shatteredworld Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Why would a guy tell you they love you, you have their heart and they won't need it unless you're together. Tell you there's no one else, tell you all these things about how you're the one, etc. if none of it is true? My ex told me all these things when we broke up, of course I believed him and it hurt a lot when I found out it all to not be true. I understand letting someone down easily, but I feel like this is just a whole another level. I would never tell someone I loved them and didn't want anyone else and then start dating someone else right after saying that. It just seems beyond cruel to me. Is it just me or is this a common thing to tell someone?
aloneinaz Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 To let you down easy, to keep you from freaking out and going postal. At this point, it would appear you're broken up so why does it matter? He moved on quickly. As I was told once, people just don't end a relationship. They've been thinking about it for day, weeks or even months before. So, he was probably checked out of that relationship anyway which made it so easy for him to start dating so soon. Focus you energy and attention on you and your healing and move on w/you life. He clearly showed he wasn't the one. 1
Hopeinme Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I think this is VERY common in a lot of relationships. People have forgotten the meaning of love and what it means. 1
UVict Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 To let you down easy, to keep you from freaking out and going postal. At this point, it would appear you're broken up so why does it matter? He moved on quickly. As I was told once, people just don't end a relationship. They've been thinking about it for day, weeks or even months before. So, he was probably checked out of that relationship anyway which made it so easy for him to start dating so soon. Focus you energy and attention on you and your healing and move on w/you life. He clearly showed he wasn't the one. Spot on. My ex was talking to guys about a month or more to other guys on the net in secret when we 'mutually' decided to break up. It just makes it easier for them if it's mutual, and they tell you that you are awesome etc. After we decided to break up within a week she was less secretive about talking to these guys in front of me, and it hurt. But with in time I found out it just didn't happen overnight, she had already been talking to other guys before the break up.
OJ loved Nicole Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Why would a guy tell you they love you, you have their heart and they won't need it unless you're together. Tell you there's no one else, tell you all these things about how you're the one, etc. if none of it is true? What I'm having trouble with is YOU ACTUALLY BOUGHT THIS BS!!! LOL, I'm sorry but...... If you're "the one" why would he ever leave you? I'm dating what a consider a perfect 10, she's everything I've ever wanted, she IS the one........ I have no plans of breaking up with her. Focus on their actions, never focus on what they're saying!!! 2
UVict Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 What I'm having trouble with is YOU ACTUALLY BOUGHT THIS BS!!! LOL, I'm sorry but...... If you're "the one" why would he ever leave you? I'm dating what a consider a perfect 10, she's everything I've ever wanted, she IS the one........ I have no plans of breaking up with her. Focus on their actions, never focus on what they're saying!!! This! My ex constantly told me I was "valuable" to her and I "was the best the help her through her depression." That may have been true, but she treated me like crap. Everytime I told her I didn't feel valued etc, she owuld tell me how important I am, vauled etc a MILLION times. It mean squat, her actions we the opposite, whether she realized it or not. Actions speak much louder that words.
Author shatteredworld Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 (edited) To let you down easy, to keep you from freaking out and going postal. At this point, it would appear you're broken up so why does it matter? He moved on quickly. As I was told once, people just don't end a relationship. They've been thinking about it for day, weeks or even months before. So, he was probably checked out of that relationship anyway which made it so easy for him to start dating so soon. Focus you energy and attention on you and your healing and move on w/you life. He clearly showed he wasn't the one. I'm not sure about that. I mean he told me he cheated on me and I didn't go crazy or anything, I even told him I would give him a second chance.. (that's when he told me no). There's really nothing worse you could tell someone than that you cheated on them in my opinion yet he still told me and then lied about everything else. All I'm really trying to understand is why someone would tell someone these things. I wasn't asking if he loved me, I wasn't asking if I "had his heart" these are all things he just told me. Edited June 24, 2013 by shatteredworld
marqueemoon4 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 My ex knew I had MAJOR abandonment issues.. and when she was all hot to be with me promised: That she wasn't like other women and would never leave me That she would always love me That she would always be there for me, no matter what happened Took vows and married me That we would never be one of those couples who ended up hating each other That if things were going bad neither of us would just leave without giving the other a chance to work things out IE we would both have a say in our future together or apart That she would never in a million years cheat on me That she would NEVER put our son through the pain of divorce That she would NEVER use my son against me And guess what.. in just over 2.5yrs she went back on EVERY.SINGLE.ONE. And no, I still haven't gotten over all the shock and betrayal.
GilianaK Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 It kind of sounds to me like you want his words of love to mean something. You want them to mean he really does love you. But obviously he does not. He probably said this stuff to try to make you feel better because he knew it would hurt you. It wasn't fair of him to do this. It is very important that you face the reality of WHY he said all that stuff about love, etc. He said it to try to buffer the breakup NOT because it means anything if you try to take it literally. You cannot hold him to these words. Talk is cheap.
Million.to.1 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I mean he told me he cheated on me and I didn't go crazy or anything, I even told him I would give him a second chance.. (that's when he told me no). hmmmmmm. He cheated on you, and told you as a way out of the relationship. Is he now in a relationship with the person he cheated on you with? Sounds like an immature guy who can't be alone. Has to have the next girl lined up, and a way out, a distraction, before growing enough balls to end a already established relationship. This is not uncommon. No one is going to be completely honest about their reasons for ending a relationship. It's all lip service designed protect them from feeling like a a**hole.
Author shatteredworld Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 It kind of sounds to me like you want his words of love to mean something. You want them to mean he really does love you. But obviously he does not. He probably said this stuff to try to make you feel better because he knew it would hurt you. It wasn't fair of him to do this. It is very important that you face the reality of WHY he said all that stuff about love, etc. He said it to try to buffer the breakup NOT because it means anything if you try to take it literally. You cannot hold him to these words. Talk is cheap. I do, I know that he doesn't but I want to feel like I wasn't just a complete idiot, and I did actually mean something to him I guess haha.
Author shatteredworld Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 hmmmmmm. He cheated on you, and told you as a way out of the relationship. Is he now in a relationship with the person he cheated on you with? Sounds like an immature guy who can't be alone. Has to have the next girl lined up, and a way out, a distraction, before growing enough balls to end a already established relationship. This is not uncommon. No one is going to be completely honest about their reasons for ending a relationship. It's all lip service designed protect them from feeling like a a**hole. Well after everything I wouldn't know whether or not he lied to me.. He told me he didn't even know who he cheated with, he said he was just really drunk and it was with some random girl. But who knows at this point. I did hear he was acting like a player after (talking about all the girls he wanted to get with, etc.) I think you're right though. He was just so awful afterwards. But the more I think about it, he seemed to have done these sort of things before me too.
flitzanu Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Why would a guy tell you they love you, you have their heart and they won't need it unless you're together. Tell you there's no one else, tell you all these things about how you're the one, etc. if none of it is true? My ex told me all these things when we broke up, of course I believed him and it hurt a lot when I found out it all to not be true. I understand letting someone down easily, but I feel like this is just a whole another level. I would never tell someone I loved them and didn't want anyone else and then start dating someone else right after saying that. It just seems beyond cruel to me. Is it just me or is this a common thing to tell someone? that's pretty much what every single person in the world says during a breakup, yeah, pretty common thing to tell someone.
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