Author Triangle Agent Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 She had a had a sexual affair for three years with another man and you did not have a clue. Yes I can see that you "can always tell", NOT!!! Go back an reread my original post. I knew something was wrong. And there's a big difference between being able to tell if someone is telling the truth and mind reading. Trying to get the poly set up for Monday. I'll post back when I know the results. She wants to take the poly.
janedoe67 Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 First, I am just starting my really sordid journey so I'm not an expert at all but something came to my mind. She does seem really remorseful and that is good, but you said that your marriage was sexless and now you are taking testosterone and it is great in that area now. I was/am in a sexless marriage for most of my marriage and I did use that to justify my affairs. After I confessed my first one years ago things got a lot better and stayed that way for a little while and I thought everything was great. But then we went back to the same kind of no sex or touching marriage as before and guess what? I never figured out how to deal with it or guard myself even in the hardest circumstances and some big things never got dealt with and I ended up doing it again. One of the questions you guys (SHE) needs to deal with is what happens if the sex goes away again. She cannot just run somewhere every time a need isn't getting met.
turnera Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Seems pretty common to me - she was being ignored, she'd always been a 'good girl,' and she got a chance to be daring, to have an alter ego. The thrill of that level of sneaking and getting to be a whole other person must have been very powerful. Learn from it, ensure you two are never less than 100% honest hereonout, and continue to improve your marriage.
Bittersweetie Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 You will discover that 100% of the time that the cheaters lied and told trickle truth. I can't speak for Triangle's situation, but I just wanted to say that the above is not necessarily true. I was a WW. I slept with xOM once. I told my H I slept with xOM once. I did not lie or gloss over that fact. Yes, lies by the WS do happen in a majority of cases. But not all. Maybe Triangle's wife is the exception rather than the rule. The chances are slim but there. Triangle, it's good that your WW is remorseful and willing to take a poly. After our d-day, my H made the decision to NOT make a decision regarding us right away. He took some time to see what he wanted, how he could deal, and how I dealt with things. This did not mean I had the "get out of jail free" card. I immediately had consequences and was in IC and worked very hard on myself and my issues and our relationship. It was probably a year and a half or so until H didn't have one foot out the door. If you choose reconciliation, it is a hard road for both parties if the proper work is done (no rug sweeping etc). It's been three and a half years since d-day and my H and I are now much more honest and open in our relationship and it is great. However I do regret the choice I made to have an A and wish that we had gotten to this place without the amount of hurt I caused him. Be sure to take care of yourself and good luck. B
Try Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Go back an reread my original post. I knew something was wrong. And there's a big difference between being able to tell if someone is telling the truth and mind reading. You tell your wife that you know something is wrong and ask her if there is someone else. She says that there is no one else. If you are "able to tell if someone is telling the truth", you would know that there was someone else with no mind reading being required. Yet she was in a physical affair for 3 years without you knowing. You may be good at telling when most people lie, but then again you are not in love with most people now are you. @ The LS regulars: The in love fog is strong with this one. 3
drifter777 Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 ... Gentlemen, what do you expect? Repeatedly reject your wives for years sexually you are telling her she is worthless and undesirable as a woman in one of the most important ways. I don't blame her one lick for cheating on you. I'm not going to bite on your obvious attempt to get folks all riled up but I'm sure others will. Besides, this is a public forum where you are free to post whatever you want. 1
Try Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Gentlemen, what do you expect? Repeatedly reject your wives for years sexually you are telling her she is worthless and undesirable as a woman in one of the most important ways. I don't blame her one lick for cheating on you. You are baiting everyone because you know that divorce was the proper option if that is what she felt. By the way, your name "Pox" is a good one. As they say "a Pox on everyone". 2
2sunny Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 The thought of your W swallowing his jizz and coming home to kiss you is revolting to me.
Author Triangle Agent Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 Polygraph is scheduled for Tuesday afternoon. I'll come back and post the results. She's not budging on the "facts." Never kissing...never sex...no love. And he never had an orgasm and neither did she. It was never outside the office and it was never more than a minute or so. She estimates the number of times at around 50-60 over 3 years. It was mostly Yahoo Messenger. I'll bet my left nut that she passes. And just to clarify...I never cut her off completely. We still had sex. But it was a once a month type of thing. And it had been that way for a couple years. There's no excuse for what she did. But I was neglecting her. I was sick and didn't know it. Zero sex drive for me. I thought it was just stress. It was low T.
lilmisscantbewrong Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Polygraph is scheduled for Tuesday afternoon. I'll come back and post the results. She's not budging on the "facts." Never kissing...never sex...no love. And he never had an orgasm and neither did she. It was never outside the office and it was never more than a minute or so. She estimates the number of times at around 50-60 over 3 years. It was mostly Yahoo Messenger. I'll bet my left nut that she passes. And just to clarify...I never cut her off completely. We still had sex. But it was a once a month type of thing. And it had been that way for a couple years. There's no excuse for what she did. But I was neglecting her. I was sick and didn't know it. Zero sex drive for me. I thought it was just stress. It was low T. There was oral sex and no orgasm on his part? I hope the poly gives you the answers you need.
Running Man Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 She's not budging on the "facts." Never kissing...never sex...no love. And he never had an orgasm and neither did she. It was never outside the office and it was never more than a minute or so. She estimates the number of times at around 50-60 over 3 years. It was mostly Yahoo Messenger. I'll bet my left nut that she passes. S#$King D#$k is sex in my book. Does it make you feel better that she didn't kiss him in the mouth but only below the belt? So what it was never outside the office. It only shows that she can cheat anywhere and at anytime in least likely places. 50 to 60 times in 3 years? 50 to 60 times in 3 years? 50 to 60 times in 3 years?............WTF? I'll bet my left nut that she passes.,,,,,yeah you might want to use a different phrase
aliveagain Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Friend, Careful on how you ask the questions. Penis in her mouth, tongue in her vagina is sex unless your last name is Clinton. The part that really bothers me is that she would just walk into his office and pull his thing out and start sucking it than leave and other times she would lift her dress, straddle his face for a minute than walk out of his office, how sick is that? That isn't about attention, that's someone that needs a lot of one on one professional help.
Try Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 She's not budging on the "facts." Never kissing...never sex...no love. Saying that they never had sex may make you feel better, but she is just trying trying to minimize her actions. Dude, oral sex is still sex. That is why they call it oral "sex". Using her false logic, since gay couples cannot have intercourse, they cannot have sex. She is using cheaters false logic. Stop buying into it. I'll bet my left nut that she passes. OK, since I want to help, I will resist the obvious insult that you left yourself open for with this one. Not everyone will, so be careful saying such things in the future. We still had sex. But it was a once a month type of thing. And it had been that way for a couple years. There's no excuse for what she did. But I was neglecting her. I was sick and didn't know it. Zero sex drive for me. I thought it was just stress. It was low T. The definition of a sexless marriage is sex 10 or less times a year, so it may apply to your situation. Regardless, you having a medical condition for a couple years is not excuse for her cheating. Many people have things like cancer, whose treatment makes having sex difficult for a couple years, yet their spouse do not cheat. It is called life, and facing life together as a team is what marraige is all about.
Author Triangle Agent Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 Guys...I appreciate the advice. I'm not downplaying what has happened here. I'm just trying to gain the truth. I realize oral sex is sex. I realize she had a full blown affair. I just want to know if she has told me everything. If she is lying then I don't know how this will turn out. If she came completely clean and told me everything from the start...then we will see. Just because I have forgiven her doesn't mean that the marriage will work. Maybe my definition of "forgive" is different than others. I can forgive someone but not ever trust them again. At this point I just want to know the facts. I've read the instant messages. They were saved in her conversation history. All in their glory. And everything I've read backs up her story. Again...not making this sound like it wasn't a full blown affair because there wasn't vaginal intercourse, kissing, or love. I'll rephrase what I said. After everything I have read and investigated...I am fairly certain she has told me everything. We will find out Tuesday. And the polygrapher is someone I've used numerous times. He's very good. He will know what to ask.
Balzac Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 As long as you understand the limits of polygraph, it's an opportunity to move this situation to the next level. Best of outcomes to you.
Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I don't get why anyone would think mouth-to-mouth kissing is "worse" affair conduct, than mouth-to-genital contact? Seems to be a peculiar way of looking at it. There are lots of issues here not just the affair which is the tip of the iceberg. Triangle Agent repeatedly rejecting his wife sexually, doing nothing about it for years. His wife hiding liquor indicates she probably has an alcohol abuse problem as well. It sounds like the marriage went cold right after she gave birth, did she have post partum depression or perhaps gain lots of weight making her unattractive to you and herself feeling unattractive? There's another thread from a cheating wife where her husband didn't want to have sex with her for years and she ended up cheating. It sounds like something similar happened here too. Gentlemen, what do you expect? Repeatedly reject your wives for years sexually you are telling her she is worthless and undesirable as a woman in one of the most important ways. I don't blame her one lick for cheating on you. Also I would tend to agree with those who believe she probably did have intercourse, sorry, it doesn't really make sense that she wouldn't have at some point or another. However you did reject her sexually, so what is the point of blaming her for what she did? Is there actually any point in getting a polygraph? After all when you consistently rejected her for sex that was just a way of saying "For all intents and purposes this marriage is over." Sounds like she took you at your word. Don't even try that line of thought here:laugh:.... People only see black & white (and red)..... They had a lousy marriage and HE rejected her for years and expects no repercussions? Yep sorry to tell you but if a spouse says no to sex for years, and you find a partner willing to have sex with you, then not so sure that is a terrible thing...... And oral sex is not sex..... Sorry it just is not. They've had a wonderful marriage and daily sex for over a year and have fixed past problems. Fine get the truth if you must and grow up and move on.....
aliveagain Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 They call it ORAL SEX, key word is "SEX." It's not Oral sucking, Oral stuffing, Oral semen collection, so absolutely it is a form of sex. Don't take advice too seriously from someone that tells you to move on. Take your time, get the truth then make your mind up as to what you need to stay. The decision to cheat was hers, the decision to stay as a couple is yours.
Realist3 Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I wasn't trying to bait anyone. It applies to both genders too. If a person cuts their spouse (or even a same-sex partner perhaps) from all sex and affection then the marriage has serious serious problems already, and the cutting off of the sex is basically a declaration that the marriage is over. That's the whole point of cutting off the sex, isn't it? It's a passive-aggressive way of ending the marriage without overtly being responsible for that decision. I concur with both posts you made.
BeholdtheMan Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 She's not budging on the "facts." Never kissing...never sex...no love. And he never had an orgasm and neither did she. It was never outside the office and it was never more than a minute or so. She estimates the number of times at around 50-60 over 3 years. It was mostly Yahoo Messenger. I'll bet my left nut that she passes.Holy sh*t man...it's not about whether the OM nutted in your wife's mouth, it's about the fact that the OM's c*ck was in your wife's mouth. CHEATING IS CHEATING! Stop minimising for her. You're making her life way too easy. She doesn't even have to brainwash you. You' re doing it yourself. The polygraph is a waste of time. Your wife has already shown that she can't be trusted. So what if she only engaged in sex acts for 1 minute at a time. How does that make it less of a betrayal of your trust? It doesn't! And just to clarify...I never cut her off completely. We still had sex. But it was a once a month type of thing. And it had been that way for a couple years. There's no excuse for what she did. But I was neglecting her. I was sick and didn't know it. Zero sex drive for me. I thought it was just stress. It was low T.You're not morally responsible for her cheating. The right thing for her to do in that situation is to communicate her frustrations to you/try to fix things. If that doesn't work, divorce is the proper choice. Not giving some dude at her office 1 minute blowjobs. I really hope you see the light and stop minimising your wife's betrayal
Janesays Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 (edited) The thought of your W swallowing his jizz and coming home to kiss you is revolting to me. You want to know what is revolting. This post is revolting. Seriously, dude. People come here because they are freaking HURTING and you think it's a good idea to pour salt in the wound? You're disgusting and sick and if this is what you call 'help,' then I thank God that I will never know you in real life and I feel sorry for your 'friends' and 'family.' :mad::mad: You should be ashamed for typing something like this. Someday when you're at your very lowest, someone is going to come along and kick you in the face too. Remember this nonsense and swallow your medicine, baby, because you deserve it. OP, some of the posters here are bitter and twisted beyond repair. No matter what happens between you and your wife, I beg that you never let this experience turn you into one of them. Edited June 23, 2013 by Janesays 3
turnera Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 And oral sex is not sex..... Sorry it just is not. Really? So you're fine if your spouse hooks up with the coworker for a weekly going down on each other? Because, after all, it's not SEX...
Confused48 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Having low testosterone isn't being 'sick.' A lot of the guys here on LS will claim that a woman who sexually neglects her husband "shouldn't be surprised when he goes looking elsewhere for it" and that she didn't honor her marriage vows and on and on and on. As usual, now that the situation is in reverse and the woman is being neglected, the hypocrisy is over the top and she's a soul sucking she-devil. Why am I not surprised? I've seen men and women defend cheating based on lack of sex. I've seen men and women condemn it. I don't think I've seen it condemned or excused for one sex and not the other by the same person. That would be bias. 1
Archanaart Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Of course I didn’t believe her at first. This just doesn’t sound like something a woman would do. A man…yes. I just wanted to point out that I am against cheating. However, I disagree with this statement completely and I think it is sexist. Women are capable of cheating. Women have sexual needs too and they want to feel wanted by the person they love. Therefore, if she or he isn't getting what she/he needs (their needs are not being met) then they will seek it elsewhere. Just saying. 2
BeholdtheMan Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 You want to know what is revolting. This post is revolting. Seriously, dude. People come here because they are freaking HURTING and you think it's a good idea to pour salt in the wound? You're disgusting and sick and if this is what you call 'help,' then I thank God that I will never know you in real life and I feel sorry for your 'friends' and 'family.' :mad::mad: You should be ashamed for typing something like this. Someday when you're at your very lowest, someone is going to come along and kick you in the face too. Remember this nonsense and swallow your medicine, baby, because you deserve it. OP, some of the posters here are bitter and twisted beyond repair. No matter what happens between you and your wife, I beg that you never let this experience turn you into one of them.In this case, I think OP needs to hear something like this to shock him out of his apathy. His wife blows enough smoke up his ass at home. He doesnt need to be coddles on LS
Janesays Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 (edited) In this case, I think OP needs to hear something like this to shock him out of his apathy. His wife blows enough smoke up his ass at home. He doesnt need to be coddles on LS This isn't about coddling anyone. This is about being disgusting and CRUEL. Do you really think emotional CRUELTY is what the OP "needs" right now? Do you think cruelty HELPS? Maybe if you're trying to help him put a bullet in his mouth! When someone is cheated on, they are in a very dark, emotionally vulnerable place. Suicide is not uncommon. Murder is not uncommon. Murder-suicide is not uncommon. How would you bottom feeders feel if you spouted this vindictive, petty, downright EVIL version of "help" and someone ended up getting seriously hurt? Do you even stop to consider the damage you might do? Or do you even care? If you can't be bothered to respond without even an iota of sensitivity and respect for the pain and emotional turmoil of the situation, then kindly keep your mouth shut. Saying stuff like that is NOT OK. You are beyond hope if you think comments like that are justified. Edited June 24, 2013 by Janesays
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