theonlyjuan Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 My ex is 6 years younger than me. Only 18 I can't honestly say every day with her was amazing, some days were a little standard and routine. When we had days out, they were great. I never really gave much thought about where it was going, I was going through the motions, seeing where it led to. We got on really well, and never really argued. I remember thinking to myself ' Do I love her? ' and I thought ' No ' I was always open to the idea of falling in love, as time goes by. The last months of our relationship were so-so. Not bad, but a hand full of really good days. She was very stressed from work, and mentioned a few times, how she missed " Me-Time " She didn't seem very happy with her home life either. So, she tells me that she doesn't feel like our relationship was going anywhere. She said as much as she wants to, she hasn't fallen in love me with. I think it was all the wrong time for her. She has university soon, and just didn't seem happy in herself. So I wasn't happy but I understood Why is it, as soon as it ended I feel like I really loved her? I can't stop thinking about her and all the nice days we had together. I miss our texts and conversations. Do I miss her or the relationship? As I said, I didn't love her at the time. For some reason now, I feel and act like every day was amazing with her and everything was so perfect. I feel like we were amazing together, although we are quite different. Is this normal? Maybe I am a control freak and can't accept this was out of my control. Maybe I hate being alone? It's weird, it really is
aloneinaz Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Human nature is to always want what we can't have. Trust your instincts. You said you didn't really love her when you were with her. That's what you have to remind yourself. It's like when dumpers kick to the curb their significant others. They go crazy a lot when the dumpees disappear from their lives or even better, find another relationship quickly there after. They suddenly find themselves pinning for them back. You sound like you miss the relationship and what comes with it more than you miss your ex. I was the same way for the first couple of weeks after my toxic relationship ended. I missed the texting, interaction, companionship, knowing there was somebody who (allegedly) loved me. I knew that relationship was dead. We tried too many times. I met another woman who've I've been seeing now for a few days. It mad me quickly realize there was nothing I missed about my toxic ex, I just missed being in a relationship. 1
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 My ex is 6 years younger than me. Only 18 I can't honestly say every day with her was amazing, some days were a little standard and routine. When we had days out, they were great. I never really gave much thought about where it was going, I was going through the motions, seeing where it led to. We got on really well, and never really argued. I remember thinking to myself ' Do I love her? ' and I thought ' No ' I was always open to the idea of falling in love, as time goes by. The last months of our relationship were so-so. Not bad, but a hand full of really good days. She was very stressed from work, and mentioned a few times, how she missed " Me-Time " She didn't seem very happy with her home life either. So, she tells me that she doesn't feel like our relationship was going anywhere. She said as much as she wants to, she hasn't fallen in love me with. I think it was all the wrong time for her. She has university soon, and just didn't seem happy in herself. So I wasn't happy but I understood Why is it, as soon as it ended I feel like I really loved her? I can't stop thinking about her and all the nice days we had together. I miss our texts and conversations. Do I miss her or the relationship? As I said, I didn't love her at the time. For some reason now, I feel and act like every day was amazing with her and everything was so perfect. I feel like we were amazing together, although we are quite different. Is this normal? Maybe I am a control freak and can't accept this was out of my control. Maybe I hate being alone? It's weird, it really is It's not really so weird; as in, it's not unusual. I would say you probably just got used to being with her. Maybe you were starting to develop feelings of love, but whether it was romantic love, I couldn't say. Maybe it was just a companionable feeling. I'm thinking it's just that you were used to her being in your life. How long did you two date, if I may ask?
Author theonlyjuan Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 Yeah, I think I would be the same when I meet someone else. Only 6 months but I had come out of a 7 year relationship 2 months prior. It's weird. I was miserable after my 7 year relationship then I got involved with this other girl, who I got obsessed with. My obsession only lasted until I met my recent ex. Now I am obsessing over her. I do feel I can be quite fickle and maybe settle for whoever shows the slightest interest in me. I just don't want to be like it again soon with someone else. I want to find the right person for me, without settling or convincing myself they are it 1
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Yeah, I think I would be the same when I meet someone else. Only 6 months but I had come out of a 7 year relationship 2 months prior. It's weird. I was miserable after my 7 year relationship then I got involved with this other girl, who I got obsessed with. My obsession only lasted until I met my recent ex. Now I am obsessing over her. I do feel I can be quite fickle and maybe settle for whoever shows the slightest interest in me. I just don't want to be like it again soon with someone else. I want to find the right person for me, without settling or convincing myself they are it Acknowledging that (being fickle) may very well help you to avoid that kind of behaviour in the future. Don't be too hard on yourself; accept your strong points and your weak points, fix what you can, and hopefully, you will find someone whom you actually do love, and who feels the same about you. It sounds like your recent ex was on much the same page as you, in lacking that spark. Best of luck!
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