HopelessRomantick Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Just to recap, I was in an LDR for 3 years. She is younger than I. She broke it off last July, said she wanted to experience dating. This was after she met someone at a party. So I've spent the last almost 1 year consumed by emotions, thoughts, questions. Still am. She owes me a substantial amount of money of which she as agreed to pay over time. Weeks after she broke us up, she lands in a new relationship. Refused to tell her friends and family why or what happened to us and to this day no one knows. So, I have been emailing her regarding the debt. Last night I get a call from an unknown phone overseas. It's her boyfriend. And he proceeds to harass and say things that I really didn't want to hear. I very nicely told him I had nothing to say and never call me again. It turns out he got into her notebook, her phone and accessed her email, txts, etc. and saw that we were emailing despite it being innocent and business only. For the next 3 hours he proceeds to fire off txts, emails, etc. Some from her account as well. He says they are fighting now because of me. And she is a liar and a cheat. I ignore most of them and do not reply. I did get a few words in but most were respectful and nothing I would regret saying. A few hours pass and she emails me from work and says she is trapped in this relationship and can't get out. He moved-in a few months ago [which I still cannot figure out why she would let him]. He won't leave and she is very unhappy. She also says that she is frightened for her life. I replied back and said I was sorry for her situation but really it's between you and him. I told her if her safety is threatened that she needs to console a friend or family member or contact the police for help. I also told her that for all I know, you and he could have staged the whole episode tonight in the hope that I would go away and let you slide on the debt. Well I called her after she replied because I felt a moral obligation. And sure enough she was a basket case on the phone. Said she never wanted to involve me. Said she doesn't know what to do, and that she doesn't want to involve her family or anyone else not even me. That she would figure it out on her own. But again she was very much afraid of him. So i contacted a local friend of hers and told her to call and check in on her often. I ask the friend what she thought of this guy and she says [mind you this is one of her best friends], "I never met him. I haven't seen her in almost a year now." What more can I do? What more should I do? Did I perform my moral obligation? Or should I just look the other way? Obviously I still care about her deeply. But I'm tired and want to move on.
Author HopelessRomantick Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 I am overwhelmed with anxiety at this time. Not knowing what to do. Knowing she might be in danger.
aloneinaz Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Sounds as though you're using the debt as a means to stay in contact with this women. She hasn't paid you back in a year? Unless you're desperate for this money, I'd say screw it, call it a loss and move on. You're demonstrating why everyone here says NC is the ONLY way to move on after a relationship. You constantly having contact with her is not letting you move on and find a new, healthy relationship.
Author HopelessRomantick Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 I understand the importance of NC because I felt better when there was NC. I had demonstrated NC for months until 2 weeks ago because he debt is substantial enough that I will be paying it for the next 5 years and it has now become a financial burden that is affecting my livelihood. Otherwise I would not have contacted her. If it was money spent, then lesson learned and I would let it go. But it's a debt. A huge one. And my question was more on morals than relationship.
Mack05 Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Hopeless I have to ask the obvious question. How on god's green earth do you end up loaning someone (anyone) "10's of thousands". What the hell did she spend the money on? Why after say, I dunno 500 dollars did you not say enough? Dude if you never signed an agreement (a contract) this could get messy. At this stage you urgently need to seek independent legal advice. This is a trainwreck.
Author HopelessRomantick Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 I was in love? Is that a good enough reason or does it just make me look like a fool, hence my LS.org name...
Recommended Posts