SoleMate Posted October 23, 2004 Posted October 23, 2004 Heat??? For giving her your number??? I don't think it's too fast, but I do question why you would give her your number instead of asking for hers. Is this just a first step? Because I don't want you to make the mistake of thinking that all you need to do is show a few signs of interest, and wait for her to start calling/chasing you. Also...Wal*Mart? Wal*Mart??? When I said "check the shops", I meant some cutesy little boutique downtown or in an upscale/tourist area. Not Wal*Mart. Things that are special, charming and unique do NOT come from Wal*Mart.
Author iceisles Posted October 23, 2004 Author Posted October 23, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate Heat??? For giving her your number??? I don't think it's too fast, but I do question why you would give her your number instead of asking for hers. Is this just a first step? Because I don't want you to make the mistake of thinking that all you need to do is show a few signs of interest, and wait for her to start calling/chasing you. Also...Wal*Mart? Wal*Mart???[/ When I said "check the shops", I meant some cutesy little boutique downtown or in an upscale/tourist area. Not Wal*Mart. Things that are special, charming and unique do NOT come from Wal*Mart. I don't want to ask for her number right away because that may make her feel uncomfortable and awkward if she isn't ready to give it to me. By giving out mine, she has the option of calling me to talk on the phone if she feels comfortable with it. My hope is that she will offer to give her number to me shortly after I give her mine. She's really nice, but if she doesn't want me calling her right now, I'm sure she will wait awhile before giving to me. I figure giving out my e-mail/number will be a barometer to gauge both her interest level and perhaps suggest if I am moving too fast or at the right speed. As for the gift, I didn't want to get her anything too extravagant and scare her off. We have only spoken one time for 15 minutes, and I think a giant gift basket (or similar item) may have been too much. I think the card and cookies will be more than enough right now to let her know I like her. If things continue to go well by Thanksgiving, THEN I plan to hit those upscale shops for a special gift. Do you think my cookie idea sucked? I mean, they do come in a decorative collector's tin. Lol.
SoleMate Posted October 23, 2004 Posted October 23, 2004 Cookies are OK...now that I know about the tin. You can buy tiny, charming, inexpensive things at fancy boutiques. That is the point I have been trying to get across...
Author iceisles Posted October 23, 2004 Author Posted October 23, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate Cookies are OK...now that I know about the tin. You can buy tiny, charming, inexpensive things at fancy boutiques. That is the point I have been trying to get across... I gotcha. Fancy boutiques aren't an easy find in my state, but there is always the Internet. As nice as she is, I could probably get her a coloring book and she would appreciate the thought. Lol.
Amberaine Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 You have keep us updated, I am dying to know what will happen.. Good Luck!!
SoleMate Posted October 24, 2004 Posted October 24, 2004 Fancy boutiques aren't an easy find in my state... I'm not letting you off the hook that easy. You all have got a great Bluegrass region tourism website. Try the "Shopping" link. Also looks like a great entertainment and restaurant finding resource for the dates you will shortly need to be planning. http://www.kytourism.com/index.aspx
Author iceisles Posted October 24, 2004 Author Posted October 24, 2004 Originally posted by Amberaine You have keep us updated, I am dying to know what will happen.. Good Luck!! Thanks! This should be en eventful week either way and I hope to have a clearer picture of things by this time next week. I am hoping for the best but trying to not get my hopes up. I will just take things one day at a time and see how they go.
Author iceisles Posted October 25, 2004 Author Posted October 25, 2004 Well, she wasn't feeling that great and wasn't at the office more than a few minutes today. She waved to me while I was out for my lunchtime walk, though, which can't be a bad sign. Her boss thinks she's had recent problems with depression, as raising two kids on her own has gotten to her lately. This may be a good opportunity for me to show her I really care and should make giving her my e-mail address a little easier on Friday. A quick question for you all - I have this cute little Halloween bear that I bought and I'm thinking giving it to her may cheer her up. It's not very big but might make a nice addition to the card and cookies. Do you think a small stuffed animal is too much right now, or would she likely think that's a sweet gesture? I don't know if she likes things like that, but every girl I have ever dated (and most that I have known) seem to like cute cuddly bears. Lol. I'd appreciate your opinions on this - I know she will appreciate the card and cookies, but there's always something special about giving someone a stuffed animal.
Amberaine Posted October 25, 2004 Posted October 25, 2004 I think the bear is a cute idea. Women especially love the idea of the thought that went behind the gift. The fact that someone is taking the time to care is a definite plus! Hopefully she sees what a great guy you seem to be and all works out. Darn, I am sorry she left early and that you are left to wait yet another day.
Author iceisles Posted October 25, 2004 Author Posted October 25, 2004 Originally posted by Amberaine I think the bear is a cute idea. Women especially love the idea of the thought that went behind the gift. The fact that someone is taking the time to care is a definite plus! Hopefully she sees what a great guy you seem to be and all works out. Darn, I am sorry she left early and that you are left to wait yet another day. Thanks for your thoughts. The bear is adorable and I was thinking I'd put it on her desk and say something like, "I hope this makes you feel better." (I don't want to say "cheers you up" because I'm not positive she's down.) I don't know what it is, but the bear seems like the most personal item despite being the smallest. Maybe because, like you said, it conveys that I took time to think of her. I was disappointed that she left today, but maybe that happened for a reason - it gave me one more day to add a somewhat sentimental gift to the mix. I really hope she works the full today tomorrow.
Author iceisles Posted October 25, 2004 Author Posted October 25, 2004 Instead of giving her three things at one time when I drop by in the afternoon, how about leaving the bear on her desk in the morning with a note that says, "Hope this makes you feel better...Dave" or something similar? It would kind of be a little surprise, which I'm big on. That would give her a few hours to think about me (wooohooo! lol) before I give her the card and cookies. Think this would be a good plan? I get in about an hour before she does in the morning.
Author iceisles Posted October 26, 2004 Author Posted October 26, 2004 On the advice of a good friend, I decided against the bear idea. She's actually here today and said hi when she walked past my office before. I waited a few minutes and decided that now was as good a time as any to give her the card and cookies. She was nice and very appreciative, but I kind of got the feeling that I was either bothering her or that she had a ton of stuff on her mind. I think I'm going to lay low for awhile...no e-mails or stopping by for a few days. Maybe by Friday I'll have a better idea if I should even try giving her my e-mail address. The problem is that she's so nice that I don't think she would tell me she's not interested. I figure if I wait in the shadows, she'll either come to get me or just send me a polite "thanks but no thanks" message through silence.
tiki Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Yeah, don't overkill, man. That's a major turn off. I had one guy that I dated send me like 3 dozen roses in a couple of weeks. The card might as well have said "Love, Desperate". I lost him.
Author iceisles Posted October 26, 2004 Author Posted October 26, 2004 Yeah, I sent the message that I want to be more than friends. Now I just have to wait and see what happens. I won't hold my breath, though - life has taught me that not everything you want goes as planned. I do feel I gave it a good effort, though.
Author iceisles Posted October 26, 2004 Author Posted October 26, 2004 I think I'll give her about a 7-10 day break to ease off a little. This is a real touchy situation trying to move forward, but not too fast. I'm thinking that if I don't hear from her by next Friday (the 5th), I may send her an e-mail that all but gives away how I feel about her. Of course, I will avoid saying things like "I think about you all the time" or "I've had a crush on you." I will, however, let her know that I would love to get to know her better if that's something she'd be interested in. I will also express that she is more than welcome to e-mail me (and possibly call...not sure about that at this moment) at home anytime. I kind of feel like I'm interrupting her work when I stop by her office, and I really think we could talk about many more substantive topics "after hours" online when she possibly isn't so busy. It's pretty tough to start talking about anything more personal during a 10 minute conversation when people are walking past her desk. I think this e-mail will be successful if I convey two things: 1. That I think she's a sweetheart and that I really would love to get to know her better, should she be up for it and 2. That I will not be a bother to her by stopping by a lot, etc. In fact, I will mention that she can stop by anytime and hope that she'll come over now and then. It's really hard when you know someone is interested in you, and I do want to relieve as much pressure off her as I can while making my feelings known. I'll probably start a draft of this e-mail next week, and will likely look to get some thoughts from you all. Because we work together, I will tone it down some, but your input on how to effectively get my message across will be invaluable.
ThumbingMyWay Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 I love this thread..... its like a real time love story....
Author iceisles Posted October 26, 2004 Author Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by ThumbingMyWay I love this thread..... its like a real time love story.... Lol, thanks. What do you think about my e-mail idea? I've always been the kind of guy to lay my feelings out there, and I think after 10 days "off" from me, it would be a good time to do that. This way she'll know how I feel and then can decide for herself if I'm worth pursuing.
ThumbingMyWay Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Well....its been a long time since I had to do what your doing..... BUT, I dont think I;d wait ten days. I d still make small take a few times before then. AND do not come across too strong with your feelings YET....just simply state that your interested....be witty too, women love a man with a sence of humor...
tiki Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 I think you're trying too hard. You're investing way too much time in this. If you can establish a carefree smoothness about you, it will be a turn-on in itself. It would kinda freak me out if I knew a man spent this much time invested in me alone. A 10 day break? Dude, just do what feels right!
Author iceisles Posted October 26, 2004 Author Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by tiki I think you're trying too hard. You're investing way too much time in this. If you can establish a carefree smoothness about you, it will be a turn-on in itself. It would kinda freak me out if I knew a man spent this much time invested in me alone. A 10 day break? Dude, just do what feels right! I can see where you're coming from. This idea stemmed from the fact that our conversations have been forced, if not a little awkward, given that I actually have to walk over there and interrupt her to start talking. My goal is to get us to start talking outside of work, where I believe our conversations will hold a lot more value. By doing this, we could get to know each other better and I wouldn't be such a pain in the neck by doing the "pop-in" (a Seinfeldism). I know a lot of folks view stating your feelings as "investing too much time", but I have lost a lot of chances by not saying anything. After awhile, the other person may just assume that all you want to be is friends. At some point, likely sooner rather than later, I want to be honest with her. I am certainly not opposed to waiting awhile before doing that, but it just feels like the right thing to do in the near future. Even though it hasn't always worked out in the past, every girl I have been upfront with has really appreciated my cander. I really do think there is a lot of potential in opening up to someone.
Melissa7611 Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 I say...Just go for it..and ask her out. I think you are putting too much pressure into this whole situation. It's very sweet all the thought u are putting into this. I mean..not many guys do. Let's see...you emailed her out of the blue..she emailed u back. You have had some type of interaction with her. You gave her the tin with the cookies and the card. I'm pretty sure she has an idea that u might be interested in her. Granted she may have lots going on...but im sure she's not oblivious. If you hear nothing of her by the end of the week..i say...go up to her..and either ask for her number or ask her out. By you giving her your number...you are leaving the possibilty open, that she might not ask for yours..maybe because she is too shy or she isnt sure how she feels about you. So...i would ask her for her number..wait a day or two, and give her a call and talk to her. Just talk..see how it goes..OR... just ask her out! Either way, do something! You dont have to be pushy. Remember...she may just have lots on her mind...maybe she;s not ready to date..or maybe she's just not sure about how she feels about you. Either way....Just take it easy...i wouldnt wait 10 days to make a move though. Toooo long!!! Good Luck!
Author iceisles Posted October 26, 2004 Author Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by Melissa7611 I say...Just go for it..and ask her out. I think you are putting too much pressure into this whole situation. It's very sweet all the thought u are putting into this. I mean..not many guys do. Let's see...you emailed her out of the blue..she emailed u back. You have had some type of interaction with her. You gave her the tin with the cookies and the card. I'm pretty sure she has an idea that u might be interested in her. Granted she may have lots going on...but im sure she's not oblivious. If you hear nothing of her by the end of the week..i say...go up to her..and either ask for her number or ask her out. By you giving her your number...you are leaving the possibilty open, that she might not ask for yours..maybe because she is too shy or she isnt sure how she feels about you. So...i would ask her for her number..wait a day or two, and give her a call and talk to her. Just talk..see how it goes..OR... just ask her out! Either way, do something! You dont have to be pushy. Remember...she may just have lots on her mind...maybe she;s not ready to date..or maybe she's just not sure about how she feels about you. Either way....Just take it easy...i wouldnt wait 10 days to make a move though. Toooo long!!! Good Luck! Thanks for the post. Clearly, I'm not very good at this and need to be nudged in the right direction. Forget the 10 day thing - you're right, that's too long. I will keep some distance for a day or two, then e-mail/talk to her again on Friday. I'll keep making "small talk" for awhile, with hints about how I feel here and there. I am really into this girl, and want to give it all I have - and I do believe I can do that without being pushy. I think I will ask her if she'd like to grab lunch sometime next week, which would be a small but significant step in the right direction. That way we can talk without me interrupting her work. Raising two kids on her own, I'm sure she has a ton of stuff on her mind. Maybe I am overanalyzing today's reaction - she will probably take the card and cookies home and think about me some while she is unwinding or laying in bed tonight. She did e-mail me the day we talked, waved to me yesterday, and said "hi" to me today, so she's clearly not trying to avoid me. I probably caught her at a bad time today, which others often do to me. She did appreciate the gifts, even if I didn't really make it clear what the cookies were for. I appreciate everyone's patience and understanding with me and this thread. I am crazy for this girl and want to do everything I can to have a shot with her. At the same time, I don't want to do anything stupid to screw things up, which is why your honesty is always welcome. I'd rather be called an idiot on here than be viewed as one by her after the fact.
ellabella Posted October 26, 2004 Posted October 26, 2004 Sweetie--- you're overdoing it! Believe me, she knows you are interested-- A girl knows when someone likes her just by the way he looks at her! The card and the cookies have completed the message, believe me. And remember -- you don't have feelings for her because you don't know her! You had a 15 minutes conversation with her and exchanged a few emails,that's it... so you can't "care" for her or have feelings for her. Talk to her more! Go to her office and say "Hi, I need a break from work... what are you doing?" Or " Hi, Are you busy? I really need to step away from my desk, would you like to go outside for a short walk?" or "I'm falling asleep at my desk... how has your day been?" After a few of these ones, just ask her out.... "Would you like to have dinner with her sometime?" And don't mention her kids or buy things for her kids... It's nice that you want to keep them in mind but you have to let her know that you like her as a woman not as a mother-- not now, you will do that later if the relationship works out. And you have to do this quickly because if this doesn't work you have to move on and make it as smooth as possible because you work together!! Take it easy!!
Author iceisles Posted October 26, 2004 Author Posted October 26, 2004 Originally posted by ellabella And remember -- you don't have feelings for her because you don't know her! You had a 15 minutes conversation with her and exchanged a few emails,that's it... so you can't "care" for her or have feelings for her. Take it easy!! If I don't have feelings for her, then why do I feel so happy when I think about her? Though we only spoke for 15 minutes, I knew of her for almost two years. And we spoke briefly and casually during that time, though we never exhanged names or anything. I think that's more than enough to establish a small attachment to someone. I suppose you're right that she knows I'm interested. I just wanted to cross the threshold from "just friends" to "wanting to be more than friends" and you seem pretty convinced that I have done that. It may go against popular theory, but I think e-mail contact may be the better way to go for awhile with her. Like I said, it's awkard when I go over there because she's usually busy and there's people around. I'm trying to minimize the "pest" factor and not dropping in as much would probably help towards that end. I certainly want to talk to her in-person, but I think grabbing lunch may be the better way to do that. One thing's for sure - if she's not interested, I'll probably find out pretty quick. When you're interested in someone new, it's usually fairly clear if there's anything there because either they'll keep talking with you or they won't. It sounds strange, but I have a lot of support from her boss, who thinks highly of me and always puts in the good word whenever I come up in the conversation. The day before I spoke to Rebecca (that's her name, by the way), I saw her grilling him for a half-hour trying to get info about me. Whatever he was saying about me must have kept her attention.
Author iceisles Posted October 27, 2004 Author Posted October 27, 2004 Well, she said hi when she walked past me in the hall with some friends. It's official - I have no idea what she's thinking. I feel like I'm playing a game where I have no idea if I'm winning or losing.
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