mortensorchid Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 No, I wouldn't bother with that one. She had her chance and for whatever reason she said no. And don't do EHarmony, that's an expensive waste of time in my experience. 1
Mr.Mango Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 This is tricky. It would be nice, but you can't extend things on OLD's as you would when meeting people in real life. I have a couple of friends (girls) who are on OLD's, and they sometimes talk to me about it. They'll often get 10+ messages a day, some short, some novels. Quite frankly, this can be a bit overwhelming. They themselves don't always know how to handle things. Should they respond to every single one, or become pickier now they have options? Most go for the latter. It's not that they are trying to ignore guys, they just try to make things easier, or are sometimes even scared to respond. OLD's are fickle, that's just the nature of it. Can't treat it like real life. In most cases you know close to nothing about the people you'd like to meet, so how can you make assumptions? It's obviously better to keep people out of the dark, but it's not always possible. It's sad, but as a guy you'll need to get used to that. In terms of someone getting back to you after a month, I don't know what to tell you. The only assumption you can make is that she'd like to talk. The rest is your own take on it and your decision on how to act upon it.
FitChick Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 If he hasn't met anyone else and still finds you attractive he will respond. 1
Star Gazer Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 If he hasn't met anyone else and still finds you attractive he will respond. 'Tis the key with OLD, all around. 1
Ripnet Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 I have a couple of friends (girls) who are on OLD's, and they sometimes talk to me about it. They'll often get 10+ messages a day, some short, some novels. Quite frankly, this can be a bit overwhelming. They themselves don't always know how to handle things. Should they respond to every single one, or become pickier now they have options? Most go for the latter. It's not that they are trying to ignore guys, they just try to make things easier, or are sometimes even scared to respond. I don't know but 10 messages isn't all that much. I can easily reply to 10 messages within 30 minutes easily. If they are too scared to respond that's an issue also. More likely these women have have good social skills. Thirty days is a long time even if someone is overwhelmed a month is too long. I don't do OLD anyways it's too much trouble than it's worth.
Ripnet Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Serious question. How can ANYONE be "more into" someone that they simply received an OLD message from? They haven't exchanged emails even. How can she be "into" you? Really. Explain that. Are you "into" women who you've never even exchanged a word?? That's crazy talk! You need sufficient interest to set up a date otherwise nobody getting a date. A guy needs sufficient interest to make contact with you. I'm not saying you would want to continue to dating that person but you need interest. If someone said hello to you would you not say hello back in IRL? I don' know but if you ignore someone who someone greets you it is considered rude. Unless the guy is making sexual advances I think it's proper to say sorry I'm not interested or I'm dating someone now. It doesn't take that much effort at all. Yes I have been into women I haven't talk to before, maybe due to physical attraction. If a guy isn't into a woman at all then why would he ask her out? You're not making any logical sense here. 1
Philosopher Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Yes, only a particularly sincere explanation could convince me otherwise Something like "Yeah I've been busy, how are you doing?" ain't gonna fly I agree entirely. If they have a valid reason, like they have been on holiday in another country for a few weeks and they have made an effort with their reply, then I would Ok with them not replying for a month. However if I got a reply like this one after a month that only takes a few seconds to write and doesn't really explain why they took so long to reply to me suggests they are not interested. In this case I would move onto someone else. 1
Ripnet Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I agree entirely. If they have a valid reason, like they have been on holiday in another country for a few weeks and they have made an effort with their reply, then I would Ok with them not replying for a month. However if I got a reply like this one after a month that only takes a few seconds to write and doesn't really explain why they took so long to reply to me suggests they are not interested. In this case I would move onto someone else. I don't know about other sites but POF has a feature that tells you the person read your message.
Author Michelle83 Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 Thanks for all the replies again. So it seems like an initial message may be best just so he knows what's going on and then at least I would be upfront about it. I could see someone feeling put off if it was a month wait and then a reply. Even myself I'd question it. The nice thing about eharmony is you can turn off the matches, so at least once you have a number, no more are sent... I learned that after so long the first time and it really helped. I don't think 30 days is all that long though, if you're talking to 3 guys, set up first meets, maybe a second and third date, before you know it a few weeks have passed. I just feel so much of OLD is people waiting for the next best thing and I think if you take that approach, it's unlikely to get anywhere. I'd rather focus on one or two guys, see if there's a connection and then move on from there. Otherwise it's a bit of toying with other people's feelings in my mind. People always complain about so many people who just vanish or stop responding but maybe if people weren't talking to so many at once, that wouldn't happen. Granted that can happen anywhere in life and OLD is a numbers game, but I just struggle with that myself.
BeholdtheMan Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 The basic idea is that if a girl doesn't respect you, that's no foundation for a potential relationship and you might as well move on Not replying for a month and then a lame reply showing no effort on her part is not worth my time and effort. It all depends on how she replies. 1
kitty1 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 When I first did online dating I was polite and responded to everyone who sent me a flirt. Big mistake. Men take this as you being interested in them. If you dont respond it is not being rude, it just means you are not interested for any number of reasons and most men move on.
MrMillion8 Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 i dont see a problem at all. I usually send out interest to multiple women. And when they do respond, even after months, it means that she is interested. Just give her a try and if you dont like her just move on. Why waste an opportunity.
Star Gazer Posted June 30, 2013 Posted June 30, 2013 How is this NOT a rejection? An assessment of who you are and deciding she's not interested based on that assessment is a rejection. Simply not responding to you because she's interested in/already dating someone else doesn't fit the above criteria. It especially doesn't fit if she's NOW contacting you. If she'd in fact rejected you before (that is, she didn't like you before), she wouldn't be contacting you now.
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