r2323 Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 (edited) Hi, I'm glad I found this forum. I've been in a relationship with a woman for a year now and as things have progressed, I've become very confused as to what is going on with her. Let me start by saying this, she is 13 years older than me, however, we go together perfectly. That is until recently (3-4 months). She has a child with special needs. I know it isn't easy for her to be a single parent, and his father is nowhere in the picture. Since we started dating, I have tried to be somewhat of a father figure to him and give him the love and attention he needs. I came about that role sort of by her saying he was "my son" in general conversation....such as "Your son's over there watching TV so cute". It was sort of weird at first, but I'm used to it now. I will admit, he is a handful most of the time and it isn't easy. He has bad temper tantrums (13) and he always seems to get what he wants. I have been extremely patient with him and have tried to teach him how to be independent so when I'm not around his mother can have somewhat of a break. Overall, I've got very accustomed to the relationship and have accepted everything about it...so far. When we first started dating, she was very into me. Lots of touching, kissing, affection, etc. I'm not sure if this is appropriate for this site or not, but we would have sex everytime we were together after her son went to bed in a different room in the house (he sleeps in the same room as us by the way). She would call me often, leave nice messages, and it was very easy getting along with her. It was passionate, romantic, etc all the while I was filling the void in her and her sons life. Lately, she seems less interested in me. All of the touching, kissing, etc is gone. She still says she loves me and all, but something has changed. I'm more involved with her son now than ever, and she loves that, but she never makes anytime for us anymore. She doesn't work, but I know taking care of her son and her place is a full time job in itself. But those obligations existed before and she didn't use them as an excuse. She always wants to make plans for us to go places as a family and do things together, which I do, but there is never any "us" time anymore...meaning just me and her. It all revolves around her son or if he's in bed, her sister who's been staying with her. She always has enough energy to hang out with her in the evening and drink a little, but then as soon as her son goes to bed and the sister is ready to call it a night, she's tired. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, I help her out around her house, buy groceries when she needs some, etc but I just find myself doing everything for her, her son and her sister and I'm just stuck "baby sitting", working around the house, or hanging out after my long day at work. I have needs as well, and she never addresses my needs, whether they're emotional, physical, etc. It's always all about her and her son or sister. I don't mind most of the time because I'm not a "needy" person, but it just gets old. We've got to the point where we don't have sex hardly anymore because she's afraid it might wake her son up and he might see something. We can't go into another room because her sister is here and she might hear something. This is what she says anyway. She won't leave her son home alone unless we go on a date or a mini vacation so my place has always been out of question. I'm just confused as to if I am being taken advantage of and what I can do about it without it becoming a fight since we've never had any. I try so hard to give her and her son what they deserve and I never get anything back lately. Thanks for listening and for any input. Edited June 21, 2013 by r2323
todreaminblue Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 you have to make time and she has to make time for "alone time" between the two of you...it does sound like you are just "there" and your needs as important as everyone elses...so....talk to her maybe about a date night where you are out of the house together.....if her sister is there maybe she can baby sit to allow you guys to have some one on one....where there's a will there is a way ...if the relationship has any hope of survival ...that will needs to be strong enough to carry that way through....talk to her, be honest about how you feel....i hope it works out.....good luck...deb
salparadise Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Why not invite her to your place for a date night, and let the sister babysit the son? It does sound like you being taken for granted now that the routine has been established and the honeymoon phase is past. It's up to you to be assertive, express your needs and desires, and make some changes to the status quo. It also sounds to me like it's time to reevaluate whether the relationship, and the entire situation, is the life you want. It's admirable that you're doing a lot with the son, but ultimately he is not your responsibility and the reason you're involved is the romantic relationship with the mother. Perhaps you need a week off to contemplate what you want out of life?
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