coping

[steelpantherrocks]

back in Oct i lost whom i thought was the love of my life. i just wanted to post this for some of yous who are fresh out of relationships to maybe give hope that things get better with time.

up untill probably 2 months ago, i was still a mess. and when i say a mess, i mean, dreaming of my ex, thinking she was the "one that got away" that id never find someone as pretty as her as kind, or with the same body that i like, basically i thought this girl was perfect in every sense. then she fell off the pedistle i put her on, and her true colours finally fell through.

 

i did all the wrong things, even up untill a few months ago, the texting the begging the pleading. the entire time she was dating another guy which she didnt tell me about. i would go weeks without no contact and i would start to feel better but then someone would mention her or id see a glimsp of her driving and all the progress i made was for nothing. it was a real rollercoaster of a ride, and to be honest it still is somedays. i was supposed to marry this girl, we spent 5 yrs together, but she wasnt the girl i fell in love with. people change and unfourtunatly i had to go through this girls mid 20s transition. i blocked her on facebook almost immediatly which def helped and i suggest you all do, do not search her on google or whatever, or any social media sites because mark my words when you see those pics of her with someone else it will gut you..

 

 

today i feel somewhat relieved that i didnt marry her, during our realtionship we both were faithful, towards the end we lost respect for eachother and began to search out other "prospects" but i didnt act on them, i had a few close calls but i didnt ever want to cross the line. however she did and thats what i think made it so hard for me to let go and not be so angry at her.

 

we tried the friends thing backin feb actually hung out one night as friends, it was good to be with her again even just as friends but the entire time her phone was going off and i knew because she is a very beautiful girl prob the majority of those texts were guys. i wasnt in the position to ask who they were anymore which was really hard to sit through. we talked about the possibility of getting back together and at the time i really wanted her back so badly. even though she had already been with half a dozen guys since our split 4 months before i still didnt care. she said she didnt want a relationship and that she wasnt ready yet, but yet shes now dating someone exclusivly since march right after our meeting.

 

i still now think what would have been, i do still miss her but her actions post breakup showed me the type of person she really is, one i could never be with again. im older than her by 11 yrs and honestly we are in diff stages in life, me im content, good job, home, money finacially stable, her nothing. shed just be squeezing me dry like she did for the 5 yrs we were together. i blame my self for allowing it or giving her the best life i possibly could. she didnt apreciate me or the things i did, but i now see through al the hurt and loss that i would never have been happy.

 

 

i am with someone now who i am more capatable with, shes stable, lots of common interests and all the comparing i used to do , comparing every girl to my ex has stopped. why i am writing this is to show the diff stages one goes through. i went through them all, its been a few months since we spoke, she seems to get in contact with me every so often i think to make sure im still there, this past time a few days ago was to ask if i had some insurance on one of my harleys. not sure why she does this, its odd and im not sure what the meaning behind this is.. but anyways.

 

it does get better with time and as much as i thought i could never live without her im doing well and if i can anyone can, just give it some time..

[mtnbiker3000]

I cringed when reading this because so much of it is exactly the same as my situation. All I can say is I am glad it gets better soon. I'm behind you in that I didn't actually BU until Feb...

 

... dreaming of my ex, thinking she was the "one that got away" that id never find someone as pretty as her as kind, or with the same body that i like, basically i thought this girl was perfect in every sense. then she fell off the pedistle i put her on, and her true colours finally fell through.

 

Yes, I totally relate to this. I am finally accepting the fact that the girl I loved has been gone for a long time or may have never even really existed in the first place... Too bad, because this is the most beautiful woman I have ever known let alone dated. Sometimes I wondered why she was even with me, as she could have her pick of men. I dunno, I guess there was something, at some point that attracted her to me.

 

i was supposed to marry this girl, we spent 5 yrs together, but she wasnt the girl i fell in love with. people change and unfourtunatly i had to go through this girls mid 20s transition.

 

I was also engaged and absolutely thought we would be married and spend the rest of our lives together. I admit, I was delusional. My ex was 28 when we met and will turn 32 on Wednesday. I think she was also in a transition period when together with me. We were together 3 years.

 

today i feel somewhat relieved that i didnt marry her, during our realtionship we both were faithful, towards the end we lost respect for eachother and began to search out other "prospects" but i didnt act on them, i had a few close calls but i didnt ever want to cross the line. however she did and thats what i think made it so hard for me to let go and not be so angry at her.

 

I guess I am somewhat relieved too, as our marriage would surely have crumbled as well. Yes, the respect level really dropped, and that hurts a lot. When someone who you still care about starts to treat you with so little respect, it is very confusing and hurtful.

 

I stayed faithful the entire time. Had absolutely no desire to 'look' for someone else. Still really don't. However, I am almost positive she began the search before we were done. Maybe even acted upon it, but I am not sure of that and really don't even want to know. I still have quite a bit of anger either way...

 

we tried the friends thing backin feb actually hung out one night as friends, it was good to be with her again even just as friends but the entire time her phone was going off and i knew because she is a very beautiful girl prob the majority of those texts were guys. i wasnt in the position to ask who they were anymore which was really hard to sit through. we talked about the possibility of getting back together and at the time i really wanted her back so badly. even though she had already been with half a dozen guys since our split 4 months before i still didnt care. she said she didnt want a relationship and that she wasnt ready yet, but yet shes now dating someone exclusivly since march right after our meeting.

 

I have been NC since I moved out in mid March. I cannot know what is going on in her life or who she is dating. No way!!!

 

i still now think what would have been, i do still miss her but her actions post breakup showed me the type of person she really is, one i could never be with again. im older than her by 11 yrs and honestly we are in diff stages in life, me im content, good job, home, money finacially stable, her nothing. shed just be squeezing me dry like she did for the 5 yrs we were together. i blame my self for allowing it or giving her the best life i possibly could. she didnt apreciate me or the things i did, but i now see through al the hurt and loss that i would never have been happy.

 

Early on my thoughts were consumed with questions like this. Now less and less. I can even squeeze them out of my mind if they start to linger too long. I too, now realize the person I lived with for three years was not who I thought she was. And she changed from the girl I loved into someone else. I am also older than her by 10 years, and also feel we are in different stages of life. Although I am not as financially successful as you seem to be, I am at a point where I want to settle down into a stable life and plant roots. She is still in a go, go, go mentality. Especially over the last 6 to 8 months. As I mentioned, she changed. When we were happily in the middle of our RS she too talked of marriage and settling down. I guess her plans changed.

 

I also gave her everything I could and took great care of her. Cooked, cleaned maintained our home, took her on day trips, dinners, concerts, sporting events, weekend trips and always tried to show her a good time. And I feel she never appreciated this. Often, never so much as a 'thank you'...

 

I too, feel I would never have been truly happy. And even though this girl is extremely naturally attractive physically and metally/spiritually, we never really clicked in the bedroom either. Not that it was bad, it just wasn't great! It was always very scripted and I had a job to do. However, I never received very much 'special attention' even when I asked for it!! Whatever

 

i am with someone now who i am more capatable with, shes stable, lots of common interests and all the comparing i used to do , comparing every girl to my ex has stopped. why i am writing this is to show the diff stages one goes through. i went through them all, its been a few months since we spoke, she seems to get in contact with me every so often i think to make sure im still there, this past time a few days ago was to ask if i had some insurance on one of my harleys. not sure why she does this, its odd and im not sure what the meaning behind this is.. but anyways.

 

The ex and i did share a lot of common interests and I am afraid it may be hard to find that again in someone who i am so attracted to. I only hope I find someone who I am better suited for and share more compatibilites.

 

it does get better with time and as much as i thought i could never live without her im doing well and if i can anyone can, just give it some time..

 

I am now 95+ days of NC and it is slowly becoming more manageable, but I still think of her often. Now, I am nervous about a future RS, because this one started out so well and ended so bad. I don't want to repeat the same thing again. That is why I am spending a great deal of time and energy working on my own issues at this point. I hope it pays off!!!

 

Just had to piggyback off of what you wrote because it echos my situation so closely and it feels good to get it out of my system, again!!

 

Well good luck and i hope we both come out smiling!!

[steelpantherrocks]

thanks for commenting, and by the sounds of it we both were in very similar senarios. I by all means try very hard to be civil with her as our friends circles are somewhat close and similar. i havent ran into her yet in a social setting other than back in december which i immediatly removed myself from. its hard to think of what life can be like without these people in it. you mentioned you had alot in common with her, well i didnt which made it tough. i tried to get her into different activities dirtbiking snowboarding etc but to no avail. she was content watching tv, and texting. but whatever. dont sweat it man honestly, i didnt think i was gonna find someone who lived the same lifestyle i did, but i did and actually have a hard time keepin up with her. i have a new apreciation for people with drive and focus. im 37, and i really hate having to start over again, i thought she was the one, but i truley believe , it woulda been a disaster if we did marry, i know this. she didnt respect me, like i said i provided her with everything possible in this life..

 

all i got in return was her scandelous behaviour. but im from a small town and word got out about her being a trainwreck so she got hers, and i dont wish her ill will or harm just that i really hope one day she realized what she had, and the life we had. and i truley wish she woulda just put a bit more effort into it, when one person is doing it all, from house keeping to bill paying to providing it gets a bit tiresome when the other person doesnt apreciate any of it and expects it.

 

i miss her still i really do, why im not sure, im ok now, but i still remember some of the goodness in her and she had alot of it. she is an amazing girl but theres the side everyone else sees and the side i got. its too bad. im no saint either but it tkes 2 to fail at a relationship and it only was in the past few months i was able to stop blamming myself and realize this.

 

**** happens, im glad i can keep my head held high and know i didnt cheat, unlike herself. shes young, in a peroid in her life where she doesnt know what she wants outta this life yet, shell figure it out eventually but it wont no longer be on my dime..

 

shes the new guys problem now.not mine..