Leigh 87 Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Okay, so I am new to the whole dating thing, since being off the market for the past almost 3 years. Any funny stories of people who LIE about who they are? Do people often LIE about themselves? I met a guy when I was out last night with my friend. He asked if he could take me out. LOL - I worry that some guys could lie about things, just to, well, get into your pants? I KNOW IT HAPPENS a LOT and it WILL happen to me, however; HOW MUCH do they lie? Lying about certain things would be a bit vile. He is in IT, works for himself, surfs, talked about helping homeless people I talked about my social work degree and my goal to work overseas and help people in general, as my career aspiration, and we talked about visiting third world countries, which he has done a lot for work, and I have lived in and visited third world regions at a young age) LOL - I worry that, like, SOME GUYS LIE about crap like that! I mean, a few white lies WILL be told to me, I am sure by a LOT of men. But lying about visiting countries and being alarmed by the level of poverty, would make me sick:sick: If a guy did it to get into my pants. I am not interested in seriously dating someone. Obviously, I am too apprehensive. And I still care too much about my ex:mad: I am just in the phase where I enjoy talking to guys and just having people that, when I am ready for a relationship, could be nice people I click with then. For now I am just interested in getting to know people. You know, going to the beach, going for a walk, having dinner than going home. No sex or anything. ALL in public places, of course, in view of people. NOT at his house, and I will NOT be getting into his car. Until I know/trust that he is not a psycho:lmao: Aghhhhh since I have not dated much, I worry about liars and people who are not what hey seem:( This guy seems genuine. He added me on facebook, and I saw the pictures of his kids. He SEEMS normal:lmao::lmao:
todreaminblue Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Hey leigh, did you end up taking that job as a nanny you sounded so psyched about it?....anyway back on topic people lie......fact....how much they lie is a concern when dating....that's why i have always gotten to know potential dates so i can see them in action...i observe......one thing you cant fake is looks.......if a guy says he likes kids.....one easy way to know is watch him interact with kids....showing compassion understanding and heaps of smiles......if a guy can forget putting up a front for a while...and actively play and enjoy doing so....yes...to me....that's a sign of genuinity..you cant really fake genuine warmth........ i have always known the guys i have dated.....first hand and in plain sight...they exhibit what they say.......which allows me to trust them.....otherwise i just don't ...words are smooth and slide out so easily...actions take effort....i will only ever date a guy who can discard the front and play with kids....because its natural and honest.......kids rock......deb
sillyanswer Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Okay, so I am new to the whole dating thing, since being off the market for the past almost 3 years. Any funny stories of people who LIE about who they are? I find that lots of women lie about their height, and say that their body type is "average". Oh, you said funny. Sorry, no. Do people often LIE about themselves? I'm sure some people do! Others have an attractive truth they can tell you about. He added me on facebook, and I saw the pictures of his kids. He SEEMS normal:lmao::lmao: Sounds promising (so long as the kids don't freak you out)!
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 Hey leigh, did you end up taking that job as a nanny you sounded so psyched about it?....anyway back on topic people lie......fact....how much they lie is a concern when dating....that's why i have always gotten to know potential dates so i can see them in action...i observe......one thing you cant fake is looks.......if a guy says he likes kids.....one easy way to know is watch him interact with kids....showing compassion understanding and heaps of smiles......if a guy can forget putting up a front for a while...and actively play and enjoy doing so....yes...to me....that's a sign of genuinity..you cant really fake genuine warmth........ i have always known the guys i have dated.....first hand and in plain sight...they exhibit what they say.......which allows me to trust them.....otherwise i just don't ...words are smooth and slide out so easily...actions take effort....i will only ever date a guy who can discard the front and play with kids....because its natural and honest.......kids rock......deb I met him in person lol. Not online. He is attractive, albeit older than I am by a good 10 years. Hence why he seems very happy at he idea of a young, slim - ish blonde. Him being an OLDER good looking guy, I feel, works in my favour. If he was my age, he would have more options and hence me less wrapped by the way I look. Which is nothing to write home about, but some people really like. I am not perturbed by the fact he has kids. I do not want to seriously date him anyway. It is not like I want to meet them anytime soon:lmao: One of his kids is 18, a mere 9 years younger than me. It would feel weird. Anyways. I will just be safe, meet him again in public, and be weary of him asking me back to his house or being too pushy physically. I have to "feel it" to even kiss a guy. I agree with getting to know people well....... Especially in my case, where I have had a recent break up. I AM Moving forward, yet I am not entirely OPEN yet..... I will take longer to get to know, before I feel comfortable enough to date a man. I will need to get to know them, for a longer period of time. At this stage. I just want to meet up with him and talk and walk and have dinner (OUT, not at his place:lmao:). He is fun to talk with so we will see how it goes. ......................... Oh. I got a job, they rang my references and they offered me the job. Then, a month later, I met them. They decided that I was too much of a city girl to fit into their rural community. They live in the middle of NO where. Which I was cool with, as I like adventure and trying new things out. I have lived in big cities and also more quiet, coastal areas. I was ready and excited about relocating there. So I visited them, I thought we got along well. After the trip to see them, they rang and said they wanted a country girl who could relate to the local humour. SO yeah. I will stay in my coastal town, which I love, and attend University in person. I will just get a part time job, 1 or 2 days a week during my studies. I get a lot from student allowance and I live rent free, so I am sure I can save to travel/things I want, easily enough. I can also meet new people here. Not guys, I mean friends. I can focus on being more social and I can keep myself busy with that. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 I find that lots of women lie about their height, and say that their body type is "average". Oh, you said funny. Sorry, no. I'm sure some people do! Others have an attractive truth they can tell you about. Sounds promising (so long as the kids don't freak you out)! Well I do not want a serious relationship at all, so I am not thinking about whether it bothers me one way or another; I do not see him in that way yet. Although there is potential, I am not in a hurry to determine how I feel about them. I am not averse to men with kids though. And I would prefer a man who is older (yet not too old!) than I am, who has life experience and who knows when he is in love. I am hoping older men have had more experience with women, and they know when a woman is special enough to bother with. Being divorced does not bother me. In fact, he was married for years, and they were in love when they married from what he said, which is more of a turn on that he has had experience and believes in love and marriage (something I believe in). He stayed with her for years, which shows staying power. But yeah. I really have no idea WHO he is yet. People can seem cool, only to turn out to be total jerks. Narcissists. Sociopaths. Even Psychopaths:lmao: ................................................... He knows the situation with my ex. I did not talk about my exs much, obviously, as it is a big no no. However, I was upfront and told him that I had recently broken up, and it was very hard for me. Yet I am looking to move forward, and I am open to getting to know him/people in general, and seeing where it goes later on. I am aware that if we like each other and the fact I am not ready for a relationship, means that he should very well go and date around (if he is not already) since I won't be open to anything serious. Maybe we can become good friends and I can even offer him advice on girl issues:lmao: Until I am ready for a relationship and he happens to be single. I know very well that, if I am not open to anything serious yet, that I cannot expect a guy to just wait around and get to know me for months:lmao:
todreaminblue Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I met him in person lol. Not online. He is attractive, albeit older than I am by a good 10 years. Hence why he seems very happy at he idea of a young, slim - ish blonde. Him being an OLDER good looking guy, I feel, works in my favour. If he was my age, he would have more options and hence me less wrapped by the way I look. Which is nothing to write home about, but some people really like. I am not perturbed by the fact he has kids. I do not want to seriously date him anyway. It is not like I want to meet them anytime soon:lmao: One of his kids is 18, a mere 9 years younger than me. It would feel weird. Anyways. I will just be safe, meet him again in public, and be weary of him asking me back to his house or being too pushy physically. I have to "feel it" to even kiss a guy. I agree with getting to know people well....... Especially in my case, where I have had a recent break up. I AM Moving forward, yet I am not entirely OPEN yet..... I will take longer to get to know, before I feel comfortable enough to date a man. I will need to get to know them, for a longer period of time. At this stage. I just want to meet up with him and talk and walk and have dinner (OUT, not at his place:lmao:). He is fun to talk with so we will see how it goes. ......................... Oh. I got a job, they rang my references and they offered me the job. Then, a month later, I met them. They decided that I was too much of a city girl to fit into their rural community. They live in the middle of NO where. Which I was cool with, as I like adventure and trying new things out. I have lived in big cities and also more quiet, coastal areas. I was ready and excited about relocating there. So I visited them, I thought we got along well. After the trip to see them, they rang and said they wanted a country girl who could relate to the local humour. SO yeah. I will stay in my coastal town, which I love, and attend University in person. I will just get a part time job, 1 or 2 days a week during my studies. I get a lot from student allowance and I live rent free, so I am sure I can save to travel/things I want, easily enough. I can also meet new people here. Not guys, I mean friends. I can focus on being more social and I can keep myself busy with that. bummer about the job leigh......telling you they wanted a country girl who gets the humor....is a rather humorous statement in itself dontcha think....)...normally you have to say soemthign funny first...obviously they didnt or you would have got it.... i think you should trust your instincts leigh........go by your heart...no one elses....because over all it is your heart that matters....and your heart that will decide....white noise leigh is what is left in others opinions.........you are strong independent woman who knows what is right for you and that heart of yours......you survived a break up without destroying the hope of a brighter tomorrow........with someone else....go forward my fine friend as you are........smilin atcha......(((hugs leigh))))))....deb
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 Thanks Deb. I can always count on you to help. Be it sticking to my decisions or just feeling better about myself in general. I prefer non judgmental people who do not attack me, as many have done on here (even if they mean well). Well, with the job, I just loved the fact that: I have lived in a MASSIVE city before, therefore jumping from one extreme to the other (of living in a house that was literally the ONLY house for MILES) reallllly appealed! It was just one ideal situation to me though! Staying here in a lovely flat which I do not even pay rent for, whilst studying towards me dream, and only needing to find 2 day a week par time work in order to be able to save enough to travel the world? Ideal. I am VERY lucky. Student allowance combined with the fact I do not pay rent, eat and shop cheaply, and seldom drink or party? A mere 200 bucks a week will = world travel. My life is a piece of cake compared to most people who have hardships. However, I am NOT immune to having low self worth, and to failing relationships. I will ALSO meet bad people. I will meet this guy, and more guys and discover that some of them are not who I thought they were. So yeah. I expect to just meet this dude again, hang out, and expect a friendship with him. He honestly seems like a guy, if he is what he SAYS he is:lmao:, that I would LOVE to have as a friend! I expect to just meet a lot of guys, some will lie, some will be jerks, and some will be nice guys who I like, yet who just do not feel it with me. OR, I will meet a guy who feels it with ME, or I do not feel it with. I will likely experience EVERY scenario! Obviously, I have to love life and learn to love myself a bit more, and that way, I will be in a good place to meet a bunch of guys over the years who will let me down and break my heart. If my own life and my own self worth is stable, which it currently is NOT 100%, then I will obviously handle the whole dating thing better. ....................................
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 This guy is a fair bit older than I am (yet good looking!) He seemed to really get where I am at in life. I plain told him who I was, and what I was about. I told him that I am at that stage in life, where I really need to get my sh*te together and learn to establish more self worth. He has some good female friends. He seems to be very comfortable with my life stage. He just finds me to be a really nice person, who he enjoys talking to. I openly say I am not ideal relationship material LOL. And I do not do one night stands either. He does not undermine me and the fact that I am younger and I am going through a different phase of my life to him, where I have not yet found the level of self worth I need to be in a relationship. We just hit it off and talked frankly about life in general. Our lives. He thinks my trip overseas will be great for me, to take my mind of my recent break up. Anyways. Right now, I am in a reasonable place to just meet new guys. Just to flirt, enjoy my time with and enjoy common interests with. I have no expectations and I will relish any opportunity to meet guys who I can enjoy my time with. This current guy loves the beach, he surfs. He is very altruistic which I VALUE highly in people. He seems to be a friend I could enjoy my time with. I go overseas, which was a sore point for him. He LOVES travel himself, but he was a bit like " oh.. so when are you going? Oh. in 5 days I see. Well this trip will be a wonderful ting for you. I look forward to seeing you when you get back.
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 Yes, people lie all the time. Get to know the people you feel you can build a trusting relationship with over time. Trust in yourself, and if you're worried about getting used for sex hold off till you feel a genuine sense of intimacy. There will still be risks, but no risk, no reward. Oh. To be clear, I WILL NOT be having sex with this man! I am in no place to have sex. I just want to meet the dude again lol and get to know each other better. Absolutely no intention of sex or any form of hooking up beyond making out. IF I am even open to that. At the very most I may kiss him IF I am even OPEN to receiving sexual chemistry. Because of my predicament, I have learnt that I am a woman who NEEDS to know a guy well before I am intimate with him. I could do FWB, since I can separate sex and emotions (always have done). Yet even for FWB, I still need to KNOW a guy and feel very COMFORTABLE around them, before letting them have me intimately. I cringe at he thought of not knowing a guy well and letting them be intimate with me:sick: I do not want a relationship, and I am not the type that waits for committed relationships to have sex, as it can take a WHILE to find the right dude. However, the friend with benefit I find will have to be a guy who I know and trust, and who I have a mutual respect for. I aint waiting to meet the "right guy" to have sex, yet I am not comfortable just hooking up with just anyone! Do you get what I mean?
thecrucible Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 My point of view is that if someone lies about who they are, it's only a matter of time before the truth comes out. 2
Recommended Posts