I feel like I got in deep...I need to get out

[Eternal Sunshine]

I met a guy not long ago that I initially thought I liked.

 

After a series of dates and spending some prolonged time together, I decided that physical chemistry is not where I want it to be to proceed further. I really tried, but I just can't settle like this.

 

I know this may not be a big deal, but we shared a lot during this time. We both really opened up emotionally and lots of future promises were made, and some that I obviously now can't keep. One of them is meeting his family next weekend :/ I also know that he genuinely likes me a lot.

 

He is a good and sweet guy (just so the brigade that tells me that I only like jerks; the fact that he IS a decent guy kept me trying for as long as I did, if he were a jerk I would have cut him off earlier without a second thought).

 

I will tell him over the phone but I am not sure if something like "no physical chemistry" is too hurtful for a guy. Should I go with "I am too busy too date right now" (also true in a way). I know he will ask for explanations

[BradJacobs]

The truth makes the conversation shorter.

 

"I'm not feeling the attraction with you the way that I need. Goodbye." That statement is cut and dry and to the point.

 

It's not your fault. It's not his. It's what is missing when you're both together.

 

Best of luck!

[Eternal Sunshine]

The truth makes the conversation shorter.

 

"I'm not feeling the attraction with you the way that I need. Goodbye." That statement is cut and dry and to the point.

 

It's not your fault. It's not his. It's what is missing when you're both together.

 

Best of luck!

 

Thanks, I hate those talks because I remember how bad it feels when guys do it to me

[BluEyeL]

How many times did you go out with him? Did you kiss? Did you have sex? I am sorry it didn't work out, I agree that being honest about the no chemistry is the best.

[Eternal Sunshine]

How many times did you go out with him? Did you kiss? Did you have sex? I am sorry it didn't work out, I agree that being honest about the no chemistry is the best.

 

I don't know how many exactly, we had some twice-a-day dates. We did kiss and make out but I stopped him at sex. We also had phone conversations that lasted over an hour every day.

Edited June 22, 2013 by Eternal Sunshine

[RedRobin]

How about... "It makes me sad to admit that I don't see further intimacy growing between us. You are a great guy, and I wish you all the best."

[BradJacobs]

Thanks, I hate those talks because I remember how bad it feels when guys do it to me

It's short-term though. I've been called every name in the book when saying things like that but then they're gone for good.

 

In my youth, when I was trying to spare feelings, they'd be the ones that would reach out in 2 to 6 months hoping that I was ready at that time. And the phone calls to do the breaking up would be lingering, hour-long disappointing phone calls ... gut wrenching stuff.

 

Make it as clear as possible that you have no interest in pursuing anything with them. It's what is best for both.

 

Good luck!

[RonaldS]

Tell him the truth. Let him move on. Otherwise, making something ambiguous up is going to leave him with questions, and then we're going to have to read even more 'We went out several times and now she's says she's too busy to date: what's going on?' threads on here.

[CptSaveAho]

I don't know how many exactly, we had some twice-a-day dates. We did kiss and make out but I stopped him at sex. We also had phone conversations that lasted over an hour every day.

 

dear guys, if you want to be successful in dating...

 

do the OPPOSITE of this

[Star Gazer]

If you tell him you're just too busy to date, he'll stick around.

 

So, you have to tell him the truth. Tell him how awesome he is, and because of how awesome he is, you thought that that *special indescribable something* that makes you sexually attracted just wasn't there.

 

Sorry, ES. I've been there, I know it sucks. Eventually you'll find someone where all the pieces fit.

[Star Gazer]

dear guys, if you want to be successful in dating...

 

do the OPPOSITE of this

 

Wrong. He didn't everything right. She's just not physically attracted to him. I've been there many times (for me, it's with short or chubby guys).

[smokey bear]

dear guys, if you want to be successful in dating...

 

do the OPPOSITE of this

 

 

Dear guys, if you want to be successful in dating, don't listen to this guy.

 

 

 

 

Did you miss me baby! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Leigh 87]

Tell him the truth. It will hurt either way.

 

Would you wonder why or want to know the truth if a guy did it to you?

 

Would you have rather they told you that " they just were not feeling it, due to physical chemistry"?

 

Do you feel it is a good thing for people to know? That not everyone will be sexually into them?

 

Man. After the first time I am intimate with someone, I am compelled to ask them " if we are on the same page". I would rather bloody know after the fist time if they are SURE of the chemistry, or not.

[SJC2008]

I met a guy not long ago that I initially thought I liked.

 

After a series of dates and spending some prolonged time together, ***I decided*** that physical chemistry is not where I want it to be to proceed further. I really tried, but I just can't settle like this.

 

I know this may not be a big deal, but we shared a lot during this time. We both really opened up emotionally and lots of future promises were made, and some that I obviously now can't keep. One of them is meeting his family next weekend :/ I also know that he genuinely likes me a lot.

 

Physical attraction comes before emotional attraction so if you weren't physically attracted to him why did you date him? I'm asking you this becasue the bolded parts stand out to me. I think you met a guy you like, started to get to know him and he hit your walls. Your commitment phobia alarm bells went off and you're rationalizing the situation by saying you're not physically attracted to him.

[smokey bear]

I think she had her infatuation goggles on and when it wore off so did his good looks.

 

Been there, Done it, Bought the "What was I thinking" t-shirt

[charlietheginger]

The guy made himself to eazy....

 

He was always available

could not keep her interest

To emotionally available

Made himself to eazy

Probably no thrilling chase pursuing

 

You probably felt more of a friendship

Brothersister kinda vibe.....

 

So i do agree guys DO THE OPPOSITE

 

Dont always be available

No everynight gabbing

Don't make it look as you have no life

Dont looking clingy or desperate

 

do show

Independence

You have your own life

Look adventurous going to concerts

Local events

show you have friends by joining groups

Show that you can have other women if you want

 

My bet is eternal just felt no heart pounding excitement

[Lansing]

I will add another vote for "tell him you don't feel chemistry".

[Star Gazer]

Physical attraction comes before emotional attraction ...

 

NOT FOR WOMEN. Men and women aren't sexually attracted for the same reasons.

[mesmerized]

NOT FOR WOMEN. Men and women aren't sexually attracted for the same reasons.

 

speak for yourself. You're not all women, or even the majority.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Physical attraction comes before emotional attraction so if you weren't physically attracted to him why did you date him? I'm asking you this becasue the bolded parts stand out to me. I think you met a guy you like, started to get to know him and he hit your walls. Your commitment phobia alarm bells went off and you're rationalizing the situation by saying you're not physically attracted to him.

 

 

Right, I considered this. I thought maybe I am just commitment phobic and screwed up. After spending a whole day with him though, I enjoyed all parts of the date EXCEPT for the physical where I just didn't feel "it". It was blatantly obvious. And I was really sad that.

 

I actually tried to rationalize that I just need time etc. But really, the simple and straight forward answer is that I am not physically attracted to him. And I need to trust my judgement on that earlier.

 

Today, he is texting like everything is normal. I need to tell him ASAP.

[charlietheginger]

So your not even gonna try sex......

 

What if the sex is awsome, cant you dim the lights

Put on some music and just give the guy a shot....

 

For god sakes even guys have sex with women they

Are not into just to make the woman happy .

 

Ive been not sexually into chicks but did them strictly

Becuase i want the woman to maintain self esteem and

Her ego.....

[Star Gazer]

speak for yourself. You're not all women, or even the majority.

 

I'll speak for whatever I want, thanks.

 

Women and men are attracted by different things.

 

Have a nice night!

[SJC2008]

NOT FOR WOMEN. Men and women aren't sexually attracted for the same reasons.

 

So emotional attraction comes first? Please clarify, I don't want to put words in your mouth.

 

How can you not know if you're physically attracted to someone when you see them??

[TaraMaiden]

speak for yourself. You're not all women, or even the majority.

 

No, but she's right. What a man is like as a person, is far more attractive to many women, than what he looks like.

[SJC2008]

No, but she's right. What a man is like as a person, is far more attractive to many women, than what he looks like.

 

I agree with you but we're talking chicken and egg here, not grand scheme. OP said she liked a guy but is not physically attracted so I'm thinking why did she go out with him in the first place? Hence my CP assumtion.