drifter777 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Don't even try that line of thought here:laugh:.... People only see black & white (and red)..... They had a lousy marriage and HE rejected her for years and expects no repercussions? Yep sorry to tell you but if a spouse says no to sex for years, and you find a partner willing to have sex with you, then not so sure that is a terrible thing...... And oral sex is not sex..... Sorry it just is not. They've had a wonderful marriage and daily sex for over a year and have fixed past problems. Fine get the truth if you must and grow up and move on..... Wow. What a sick person you are to basically say "he deserved it". And your take on oral sex is beyond ridicules. There is no real world where a blowjob is not sex.
Author Triangle Agent Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 She passed the polygraph. Polygrapher seemed very confident that she's telling the truth. I know these things aren't 100% accurate. But given how she broke down when I questioned her and spilled her guts and after reading the instant messages...I feel fairly certain she's telling the truth. I don't want anyone to think that I'm taking this lightly. I wanted to hold her feet to the fire and find out the truth. Then see where this goes. She had an affair on me and she's truly remorseful. I'm not going to say one side is more guilty than the other but the instant messages tell the tale. She loved the attention and he was pouring it on thick. After months and months of dirty talk, he would beg her to come to his office and she would from time to time. She royally screwed up and she may have ruined the marriage. But I'm certain she didn't have vaginal sex with him...didn't love him...didn't kiss him...and there was never any communication outside the workplace. I think she became addicted to the attention and didn't get out. She royally screwed up. I appreciate the responses. But I don't think this forum has helped me or will. I need to do this with a clear head. So this will be my last post here. I truly wish nothing but the best to everyone in a similar situation. It sucks having your world crushed. But I'm in a good place mentally and I would never contemplate giving up on life...ever. Regardless of what happens, I will be just fine.
turnera Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 That's what I expected. I think you have a good shot at fixing the marriage moving forward, and this can be considered a strong wakeup call to do just that. Good luck. 1
Owl Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Or...she learned her lesson, realized what she stood to lose if she continues to behave the way she has been, and has made changes. We can't tell from here. Only the OP is in a position to truly make that determination for himself. Wish the best of luck to you, TA. I do hope that this was a 'wake up call', and things change for the both of you. It CAN happen that way, as I've experienced in my own life. 1
SmokeRat Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I do agree with Harve on a certain level, but that level comes from being betrayed myself and still within the realm of anger, resentment and rage. I wish I could have had the results that the OP is having with his WS. I still, even though it's detrimental to my healing, have HOPE that maybe one day, she'll come around and realize just how much she lost. OP, I wish you nothing but the best. I hope this was a wake up call to your WS, I know you are in for a long, hard road, but do it together.
karnak Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Unfortunately, sooner or later it will happen again. Then the "Triangle" will be sorry she didn't kick her the first time. Been reading LS stories for too long to know any different.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I hope it works out okay for you. But this I can tell you - if I knew I was going to have a poly, there is no question I could pass it with flying colors - I am an actress - there would be no problem. Anyway - I hope you are right and she has told the truth. My gut says not. It's just an unusual set of circumstances and so bizarre - it makes no sense.
SmokeRat Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 'Passing' a Poly isn't nearly as simple as you think. Just because you can 'act' a certain way, doesn't mean it wont pick up on the very minute details of your heart rhythm, blood pressure and so forth. Then again, assuming this is America (where the poly was administered), it isn't nearly as involved as Canadian Poly's. Since we hook up the subject to a poly machine, blood pressure meter, and two cameras directed at their eyes to watch for pupil dilation. Trust me, we've had sociopaths that burnt down buildings where I live, and not one of them has passed the Poly. And they've put on better acting than I've seen from some Hollywood greats. Prepare all you want, but come up here to Canada to test your skills first , long as you don't mind being hooked up to a bunch of medical equipment in a Police retention cell.
SmokeRat Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Our voice analysis computers would also like to have a word with you regarding your control over micro-tremors in your voice. Let me throw a thermal imaging camera on you as well to see if you're body temperature rises even a 10th of a degree during questioning. People think Police Officers are the hard asses of the questioning world, but they've yet to meet a Fire Investigations Officer woken up at 3am for a house fire. If your acting can beat a pissed off FIO, then by god I'll drive to Hollywood myself and get you a Oscar for best performance.
Realist3 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 She passed the polygraph. Polygrapher seemed very confident that she's telling the truth. I know these things aren't 100% accurate. But given how she broke down when I questioned her and spilled her guts and after reading the instant messages...I feel fairly certain she's telling the truth. I don't want anyone to think that I'm taking this lightly. I wanted to hold her feet to the fire and find out the truth. Then see where this goes. She had an affair on me and she's truly remorseful. I'm not going to say one side is more guilty than the other but the instant messages tell the tale. She loved the attention and he was pouring it on thick. After months and months of dirty talk, he would beg her to come to his office and she would from time to time. She royally screwed up and she may have ruined the marriage. But I'm certain she didn't have vaginal sex with him...didn't love him...didn't kiss him...and there was never any communication outside the workplace. I think she became addicted to the attention and didn't get out. She royally screwed up. I appreciate the responses. But I don't think this forum has helped me or will. I need to do this with a clear head. So this will be my last post here. I truly wish nothing but the best to everyone in a similar situation. It sucks having your world crushed. But I'm in a good place mentally and I would never contemplate giving up on life...ever. Regardless of what happens, I will be just fine. Very smart observation. This site has so many resident experts that are more than willing to tell you how crappy everything is, that it really serves no positive purpose for many posters that don't want to wallow in that same pit. After your post stating you were satisfied with how things had turned out to this point, got a couple of negative responses which served no real purpose; certainly not any purpose of helping you along the path you have chosen to take. So yes, don't waste your time here. I wish you the best.
SmokeRat Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Suppose you're right in that aspect Harve. Then again, if commercial Poly's applied the technologies that FIO's and Law Enforcement Agencies had at their disposal, it may be more 'effective'. But, if commercial Poly's had that kind of authority, I doubt any sane person would subject themselves to it.
Owl Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Harve, I'm curious...are you an expert on polygraph tests, or in a related field? What do you base your opinion on them on? What you've read, or is this fact based on professional experience?
SmokeRat Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 We aren't looking for lies, when investigating fires. We're looking for patterns of deception. We're looking for small, little things that form a pattern. Everyone has a breaking point, where if you push them to those limits, they will admit whatever they are hiding. If a person is NOT guilty, then they should be able to handle any amount of pressure from screaming, yelling or being berated. It's when they are guilty, that they cannot handle that. Detracting from the initial thread slightly. It comes down to this. You're as much an armchair psychologist as the rest of us. If the OP is happy, if he truly trusts his wife despite her transgressions, who are we to say to him otherwise. Maybe she is actually being truthful. And until you perhaps post your own story as to why you're here on the Infidelity Forms of LS, I do not see why you're prancing around here, telling the OP he's just setting himself up for failure. Maybe someone cheated on you, but please, share that with us. That's what we do here, shares our experiences.
SmokeRat Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Harve seems to be an expert, or he just went on Wikipedia and read the 'Countermeasures and criticism' section of the webpage. But Owl brings up a good point. I've seen Poly's work. I've seen Eye Cameras work. I've seen BP's work. Hell I've seen someone use a fMRI to watch the part of the brain that is related to deception fire on, during a test. It worked.
Realist3 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 All Harve is saying is that it is not a definitive science,and he is right in that. Anyone that places any validity on a poly test is a damn fool.
SmokeRat Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Quote: The current consensus is that faced with a forced choice paradigm, in which a subject has the choice of telling the truth or spontaneously generating a lie, lying can be distinguished due to increased prefrontal and parietal lobe activity End Quote. Rebuttal?
SmokeRat Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Then come up with some of your own sir. I'm not debating that these methods have flaws, because they do. But I've seen them work. Besides I've asked for you to share some back story on yourself. To at least, lend some credibility to you being on these forums. As well, unless you have past experience with infidelity and how you dealt with the circumstances, I hardly see how you can voice an opinion to a BS about how his wife 'will' act. Perhaps some pseudoscience yourself?
Owl Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I'd suggest that this is all a massive TJ to TA's post. Might make sense to bring up a thread on the subject of polygraphs and their reliability seperately. TA...again...to get this back on track...it's your life, your wife, and your choice. You're the only one who can decide what you feel is your best plan of action.
SmokeRat Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Agreed. Sorry for my contributions to the Thread Jacking. TA, take care of yourself. And please in the future take some time to come back here and let us know how you are doing. For those of us going through a R, and even those of us that didn't, it does give us some hope that things CAN work out, when both people want it badly enough.
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