How do I win my ex back after unusual breakup?

[sunshinepassion]

I really want another chance with my ex, but I am uncertain exactly how I should go for it. I want to do this the right way. Thanks in advance for reading!

 

I'll start with a little history:

 

• We were together for 3.5 months, though we both had long-term intentions before things started happening to him
  
• He broke up with me nearly 4 months ago
  
• Someone he was really close to died kind of unexpectedly of cancer, and it made him depressed. He was also stressed with his work and being bedridden with an injury for some time
  
• His depression was taking a small toll on our relationship, and he started pulling away from me
  
• He decided to end it because he didn't want to "bring me down" and thought that I "deserve more", even though I wanted to do what I could to help him
  
• Our relationship was otherwise perfectly fine. He claimed that he still wanted to be with me, but that he just wasn't emotionally capable of being in a relationship with anyone
  
• I tried No Contact several times, the last time being 30 days (pretty much all of May)
  
• Also tried Limited Contact (back in April), but I was still too emotionally affected by the break up, so that's why I went back into NC
  
• It was during LC that he told me that he missed me, and that he can see us together again someday, which gave me hope. I think that's why I let my emotions and impatience get in the way
  
• Three weeks ago, I decided that I was ready to try Limited Contact again, in hopes that I could start the process of winning him back. I sent him a really positive, happy "I saw this and it reminded me of you" kind of text
  
• He responded almost right away, and really positively
  
• I have since contacted him about 4 times, with at least 3 to 5 days in between each contact. He responds every time, and the conversations are light and easy and enjoyable
  
• I have been the one to start AND end every conversation so far
  

 

Judging from our conversations so far, I can tell that he is doing an excellent job of working his way out of his depression. I want to win him back, slowly, but I want to do it the right way. He is responding in exactly the ways that I would like him to, and this gives me hope that this could all eventually work out. However, I know that he still needs time to get back to where he wants to be in life, and that's why I am taking it slow and only contacting him 1-2 times/week. My biggest concern right now is that he doesn't initiate contact at all (but when I initiate, he responds and we have nice conversations). Is this something I should expect?

 

Mostly, I think I am just looking for others' thoughts, opinions, comments, concerns, and/or advice about my situation and maybe possible ways that I could move forward with it. I recently talked to my mom about it, and she thinks that I should just ask him to meet me for lunch or coffee and see where things go from there. However, I'm not so sure this is a good idea.

 

Thoughtful responses are appreciated!

[IS IT Better late]

Hi Sunshine,

 

I'm surprised nobody replied but I will.

 

I would say it was more than just his depression and tell you that he wasn't being honest with you.

 

When someone dumps you they try to protect themselves so they make up excuses to not hurt your feelings. Like "its me not you" "I'm depressed" "I'm too busy etc". So they can get off easy.

 

The only problem with your strategy is that he's not initiating any of the contact. And that should tell you that he's not really trying. And might not be interested.

 

It's a good sign that he responds but I would hold out to hear from him and then see what happens.

 

Good luck!

[juicygirl]

Sorry dude, It doesn't sound good because you're the one doing all the chasing, he could just be being polite.

[sunshinepassion]

Thanks for your replies! I totally agree with the both of you. You basically said exactly what I've been thinking. Fortunately, at this point I feel like I am ready to move on and put this situation behind me if that's what needs to be done. I wish it had all turned out differently, but I've made peace with the fact that it is the way it is. Thanks again!