Chris715 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Long story short I had a bad break up in November, had an awkward "relationship like" phase with her until around January, then things got progressively worse between us as she wanted space and I kept pushing for contact. When NC back in May, was NC for a month and over the last couple of weeks actually started to feel a bit better. As I've talked about on here before I planned to pick myself up, eat better, work out, hang out with friends more, meet new people, and then maybe get back into the dating scene. That was my plan a week ago, I was feeling better and started to think maybe I was moving on from all the pain I've dealt with over the past 7 months. Yesterday I found out my ex is getting a job at the same place I'm working (we both worked there the previous year) and any and all progress I've made over the last couple months is undone and now I'm worse. Broke NC last night because I felt I had to, letting her know I was working there still and that hopefully we could be on talking terms for work at the very least. She responded and basically agreed and I thought maybe I would be OK. Well today was literally one of the hardest days of my life. Couldn't sleep last night, stressed and tired as hell, worked with her today, probably the worst emotional pain I've experienced in my life after seeing her for the first time in 6 months. Didn't talk to her at all, could barely look at her. There's literally no ending to this. My depression is spiraling at this point, I see no ****ing end to this pain in my life, I'd be lying if I said I'm not feeling suicidal tonight because right when I feel like I'm recovering life just kicks me down again. Seriously need some help.
Author Chris715 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 The help you need is therapy and a new job. Not this website. Are you in counselling? No I'm not. Can't get a new job right now, seriously feeling trapped.
McGriff Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Dude, dude, dude...take a deep breath. You are getting all bent out of shape (as we all do at times) and you really just need to relax. It's a girl. Bad breath in the mornings, takes massive sh*ts, and is probably just as uncomfortable about the situation of working with you, as you are her. But you think she's at home all bent out of shape about it? Well, maybe a little...but ending your life? Over a girl? Come on man. That's about as short sighted as it gets. I know BU's hurt, and you feel like you've lost someone who may be irreplaceable, but you gotta know you're in the fog man. Feeling suicidal is serious, and I'm not joking or making light of it, but if you would take a 20 seconds, and just breath in deep, exhale, close your eyes, and relax---you'll feel better. Suicide? Do you know how precious life is? Do you know that could potentially erase a wonderful future and potential kids you may have? I mean seriously! BU's suck, but you gotta be mentally tougher my man. You've gotta treat this like a challenge. You walk into your workplace all dapper and well manicured and you put on a happy face. You let her and the world know that you are not gonna be affected by this. You are valuable, you cannot be destroyed mentally or physically, you are a physical specimen and you are available. Dude. Come on. Pick yourself up. Call up a female friend and take her out, treat her like a princess for a day, and feel good about yourself that you are capable of making someone really happy. You don't have cancer. You are not living in some third world country facing poverty and hunger. Live your life. You got your heartbroken. F*ck her. She f*cked up. Show her by LIVING YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST! Come on bro! 5
Pisces13 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Hang in there buddy. We're all going through similar pain, things get better mate, they really do. It might take a week, it might take 6 months, it might take a year, but things do get better. I had been feeling real down in the dumps all week myself, but thankfully the universe gave me a couple of reminders during the week that this hurt is only temporary, that there is a life after our exes, and you know what, I have felt a lot better about everything since. Keep your head up! There are other people out there a lot worse off! 2
Sneaky Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Don't give up! I don't know much and I feel unsuitable to give proper advice but I wanted to comment to show that there are people who care and to say that it's okay to ask for outside help if you need it. I was in therapy once for an unrelated issue and it helped me put my life back together too. 1
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I know, you're feeling very broken right now...but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I know it's cliché, but it's true. These feelings won't pass overnight; but, if you do all you can to focus on the positive aspects of your life, and keep yourself busy with other things, you will heal. Also, give yourself time to grieve. It can feel unbearable at times-like your chest is tearing open-but you will survive it. And when the turmoil has dulled and passed, you will be stronger for it. Don't give up, okay?
Author Chris715 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 Hey everyone, I've calmed down a bit since posting in the middle of a panic attack and I definitely overreacted a bit. Not feeling suicidal right now, just really depressed. It would be nice to get a break with this entire ordeal just once, you know? Right as I feel like NC might be doing me some good and I might be able to move on just like that she comes back into my life, no more NC, and I'm in emotional ruin. I'm just venting at this point, but also letting everyone know I'm relatively OK.
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 You WILL make it past this. For me, I am currently still feeling a lot of pain, but I am now able to manage it much better than 1 or 2 months ago. Give NC about 90 days and you will feel much better too. Also, get therapy if you have the means and read some books... I really like 'The Power of Now' as many others have also mentioned. A bit deep, but very helpful!! 90 days strict NC or LC if you have to work together, and you will be able to manage the pain much more effectively!! It won't be crippling or debilitating any longer. I promise!!!
iouaname Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I know how hard this is. I have had similar nights where I've just felt completely broken and hopeless. Don't focus on "the rest of your life" right now, because when you're depressed, you look at your future as bleak and it worsens your depression. Just focus on the right now - THAT day. 1
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Hey everyone, I've calmed down a bit since posting in the middle of a panic attack and I definitely overreacted a bit. Not feeling suicidal right now, just really depressed. It would be nice to get a break with this entire ordeal just once, you know? Right as I feel like NC might be doing me some good and I might be able to move on just like that she comes back into my life, no more NC, and I'm in emotional ruin. I'm just venting at this point, but also letting everyone know I'm relatively OK. Glad you've calmed down. It's understandable that you become more vulnerable again, every time there's contact. Unfortunately, given the fact you work at the same place, you're likely going to have to deal with a bit more of it. Perhaps, because there will be less time in-between, you'll be able to build up a better resistance to it, over time. It's going to be rough, I'm sure. But, keep your chin up; you'll get through this. When you're not working with her, spend as much time as possible focusing on you.
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Just remember... Depression is defined as not being able to see a positive future for yourself. So, when your feeling really down, try to imagine your life and future as a positive experience. Difficult to do I know, but try anyway. It might help...
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