One.Year.Later...almost...LOL!

[TrebleClef]

Edited by moderation to add relevant backstory concurrent with move to dating forum, where the current dating dynamic can be addressed.

 

Well hello all! TC here....What's good? Me? I'm Feeling stronger, wiser and like an adult .

 

I'm the one who dated a real live serpent in college, parents broke us up, he found me years later, slithered in/out of my life thus the start of my crash course in how NOT to love, how to become acclimated with red flags that should NEVER be ignored, how just b/c my age doesn't match my experience is nothing to be ashamed of and think with your mind and not your heart! Which brings me back to LS.org for some advice/feedback/"if I were you"

 

I've met a new guy. So far, so good and he seems to be a great guy. He has a good career, nice apartment, car, etc. He seems to genuinely be into me and often has positive comments, compliments and gestures for me. He has chivalry and such. He was in the Navy, been married once and has 2 children. Generally, I really like him. I keep looking around for Ashton Kutcher thinking I'm being "PUNKED" or something!

 

RED FLAGS? - 1. We haven't known each other long. It has been a little over 2 mos but he already says he's crazy about me and it doesn't take months/years to determine if a woman is psycho or if she's a great woman who deserves to be treated as such or to know if you want to continue seeing her or want a 2nd, 3rd, 4th date with her.

 

2. I'm not used to calling guys (just how I was brought up) but I'm really trying and new guy gets all hot under the collar and freaks when I don't call him. He says it's a sign that I'm not into him. He says I act like I can take it or leave it. (I'm just scared to let my guard down).

 

3. He says things like "If you don't want to be in this relationship please let me know". Huh? We're just getting to know each other, how can it be called a relationship so soon? Am I way off here or what?

 

3. Unfortunately I've had back to back deaths in my family and the last one was very, very close (immediate family). I'm very close to my fam and we all were helping each other make arrangements, plans, etc. I ended up staying the night w/fam and new guy got upset and said "wish I could get a portion of the dedication you're giving your fam". Now, I thought that comment he made was VERY insensitive.

 

4. I seem to make him angry with my naivety. He mentions how it boggles his mind that I don't know things of the world (his words, not mine). I only know the serpent intimately and I often forget some of what I've learned in my crash course while fiasco-ing w/serpent. My parents kept me under a rock, I can't change this...I'm hipped to the game now though. And I'm adamant about not being intimate until I am ready!! (I think that's new guy's REAL issue).

 

New guy continues to say my age aloud as if that'll make me say: yeah, you're right I'm too old to be the way I am.

 

He says I'm being unrealistic about a lot of things. He also says I'm making him pay for my ex's horrible treatment of me and that I'm not ready for a relationship. I disagree. I am guilty of putting a negative spin on new guy's positives though. But I've since apologized to him.

Edited June 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[ScarlettKaren]

So, you don't know me from anyone else in this world and have no reason to take my advice. But some things I notice reading this:

 

1) the way you've laid out this tale shows a serious lack of patience in this new guy. This early on you should both be way more patient with the quirk and flaws or be walking away as deal breakers. Not telling you how naive you are.

 

2) you are right the overall picture seems pretty needy early on. Complaining about time with the family after deaths, combines with the calling it a relationship and the phone calls = some major attention hound.

 

The last paragraph bothers me most. We all have hurt from our past and while we do our best to make sure that the next person doesn't pay the price, scars show. At this point he should still be very aware of that. It is really early for him to pull the "you are making me pay"

 

Just my thoughts, but I don't think he is going to get better, only more controlling.

[chaser0195]

everything you wrote about the new guy screams needy and controlling and insecure. RUN from this guy.

[TrebleClef]

So, you don't know me from anyone else in this world and have no reason to take my advice. But some things I notice reading this:

 

1) the way you've laid out this tale shows a serious lack of patience in this new guy. This early on you should both be way more patient with the quirk and flaws or be walking away as deal breakers. Not telling you how naive you are.

 

2) you are right the overall picture seems pretty needy early on. Complaining about time with the family after deaths, combines with the calling it a relationship and the phone calls = some major attention hound.

 

The last paragraph bothers me most. We all have hurt from our past and while we do our best to make sure that the next person doesn't pay the price, scars show. At this point he should still be very aware of that. It is really early for him to pull the "you are making me pay"

 

Just my thoughts, but I don't think he is going to get better, only more controlling.

 

Thanks 'scarlettkaren' for reading/replying. B/C I don't you (and others here) is exactly the reason why I posted. You (understood you) are on the outside looking in.

 

Wow, I agree with you on all of your points made and I've even expressed this (something ex HATED), in variation, to new guy. I told him to SLOW DOWN and asked him what's his big hurry?!?! He'll agree with me and state that he DOES need to slow down then in a couple of days start again w/the "You haven't called me" and "you're w/your family aGAIN???"

[TrebleClef]

everything you wrote about the new guy screams needy and controlling and insecure. RUN from this guy.

 

 

Thanks 'chaser0195' for reading/replying.

 

I think it's interesting how you say HE'S insecure. I'm the one who's working on my insecurities and low esteem. *shrugs*

[JustAReformedGirl]

 

 

RED FLAGS? - 1. We haven't known each other long. It has been a little over 2 mos but he already says he's crazy about me and it doesn't take months/years to determine if a woman is psycho or if she's a great woman who deserves to be treated as such or to know if you want to continue seeing her or want a 2nd, 3rd, 4th date with her.

 

Hello, first of all. I'm new here, but I figured I'd give some input, just the same. First of all, if he's so mature, he should realize that, after only two months, he's experiencing the infatuation stage. And on the contrary (in regards to him thinking it doesn't take long to find out if someone is great or a psycho) it can and has taken months to years for some people to detect that in their partner. He called you naïve? He sounds like the naïve one to me. Either that, or highly delusional.

 

2. I'm not used to calling guys (just how I was brought up) but I'm really

trying and new guy gets all hot under the collar and freaks when I don't call

him. He says it's a sign that I'm not into him. He says I act like I can take

it or leave it. (I'm just scared to let my guard down).

 

He's being way too possessive, here. You're not even quite dating, yet. He's expecting too much, too fast. I suggest telling him you need things to slow down, if he expects things to work out.

 

3. He says things like "If you don't want to be in this relationship please let

me know". Huh? We're just getting to know each other, how can it be called a

relationship so soon? Am I way off here or what?

 

He really doesn't seem to be on the same page as you. I would say sit down, and have a detailed discussion with him about what stage you're at, and what your expectations are. So far, he'd donned the "me, me, ME!" thing, and that's not right. Both of you need to be satisfied with how things are, before it can go any further.

 

3. Unfortunately I've had back to back deaths in my family and the last one was

very, very close (immediate family). I'm very close to my fam and we all were

helping each other make arrangements, plans, etc. I ended up staying the night

w/fam and new guy got upset and said "wish I could get a portion of the

dedication you're giving your fam". Now, I thought that comment he made was

VERY insensitive.

 

Yeah, that was most certainly insensitive. You had deaths in the family, one of which was very close to you; ask him how he would have felt, if the shoe was on the other foot? So far, he sounds very narcissistic. He's lacking empathy for your situation. I don't care that he was in the Navy, how old he is, or how mature he believes himself to be; he's not being mature, compassionate, nor understanding of you. If he truly wants things to work out between you, he needs to shape up.

 

4. I seem to make him angry with my naivety. He mentions how it boggles his

mind that I don't know things of the world (his words, not mine). I only know

the serpent intimately and I often forget some of what I've learned in my crash

course while fiasco-ing w/serpent. My parents kept me under a rock, I can't

change this...I'm hipped to the game now though. And I'm adamant about not being

intimate until I am ready!! (I think that's new guy's REAL issue).

 

His condescending attitude is not winning him any points, here. It sounds like he has a serious superiority complex; or at the very least, an inferiority complex masquerading as one. If you're not ready for things to get physical, he needs to respect that, or let you go.

 

New guy continues to say my age aloud as if that'll make me say: yeah, you're

right I'm too old to be the way I am.

 

He's being condescending, beyond belief. We all mature at our own pace, and given your upbringing, there's not much you can do about what he considers to be your "naivety".

 

He says I'm being unrealistic about a lot of things. He also says I'm making him pay for my ex's horrible treatment of me and that I'm not ready for a relationship. I disagree. I am guilty of putting a negative spin on new guy's positives though. But I've since apologized to him.

 

It sounds to me like he's just trying to justify his attitude toward you. My humble suggestion? Talk things over with him, as I've previously stated. Find out what he wants in the relationship, and make it clear what you want, and when. If you guys can't come to some sort of compromise, it's better to cut your losses, than to continue with this pseudo-relationship any longer; if you continue without addressing the issues now, it's only going to get worse.

 

But, I wish you the best of luck, and major kudos to you, for making so much headway in your life.

[TrebleClef]

*heavy sigh* I'm so disappointed.

 

I've been in two stale relationships in my life and intimate with one man ever. It was pure hell & I hated my crash course. Ex-fiance cheated on me b/c I wanted to wait 'til marriage and the college guy? OMG!! I don't even want to go back there! I wouldn't wish him on my WORSE enemy!

 

I got myself together, stopped whining about ex, got up, dusted myself off and focused on "TrebleClef". Then, went to get a Caramel Frappuccino one day and met new guy. Honestly, at first I thought "aw hell here we go again". Handsome, strapping young man smiling at me. What...does he want money to pay for his coffee? Then he approached, started talking. I was still intrigued so I engaged in conversation. Then my thought was: "Wow, new guy? Could this be different?". He was so refreshing. Then after only a couple of months or so, I seem to be getting to know my ex's doppelganger to a certain degree.

 

I wanted to make sure it wasn't just me and my insecurities, hang-ups, and although dissipating, residual hurt from ex.

Ex has changed me in terms of dating and trying not to get hurt ever again...especially to the degree that he hurt me. I'm shy, reserved and soft spoken, naive, insecure and lonely and ex used all of it against me. Thus turning me into a hard a$$ when it comes to dating. I met new guy and kept thinking "yeah, right you think I'm beautiful...what's your ulterior motive dude". Not to sound conceited but I know I'm beautiful and intelligent...blah, blah....what else ya got?

 

When new guy had positive comments, compliments and gestures I'd say "whatever, my ex said that too and look where it got me". I can see how that'll turn a man off...right? But I still think it's too early to tell me I'm making him pay for my past hurt. I like how 'scarlettkaren' put it: We all have hurt from our past and while we do our best to make sure that the next person doesn't pay the price, scars show. At this point he (new guy) should still be very aware of that.

And the "u don't call me" and "how can we build this relationship if we never spend time together. You're with your family again?!"

 

Relationship????

[Mount]

"u don't call me" and "how can we build this relationship if we never spend time together"

That is exactly same as the single guy I dated two months when I was with MM earlier this year.

 

Finally I sent him txt msg breaking off with him.

 

 

*heavy sigh* I'm so disappointed.

 

I've been in two stale relationships in my life and intimate with one man ever. It was pure hell & I hated my crash course. Ex-fiance cheated on me b/c I wanted to wait 'til marriage and the college guy? OMG!! I don't even want to go back there! I wouldn't wish him on my WORSE enemy!

 

I got myself together, stopped whining about ex, got up, dusted myself off and focused on "TrebleClef". Then, went to get a Caramel Frappuccino one day and met new guy. Honestly, at first I thought "aw hell here we go again". Handsome, strapping young man smiling at me. What...does he want money to pay for his coffee? Then he approached, started talking. I was still intrigued so I engaged in conversation. Then my thought was: "Wow, new guy? Could this be different?". He was so refreshing. Then after only a couple of months or so, I seem to be getting to know my ex's doppelganger to a certain degree.

 

I wanted to make sure it wasn't just me and my insecurities, hang-ups, and although dissipating, residual hurt from ex.

 

Ex has changed me in terms of dating and trying not to get hurt ever again...especially to the degree that he hurt me. I'm shy, reserved and soft spoken, naive, insecure and lonely and ex used all of it against me. Thus turning me into a hard a$$ when it comes to dating. I met new guy and kept thinking "yeah, right you think I'm beautiful...what's your ulterior motive dude". Not to sound conceited but I know I'm beautiful and intelligent...blah, blah....what else ya got?

 

When new guy had positive comments, compliments and gestures I'd say "whatever, my ex said that too and look where it got me". I can see how that'll turn a man off...right? But I still think it's too early to tell me I'm making him pay for my past hurt. I like how 'scarlettkaren' put it: We all have hurt from our past and while we do our best to make sure that the next person doesn't pay the price, scars show. At this point he (new guy) should still be very aware of that.

 

And the "u don't call me" and "how can we build this relationship if we never spend time together. You're with your family again?!"

 

Relationship????

[TrebleClef]

Hello, first of all. I'm new here, but I figured I'd give some input, just the same. First of all, if he's so mature, he should realize that, after only two months, he's experiencing the infatuation stage. And on the contrary (in regards to him thinking it doesn't take long to find out if someone is great or a psycho) it can and has taken months to years for some people to detect that in their partner. He called you naïve? He sounds like the naïve one to me. Either that, or highly delusional.

 

Hi 'Rebel-Dynasty'! Welcome to LS.org. I was so relieved when I found this site. I appreciate the truth. Sometimes LS.org members' truths are brutal, but I SO respect that as opposed to pacifying and/or "oh, poor you". Thanks for reading/replying to my post.

 

Yes, I didn't think I was too off in my thinking that it takes time to get to know a person, their flaws, imperfections and for the psycho tendencies to come out (if there are some)...right?

 

"He called you naive? He sound like the naive one to me" IKR?! That's what I was thinking! It seems like he has double standards. He'll gripe to me about not calling him or spending time with him (due to me working or MAKING FUNERAL ARRANGEMENTS!) but when he does it to me, I'll bring it to his attention (not for gripes but to try and get him to recognize) he'll loud talk me and say "I'm hanging up the phone now, I'll call u back".

 

Believe it or not we have sat and talked. I've told him I need him to slow down. I've asked him what's his big hurry. He'd say "yes, i do need to slow down and I will, it's just that I see what kind of woman you are and I don't want to let you get away". Give.me.a.break.

 

Then, a few days later he'd start back up with the calling me 2 or 3 times a day and asking me am I with my family. IDK...my mother told me everyone isn't meant to be married and/or have a child. I just might be one of those women.

 

Thanks for the kudos! I've come a long way, if I do say so myself.

[JustAReformedGirl]

 

Hi 'Rebel-Dynasty'! Welcome to LS.org. I was so relieved when I found this site. I appreciate the truth. Sometimes LS.org members' truths are brutal, but I SO respect that as opposed to pacifying and/or "oh, poor you". Thanks for reading/replying to my post.

 

Thank you. I'm glad I found it, too. I've been in my own affair situation for a year, and with the non-stop rollercoaster, I've been feeling so desperate for people to talk to. I came across this site a few weeks ago while googling certain aspects of relationships and affairs, and decided to join up. Like you, I appreciate the honesty; even if it hurts a little, I'd prefer honest opinions, than sugar-coated ones. And no trouble at all!

 

Yes, I didn't think I was too off in my thinking that it takes time to

get to know a person, their flaws, imperfections and for the psycho tendencies

to come out (if there are some)...right?

Exactly. Some people don't find out about their partner's darker aspects until well into moving in together, or marrying them after several years. It's hard to say if he's just over-enthusiastic, or if he has ulterior motives. He could mean well...but, it's hard to say. It takes time to see these things.

 

"He called you naive? He sound like the naive one to me" IKR?! That's what I

was thinking! It seems like he has double standards. He'll gripe to me about

not calling him or spending time with him (due to me working or MAKING FUNERAL

ARRANGEMENTS!) but when he does it to me, I'll bring it to his attention (not

for gripes but to try and get him to recognize) he'll loud talk me and say "I'm

hanging up the phone now, I'll call u back".

 

Major hypocrisy on his part, there. It's as though he expects you to deal with all his criticisms, but he can't handle receiving them. It could be temporary insanity, what with the new-ness of it all (I know a lot of people, myself included, are very raw and vulnerable at the start, which sometimes leads to being temporarily irrational...but again, I guess only time will tell if that's the case).

 

Believe it or not we have sat and talked. I've told him I need him to slow

down. I've asked him what's his big hurry. He'd say "yes, i do need to slow

down and I will, it's just that I see what kind of woman you are and I don't

want to let you get away". Give.me.a.break.

 

I can certainly see your confusion in all of this; it's hard to get a read on him. He's either just very much enveloped in the "cloud nine" feeling, or he's spoon-feeding you some b.s. Being somewhat cynical myself, I can understand wondering if that's the case.

 

 

Then, a few days later he'd start back up with the calling me 2 or 3 times

a day and asking me am I with my family. IDK...my mother told me everyone isn't

meant to be married and/or have a child. I just might be one of those women.

 

Aww, try not to think like that. While there are certainly people who are happier without getting married-be they single or in common law relationships, whether they want kids, or don't-if you desire a married life with kids, you'll achieve it. I'm sure of it. Everyone reaches their goals at their own pace. Even if you don't achieve that with this guy, you'll undoubtedly find Mr. Right sometime down the road.

 

 

If further talks with him don't yield any results, go with your gut on what to do from there. You could keep things casual with him, and see if some of his manic behaviour wears off, so that if it does, you might be able to proceed further-if of course, you want to. Otherwise, don't be too discouraged. You really have done well, and even if things don't work out, you gained something positive from all of it: experience.

[JustAReformedGirl]

I actually posted in reply, but for some reason, it didn't show up. It said it would...I didn't catch the whole message.

 

In any case, best of luck with everything, TC. If my post doesn't go through, here's my basic break-down; the new-ness might be causing temporary irrationality (and insanity) in this new guy. Maybe just keep things casual with him for a bit, and see where it goes; if his attitude improves, it could work out. Take as much time as you need.

 

Try not to be discouraged, about what your mother pointed out. If marriage and children are something you want eventually, I'm certain you will reach your goals, in due time.

[spiderowl]

The new guy has staked him claim, saying how he feels about you, and is expecting you to do likewise - whether you are ready or not.

 

He gets cross with you and demands attention when you have other important things to do, like funerals and suchlike.

 

He sounds very controlling.

 

One thing I've learned is that just because someone is flattering and says nice things about you, says they love you, it doesn't make them a nice person. Think about what kind of person he is showing himself to be.

[Ms. Red]

OP,

 

I remember reading about the warning signs of an abuser but couldn't find what I had read. I Gooogled "warning signs of an abuser" and there are many results.

 

Why don't you do that and read some of them. Here's just 3 I found from 3 different sources that sounds like him:

 

He/she swept you off your feet and declared his/her love immediately. This is the number one sign of a potentially violent relationship.

 

The abuser comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship, pressuring for a commitment and claims “Love at first sight” or “You’re the only person I could ever talk to”, or “I never met anyone like you before”. Often, in the beginning of a relationship, the abuser is very charming and romantic and the love is intense.

 

A victim often has known or dated the abuser for a brief period of time before getting engaged or living together. The abuser will pressure the victim to commit to the relationship. A victim may be made to feel guilty for wanting to slow the pace or end the relationship.

He may not be declaring his love for you now but I bet that's just around the corner.

 

Too many red flags. Don't risk it. Think of your safety.

 

I wish you well.

[TrebleClef]

"u don't call me" and "how can we build this relationship if we never spend time together"

 

That is exactly same as the single guy I dated two months when I was with MM earlier this year.

 

Finally I sent him txt msg breaking off with him.

 

Mount, how did single guy react when you broke it off via text? Did he act as though he was about to have a coronary or did he brush it off like it really didn't bother him?

[JustAReformedGirl]

Hey TC, has anything changed in your situation?

[TrebleClef]

<Reference to deleted post redacted. Subsequent text retained as backstory>

 

We dated in college, my parents broke us up. Yrs later he found me. His soul is black. He is indeed a serpent...the devil incarnate. He preyed on my innocence, naivety, lonliness, back in college AND when he found me later. He told all kinds of lies, manipulated me, verbally and emotionally abused me! But the 2 most hurtful lies (that have changed me) were: "I never stopped loving you" and "uh..uh...TC, my divorce isn't final quite yet". Don't get me wrong, I'm to blame as well...probably more so than him. He was just doing to me what I allowed. Plus, I ignored ALL KINDS of red flags. Stupid, yeah, I know. I cut him off after more and more lies surfaced but still communicated w/him.

 

He'd vanish then reappear and like a #1 idiot, I'd allow him back. He'd dump me every few months via text/email and would verbally and emotionally abuse me. He's the only man I know intimately. I'm an only child whose parents kept under a rock.

 

Bottom line, I was PLAYED but I've learned SOOOO much. I still, to this day, believe he found me w/his entire scam plotted and ready to be carried out. I guess he didn't know it'd be so doggone easy for him. I fell and fell hard.

 

College guy has changed me positively and negatively. I'm more cynical but I'm such a stronger woman now. My dad says all men (good or bad) have ulterior motives. Which has me tripping about new guy. I guess he's just a great guy on the surface....just like college guy was. *heavy sigh*

 

What are the odds I'd attract yet another psycho? 3 and counting.....

Give up?

Edited June 24, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[TrebleClef]

I actually posted in reply, but for some reason, it didn't show up. It said it would...I didn't catch the whole message.

 

In any case, best of luck with everything, TC. If my post doesn't go through, here's my basic break-down; the new-ness might be causing temporary irrationality (and insanity) in this new guy. Maybe just keep things casual with him for a bit, and see where it goes; if his attitude improves, it could work out. Take as much time as you need.

 

Try not to be discouraged, about what your mother pointed out. If marriage and children are something you want eventually, I'm certain you will reach your goals, in due time.

 

I saw them both! Thx Rebel-Dynasty

[JustAReformedGirl]

I saw them both! Thx Rebel-Dynasty

 

Lol, you're welcome. I don't know why it didn't show up right away, but it showed up where it was supposed to.

 

Have you decided what to do with this not-quite-relationship?

[TrebleClef]

OP,

 

I remember reading about the warning signs of an abuser but couldn't find what I had read. I Gooogled "warning signs of an abuser" and there are many results.

 

Why don't you do that and read some of them. Here's just 3 I found from 3 different sources that sounds like him:

 

He may not be declaring his love for you now but I bet that's just around the corner.

 

Too many red flags. Don't risk it. Think of your safety.

 

I wish you well.

 

Wow, thanks 'Ms. Red'. No, he hasn't declared love but he has said he doesn't need a long time to know that I'm a great woman and would make a great wife. My heart sank to my feet...not with "awwww" but with "oh Sh$$!"

 

And, as you've read, he calls ours a 'relationship' after only a little over 2 mos. When I talked to him about my reservations and told him I need him to slow down he agreed and said "yes, I'm going to slow down, I don't want to lose you". Red Flag? The deaths in my family started soon after new guy and I met and I did focus on my family and grief more than him but gosh, how insensitive can one be?!? Even my ex, as crazy as he was, would've been more supportive...or at least faked it!

[TrebleClef]

Lol, you're welcome. I don't know why it didn't show up right away, but it showed up where it was supposed to.

 

Have you decided what to do with this not-quite-relationship?

 

*sigh* I'm still thinking about it. He's back from his road trip.

 

I was supposed to go with him but I felt it was too soon for us to take road trips together but I agreed to go b/c I was trying not to be so rigid and uptight about everything. Then, I forgot about a previous event that was scheduled for the same time as the trip. It was scheduled at the beginning of the year, long b4 I met him.

 

I called and told him that I couldn't go after all and apologized profusely. He mumbled something under his breath. I asked him to repeat but he wouldn't. I asked him again to repeat and he screamed: NOTHING!!! Then he got super quiet on the phone. I said "hello?" He said hello. I asked why was he no longer talking to me and he said I have nothing more to say to you. So, I said "Ok, well I'll tallk to you later then?" Before I could get my sentence out, he'd hung up. He gave me the silent treatment for a few days after that. Shoot, great! It gave me time to focus on me, my family and the many deaths that had occurred.

 

While on the road trip he called me multiple times, daily saying how much he misses me. IDK, that just freaks me out for some reason. He complained about where he was as well. There were only a few positives that he expressed about the being there. When he got back in town he didn't call but text. I haven't heard from him since. If I were to do that? OMG! He'd pitch a fit!

 

His birthday came while he was away. I played and sang to him via audio message. His reply was so nonchalant IMO. While getting to know each other, he'd talk about how his ex was selfish and always had her hands out and didn't acknowledge him anyways but especially didn't on special occasions like Christmas, Valentines and his birthday. So, knowing that, I made sure I acknowledged him and his bday by putting forth effort into making it memorable w/o going overboard and doing too much since we're not established yet. I also wished him HB on FB. He acknowledged everyone else but me. o_O huh? There's that double standard again...

 

IDK Rebel-Dynasty. Like I was telling 'flygirl'; What are the odds that I'd attract yet another psycho? 3 strikes, I'm out....New guy is #3. SMH.....

Edited June 24, 2013 by TrebleClef
left something out....

[JustAReformedGirl]

Honestly, I'd give him the boot. He's being a completely hypocritical whack-job.

 

The hot and cold thing is getting out of hand-kind of like switching from the Arctic to the Earth's core, and back again. He's selfish, self-righteous, and I'm beginning to think there's a reason his past relationships didn't work.

 

And o-ho again! He didn't want you comparing him to your past ones, but it's alright for him to have expectations of you based on his past ones? the double-standards never end with this guy.

 

Don't blame yourself, TC. In this case, it's really not you. You will find the right guy at some point. Look at your relationships as life experience, and nothing more. You've learned a lot from them, dealt with positive and negative consequences, and thus, have a better understanding of yourself, and what you need and want. Hang in there.

[ScarlettKaren]

Ok, after this last little episode I am more confidant in saying that you should run for the hills. Nope, he's either (best case) completely immature or (worst case) a manipulative controlling over-emotional jerk.

 

believe me, get involved with him and you will be tearing your hair out trying to make sense of things that never ever make sense. Just don't. There are rationale people out there who have reactions that aren't overblown like that.

[TrebleClef]

Honestly, I'd give him the boot. He's being a completely hypocritical whack-job.

 

The hot and cold thing is getting out of hand-kind of like switching from the Arctic to the Earth's core, and back again. He's selfish, self-righteous, and I'm beginning to think there's a reason his past relationships didn't work.

 

And o-ho again! He didn't want you comparing him to your past ones, but it's alright for him to have expectations of you based on his past ones? the double-standards never end with this guy.

 

Don't blame yourself, TC. In this case, it's really not you. You will find the right guy at some point. Look at your relationships as life experience, and nothing more. You've learned a lot from them, dealt with positive and negative consequences, and thus, have a better understanding of yourself, and what you need and want. Hang in there.

 

Yeah, I'm so disappointed. I know I keep saying that but I am! LOL!

 

I want to make sure it's not me though...ya know? I have my hang ups, insecurities, cynicism, skepticism, "all men are swine" beliefs, fear of getting hurt again, etc. I haven't dated much at all, often teased about it (that's a whole 'nother forum). It had gotten to a point where, since I wasn't allowed to date anyways, I focused solely on my music and academics and literally acquired tunnel vision and became popular b/c of my intellect throughout HS, college, grad school and even as an adult. I didn't even noticed boys, young men, men until I met dude in college.

 

I was totally new to EVERYTHING...and serpent saw that and his wolf radar sounded off. My parents broke us up (now I understand why and can truly say THANK GOD) and while going through that hurt, met my ex-fiance. He's an attorney or (stereotyped) a LIE-awyer. LOL! He's a very handsome, charming, intelligent man as college guy. He doted after me, romanced me etc. I was still naive and gullible and believed him when he said he had nooooo problem waiting for intimacy until we married. FF: All is blissful (so I think), we're planning a small intimate wedding and BAM! I get a phone call from a woman who starts the conversation with: "Why do you keep calling my man?" Per the woman, he was engaged to her as well. She showed me pics of her wedding dress and her colors for "their" wedding and showed me pics of him and her. SMH. The rest is history.

 

As I go through the THAT hurt, I'm gettin my life back on track. I'm becoming content w/the fact that I just may never marry and have a child. I'd just closed on my home, I was packed and ready to move out of my parents', I was transitioning careers and was even getting back some of my deposits from the wedding and KA-BOOM! I get an email via an alumni site from college guy. I won't even go over the details of that mess. You know the outcome.

 

*sigh* So, here I am:

1. Serpent
   
2. LIE-awyer
   
3. Nutsy coo-coo Navy guy
   

Now, do you see why I want to make certain that it isn't just me? It can't be all their fault...can it?

[JustAReformedGirl]

What they're doing to you is entirely on them. The LIE-awyer is the worst of them all.

 

It's not just you, hon. Though, with these experiences, I'm sure you'll become more discerning, and you'll be able to smell the troublesome ones a mile away, and thus, you'll be able to avoid them.

 

I'd say take some time to enjoy being single, or go into casual dating (with someone other than crazy Navy man; unless you think he'll calm down a bit, with time).

 

Don't go into anything too serious for awhile. Just enjoy some casual company, and you're sure to find someone who's not out of their mind or a complete scumbag.

[TrebleClef]

What they're doing to you is entirely on them. The LIE-awyer is the worst of them all.

 

Noooo ma'am! College guy wins the prize on being the worst of them. Yes, LIE-awyer is a skank but I don't blame him too much...after all I wasn't sleeping with him.

 

It's not just you, hon. Though, with these experiences, I'm sure you'll become more discerning, and you'll be able to smell the troublesome ones a mile away, and thus, you'll be able to avoid them.

 

I'd say take some time to enjoy being single, or go into casual dating (with someone other than crazy Navy man; unless you think he'll calm down a bit, with time).

 

Yes, that's what I called myself doing (taking my time, enjoying single life) when I met new guy. I liked him and knew I wanted to talk to him again but didn't want all this. If that makes sense.

 

Don't go into anything too serious for awhile. Just enjoy some casual company, and you're sure to find someone who's not out of their mind or a complete scumbag.

 

Wait, doesn't casual dating--in these days and times--mean "hooking up" , FWB or something to that effect? Noooo thank you if THAT'S what it means. Another reason why I was concluding that I'd never marry. I DO NOT do flings, FWB, hook ups or "kickin' it".