Dave146 Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I am here seeking advice, opinions and answers from those who are wiser and those who can relate to my situation and hopefully help me make sense of it all so I can try and move on with my life one way or another. I know this might be a long read, especially towards the end, but please, I need help.. I still hurting way too much and its really taking its toll on my mind. Some details: I was with this girl for 11 months I am 27, she is 23 I live in a shared house, she lives with her parents She has bad depression and anxiety (although now I believe the depression is lifting) We were both unemployed when we met The story... I met this girl just before the summer, by the 2nd date we'd kissed and the relationship took off instantly. It wasn't long before we declared our love for one another, we both felt incredibly comfortable around one another, able to to speak about anything. She told me about her depression and anxiety, how sometimes she would self harm as a release and how she was afraid to meet new people yet with me she simply said "I saw you and thought I must have you". Over the next 3-4 months our relationship continued to blossom, strengthen and the passion was firing. The level of happiness we were both in felt like a dream, for a time I couldn't believe it was real. You could say this was part of the honeymoon period but I have never experienced anything like I did with her in previous relationships. We both had grand idea's about the future, especially her. She had a tendency to look ahead into the future, marriage, family and living together. She soon got a job, it turned out to cause her more stress before of the other staff there and the way she was treated but she stuck at it because she was earning money so we could do things. I myself was still unemployed, she knew I was making an effort but I started feeling afraid that I would lose her unless I found work. As time went by and still no job the fear grew. Sometimes this would show on my face and she would question it. I never admitted anything was wrong but the truth was I was becoming wrapped up within that fear and began loosing hope and determination to find work. Christmas came, because of her depression she took a text I sent to my best friend about how if I wasn't already out with her and her parents I would have like to have been doing abit of online gaming with him completely the wrong way. She saw it as I would rather be at home gaming than with her. So distanced herself from me for a few days, but I managed to convince her she had got it wrong and we put it behind us. So we continued, the love was still high as was the desire to be with one another. Repeatedly she would always say I was the best person she'd ever been with because that she'd felt more in depth with me than anyone else because I would pay attention to every detail about her and always try and do anything no matter how small to make her happy. That I made her feel confident, gave her strength and support unflinchingly. Eventually I got a job! But it didn't last, six weeks after it the company laid off a quarter of its staff, including all the new starters like myself. I knew then that the relationship was going to end, we had to cancel the deposit on the holiday we had booked because I had no way of affording it in time and it was something she was looking forward to the most that year. A month after she broke up, she said that she couldn't see us being together in the future, that she still loved me but it wasn't enough. But what followed after is whats causing the confusion and pain I still feel. The day after we broke up we went out shopping as friends, by lunch it would seem we were back together, holding hands, cuddling and kissing. Though the next day she told me she felt bad because she was giving out mixed signals but still wanted the break up. Okay, but we both said we'd still like to remain friends, from my apart it was an excuse for me to see her and try to convince her to get back together. She called me up and said that we should use the holiday deposit to something more affordable, so we did and actually got the whole trip fully paid for. I told her that I've got a friday job in the evening, pays peanuts but its something extra each week, enough to take her out once every couple of weeks to somewhere nice, dinner or outing. For a couple of weeks we met up and went swimming three times each week, two of those occasions I stated the feelings I still had for her and that I promised to make more of an effort, she did once say she still loved me and had feelings there. Every time we had fun and she thanked me for a great evening and each time I walked her back to her car she would give me a "more than friend" hug, one time she kissed me on the cheek and another time she grabbed and held my hand followed by a cuddle. Great I thought, there is still hope. She mentioned she was about to start a new job, one she was looking forward to, but soon contact stopped, I was left wondering why, becoming frustrated and fearful again. She suddenly blocked me on FB without saying anything. Minor I know but it set me off, I marched up to hers (the day before she started a new job, bad time to do it no?) and confronted her about it. She told me she didn't like seeing I was having fun (I started going out with my best mate Soon it became heated, she told me that when we were both unemployed it was great, but when she had a job and I didn't she was feeling partially resentful. Also that she doesn't love me anymore. This only increased my frustration further and I said something which I didn't mean but at the time I wanted to get back at her... Needless to say the door got closed in my face and I walked off and broke down soon after. Not long after I sent her a text about the trip we had booked, she said she didn't want to cancel but instead just change my name to her friends and give me my half of the money. I then went several days without contact, my own choice but I found a couple of things of hers that she'd left, things I knew she would want and I informed her of them. She said she'll pick them up but after a month now she hasn't and she's had ample opportunity to pick them up, I've even reminded her and told her days that I would be in... We have sent texts now and then, I've always been the one to instigate them but she's always responded kindly and asked how I am. I even made her laugh at a picture I took and sent her. I know I've made mistakes after the break that's probably decreased my chances of getting back with her but at the time that contact, no matter how still made me cling onto hope. Basically I just want to make sense out of the way she acted/behaved after the break up. Why did she give those long hugs? Why book a trip somewhere with someone you've just broken up with? Why suddenly change and stop contact and block me? Why hasn't she picked up her things yet even though she easily could? Is there hope, how can I go about getting her back be it next week, a few months or more? I've never experienced a break up like this before, even when I was in love. My feelings this girl are something I cannot explain, I've never felt like this towards anyone before. I want to let her go, I want to move on but yet I want her to reach out and give me a second chance. My heart refuses to let her go no matter how hard I try and its slowly destroying me.
LinkWorshiper Posted June 29, 2013 Posted June 29, 2013 Been trying to figure out THE SAME CRAP. I made a couple blunders since my man broke up with me a few months ago, but I had been under the impression things were improving with us, even to the point of serious flirting. I was so sure things were going to get serious again, and then he turned on a dime and said he met someone he was maybe thinking of pursuing but he wasn't sure. It sounds to me like your lady is doing something similar, where she just doesn't even know what she wants and is sort of just acting as she feels on a given day. I hate to say it, because I hate even thinking it myself about someone I love more than life, but that isn't fair to you at all, and regardless of intention or desire, I think your best bet is to stand up for yourself and lay out where you stand. If it means doing what I had to do and telling her that you perhaps shouldn't talk until she's figured out exactly what kind of relationship she wants with you, then go for it. If anything, the distance, especially if she was sort of gravitating towards you, might make her think about what role you play in her life if you're suddenly not there. At least, that's the hope I'm clinging to at the moment!
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