puffdaddy Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 So my ex GF and I have been NC for 3 weeks as of today. Two weeks into it, my uncle suddenly passed away from a heart attack. I sent out a group text to all my friends about it and giving info in case any of them wanted to come to the wake or service. She was included in that group. Needless to say, I got zero response from her. After the funeral, I just sent a quick text to say that if this death teaches us anything, it's not to hold grudges and to heal. Still no response. My friends and family, as myself, are all shocked that she remained silent. What is usually normal? Wouldn't it have been right for her to at least send a condolence? Or is it, if you are broken up, who cares about you anymore?
JustAReformedGirl Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 So my ex GF and I have been NC for 3 weeks as of today. Two weeks into it, my uncle suddenly passed away from a heart attack. I sent out a group text to all my friends about it and giving info in case any of them wanted to come to the wake or service. She was included in that group. Needless to say, I got zero response from her. After the funeral, I just sent a quick text to say that if this death teaches us anything, it's not to hold grudges and to heal. Still no response. My friends and family, as myself, are all shocked that she remained silent. What is usually normal? Wouldn't it have been right for her to at least send a condolence? Or is it, if you are broken up, who cares about you anymore? It isn't necessarily that she didn't care. But given the fact that you broke up, and have been NC for 3 weeks, perhaps she felt it was prudent to keep silent. She may very well have been tempted to send you a text in reply. She also may have lost her phone service, or changed her number. You're not necessarily wrong, but you aren't exactly right, either. Don't automatically assume she was being cold and insensitive; maybe she was, or maybe she wasn't.
aloneinaz Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 You broke up with her, told her you didn't want her in your life anymore. She's not obligated to reply to your text of your loss? Honestly, unless she knew this uncle, why did you feel the need to notify her of this loss? In all likelihood, she's trying to move on w/her life and having contact with you in any manner is not good for her. I get what you're saying though. You'd think people would be courteous about situations like this. Too often they are not. I was a great second Dad to my ex's kids for 1.5 years. She broke up w/me and two weeks later was Father's Day. I actually thought she'd send a text or email telling me happy Father's Day for all that I did for her kids. Nope.. It just comes with the territory in my opinion. 5
Author puffdaddy Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 You broke up with her, told her you didn't want her in your life anymore. She's not obligated to reply to your text of your loss? Honestly, unless she knew this uncle, why did you feel the need to notify her of this loss? In all likelihood, she's trying to move on w/her life and having contact with you in any manner is not good for her. I get what you're saying though. You'd think people would be courteous about situations like this. Too often they are not. I was a great second Dad to my ex's kids for 1.5 years. She broke up w/me and two weeks later was Father's Day. I actually thought she'd send a text or email telling me happy Father's Day for all that I did for her kids. Nope.. It just comes with the territory in my opinion. I broke up with her because I found out she wasn't being honest about being completely broken up with an ex whom she shared a condo with. She had told me she was still living there until the lease was up. But that all changed when we were out and she freaked out when we were seen together by one of her ex's friends. When I called her out on it during the talk, she went silent on me, dropped my things at my door the next morning, and I haven't heard a word from her since. I told her about my uncle's death because her Grandmother lives down the street from him and knows him very well. We also spent a few nights at his house when we took a trip up to New York City. I sent that second text after the service as me saying you know what, what you did isn't right, but we can heal from it and move on. I was basically saying I forgive you. I never got any kind of clarification from her on what happened. She basically just split. 1
aloneinaz Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 She basically just split. And that's her right as a dumpee or dumper for that matter. You ended the relationship for probably the right reasons. Once that step is complete, either of you have the right to disappear. It sucks but it is what it is. If my ex contacted me about something like that, I'd honestly ignore her as well (unless it was one of her kids that I loved). That's what sucks about relationships. One week you're each others world then the next your strangers. God has a sick sense of humor. 2
Author puffdaddy Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 And that's her right as a dumpee or dumper for that matter. You ended the relationship for probably the right reasons. Once that step is complete, either of you have the right to disappear. It sucks but it is what it is. If my ex contacted me about something like that, I'd honestly ignore her as well (unless it was one of her kids that I loved). That's what sucks about relationships. One week you're each others world then the next your strangers. God has a sick sense of humor. Yes you are correct. There was a thread about this not too long ago. How you are the best of friends, to complete strangers all in minutes. Thank you for your responses, they are truthful and direct and what I needed. Thank You. 2
aloneinaz Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Yes you are correct. There was a thread about this not too long ago. How you are the best of friends, to complete strangers all in minutes. Thank you for your responses, they are truthful and direct and what I needed. Thank You. Sorry Puff, I wasn't trying to be too direct, just honest. I know how hard it is to wrap our heads around this relationship crap. My ex wrapped her arms around me and told me she loved me an hour before her mood changed and I told her I didn't like the way she continued to talk to me when she was frustrated or bitchy. We'd also made vacation plans earlier in the day AND she said during that same call that I was stuck with her for the long haul. She got pissed and ended it as she didn't like to be told she was wrong. I know know she's simply toxic and if I wasn't so lazy, I would of dumped her ass earlier. There's an expression that goes something like "words are one thing and actions are another". How true.
Pisces13 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Yes you are correct. There was a thread about this not too long ago. How you are the best of friends, to complete strangers all in minutes. Thank you for your responses, they are truthful and direct and what I needed. Thank You. Listen to that song by Gotye, "Somebody That I Used To Know", sums it all up pretty much.
aloneinaz Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I just wanted to say, for someone who had their heart put through a meat-grinder, you are positive and upbeat, and awesome. So many bitter twisted souls on here could learn from you. I know I'm inspired. That's so sweet and awesome of you to say this MC! I think our destiny is in our hands. While I fought so hard to make it w/my ex through too many break ups, at the end of the day, she was just unwilling or unable to change. I changed in many ways for her. What's made it easier for me to accept and acknowledge that the relationship and her was toxic is her behavior over the past 5 months. I don't miss that person at all. I do miss the person from the first several months of the relationship that I know now wasn't a true representation of her. I'm not getting any younger and I just refuse to MOURN for months a failed, crappy relationship when there's so many others who would love my company. I guess I just try to share what works for me and what doesn't as a fresh dumpee. I just got home from a third date with the same gal. She's so darn nice. She really talked to me tonight about my ex and why it didn't work. She gave me a different perspective but ultimately agreed, my ex has issues. She wouldn't let me buy dinner and insisted on picking up the check. WOW. It's just so refreshing and such a reminder that we shouldn't put our ex's on a pedistal. This girl kisses better, is sweeter and simply BLOWS my ex away w/her bedroom skilz! I thought my ex was good in bed, now, NOT SO MUCH.. SO, for those reading this, realize that when you say to yourself that "I'll never find another girl who does this or that so well, it's simply not true! Thanks again MC and ROCK it tomorrow on your date! 1
flitzanu Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 So my ex GF and I have been NC for 3 weeks as of today. Two weeks into it, my uncle suddenly passed away from a heart attack. I sent out a group text to all my friends about it and giving info in case any of them wanted to come to the wake or service. She was included in that group. Needless to say, I got zero response from her. After the funeral, I just sent a quick text to say that if this death teaches us anything, it's not to hold grudges and to heal. Still no response. My friends and family, as myself, are all shocked that she remained silent. What is usually normal? Wouldn't it have been right for her to at least send a condolence? Or is it, if you are broken up, who cares about you anymore? since you're adamant about her acting "cold" i'm assuming that she dumped you. as everyone else is saying, no, it doesn't mean she doesn't care, it means she's no longer your gf and she isn't obligated to care because you're no longer in a relationship.
flitzanu Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I broke up with her because I found out she wasn't being honest about being completely broken up with an ex whom she shared a condo with. She had told me she was still living there until the lease was up. But that all changed when we were out and she freaked out when we were seen together by one of her ex's friends. When I called her out on it during the talk, she went silent on me, dropped my things at my door the next morning, and I haven't heard a word from her since. I told her about my uncle's death because her Grandmother lives down the street from him and knows him very well. We also spent a few nights at his house when we took a trip up to New York City. I sent that second text after the service as me saying you know what, what you did isn't right, but we can heal from it and move on. I was basically saying I forgive you. I never got any kind of clarification from her on what happened. She basically just split. i didn't read down far enough to see that you dumped her. if that's the case then she likely didn't want to reply because she could have been afraid you might try to lead her on, or that communication would disrupt her healing. but still, doesn't mean she's uncaring. you just can't think of your ex as your best friend like that anymore.
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