author Posted October 30, 2004 I'm asking her out Friday regardless if she takes me up on lunch next week or not. No debating, no analyzing, just rolling the dice and going for it. Life is too short to let opportunities pass us by. Even if I get the "I'm not sure" reply, I'm still going to give her my number to keep this moving forward. If you believe in the power of prayer, I could use as many as possible between now and then!
Melissa7611 Posted October 30, 2004 Posted October 30, 2004 what are u doing? how did u finally come to this conclusion? Have u been thinking about this all night? Well..i think it's great! It's about time u realized that u should stop analyzing it and just go for it! Sometimes u gotta take a chance. What's the worst that can happen? I know ur not sure how she feels...but i have a feeling everything is gonna work out! You know..now that u know exactly what u are going to do..doesnt it feel great..instead of contemplating every move. Now enjoy ur weekend and try not to think too much about all of this! Just make sure u dont change ur mind when the time comes...LOL! u know what i mean...like stage fright? Sweaty palms, etc... Im going out now...will u be alright??..can u go through out the night without thinking about what move u are or are not going to make...IM JUST KIDDING!!!! serioulsly..i am happy for u! If u need anymore reassurance..rest assured..you'll get it here! Take it easy tonight and enjoy the weekend...no more advice from me till tom. if u need it!
Author iceisles Posted October 30, 2004 Author Posted October 30, 2004 Originally posted by Melissa7611 Now enjoy ur weekend and try not to think too much about all of this! Just make sure u dont change ur mind when the time comes...LOL! u know what i mean...like stage fright? Sweaty palms, etc... Too late - lol. I think I got two hours of sleep last night, just tossing and turning thinking about her. I so hope that she says "yes", because that would make happier than I've been in a long time. I'm thinking it might not be such a bad idea to pull her away from her desk when I do this, as I don't want to risk possibly embarrassing her with her co-workers within listening range. If the weather is nice, maybe we can take a walk outside or something. I may even decide to ask her out earlier in the week - there's no particular reason it has to be Friday. Sure, I'll be nervous and have some serious butterflies, but I'm not going to let that stop me. As much as I think about her, I need to know if she feels the same way. No matter what the answer, I'm going to let her know that I would love to get to know her better and that I would love to spend time together. Everyone is telling me to just pull the trigger on this, and I agree. At worst, we'll still remain friends, and you can never have enough of those. P.S. For those of you who PM'd me with the gift certificate birthday ideas, my concern with that is she may assume that I may want to use one of those with her. For example, if I got her one to a restaurant, I wouldn't want her thinking that I want to be invited, etc. That's why I need to come up with something that just she can enjoy. I do appreciate your ideas and would love to hear any other suggestions you may have.
Melissa7611 Posted October 30, 2004 Posted October 30, 2004 You must be tired from tossing and turning last night!! LOL u do realize that u do need some beauty sleep so u look ur best when u see her and finally ask her...right??? HAHA ..i mean..who wants to go out with someone who looks tired and haggered..JK!! i know i wouldn't. So....try and take it easy...dont plan to much, just go for it and before u know it...it'll be done and u'll have the most wonderful date in the world. And yes it would be great if she felt the same...but if not...hey..at least you'll know. Dont worry too much about the bday present yet..ok? Just wait and see what happens and wait till u find out her likes and dislikes..k? And yes..like i said...dont overanalyze ever move..sometimes u just have to do it! Life is too short and u have to take chances. I still think that u shouldn't reveal too much at first...it can be kinda intimidating..... So...on another note...enjoy ur day, dont fret, try to keep ur mind off of this...if u can..something tells me u cant. I know what it's like when u are constantly thinking of someone. I just got thru dating someon that i really liked and well...we both thought it was going to work ..but he wasnt meant for me...too much of a jerk..im just glad i realized this now..not later. It's lasted only 2 months ..so at least i can say im not in love...i was thinking of him all the time. But i'm not anymore. Maybe it's because i found someone else who caught me off guard, when i was thinking..im done..he is totally opposite of the last guy..which at first was boring to me... but he has grown on me and i really like him now..granted it's only been 2 weeks that i have been talking to him....but oddly enough..we are both finding ourselves in the same place. Last time i felt like this was with my ex..who i dated for 6 years...scary huh?? anyways..what i mean to say..is i had those feelings too..actually i still have them..the sound of his voice gives me butterflies and i get all freaked out..nervous when i just hear from him...it makes me scared. But that's what it's all about. I know that it will all work out as ur a great guy and any woman would be lucky to have you..remember...if she doesn't want u..there are plenty of women here who would..
Author iceisles Posted October 30, 2004 Author Posted October 30, 2004 Hey Melissa - I'm sorry your 2-month relationship didn't work out, but it sounds like it was for the best. I'm really glad that you have someone new that you're interested in. Your situation sounds very similar to mine - I have only known Rebecca 3 weeks and yet my heart races every time I think about her. There is something that feels right about asking her out. Maybe it's because I sense she may say "yes", or maybe it's because everyone else's perception of my situation is that things will likely work out in the long run. Either way, it's been many years (maybe close to 10) since I have felt this way about a girl, and I'm so glad to have these special emotions back. You're definitely right about not trying to think too much about her, but it's hard. I know she's probably home getting her kids ready for trick-or-treating today (they are doing it today in her county), and I really wish I could be there to give her a hand. She even told me yesterday that she's going to have a tough time with her 16-month old because he can't walk really well. It's because I can't keep my mind off her that I really believe in what I'm doing. I have always been a proponent of chasing one's dreams because maintaining a positive outlook and attitude will often yield positive results. I'm not deeply religious, but I think there is something to be said about connecting with yourself spiritually to achieve goals. Despite my lack of sleep last night, you'll be surprised (and perhaps even happy) to know that I haven't been analyzing things too much since talking to her yesterday. I've just been daydreaming about how I'll feel if she says "yes", and what our first date will be like if I'm fortunate enough to get to that point. I'm glad to say that, for the time being, my worrying has been replaced with thoughts of cuddling up with her. I just hope that comes true, and if it does, I'm going to do something nice for all of you that have taken the time to help me so far.
Author iceisles Posted October 30, 2004 Author Posted October 30, 2004 I've decided the big day will be Thursday. This way if she says yes, she may want to do something Friday night. Also, if she's not in Thursday, I'll have a backup day instead of having to wait another whole weekend. Plus, of course, it means one fewer day I have to wait to put the anxiety behind me. P.S. Can we do cartwheels on this site? If so, I hope to be doing some in a few days. *crosses fingers*
Melissa7611 Posted October 30, 2004 Posted October 30, 2004 O.K. i thought u were going to try and stop thinking about this!!! LOL...i knew it would never happen So...now what??? What are u planning out now?? When to ask her out??? Hmmm...thursday is just as good as tuesday, wednesday, etc..etc...it wont make a difference when u ask her out..her answer will be the same regardless of what day u ask her....so.....ask her whne u feel its right..how's that??? And u want to do cartwheels huh....well by all means do a dance of joy, do summersaults..whatever ur heart desires..but save some of that enthusiasm for when she says..YES!! again..if u continue to plan out everything and analyze things..im gonna have to go up there and kick ur butt!!
Author iceisles Posted October 30, 2004 Author Posted October 30, 2004 Originally posted by Melissa7611 O.K. i thought u were going to try and stop thinking about this!!! LOL...i knew it would never happen So...now what??? What are u planning out now?? When to ask her out??? Hmmm...thursday is just as good as tuesday, wednesday, etc..etc...it wont make a difference when u ask her out..her answer will be the same regardless of what day u ask her....so.....ask her whne u feel its right..how's that??? And u want to do cartwheels huh....well by all means do a dance of joy, do summersaults..whatever ur heart desires..but save some of that enthusiasm for when she says..YES!! again..if u continue to plan out everything and analyze things..im gonna have to go up there and kick ur butt!! Who said I was thinking about her? If you wanna beat up on me, go ahead - I could probably use it.
Melissa7611 Posted October 30, 2004 Posted October 30, 2004 u are thinking about her...if ur planning what day yo ask her out..right? And u know im just messing with u right? LOL!!!
Author iceisles Posted October 30, 2004 Author Posted October 30, 2004 Originally posted by Melissa7611 u are thinking about her...if ur planning what day yo ask her out..right? And u know im just messing with u right? LOL!!! Lol, of course I know you're messing with me. Ok, I admit - I'm thinking of her, but can you blame me? I may sound like a broken record somewhat, but my enthusiasm is clearly reflective of how I feel about her. This is exciting stuff.
Author iceisles Posted October 31, 2004 Author Posted October 31, 2004 I've never given much thought to astrology, but she fits the description of a Scorpio almost perfectly. Have you all found there to be some foundation in astrological signs? I was reading through them purely for entertainment purposes, but I do have an open mind and found the following the be very interesting: "In conventional social gatherings they are pleasant to be with, thoughtful in conversation, dignified, and reserved, yet affable and courteous; they sometimes possess penetrating eyes which make their shyer companions feel naked and defenseless before them." "In their everyday behavior they give the appearance of being withdrawn from the center of activity, yet those who know them will recognize the watchfulness that is part of their character." "Their tenacity and willpower are immense, their depth of character and passionate conviction overwhelming, yet they are deeply sensitive and easily moved by their emotions." "Scorpio people are sometimes very quiet, shy and sensitive and like to keep secrets. They can feel things very intensely. Scorpio people are also often very good at seeing the good and bad points in other people. " "These folks are intense, passionate and filled with desire. They're also complex and secretive, so don't expect to get much out of them." I know many may laugh at this and call astrology a waste of time - and who knows, maybe it is? I just found it interesting how so much of this accurately describes Rebecca, and the bold statement probably explains her continued friendliness despite not initiating much of the contact with me.
Amberaine Posted October 31, 2004 Posted October 31, 2004 I have been into astrology for a few years now and it is interesting. Of course it is too general to say that each "Scorpio" is the same because all people are different, however there are shared characteristics. There is something call a chart that can be done on an individual which is personalized just for them. If you want I could do your chart and maybe Rebecca's too, then I could partner you together and see if you are a good "love" match. Hell if you charts read good together you could just skipped the dating thing and get married..j/k By the way what sign are you anyway? No it's not a pick up line, unless you want it to be lol...
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