novedevoli Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 I need serious advice. My girlfriend and I have been going out for almost 3 years. We were so in love and stuff when we first started dating. I still love her more than anything in this world and she loves me but is not in love with me. I am now 21 and she is 18 and she says she doesn't feel anything when we kiss. But she likes doing things with me and cuddling with me in my bed. Nothing sexual though. She wants to separate from me and be friends until she feels like she wants to go back out with me. I am scared that this will never happen and she will just want to be friends. I can not handle that because everything I do in this world is for her. I commute 2 hours a day just so i can live close enough to see her. I go to school full time and work full time and both locations are over an hour away. I love her so much and I do not want to lose her. She is the only good thing that happened in my whole life. I would die for her. As time went on and my life became packed full of things I forgot to show her I loved her and treat her like she deserved. She thought for a while that i wanted her just for sex but that is not true. So she wants to seperate now and see if the spark comes back. What should I do?? HELP ME
Curt Posted October 14, 2004 Moderators Posted October 14, 2004 If she is behaving this way, then the fact is that she has already all but "timed the relationship out" in her own heart. You need to give it time. Separation sometimes does work. It's not an "all is lost situation" all the time. Plus, would you really want to stay with a woman if she has lost that "spark" that you speak of? Hey, man I feel your pain, believe me. But, even if you could keep her from leaving, how could you be content knowing every day that she is there, that her heart is not there at all. Surely, that would be worse than separating, a decision which might give her the time she may need to assess whether or not she wants to continue with you or not. Fact is, when they start saying things like this (and doing things as you've said), they've already started pulling away in their hearts and minds. The question is to continue or not. Truth is, time off may be the only thing that will yield an answer. Sorry to be so brutal about it, but I think you know in your own heart that this is likely the truth. Best regards, in either case. Curt
InThisSkinAgain Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 let her go. If she isn't in love with you anymore, if she doesn't desire you, then you are RIPPING YOURSELF OFF. You DESERVE to be wanted. It's okay if your heart aches and hurts and bleeds. Give it a clean break. You can be friends later. At her age, she is getting ready to start being a grown woman, but isn't there yet, and you, are cleaning to a relation that came out of childhood. I mean - teenagers, please!!!!!!!!!! I know it's real. I KNOW that. But if you cling to this relationship, you will become desperate, even less desirable, she will dump you anyway, and that will have been more time lost. You are burning daylight here. Which is more attractive ladies: A desperate, clinging man, willing to love you even if you have told them you don't want them anymore? ............................OR...................... a strong and independent man who says, "I love you, you know that, but I deserve more than this so this is the end." Why in the world would you want someone to stay with you if they don't want you anymore? Gross gross gross - what are you thinking? About the "I would die for her." Well, that's all well and good if you throw yourself in front of a bus to save her. That makes you a hero. But to die because of her? As in, "if I don't have her I don't want to live" makes you pathetic and is very immature and would indicate that you need more Dr. Phil and less Shakespeare in your life. Get more independent or spend the rest of your life getting kicked around by girls who kick the guts out of nice guys. reality rocks,drama bites
Author novedevoli Posted October 14, 2004 Author Posted October 14, 2004 But people don't understand the fact that the way her family has been to her she has never had a chance to make mistakes. I have seen her everyday for 2 1/2 years so that is bad too. I think time apart will make her realize how important I am to her and if not i guess I will move on with my life. So I am taking a week to not talk to her not even let her know how i am doing. Making it so she can't get a hold of me easily. Hopefully this will do the trick. Don't know though
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