Oi, breadcrumbs....

[travelonic]

So a number of you may have read on these forums about the story of my ex - she left for perceived "greener grass" near mid November - a guy she became obsessed over in the month or two since that semester started. IF not, well, this is a very simplistic, maybe overly simplistic explanation of the story sorta [since I leave out the absurd number of similarities we shared, amongst other things - like going complete No-Contact after the first 2 1/3 months where I did the predictable doing-all-the-wrong-thing thing [pleading, begging, and a lot of other jackassery]].

 

Well, before the breakup, we were kinda working on a little video for Youtube [No, not THAT kind of video, you perverts ] - which was shelved around the time of the breakup.

 

Back in January I uploaded a very incomplete version of the video my ex and I worked on.

 

The other night, about 5 months after uploading it, I get an e-mail notifying me I got a comment posted on the video... and can you guess who it is from?

 

ex's user name [happens to be her real name]

Hi, [my name]...I was just thinking about this video, and you...I'm still surprised (as I was when I first saw it) you posted it at all given the nastiness that happened between us...I do miss you, and I wish we can finish this. Both the video and this tension between us...

This is not the first time I got breadcrumbs from her in some form, no matter how small... I first got something resembling breadcrumbs towards the end of the semester where we both go to college. You see, we both have Nintendo 3DSes, and as a result, people who have one, and have the StreetPass function enabled can communicate - albeit in limited ways - with other 3DS owners with the functionality enabled, including custom greetings for our Mii avatars. The last coupe of weeks before finals, whenever she was passing by, aside from the awkward exchange of glances [or her ducking her head to avoid my line of sight], and the odd habit of her stopping and staring at me from near and far afterwards that developed a month or two before that, her Mii avatar's greeting when she StreetPassed me was "I'm so sorry, [my name]"

 

 

 

So far, I have resisted the temptation to reply to her comment, though yes it has been only two days give or take.... damn, it is hard, especially since the video is unfinished, and part of me wants to finish it as much of a team effort as it started... but the thinking about, missing me thing makes it a bit awkward [on top of wanting to maintain NC]. I can't help but wonder what is going through her mind though - especially/even though [whichever term is more accurate] we are so similar mentally [and to some extent physically, but that's another wonder all of its own].

Edited June 22, 2013 by travelonic

[JustAReformedGirl]

When she left you for said "greener grass", was there any infidelity involved beforehand?

 

Now, some people may say, "Don't give in to her! She had her chance!" But, it's my belief that we all get confused from time-to-time about what we really want. Perhaps she just needed to figure out who she really wanted to be with.

 

If she was someone who had limited to no dating experience before you, this is a pretty common thing.

 

The choice is yours; you can either ignore her, or you can ask her what it is she wants. This doesn't mean you have to give in to her; after all, finding out what she wants from you, what she needs to say, can serve the purpose of giving you closure. If you give her the opportunity to talk to you, you likewise, can say all that you need to say to her.

 

Good luck. Keep us posted!

[travelonic]

When she left you for said "greener grass", was there any infidelity involved beforehand?

 

Not physically - though emotionally definitely.

 

Believe it or not, I feel very understanding about this whole thing - especially once I learned about the folly people sometimes get into involving thinking they've found greener grass/abandoning their present relationship, etc AND combining that with her relative inexperience in dating, etc - I was her first serious relationship [and she was my 2nd - though I don't really want to count the first one because it ended up feeling not like a relationship at all, really - funnily enough that girl's first real relationship was with me. Such a stark contrast. ]

 

 

That said, it's summer - she doesn't do much during the summer, and I think as a result has more time to ponder these things - and let memories seep in... which makes me tempted to just keep waiting it out a bit more - and see what else happens.

[JustAReformedGirl]

Not physically - though emotionally definitely.

 

Believe it or not, I feel very understanding about this whole thing - especially once I learned about the folly people sometimes get into involving thinking they've found greener grass/abandoning their present relationship, etc AND combining that with her relative inexperience in dating, etc - I was her first serious relationship [and she was my 2nd - though I don't really want to count the first one because it ended up feeling not like a relationship at all, really - funnily enough that girl's first real relationship was with me. Such a stark contrast. ]

 

 

That said, it's summer - she doesn't do much during the summer, and I think as a result has more time to ponder these things - and let memories seep in... which makes me tempted to just keep waiting it out a bit more - and see what else happens.

 

Whatever you decide, it's your choice. Though I will say, proceed with caution, and make sure, whatever you decide to do, it's what you really want.

[Pisces13]

Not entirely sure why, but I had a good laugh at the name of this topic lol

[travelonic]

Not entirely sure why, but I had a good laugh at the name of this topic lol

 

Hehe, I didn't intend it to be, but I only chuckle when reading it now.

[travelonic]

I mean, from her behavior over the last few months, and this Youtube comment, it seems - and I am only using the word seems because you never know what is what - that she is not over me... but I dunno if there are ways to tell for sure.

 

Not saying this in regards to, or in conjunction with, anything else - regarding feelings for her, wanting or not wanting to get back together or reconcile, etc - I'm just analyzing the behavior based on the known - how in this obsession over the greener grass, and this pursuit of the grass, she cast away the relationship she was in, feelings about it, us, what she was doing, and going full into this [from the day she broke up with me - yes, their relationship started the day after. 0_o].

[cavalier99]

I wouldnt open up any communication with her unless you are 100 percent over it. Just stay NC. Cav

[travelonic]

I wouldnt open up any communication with her unless you are 100 percent over it. Just stay NC. Cav

 

I am currently planning on remaining NC, and while not dwelling on things and hindering my continued healing, that doesn't mean I won't at least notice when crumbs are thrown my way... still feels weird though - reading thread after thread with people getting breadcrumbs from their exes, and now being the one making a thread about it.

Edited June 23, 2013 by travelonic

[travelonic]

Pardon my double-posting again to bump this thread, dudes, I do hope though that I can get more opinions on all this stuff.

[travelonic]

Pardon my trple-posting again to bump this thread

[hoping2heal]

Does she have any means of contacting you other than through making comments on the video?

 

It sounds like she cares about you and wants to be friends.

[travelonic]

Does she have any means of contacting you other than through making comments on the video?

 

I'm not sure if she still has them or not - but she had my e-mail address, my cell phone #, could contact me on Skype - text or video chat, and could message me on Facebook as well as on Pottermore [JK Rowling's Harry Potter website].

 

That is a possibility though, her wanting to be friends.... so many possibilities though.

[drpepper1886]

I'm not sure if she still has them or not - but she had my e-mail address, my cell phone #, could contact me on Skype - text or video chat, and could message me on Facebook as well as on Pottermore [JK Rowling's Harry Potter website].

 

That is a possibility though, her wanting to be friends.... so many possibilities though.

 

probably just wants to be friends though, regardless of the endless number of possibilities. If it was anything more, she'd make it clear.

[Bozena]

Sorry but am I the only one that doesn't see the breadcrumps on her post? I think that she just feels sorry for what she had done to you and she wants to be on friendly terms again but it doesn't seem to me that she wants to be together with you.

[travelonic]

probably just wants to be friends though, regardless of the endless number of possibilities. If it was anything more, she'd make it clear.

 

I meant it more in the 'yeah sure there could be friendship, but she could be other things relating to talking about what happened [specifically clear from wanting to end the tension between us, as she put it] - last time we talked about it was in December, a month after it all went down, and it didn't end too well.

[travelonic]

Sorry but am I the only one that doesn't see the breadcrumps on her post?

 

I would say somebody saying they do miss their ex, were thinking about that person [and basically knowing about, possibly even watching a video uploaded that the two of them made together long before having the courage to comment on it], as well as wanting to end the tension between the two people involved [and finish the video together] would count at least so far as trying to open up communications, talk about things that happened between us, be friends again [and trying to invoke a specific response, or specific feelings] would go... from what I've read, I'm also sure a lot of other members would at least classify it as a form of breadcrumb throwing, though ultimately what constitutes crumbs, throwing breadcrumbs, is somewhat subjective.

[travelonic]

I'm trying to analyze this rationally, using what I've learned here from reading thread after thread with what has been going on sofar.

[aisuru]

I dunno... She's obviously thinking of you. I just don't think any of us can tell you exactly what her motives are.

 

It may be a passive way of contacting you to feel you out.

 

What do you want out of this?

[travelonic]

I dunno... She's obviously thinking of you. I just don't think any of us can tell you exactly what her motives are.

 

It may be a passive way of contacting you to feel you out.

 

What do you want out of this?

 

OF course, don't get me wrong, I'm not implying you guys can tell exactly what her motives. It's just, so weird for me getting that sort of comment or message or breadcrumb after this time in which I've been in NC - especially given the specific circumstances between us, the relationship, the **** that threw it apart, etc [and in making the mistakes of pleading/begging, etc - before going NC - kinda pissing her off a bit]

[travelonic]

I don't think she really has had the "umph" of what she has done - becoming obsessed over another dude, thinking she has found greener grass, and leaving a good relationship for that greener grass / the hurtful and stupid nature of such behavior - has hit her yet. Knowing her behavioral patterns quite well, it seems to be supporting my theory that the bigger the event that causes a rift between us, the longer the "tape delay" before she feels it / starts REALLY feeling eaten up, remorseful, etc - made even longer in this case by addition of the "greener grass hunt" factor.

 

Even if we don't get back together in the far future, even if we don't at least become friends again in the far future [which is actually more likely - being friends again, and just friends, I mean], I think remaining NC is a good idea not just for my healing, which is still a work in progress, but also because that lack of response [not even to tell her about my lack of responding] combined with the things that make her miss me and think about me - from the youtube video, to the memories - will probably help drive the point home.

[whichwayisup]

So a number of you may have read on these forums about the story of my ex - she left for perceived "greener grass" near mid November - a guy she became obsessed over in the month or two since that semester started. IF not, well, this is a very simplistic, maybe overly simplistic explanation of the story sorta [since I leave out the absurd number of similarities we shared, amongst other things - like going complete No-Contact after the first 2 1/3 months where I did the predictable doing-all-the-wrong-thing thing [pleading, begging, and a lot of other jackassery]].

 

Well, before the breakup, we were kinda working on a little video for Youtube [No, not THAT kind of video, you perverts ] - which was shelved around the time of the breakup.

 

Back in January I uploaded a very incomplete version of the video my ex and I worked on.

 

The other night, about 5 months after uploading it, I get an e-mail notifying me I got a comment posted on the video... and can you guess who it is from?

 

This is not the first time I got breadcrumbs from her in some form, no matter how small... I first got something resembling breadcrumbs towards the end of the semester where we both go to college. You see, we both have Nintendo 3DSes, and as a result, people who have one, and have the StreetPass function enabled can communicate - albeit in limited ways - with other 3DS owners with the functionality enabled, including custom greetings for our Mii avatars. The last coupe of weeks before finals, whenever she was passing by, aside from the awkward exchange of glances [or her ducking her head to avoid my line of sight], and the odd habit of her stopping and staring at me from near and far afterwards that developed a month or two before that, her Mii avatar's greeting when she StreetPassed me was "I'm so sorry, [my name]"

 

 

 

So far, I have resisted the temptation to reply to her comment, though yes it has been only two days give or take.... damn, it is hard, especially since the video is unfinished, and part of me wants to finish it as much of a team effort as it started... but the thinking about, missing me thing makes it a bit awkward [on top of wanting to maintain NC]. I can't help but wonder what is going through her mind though - especially/even though [whichever term is more accurate] we are so similar mentally [and to some extent physically, but that's another wonder all of its own].

 

DO ignore her! She knows what's what and yes, she is reaching out but for her own sake of peace, not yours. She doesn't want you hating her or thinking ill of her. Hey, guess what? She left you for someone else! I bet too, that guy was a 'bad boy type' and mysterious which led her to ending your R with you. Things probably aren't too great with them, maybe he doesn't treat her well and acts like a jerk.

 

Anyway, be strong and continue on without her. You're going to be okay.

[travelonic]

So I replied - in the form of a private message instead of public comment in reply to another comment. [yeah, yeah, judge based on the comment being made, not the content per-se. ]

 

Basically my sent message summarized was that basically wanting to break that tension between us, something she said she wanted, won't happen for a long time because of how ****ed up what happened, what she did, was... which I elaborated on by including what two of my friends observed in the month or two leading up to the **** hitting the fan - including their shock, their reply to seeing the flirtation ["but you HAVE a BOYFRIEND!"] - and how she had the audacity to say in response to their shock 'Oh, it's OK, he doesn't mind if I flirt] and stupid **** like that, how the deception, betrayal, and bull**** was just ridiculous, and as a result of that - and the pain it caused - means no to finishing our video together and relieving the tension between us [both SHE wanted] for a long time.

 

[The more I think about it, the more I think my case was not pure 'GIGS' [or whatever you call it], but that combined with a strong emotional affair [since the behaviors match those both perfectly.]]

Edited July 10, 2013 by travelonic

[Talulah]

So I replied - in the form of a private message instead of public comment in reply to another comment. [yeah, yeah, judge based on the comment being made, not the content per-se. ]

 

Basically my sent message summarized was that basically wanting to break that tension between us, something she said she wanted, won't happen for a long time because of how ****ed up what happened, what she did, was... which I elaborated on by including what two of my friends observed in the month or two leading up to the **** hitting the fan - including their shock, their reply to seeing the flirtation ["but you HAVE a BOYFRIEND!"] - and how she had the audacity to say in response to their shock 'Oh, it's OK, he doesn't mind if I flirt] and stupid **** like that, how the deception, betrayal, and bull**** was just ridiculous, and as a result of that - and the pain it caused - means no to finishing our video together and relieving the tension between us [both SHE wanted] for a long time.

 

[The more I think about it, the more I think my case was not pure 'GIGS' [or whatever you call it], but that combined with a strong emotional affair [since the behaviors match those both perfectly.]]

 

Ouch, so do you want someone like that in your life? sounds like a lot of drama

[travelonic]

It's a bit more complicated than that... for me, anyways - well the one part that isn't complicated is that a lot of growth [measurable growth, not word-of-mouth growth] needs to occur, a lot of time needs to pass, before we become friendly on any level again [even just friends].

 

Not like it's all black&white - I mean, I had a friend whose uncle had a problem with infidelity - and each one of his wives that he had over time [decades] from what I heard were, eventually, forgiving, and willing to make things work - a result in part I think of the personality.

 

Human emotions can not be governed by black & white absolutes - and without consideration of changes over the time that one can't predict easily if at all.

Edited July 10, 2013 by travelonic