UVict Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 (edited) So on the whole I have a had a great week, literally had close to a full week of good days where I'm not phased by my ex, a nice change form the 2-3 days good and then 2-3 bad. I've seen friends all week and kept busy, has worked wonders for me. Unfortunately today was a bit of a downer. I have not been in contact with my ex for 2 weeks since she left the country to met a random guy overseas. On the whole this has been really good. I have been to counseling about her though, mostly venting but there has been a few good points to consider to. The main one my counselor brought up was, what would you do if/when your ex contacts you? This is a fair question because she has done it in the past, after 2 months of breaking up she called me at 4am saying she was suicidal (she has anxiety and depression). I was a sucker at the time, and helped her at the time, and this went on and off for a couple of months until she left the country recently. I have since realized I was probably just her in between guy until she met her new boyfriend overseas. My counselor says there is a good chance she will contact me, at some point after she gets back, and I need to be prepared for that. Because I don't want to be friendly with her because I know we will fall back into old habits like last time, really dragging out the break up and and hurting me at the same time. So last week I decided to sit down and think about what would I do if/when I am contacted, of which I will assume is when she is depressed and/or has no one else to go to. I came up with the following: "Look it's not my place to be there for you anymore, nor is it a place I want to put myself in again. I'm not your back up guy. You can't have me because (new bf's name) isn't there. That was your choice and now you have to live with it. You're on your own. If things are serious and you are going to hurt yourself you need to call the following numbers/people. (insert hospital, police, counseling phone numbers) Don't do anything drastic. You are worth living and good luck. Goodbye. This is a slightly edited version, of which I removed "I can't forgive you, I don't trust you, and I definitely don't respect you" Due to it probably sounding like I was still annoyed with her, and I don't want to have an argument over that. I've discussed thsi a few people and got varying responses. I like it because it gets my point across, that I'm not happy to be her back up guy, and gives me a sense of power (which my counselor says I give up too easy). Other people have said I shouldn't even pick up the phone, or I shouldn't give her the numbers of people to call to help her, or just tell her I'm busy sorry. What do you think? Also, on my bad day today I thought what would happen if/when I accidentally bump into my ex. There is a chance as we attend the same uni and course, this semester we will have a class together, so there is a chance we will bump into each other then, and she will want to sit with me because she doesn't have any friends in second year. Also another possibility is her joining the gym I work out at, something about that bugs me, that I may have to change gyms to keep away. So I have prepared myself for the inevitable phone call/text when she feels anxious and depressed. But I'm not sure how I can prepare to deal with actually seeing her in person at these places? Especially uni where I am almost guaranteed to atleast have a lecture and if I'm unluck a tutorial class with her. Edited June 21, 2013 by UVict
Recommended Posts