white Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Hello, I am a lonely single 29yo man. I'm not too terribly sad about this, it's just background for the post. This week I met an interesting woman. She's 21 (I am aware this is significantly younger than myself). She attended a volunteer project I signed up to on that day, where I was expecting only backbreaking hard work and old men. She was open and almost pitifully honest from the first word and I don't think I did anything to deserve such candour. While it was a little like standing under a waterfall, I found talking with her very easy. Within 10 minutes we were discussing our shared favourite authors. I've never even met a woman who would have wanted to discuss books (I historically don't meet many, the source of my bachelorhood). We shared a lot of interests. Others we didn't (which is OK). I know this because she is a chronic oversharer. This girl has a lot going on, let me tell you. She paints, she glassblows, she dances, she plays guitar in a band, she bakes, she has a small variety of minor ailments, I can't even remember it all. It's all very impressive. She's also very attractive. She can't not know that. Amongst the things she just pushed out there is that she's been single for some time, her friends want her to meet a man, and that she does the volunteering because otherwise she'd just be sat alone at home on the Internet. These aren't things single women normally reveal in my experience, at least not while gathering hay in the blazing sun. There were other small details that suggested to me she definitely is looking. How can this woman be single? She clearly isn't unsociable or shy, she's got a full life, she's smart and creative, and she's hot. She isn't focused on work (in fact she's unemployed, apart from minor sales of all her craft products and the odd gig). She must be surrounded by eligible men dying to take her out. I wish I had insight into why she isn't attached. Is there a problem staring me in the face that I can't see?
Ripnet Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Well if she's unemployed it could be a problem. Maybe guys don't want to support her. Maybe men just assume she's taken because she's very attractive. She is only 21 though she has a lot of growing up to do. Just take things slow is all I can suggest. 2
pteromom Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 She must be surrounded by eligible men dying to take her out. I wish I had insight into why she isn't attached. Is there a problem staring me in the face that I can't see? Only one way to find out... ask her out! There are all kinds of legitimate reasons someone may not be dating. And of course, all kinds of wackadoo reasons too. But the only way you will find out is to go for it. 1
Author white Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 You'd think so. However after she left, it emerged while I hung around the staff for a while (actual staff not volunteers like ourselves) that she's known for oversharing and being strangely intimate with these people she essentially just met from previous attendance - this was put to me in the form of a joke, along the lines of "so how many times did she tell you about X". I should probably have explained that in the original post. And besides, the environment wasn't conducive to taking instant action and I have a history of both misinterpretation and regrettable involvements that causes me to prefer a little time for thought. Don't assume I was blind. I will see her one more time next week with nothing to lose. I just wanted any input from those wiser than me in these things why she would be single.
pteromom Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 However after she left, it emerged while I hung around the staff for a while (actual staff not volunteers like ourselves) that she's known for oversharing and being strangely intimate with these people she essentially just met from previous attendance - this was put to me in the form of a joke, along the lines of "so how many times did she tell you about X". It could be a red flag, and it could be that she is just a very open and secure person who is passionate and friendly. Note their comments, then move forward to form your own opinion. I'm glad you are going to see her again. If you still feel interested, ask for her number! The worst thing that can happen is you go out with her and find out why she's single.... which is still experience for you, so it's a win! 2
Million.to.1 Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 I don't understand why this "how can she be single" thing. Being in a relationship doesn't make you a better person. And being single doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. I was single for 6 years straight in my 20's. and was attractive, good job, fun, smart.. I had offers, but I'm fussy, and sometimes being "in a relationship" isn't a priority because other things like career or travel. Plenty of awesome people are single for all sorts of different reasons. 14
Star Gazer Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 The more a woman has going on and going for herself, the more likely she is to be single because it's hard to meet an equal. Those women who are taken are lucky to have found a man equally as amazing as they are. 4
TouchedByViolet Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 There could be a million reasons why she is single. It is ok to think about why but it shouldn't stop you at all in flirting and etc. If you are interested and you feel chemistry I would recommend asking for her number and setting up a date. Don't let opportunities pass you by.
TheZebra Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Frankly, I'm more wary of people who are always in relationships. Being single can be good for a person, giving you time to reflect and grow and do things you don't have time to do when in a relationship. When I meet people who always seem to be in a relationship, I worry that there might be self-esteem issues there where the person values their worth by their relationship status. Granted, it may not always be the case; you have to know the person. My best friend is such a person... always in and out of relationships before the dust even settles. Even she's admitted it's because her self esteem is in the crapper. It's not good for her but, she does it anyway. Is she any better off than me, who is single? I don't think so... 3
SJC2008 Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 The more a woman has going on and going for herself, the more likely she is to be single because it's hard to meet an equal. Those women who are taken are lucky to have found a man equally as amazing as they are. Good point. I had a similar thread a while back about a woman I went on a date with almost 28 months ago. At the time of the thread it had been about a year and a half since our date and I wondered why she was still single. She's a good catch IMO. Sweet, educated and makes a decent living so I don't expect her to date any bloke. She's still active on the sight so mabye she's relying on OLD too much?? I'm getting ready to quit OLD, I've relied on it way too much. 1
Star Gazer Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Good point. I had a similar thread a while back about a woman I went on a date with almost 28 months ago. At the time of the thread it had been about a year and a half since our date and I wondered why she was still single. She's a good catch IMO. Sweet, educated and makes a decent living so I don't expect her to date any bloke. She's still active on the sight so mabye she's relying on OLD too much?? I'm getting ready to quit OLD, I've relied on it way too much. Women who are considered "catches" because they are attractive, successful, educated, interesting, fun to be around, etc., have less options than those women who aren't those things. Why? Because, generally speaking, most women won't date down (they want at least their equal), whereas most men will. An attractive, successful, educated, interesting, fun to be around guy is far more likely to date a woman who's not successful or educated or interesting, than a woman is a similar man. 2
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Well, aren't you single too? It's different for guys and girls. No matter how unattractive a girl is, she'll have guys interested in her.
HoneyBadgerDontCare Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Hello, I am a lonely single 29yo man. I'm not too terribly sad about this, it's just background for the post. This week I met an interesting woman. She's 21 (I am aware this is significantly younger than myself). She attended a volunteer project I signed up to on that day, where I was expecting only backbreaking hard work and old men. She was open and almost pitifully honest from the first word and I don't think I did anything to deserve such candour. While it was a little like standing under a waterfall, I found talking with her very easy. Within 10 minutes we were discussing our shared favourite authors. I've never even met a woman who would have wanted to discuss books (I historically don't meet many, the source of my bachelorhood). We shared a lot of interests. Others we didn't (which is OK). I know this because she is a chronic oversharer. This girl has a lot going on, let me tell you. She paints, she glassblows, she dances, she plays guitar in a band, she bakes, she has a small variety of minor ailments, I can't even remember it all. It's all very impressive. She's also very attractive. She can't not know that. Amongst the things she just pushed out there is that she's been single for some time, her friends want her to meet a man, and that she does the volunteering because otherwise she'd just be sat alone at home on the Internet. These aren't things single women normally reveal in my experience, at least not while gathering hay in the blazing sun. There were other small details that suggested to me she definitely is looking. How can this woman be single? She clearly isn't unsociable or shy, she's got a full life, she's smart and creative, and she's hot. She isn't focused on work (in fact she's unemployed, apart from minor sales of all her craft products and the odd gig). She must be surrounded by eligible men dying to take her out. I wish I had insight into why she isn't attached. Is there a problem staring me in the face that I can't see? I've met and dated girls liket this before. There's probably something really wrong with her that she didn't disclose yet (my guess would be mentally). Of course go for it anyway, but proceed with caution.
gaius Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Still a virgin, not that sexual, or has issues with intimacy and sexuality in general probably. Or just got burned heavy in the past and hasn't recovered yet. I've dated a bunch of women who hadn't dated in a long time before me and it can be a bit of a struggle sometimes. Some of them have issues you can't fix no matter what you do. 1
starrynightz45 Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 The oversharing itself could be a problem. It may not bother you - but just look at all the people around you who noticed and mentioned it. A LOT of guys have trouble with women who are just slightly more talkative than average, because they can't handle it well. Just imagine those same guys trying to handle a woman who not only has all this going on, but is attractive, AND talkative, AND has the tendency to overshare. I'd bet it pushes a decent amount of men away. I'm not even male, but I know that when I encounter people who overshare, it kind of makes me uncomfortable and pushes me away. I can't always explain it, but it just feels odd to share so much with a stranger, so it can be off-putting. This may be why.
Author white Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 I did find it strange. Not offputting. I haven't experienced it before. I liked it, it attracted me rather than pushed me away. I think I'd tolerate a lot of idiosyncrasies and issues if the better aspects were worth it, provided they aren't of the nature where I find my metaphorical bunnies boiled. I'm too old now to give much of a damn what is wrong with someone or what they say if I can enjoy their company, male or female, and I'm pretty patient. I'm expecting to meet her on Monday. I won't be working with her like I was last week, it's unlikely to be just me and her again, and the weather won't be great, so there won't be much conversation, but I will ask her out when I can snatch a few minutes. I won't see her there again after that. I'll post an update for those curious, so that the next time someone wants to know what's up with the oversharing mysterious singleton who talked their ear off, you've got a story with a resolution.
Eggplant Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Some girls don't want to always be in a relationship.
Author white Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 Update: Worked with her alone again today. Great day, good weather. Same story - information overload and non stop conversation, barely got any work done. Got on like a house on fire all day. Offered to take her to the college I attend nearby while I collect assessments at lunch, since she's shown an interest. We did that, got prospectuses. Brought her back. Time for her to go. I'm done with the volunteer project after this week so I figure this is the time to make a move. I say I won't see her again, and that I'd like to because I enjoy her company. She says she enjoys mine. So I ask if she wants to meet up. Suddenly she's really hesitant. She's not sure she'll have the time between this illness (mentioned in OP about minor ailments - slightly underplayed that, actually she's on immunosuppressants for a major digestive issue and has some severe diets to adhere to) and another of her projects she's trying to launch. She's groaning like I'm asking her to do something awful. I say I'm free a lot at the moment so it'll be easy, when is she free for the next few weeks. She doesn't know. I say we could do anything she wants, I just like her company, what would she like to do so she can take it easy? She says, maybe walks. I say that's fine, I know some places to go nearby, which I do. So I ask for her number, and we exchange them. Then she leaves. So now I'm thinking that after all, she isn't interested, for one reason or another. If she was she'd have just said "yes lets meet" and it wouldn't have suddenly become difficult. I have the number but she was so non committal I don't know what to say or why to bother. She's not lying about her illness, but there she is working at a volunteer project, so she's hardly housebound. I made it pretty clear I'd enjoy even just a couple hours, and the worst workaholic in the world can find that - this girl is unemployed. It seems to me those are excuses. Legit, maybe or maybe not, but clearly offputting. She's free to do that of course. When all's said and done I am 8 years her senior and losing my hair. Saying "no" would have been OK. Now I don't know what. I have to say something but don't want to seem either defeatist or pressuring. I'd just like a clue if she wants to bother at all. It'd be a crying shame for me if not, because I'm not bull****ting I've never met anyone like her before, but life is pain. What do you think?
Author white Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 OK. I'll assume a combination of real lack of time, these drugs kicking her ass and being nervous on the spot. I'll contact her in a couple days with an idea for the weekend and see what happens.
Divasu Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 It's different for guys and girls. No matter how unattractive a girl is, she'll have guys interested in her. My question was a legitimate question.
siankat Posted July 7, 2013 Posted July 7, 2013 Update: Worked with her alone again today. Great day, good weather. Same story - information overload and non stop conversation, barely got any work done. Got on like a house on fire all day. Offered to take her to the college I attend nearby while I collect assessments at lunch, since she's shown an interest. We did that, got prospectuses. Brought her back. Time for her to go. I'm done with the volunteer project after this week so I figure this is the time to make a move. I say I won't see her again, and that I'd like to because I enjoy her company. She says she enjoys mine. So I ask if she wants to meet up. Suddenly she's really hesitant. She's not sure she'll have the time between this illness (mentioned in OP about minor ailments - slightly underplayed that, actually she's on immunosuppressants for a major digestive issue and has some severe diets to adhere to) and another of her projects she's trying to launch. She's groaning like I'm asking her to do something awful. I say I'm free a lot at the moment so it'll be easy, when is she free for the next few weeks. She doesn't know. I say we could do anything she wants, I just like her company, what would she like to do so she can take it easy? She says, maybe walks. I say that's fine, I know some places to go nearby, which I do. So I ask for her number, and we exchange them. Then she leaves. So now I'm thinking that after all, she isn't interested, for one reason or another. If she was she'd have just said "yes lets meet" and it wouldn't have suddenly become difficult. I have the number but she was so non committal I don't know what to say or why to bother. She's not lying about her illness, but there she is working at a volunteer project, so she's hardly housebound. I made it pretty clear I'd enjoy even just a couple hours, and the worst workaholic in the world can find that - this girl is unemployed. It seems to me those are excuses. Legit, maybe or maybe not, but clearly offputting. She's free to do that of course. When all's said and done I am 8 years her senior and losing my hair. Saying "no" would have been OK. Now I don't know what. I have to say something but don't want to seem either defeatist or pressuring. I'd just like a clue if she wants to bother at all. It'd be a crying shame for me if not, because I'm not bull****ting I've never met anyone like her before, but life is pain. What do you think? Sometimes persistance pays off. I have heard of some examples. But sometimes a person can cross the line being too pushy and can never come back from it. I think it has to do with over familiarity being a killer. Hope you find a deserving match!
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