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What is it about their birthdays that makes us want to break NC?

CorridorE

By CorridorE
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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CorridorE Established Member

CorridorE

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My ex of five months' birthday is in a few days, and I know all the reasons why it's a bad idea to text him happy birthday:

 

- We've been NC for 3 months, and I can't ruin that for myself over a bday text

- 'Happy birthday's should end with the end of a relationship. You don't call up people who aren't your friend to wish them a happy birthday...

- He doesn't deserve it because he cheated on me

- He'll probably be with his new girlfriend all day and never think of me

- I probably won't get a response anyway, and even if I did, a cold, simple 'thank you' might actually be worse

 

So why do I, like so many other people on this site, still want to wish my ex a happy birthday? I won't do it... there are no benefits... but what is it about that day that makes us crazy? :mad:

Hopeinme Established Member

Hopeinme

Posted
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I feel you. Urgh, I m glad you are not going to wish him. This guy does not deserve a birthday wish from anyone!! I guess what makes us go crazy on this day is all te memories, how we were supposed to spend ít together etc etc. the day will pass soon!! Hang in there x

Nicoleiia Established Member

Nicoleiia

Posted
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Yea, don't do it. It's just a dead end. It's gonna make it seem like you still have feelings for them (even tho you probably do) and then the ball lands in their court. Don't give him that power. Stay NC. If he dumped you, then he's worthless. Not even worth a happy BD text.

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hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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Good question. I thought about sending him a card late (his birthday is months away). Now I think it would be pointless.

 

I do send cards to my previous ex. He cheated on me while i was pregnant and after I lost the baby, then left for another woman, then tried to come back. Buuut we're friends now. Amazing what time will do.

SweetiePie12 Established Member

SweetiePie12

Posted
Posted

 

So why do I, like so many other people on this site, still want to wish my ex a happy birthday? I won't do it... there are no benefits...

 

Oh, it was a benefit in my case. I can't remember if it was email or Facebook inbox, but he responded with appreciation.

StrongLass Established Member

StrongLass

Posted
Posted
I won't do it... there are no benefits... but what is it about that day that makes us crazy? :mad:

 

The same thing that usually makes us want to contact them, residual affection and unfounded hope. :laugh: Don't give in to it though!

 

If you end up finding it hard to cope that day treat yourself to something instead :bunny:

lop98 Established Member

lop98

Posted
Posted

His birthday is only a few weeks ago and I fear it like the end of the world. Fear myself actually, because I can be so weak and stupid and type something in less than a minute, press send and cheat on myself just like that in a matter of seconds. I don't want to do it and I already feel bad because it would be the first time in 7 years that I don't wish him happy birthday. What I'm thinking of doing is going somewhere for the weekend with the guy I'm seeing, get my mind off it and replace the memory with something nicer while at it.

flitzanu Established Member

flitzanu

Posted
Posted
My ex of five months' birthday is in a few days, and I know all the reasons why it's a bad idea to text him happy birthday:

 

- We've been NC for 3 months, and I can't ruin that for myself over a bday text

- 'Happy birthday's should end with the end of a relationship. You don't call up people who aren't your friend to wish them a happy birthday...

- He doesn't deserve it because he cheated on me

- He'll probably be with his new girlfriend all day and never think of me

- I probably won't get a response anyway, and even if I did, a cold, simple 'thank you' might actually be worse

 

So why do I, like so many other people on this site, still want to wish my ex a happy birthday? I won't do it... there are no benefits... but what is it about that day that makes us crazy? :mad:

 

everyone wants to because they seem to think it's a magical moment and upon seeing that you remembered their bday they are going to think that you're so amazing and marry you.

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Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

Posted
Posted

Various reasons:

 

1. dumpees fool themselves into believing that wishing their ex a happy birthday makes them the 'bigger person'.

2. They kind of hope that it will guilt their ex into responding and thus get them back into contact

3. They are trying to show their ex that they have no 'hard feelings' (even if they really do) and thus make their ex want them back

4. A small part of them hopes that it will make their ex come around and want them back - even if they intellectually know it won't happen, emotionally they still want it.

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CorridorE Established Member

CorridorE

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Posted
Oh, it was a benefit in my case. I can't remember if it was email or Facebook inbox, but he responded with appreciation.

 

And then what? I mean, anyone can write something and make it sound appreciative and sincere, especially if they're feeling bad about the past... I don't know, I wouldn't call it a benefit. But then I guess what would be a benefit? The impossible of having them come back? It's so silly... but I'd still like him to know I'm thinking of him on his birthday. I don't know why, I don't care about having the 'power' or about being the bigger person. It's just still difficult for some reason.

SweetiePie12 Established Member

SweetiePie12

Posted
Posted
And then what? I mean, anyone can write something and make it sound appreciative and sincere, especially if they're feeling bad about the past... I don't know, I wouldn't call it a benefit. But then I guess what would be a benefit?

 

In my case, yes, because no contact was his decision -- like a dictator.

 

The impossible of having them come back?

 

I just wanted him to talk to me. So three months after our birthday correspondence, he's sent me his new #. We are slowly rebuilding trust at this point. Baby steps.

 

It's so silly... but I'd still like him to know I'm thinking of him on his birthday.

 

In my case, I'm pretty sure he thought I'd forgotten. But, no.

 

I don't know why, I don't care about having the 'power' or about being the bigger person.

 

Power was never part of the equation for me, either. That seems so weird to me. For me, it was about love; letting him know I remember, I care :)

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CorridorE Established Member

CorridorE

Posted
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Posted
In my case, yes, because no contact was his decision -- like a dictator.

 

I just wanted him to talk to me. So three months after our birthday correspondence, he's sent me his new #. We are slowly rebuilding trust at this point. Baby steps.

 

In my case, I'm pretty sure he thought I'd forgotten. But, no.

 

Power was never part of the equation for me, either. That seems so weird to me. For me, it was about love; letting him know I remember, I care :)

 

Ah okay. Well I'm glad it seemed to work out for you! For me, he knows how much I loved him and probably knows I will remember his birthday (that is, if he actually thought about it. The way it ended, I doubt he cares at all. Unfortunately I still do), but actually acknowledging it will get me nowhere.

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