Is there such a thing as a "deadbeat mom"?

[M30USA]

Another thread on this forum got me thinking about how society rails on deadbeat dads. I began to realize that the list of responsibilities for fathers/husbands is very high and we often aren't given much slack. We either fulfill all our expectations or we are lambasted.

 

I have rarely heard derogatory terms for mothers, even if they are slackers or really don't hold up their end of the deal. Which leads me to my point: what ARE the expectations for moms/wives? It seems the list is mile-high for fathers. But what about moms? You don't ever hear about those "awful moms" who keep the house a disaster, who are controlling, use their kids as leverage, and don't emotionally support their husbands--but rather expect to be served by their husbands.

 

What say ye? Is there such as thing as a "deadbeat mom"? What would it SPECIFICALLY look like?

[anne1707]

There are plenty of examples of "deadbeat mums" posted about on this site, in the news, all around you. It's just you are so tuned in to picking up on how men are criticised, you don't see that women are also getting criticised.

[M30USA]

There are plenty of examples of "deadbeat mums" posted about on this site, in the news, all around you. It's just you are so tuned in to picking up on how men are criticised, you don't see that women are also getting criticised.

 

I guess so.

[coaches24]

You speak of perceptions but that isn't reality. There are dead beat moms and they do get lambasted when found out. You might see men more often .... maybe but it's also possible that men are more likely to walk away from their parenting responsibilities than women are. I don't know if that's the case and maybe research says differently but I think it's possible. You definitely will see dead beat moms in the news if you watch regularly. Not sure you hear that term to describe them but watch the news and see the stories of moms doing wrong by their children.

[M30USA]

You speak of perceptions but that isn't reality. There are dead beat moms and they do get lambasted when found out. You might see men more often .... maybe but it's also possible that men are more likely to walk away from their parenting responsibilities than women are. I don't know if that's the case and maybe research says differently but I think it's possible. You definitely will see dead beat moms in the news if you watch regularly. Not sure you hear that term to describe them but watch the news and see the stories of moms doing wrong by their children.

 

Yea, I guess you're right. I did see a news story about a woman who literally walked away from her family and showed up a decade later.

 

What I meant was that it seems the EXPECTATIONS of husbands/fathers is a LOT higher than wives/mothers. In other words, you always see women devise these massive lists of what a man has to do. Just read these LS forums enough and you'll see. Whereas it seems wives pretty much get credited for being a good mom merely if they don't walk away. They don't have to do much. To be a physically present mom, it seems, is to be synonomous with a good mom. Obviously, EITHER sex is bad if they walk away entirely. But it seems MOST of the responsibilities of marriage fall upon the men--while most of the privelages/rights of marriage fall upon the women. Perhaps this was just my personal experience, and if that's the case I apologize.

[tds]

Deadbeat mom, bastard child simple no bastard child ( the unwanted ) no deadbeat mom

[PugMug]

I have noticed that also OP.

[anne1707]

But it seems MOST of the responsibilities of marriage fall upon the men--while most of the privelages/rights of marriage fall upon the women. Perhaps this was just my personal experience, and if that's the case I apologize.

 

It is just your personal experience. I know you got a cr*p deal in your marriage but your ex does not represent all women.

[xxoo]

A woman who turns her back on her children is a pariah of society. The judgment that deadbeat dads get doesn't come close to the judgment she receives.

[xxoo]

But it seems MOST of the responsibilities of marriage fall upon the men--while most of the privelages/rights of marriage fall upon the women. Perhaps this was just my personal experience, and if that's the case I apologize.

 

I don't think research supports your perception. Now that most women work, women typically carry a heavier burden of work hours, including work outside and inside the home. Men are catching up (things are evening out), but it is not the case that men have carried most of the responsibilities of marriage.

 

Your marriage was not typical.

[Gunny376]

There is un-questinablly a biased in the media about men. In one study it was found that sit-coms, the news, comdey men are protrayeted in a negative light and as buffons when it comes to domestic chores and rasing children? If not outright incompentents. Nothing could be further from the truth IMHO!

 

The Femi-Nazi's aka "Feminist" have did a hatch job on not only men, but the "traditional" conception of marriage and male and female relationships! Which on its face is total and complete BS!

 

In short its all bark and no bite.

 

Women are granted sole custody in 90% of the custody bases ~ primarly because men simply don't fight for custody. For a number of reasons, but the primary one being that they don't feel they've snow ball chance in hell of getting custody.

 

Buut in the 10% of the case in which men DO seek custody of the childrein? They're awarded custody a WHOPPING 90% of the time!

 

And in such cases? The statistics bore out that 90 % of the women who have been ordered by the court to pay child support? A whopping 90% don't pay a single dime!

 

AKA "Dead-beat" Moms!

[M30USA]

There is un-questinablly a biased in the media about men. In one study it was found that sit-coms, the news, comdey men are protrayeted in a negative light and as buffons when it comes to domestic chores and rasing children? If not outright incompentents. Nothing could be further from the truth IMHO!

 

The Femi-Nazi's aka "Feminist" have did a hatch job on not only men, but the "traditional" conception of marriage and male and female relationships! Which on its face is total and complete BS!

 

In short its all bark and no bite.

 

Women are granted sole custody in 90% of the custody bases ~ primarly because men simply don't fight for custody. For a number of reasons, but the primary one being that they don't feel they've snow ball chance in hell of getting custody.

 

Buut in the 10% of the case in which men DO seek custody of the childrein? They're awarded custody a WHOPPING 90% of the time!

 

And in such cases? The statistics bore out that 90 % of the women who have been ordered by the court to pay child support? A whopping 90% don't pay a single dime!

 

AKA "Dead-beat" Moms!

 

What do you mean by "sole" custody? Primary? As in all weekdays plus every other weekend and the decision-making power of child? Or are you talking about full custody, as in 100%?

 

My understanding is that courts don't like giving FULL custody to any parent unless there's some seriously messed up crap going on. Most states have statutes that joint custody is presumed to be in best interest of child. However, in these cases, one parent STILL gets "primary"--as in around 2/3 of time with most decision making power.

Edited June 23, 2013 by M30USA

[M30USA]

Very compelling sources, I must say.

 

Uh oh, you have just challenged Gunny. I smell a can of Info-Whoopass about to open up.

[M30USA]

My boyfriend's ex is what I would describe as a "dead beat mom". I'm not saying that because her ex is my current, I'm saying it because:

- through the 16 years they were together, she spent half in and out of jail for a gambling habit that she supported via stealing.

- to keep him trapped she secretly stopped taking birth control pills before her court date and have birth to the child while in jail.

- for the ten years they have been apart she literally made two child support payments for a grand total of 150 dollars.

- she quits every job within months and never calls her kids to see if they need anything.

- her most expensive she has given any of the kids was a bra for a birthday. Any dime she gets she drinks or smokes.

- she did bring food to a graduation party I held for her daughter, but she got it with food stamps (the irony, she gets it while we raise the kids and we can't get it!)

- she hangs out with the most unsavory biker, gangster, druggie and molester types and tries to bring the kids near them.

- EVERY time we see her she is either drunk or about to get that way.

- this every time we see cries and laments for hours about her life but it never leads to her changing her ways.

- she texts the kids about once every few weeks, she has went as long as two and a half months with not a peep.

- she stole the children's Christmas presents from under the tree on the eve and pawned them to finance a trip to the casino.

- she stole checks and credit cards from family members, got busted soliciting, to fund her gambling.

- after making 6 children to keep trying to trap him he said no more. She got pregnant from a different man just to elicit sympathy from him hoping it would somehow make him take her back. The child was given up for adoption and she still pretends its his to her children. (My boyfriend is apache Indian, all his children are dark as a result. Yet this child not only us blonde haired and blue eyed with pale skin but the DNA test proved he wasn't the dad, he didn't even have sex with her for a year before she got pregnant!)

 

Really, the woman lives so much lunacy just talking about what she has done makes anyone associated look crazy for having anything to do with her. My boyfriend laments EVERY day that he ever met her because of the Jerry springer show she made out of his life. He's an excellent musician, made to the top three to replace randy Rhoads and was at the airport to audition when she took off again. She blew the opportunity of his life. He's had to work three jobs while going to school for twenty years to try and recover all she did.

 

My ex is similar, in fact, that's why we got together: we both lived a hell from crappy exes and just want someone normal to put family first and try to recover something of our dreams once the kids leave the nest...

 

I just read an article about a pro kick boxer (you might know his name) who showed up very late to his match--so late that they nearly cancelled it. Turns out he was held up in his apartment by his girlfriend who just had to start a screaming fight with him and refused to let him go until she got her way.

[Gunny376]

Very compelling sources, I must say.

 

 

Actually the source of such comes from a MOST RELIABLE AND DEPENDABLE OF SOURCES.

 

Of course to verifty such through this? You would have to pay as its a very expensive legal and business etc database used by attorneys and such for case research.

 

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