pinknails Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I signed up for OkCupid a few days ago, and I am overwhelmed with messages. I don't understand what I am supposed to look for in an online message and how to sift through the messages in a smart way? How many messages on am I supposed to decide to meet someone? I have not filled out the questionnaire, and I am using the app on my iphone. I am really really disappointed in this site. I have received 58 first messages in two days, and I am not sure who I am supposed to answer etc. I am a full-time student and this is really stressing me out.. I thought it would be easy. I am obviously getting rid of the app on my phone because I can't handle random notifications several times a day. This seems MUCH harder than real-life dating/meeting people and just as time consuming. Is it even worth it?! --- I am not deleting my profile, just the app. So please offer me any helpful strategies you may have!
Author pinknails Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 I don't really like any of them. How am I supposed to distinguish between a mass message or a spam message and something more genuine?! I'd appreciate serious responses. I think on Match people have to pay to message you right? On OkC it's for free. And for the record, only one person asked to hook up. I've read all of them... I'm complaining because I thought online dating was the convenient way of finding dates for busy people, not a bunch of guys sending wacko messages probably to every girl on the site. Instead i've just given up a lot of time reading messages from people who would probably not get along w/ me / vice versa.
melodicintention Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Its' funny how guys rag that dating sites aren't fair to them, yet they slam us chicks with a million messages when many of them don't have what we've advertised we are seeking. Most of the guys don't even take the time to see if there is some common ground. I have always been extremely specific (I demand the guy be a musician) yet I get tons of guys who are non musicians "seeing if I still might be interested." Give me a break. These same guys have no right to complain that we don't answer. With online dating, everyone loses. Whether you are hot or not, it's difficult for everyone, men and women alike. Guy are fooling themselves claiming it's easier for women. It's just as hard to be on there an have so many messages you can't read them and get frustrated and close your account as it is to have no messages. I go through the same thing when I use these dating sites. Just go thorugh the messages you can and don't let it overwhelm you. Seriously you could be online for hours. I dedicate about 30 minutes a day (if i can even get on daily) and unfortunately the guys who don't title their messages well enough to catch my attention I just simply cannot find the time to scour and find. I wish guys would stop writing so incessantly and just write to women who they truly have a compatible background, but I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon. I think this time when I build my next profile I am going to say to put some certain subject line up so I can at least judge that they read my profile or not. Many I don't think they read they just see a pretty face and wildly send messages.
Star Gazer Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I don't really like any of them. How am I supposed to distinguish between a mass message or a spam message and something more genuine?! I'd appreciate serious responses. I think on Match people have to pay to message you right? On OkC it's for free. And for the record, only one person asked to hook up. I've read all of them... I'm complaining because I thought online dating was the convenient way of finding dates for busy people, not a bunch of guys sending wacko messages probably to every girl on the site. Instead i've just given up a lot of time reading messages from people who would probably not get along w/ me / vice versa. On OKC, I would go and answer as many of their little questions as possible, and then only look at the guys who we are a match of at least 85%. Of those, I'd only bother looking at those who actually wrote me a nice email that shows they actually read my profile... Something more than, "Hey, how are you?" From those, I'd read their profile and see if they attract me. And then respond. After a week or so, the number of messages decreases. There's only so many guys.
unbeknown Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I guess only you can answer this question really. What are you looking to get out of online dating? What kind of man do you like? As a man I ignore one word messages like "hey" as I don't think we'd get on (not that I get many woman initiating with me on there). Maybe look for if he has bothered to read your profile description or if he seems fun to hang with etc. The longer on there the quicker you'll pick it up and learn to ween out the guys that are only after one thing. Oh and don't be polite messaging people back saying "sorry blah blah blah not my type" or just being nice. It wastes both your time and ours. If you're not interested then ignore/delete.
Socks At Play Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I don't really like any of them. ... Instead i've just given up a lot of time reading messages from people who would probably not get along w/ me / vice versa. So search for and message a few guys you think you'd like. We have profiles too. Most of us get a lot fewer messages than the typical woman does, so when we get messaged first it really sticks out.
Ripnet Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 On Of those, I'd only bother looking at those who actually wrote me a nice email that shows they actually read my profile... Something more than, "Hey, how are you?" From those, I'd read their profile and see if they attract me. And then respond. After a week or so, the number of messages decreases. There's only so many guys. I agree mostly. Don't message men for weeks and weeks. I would limit to 5 to 10 messages then ask for their number and you call them to pre screen them. If you're comfortable and actually like him on the phone ask him if he would like to meet if he hasn't ask by them. The sooner the better some will flake out and not even show up on a date. You should see come compatibility with interests and other things but you wouldn't really know until you meet face to face. If you're a busy student men may not want to meet you because the lack of time you will have.
chphan Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 its because you all want the same things. we can't all be great looking and have big salaries and have a thousand friends and the most interesting hobbies and be world travelers. oh, and also a talented musician. how about you demand a little less. This is sad and funny at the same time because it's so true. It's like very single female cut and paste each others profile or something. lol
Ami1uwant Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I signed up for OkCupid a few days ago, and I am overwhelmed with messages. I don't understand what I am supposed to look for in an online message and how to sift through the messages in a smart way? How many messages on am I supposed to decide to meet someone? I have not filled out the questionnaire, and I am using the app on my iphone. I am really really disappointed in this site. I have received 58 first messages in two days, and I am not sure who I am supposed to answer etc. I am a full-time student and this is really stressing me out.. I thought it would be easy. I am obviously getting rid of the app on my phone because I can't handle random notifications several times a day. This seems MUCH harder than real-life dating/meeting people and just as time consuming. Is it even worth it?! --- I am not deleting my profile, just the app. So please offer me any helpful strategies you may have! My advice to you...... First off what do you put in your profile? What you say matters. What pics you post matters. What is your age? The way to screen the profile is look over their profiles and see what they say. do you think you have something in common with them? Do you share the same values? Are the generic--hard to say. Usually in an intial response people will reference something in your profile in a response that shows they read it. If they talk in eneric stuff with little detail they are sending more stuff like spam replies.
Geiss Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Maybe some guys are just tired of spending time on messages and getting no response so they stopped doing it and just give short messages. I tend to leave longer messages and I could easily spend an hour writing one out. Then you get no responses and I'm like, why the fck am I doing this. The guys can't really relate to you because most of us get very few to no messages at all. I don't know what these guys are saying. But I'm not surprised some guys just do a cut and paste and mass message women. They might just look at pictures and send a generic message without reading the profile. Too me it would be nice to get bombarded with 50 messages in 2 days but that isn't happening. If you aren't interested in any of them delete them. Easy enough.
shexy Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 If having a lot of men want to talk to you is such a huge giant pain in your a$$, don't do online dating. duh
hppr Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I don't really like any of them. How am I supposed to distinguish between a mass message or a spam message and something more genuine?! I'd appreciate serious responses. You can't. The well-written messages with hot pics can turn out to be an idiot of a guy and the goofy message with pics taken from 50 feet away can be a really good guy. So most people just do what the first guy said, whichever guy is the handsomest gets a reply. Honestly I did a lot of online dating and it is a poor way to meet people.
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