peabody Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 The ex and I seemed very well on the way to reconciliation (we even had a date planned this weekend) but I recently found out he kissed another girl at a dinner party while drunk. I know we are still broken up, but I can't help but feel a little hurt by this. He never cheated while we were together but I find myself having a hard time accepting this new information even if he had every right to do so. Should I pump the breaks? I want him back, but I can't help but feel like he's just exploring his options right now. How could he be seriously trying to get back with me if he's out kissing other girls? Or should I just accept this as usual male behavior and the fact that we are not exclusive?
for666 Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 hello well your situation is interesting i have a good friend and he dates an amazing Women for over 4 years but for 2 years in the beginning he used to get drunk and FLIRT, kiss other women and he didn't even remember it for real! its noting special i must say give him a chance and try why not? i mean what can you lose anyway? its just a kiss and you both are broken up (and my friend Cheated whit no memory of it tho) but listen they are 4 years together and gonna marrie so i say give it a shot you have noting to lose
Author peabody Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 I think what's holding me back is that the girl that he kissed is a "friend" of his. Whether or not he has any feelings for her, I'm not sure I could be comfortable with the fact that they're around each other.
athousandquestions Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 My ex broke up with me around 3 weeks ago, and I have kissed 2 people since we've broken up. I can tell you these 2 people mean nothing and I would do anything to have him back. I was hurt, scared, lonely and rebounding when I kissed these other guys. If your ex is trying to reconcile with you, it could mean he was experiencing similar emotions and thats why he kissed her. At the end of the day, you were broken up. If he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't be trying to reconcile. 1
Author peabody Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 Well, we talked the other night and I expressed to him how I felt about it-- upset, jealous. He told me basically that he respected my being jealous and that it didn't mean anything and that it was a lapse in judgement on his part. I want to believe him, our contact has increased over 100% (he even called me randomly the other morning just to check in), but I can't help but feel like it's breadcrumbs. I'm saying this because he still hangs around this girl (not alone, they have mutual friends). While I can't expect him to just cut people out of his life, her mere presence around him is feeding my jealousy monster despite the fact that I know she has a boyfriend of her own. I'm thinking of cutting out social media, and letting our communication be determined by phone and physical contact only so that I'm not constantly watching every little move he makes. I feel as though him acknowledging that kissing someone else was a mistake is a step in the right direction, and I know for a fact that he cares about me because his actions have shown me this, but are my doubts not valid?
athousandquestions Posted July 5, 2013 Posted July 5, 2013 Well, we talked the other night and I expressed to him how I felt about it-- upset, jealous. He told me basically that he respected my being jealous and that it didn't mean anything and that it was a lapse in judgement on his part. I want to believe him, our contact has increased over 100% (he even called me randomly the other morning just to check in), but I can't help but feel like it's breadcrumbs. I'm saying this because he still hangs around this girl (not alone, they have mutual friends). While I can't expect him to just cut people out of his life, her mere presence around him is feeding my jealousy monster despite the fact that I know she has a boyfriend of her own. I'm thinking of cutting out social media, and letting our communication be determined by phone and physical contact only so that I'm not constantly watching every little move he makes. I feel as though him acknowledging that kissing someone else was a mistake is a step in the right direction, and I know for a fact that he cares about me because his actions have shown me this, but are my doubts not valid? I think you're right to be hesitant. Until he actually says he wants you back, it's important to remember that he is NOT saying he wants you back. At the same time I can completely understand why you do not like him hanging with this girl and why it makes you jealous. I would cut out the guys I've been with since my ex at the drop of a hat if he wanted to work things out. BUT it seems that he is somewhat forced to hang with her. Like he gets invited somewhere and is unknowing to the fact she'll be there too when he shows up. She has a boyfriend? Did she when they kissed? Have they always been friends? I think it's important right now that you don't stress too much about it. Your jealousy will quickly become overbearing and poison a chance at a new relationship. If you guys start to take steps towards being officially back together, then think some more about it. But at the end of the day: if you guys get together, it's YOU he's choosing to be with, not her.
Author peabody Posted July 5, 2013 Author Posted July 5, 2013 She has a boyfriend? Did she when they kissed? Have they always been friends? She had a boyfriend when it happened, although the relationship is relatively new (less than a month). Honestly, she's not the type of girl I could ever imagine him going for-- she's loud and obnoxious and likes to get drunk and hit on every male that crosses her path. I think I'm more so intimidated though because she is more outwardly sexual, so my own insecurities are at play here. And they're a part of a group of best friends, so yes they've known each other for awhile. He hangs out with her if their other friends are around, but otherwise no. You're right about the jealousy, I let him know how I felt about his actions and I should just leave it at that. I'm trying to take his explaining himself to me rather than just saying "Hey, we're just friends, we're not together...I can do what I want..." as a positive sign.
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