Southern Cal Dude Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 As some of you may know, I bartend for a living. The customers are of all ages. There's people that are barely legal to drink, all the way up to their 50s and 60s. Male and female alike. The customers are generally generous tippers and are good people. I've been doing this for 4 years and aside from an occasional idiot, I've never had a problem. Also developed some friendships with the customers. A lot of times, you'll see a bunch of women come in together. Some are regulars or semi-regulars, others aren't. On quite a few occasions, the group(usually consisting of at least 4 or 5, some as many as 10) will leave while 1 or 2 stay behind for a minute and they'll be like "Jamie, Michelle is interested in you. Do you want to go out with her? Bring a few of your friends and we'll all hang out somewhere". I just can't help but be turned off. Your friend was here for at least a couple of hours and didn't say much. Seriously, you're probably at least in your mid-20s and you still have to send your friends to do your dirty work? I understand some people are shy. Really, I get it. I'm not the most extroverted person in the world myself. But it comes to a point when it's not cute anymore. Sending your friends to your crush is cute when you're in high school. If you're 23, 24, 25, you're not even in college anymore in all likelihood. It certainly wouldn't work if the situation were reversed. Anyone else feel the same way?
melodicintention Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I agree with you 100% that is rather sophomoric behavior. Are you sure though that this girl did indeed send her to do this? Maybe she was just creating trouble for her friend or just playing around otherwise? It could be that woman's way of flirting with you by creating some story about her friend. It does seem odd as I thought women dropped that sort of behavior after junior high myself.
Author Southern Cal Dude Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 I agree with you 100% that is rather sophomoric behavior. Are you sure though that this girl did indeed send her to do this? Maybe she was just creating trouble for her friend or just playing around otherwise? It could be that woman's way of flirting with you by creating some story about her friend. It does seem odd as I thought women dropped that sort of behavior after junior high myself. Considering most are at least 25, I would imagine they're not doing it to create trouble for their friend. Half the time, more than 1 stay behind anyway so I don't think they'd be saying their friend is interested if it's really they that are the interested party. I would never send one of my friends to do my dirty work like that.
shexy Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Yeah, it's pretty juvenile.....I'm in the age group where a lot of things seem pretty juvenile cause I'm all old and stuff
Keenly Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 While that act in itself doesn't necessarily another me, what does is that 90% of the time, the friend is either wrong, exaggerating, or just flat out making crap up, leaving me pissed off for being mislead.
truth_seeker Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Next time why don't you say: "If she wants to hang out, tell her to come back and talk to me." Let them know you're a no non sense guy.
Ripnet Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Women will rarely ask out a guy no matter how old she is. They might try talking with you but will never ask you out. Besides do you seriously want to hang out with your customer? I had no dating customer policy when I used to be a cashier. 1
Author Southern Cal Dude Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 Women will rarely ask out a guy no matter how old she is. They might try talking with you but will never ask you out. Besides do you seriously want to hang out with your customer? I had no dating customer policy when I used to be a cashier. I've been asked out plenty. I've also been propositioned while working. My job has a no dating co-worker policy, but no where does it say I can't date a customer. I'm a bartender, not a cashier.
Star Gazer Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I've been known to play matchmaker for girlfriends before in this way, without them ever having any idea that I'm doing it. It's a shame that you ASSume that she's sending them to you, rather than them just trying to do her a favor. Man. 2
Author Southern Cal Dude Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 Next time why don't you say: "If she wants to hang out, tell her to come back and talk to me." Let them know you're a no non sense guy. Honestly, I was already put off.
ChatroomHero Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 While that act in itself doesn't necessarily another me, what does is that 90% of the time, the friend is either wrong, exaggerating, or just flat out making crap up, leaving me pissed off for being mislead. This is true. I think sometimes they are trying to set their friend up and they like you but their friend is not interested. Probably a lot of times the friend has no idea. Honestly it does not bother me if they send a friend I still look at it as someone interested and making the first move. The "how" doesn't bother me that much. It's better than them being interested but not making any move. For women I think there is still the stigma of having to ask a guy out. Approaching someone is tough, I don't hold shyness against someone.
Ripnet Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I've been asked out plenty. I've also been propositioned while working. My job has a no dating co-worker policy, but no where does it say I can't date a customer. I'm a bartender, not a cashier. It doesn't matter, you are working where there are repeat customers. Mostly likely the group will come back again and again. Let's say you do date a customer and she gets mad and you now your company lost a bunch of customers. I'm sure the ownerswouldn't like it. It's a unwritten rule not to date customers/clients.
Author Southern Cal Dude Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 It doesn't matter, you are working where there are repeat customers. Mostly likely the group will come back again and again. Let's say you do date a customer and she gets mad and you now your company lost a bunch of customers. I'm sure the ownerswouldn't like it. It's a unwritten rule not to date customers/clients. I've been there 4 years. Many others are repeat customers and I've developed close relationships with quite a few. One person getting mad isn't going to cause the others to leave. They'll see her as jilted.
ForeverHopeful1 Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Even in high school it was a turn off. If a guy couldnt speak to me, he was not worth my time. End of story. It was a turn off when I was 14. It is an even bigger turn off to think about it now.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I don't mind it if it's true. I don't see a problem with someone bridging you to someone else. What infuriates me is when it's not true and you find out in an embarrassing way. I had that happen a couple of times--one when I was just about 21 or 22 and because of crappy circumstances having to do with my family moving away in my senior year of high school, I didn't get a chance to meet anyone during the time most others were going to college and getting their rocks off. I was working my balls off on Wall St and trying to do school at night and commute three hours on the rails. This tall, decent-looking white chick started working in a nearby section. Mischievous black chicks kept telling me that this girl was interested. I came upon her at the soda machine and tried to start a conversation--not that I had any feelings for her or w/e, I just was curious if those other bitches were pulling my leg. Well, this chick jumped down my throat saying "I don't know what those other girls are saying but it's not true". That was unnerving a bit. But what made it horrible is that this girl quit the job and never came back. What does a young guy do with that? I had had girls in high school like me and pet with me and stuff but the move distanced me for a couple of years. Then in your early 20's you start wondering "am I going to connect ever?". And then that. Jesus Horatio Christ that hurt my ego for a long time. I can't imagine why this chick would quit the freaking job. It's on her really because I know I don't do anything creepy or rude. But you don't know when you're a kid--especially one that was an obese child who had a history of humiliation at the hands of others. Oh to have been able to tell her to get over herself.
Author Southern Cal Dude Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 I don't mind it if it's true. I don't see a problem with someone bridging you to someone else. What infuriates me is when it's not true and you find out in an embarrassing way. I had that happen a couple of times--one when I was just about 21 or 22 and because of crappy circumstances having to do with my family moving away in my senior year of high school, I didn't get a chance to meet anyone during the time most others were going to college and getting their rocks off. I was working my balls off on Wall St and trying to do school at night and commute three hours on the rails. This tall, decent-looking white chick started working in a nearby section. Mischievous black chicks kept telling me that this girl was interested. I came upon her at the soda machine and tried to start a conversation--not that I had any feelings for her or w/e, I just was curious if those other bitches were pulling my leg. Well, this chick jumped down my throat saying "I don't know what those other girls are saying but it's not true". That was unnerving a bit. But what made it horrible is that this girl quit the job and never came back. What does a young guy do with that? I had had girls in high school like me and pet with me and stuff but the move distanced me for a couple of years. Then in your early 20's you start wondering "am I going to connect ever?". And then that. Jesus Horatio Christ that hurt my ego for a long time. I can't imagine why this chick would quit the freaking job. It's on her really because I know I don't do anything creepy or rude. But you don't know when you're a kid--especially one that was an obese child who had a history of humiliation at the hands of others. Oh to have been able to tell her to get over herself. If its not true, then that's leading someone on and purposely misleading them. My pet peeve is when someone is interested and they send their friends to do their dirty work. I consider that cowardly.
Feelin Frisky Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 If its not true, then that's leading someone on and purposely misleading them. My pet peeve is when someone is interested and they send their friends to do their dirty work. I consider that cowardly. Eh. People are all at bars because they are uncomfortable breaking the ice socially without the crutch of drink. I wouldn't feel any better about someone who has had four drinks approaching me than someone who has nursed one drink and punted their advances to an inebriated friend. It's all relative in that setting. The only thing I would care about myself is whether or not it were true or someone was being a real a-hole and lying just to manipulate people into embarrassing situations so they can laugh at the power they have to humiliate others. Because of my lousy experience that way I never trust anyone's word like that. It also happened to me at a Christmas party with the people I work with. I had a big crush on someone and a third party told me that the object of my affections said she wanted me to drive her home. So there I was--finding out that it wasn't true and looking like a dweeb. And the really frustrating thing is that I left the party and there were others there who wanted to get to know me--one of which I asked out a month later and we became lovers for five years. Being single, I don't mind someone being chicken and sending their envoy--just don't let it be a fraud for someone's shi+s and giggles.
El Brujo Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 As some of you may know, I bartend for a living. The customers are of all ages. There's people that are barely legal to drink, all the way up to their 50s and 60s. Male and female alike. The customers are generally generous tippers and are good people. I've been doing this for 4 years and aside from an occasional idiot, I've never had a problem. Also developed some friendships with the customers. A lot of times, you'll see a bunch of women come in together. Some are regulars or semi-regulars, others aren't. On quite a few occasions, the group(usually consisting of at least 4 or 5, some as many as 10) will leave while 1 or 2 stay behind for a minute and they'll be like "Jamie, Michelle is interested in you. Do you want to go out with her? Bring a few of your friends and we'll all hang out somewhere". I just can't help but be turned off. Your friend was here for at least a couple of hours and didn't say much. Seriously, you're probably at least in your mid-20s and you still have to send your friends to do your dirty work? I understand some people are shy. Really, I get it. I'm not the most extroverted person in the world myself. But it comes to a point when it's not cute anymore. Sending your friends to your crush is cute when you're in high school. If you're 23, 24, 25, you're not even in college anymore in all likelihood. It certainly wouldn't work if the situation were reversed. Anyone else feel the same way? That's one of the reasons I got tired of the bar scene before I turned 23.
Author Southern Cal Dude Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 That's one of the reasons I got tired of the bar scene before I turned 23. That's how I make my living, so I don't have much of a choice.
Ripnet Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Poor you for having too many women interested in you. I bet plenty of guys who can't get a woman would gladly take your place. Why not just talk to her before making a rash decision. In high school this girl got her friend to say out loud so I can hear that she liked me. Then she babbled that she didn't get why her friend liked me. I had a low self esteem back then so I never asked her out. I was really attracted to her.
KungFuJoe Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Op, You're overthinking things (welcome to Loveshack!). 1
fiftyofsomethin Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I've been known to play matchmaker for girlfriends before in this way, without them ever having any idea that I'm doing it. It's a shame that you ASSume that she's sending them to you, rather than them just trying to do her a favor. Man. I mean, I really hate to start a fight here (Although I am aware this will likely start one), but you certainly seem to victimize women a lot. It could very well be that you are right, but that theory has exactly as much of a chance of being true as his theory does. It's not like women are the only people who do this too, guys do this all the time. "Wingmen" I believe is the term that you would all recognize. Make love not war. Lots and LOTS of love. Damn, I'm sounding like a male whore. 1
Ripnet Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I've been there 4 years. Many others are repeat customers and I've developed close relationships with quite a few. One person getting mad isn't going to cause the others to leave. They'll see her as jilted. Really you think her friends wouldn't stop coming to the bar? You will never know one angry customer can lead to a handful. What do you care though you don't own the business. What if she came in screaming at you and embarrassing you? It's like any other profession you don't mix business with pleasure. Sooner or later it will come back to bite you.
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