kjm07 Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Until recently I had been quite proud of my ex and I. We've been through the wringer over the years and 4 months ago he made the decision to end our most recent attempt at making things work. We had been doing better than ever. We were communicating better, being more mindful of things that were important to each other and generally feeling happier with and around each other. We had one blow up (very unpleasant) and things spiraled downhill quite quickly bringing him to his decision to end things once and for all. We had sorted out our finances and I had relocated to my hometown (3 hours from where he still lives). We had caught up a couple of times and maintained some contact. All of which we agreed had been difficult but great to see / talk to each other. A few weeks ago he became more distant, shorter in his communication to me and borderline cold. We had always agreed to try and limit communication and if one of us made contact we said we wouldn't ignore each other. I started feeling suspicious that perhaps he had met someone. Long story short, I just found out he is now with someone and this has sent me into turmoil. Part of the reason we had problems in our marriage was due to a lack of intimacy as he had erectile dysfunction. I attended doctors appointments where this was discussed so know it to be true and a consequence of previous medical condition. The doctors gave us a number of options to assist with this problem but my ex didn't follow through and hence I felt rejected quite frequently. I am now feeling devastated by the prospect that so soon after our marriage ends he is working on this and has started a relationship. As a result of our intimacy issues we never had children - something quite upsetting for me - although I was able to deal with being told my biological clock had exploded and it therefore wasn't going to happen for us - because we were together and had each other. This took quite a process as I wanted to try many options and he quite openly stated (after years of not saying anything) that he didn't want kids So wasnt bothered if they didnt come along - we never really tried properly much to my dismay. So, here's the catch. The woman he has hooked up with has a child. WHAT THE?? I also found out that she is a friend (I knew about) and that they had caught up only days prior to his decision to end our marriage. I tried talking to him about the new relationship as I am extremely hurt by it and he point blank refuses to discuss it. He said it is not related to our marriage ending and that the topic is not open for discussion. He has become quite aggressive in the way he speaks to me and any warmth that was there before is gone. He got very angry and told me that everything I am thinking about the nature of their relationship is assumption not fact. He told me that I shouldn't oversell what is going on. I am very confused. I am still me. Granted I didn't react very well when he admitted they had been "spending more time together" but I was shocked and hurt. I don't understand why he is now being hostile toward me when I am just trying to gain some closure. I would welcome the views of anyone who has found themselves in a similar position. I accept that he has the right to move on. But does that now mean I don't deserve respect that was previously forthcoming? Something just doesn't seem right and it is hurting. I can't help but feel that our lack of intimacy was something in our relationship only even though he always tried to reassure me that he still found me attractive. Just looking for some views and sorry for yet another long spiel. Thank you in advance
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