lcwilson29 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Hi. I hope I'm not being too self indulgent here but I've been left in the soon to be sold marital home alone, having allowed my wife to alienate my friends and family. I just need to get this down somewhere. My wife and I married quickly. We started a business. There were signs of controlling actions from the beginning, for example she insisted on a joint bank account. Apparently I didn't 'need' my own. Anyway, over the past 6 years of marriage, I've watched as friends were pushed away as they didn't like my wife. Even my family struggled to like her. At the time I wasn't really aware. They always say hindsight is a fabulous thing. 7 weeks ago, we were due to have a crunch meeting with our accountant. The business hadn't been doing well for a while. Perhaps 12-18 months. We were going to go to the office together, to walk so we could project a united front. gather our thoughts. Or at least I thought. Anyway, when I got out of the shower she had gone. Left me in the shower to walk in alone. Needless to say, I took exception to this and suggested we seek marriage guidance. Her reaction was to drink heavily that evening, the following evening and on the following Sunday, drop the divorce bombshell. Since, she's been cold towards me. We have no option but to work together as we both have everything on the line. I'm trying to be calm at work but she's turned into the person I suppose I always thought lurked in there somewhere. Anyway, enough self indulgence. My questions are these: I feel like a complete fool for allowing this to happen. I can barely stand my own company as I gave up an amazing job and life for this, only to waste 7 years, miss out on having a family...all to live with an alcoholic. Does anyone know how long my self loathing may last? I'll be leaving the marriage with nothing at best, massive debts at the very worst. How on earth will anyone accept a man in my position if I ever move on? Is it inexcusable to try to contact friends who fell by the wayside or were forced away by my soon to be ex? This is all very new and raw still. I'm sorry if this sounds like a moan, I just have no one to act as a sounding board... I really have been left totally alone to start again. On the other hand, as we moved to my ex wife's home town, she's surrounded by the very people she's been criticising for the past few years. Even her family are here.....which didn't prevent her from being horrible about them too....but at least she has people to talk too!
Yasuandio Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Real friends are real friends. You will find out who they are when you reach out. Yas
notbroken Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Yas is 'right on'. Your friends are friends no matter what. Call the ones you care the most about. Drop any that aren't supportive like a stone. You will need a few friends during a divorce. Reconnect with your best friends. You may have lost a few, but they weren't your real friends any way. Don't worry about being attractive to women. You'll have no trouble finding a new one once the 'fog clears'. Don't even make that a priority. It will happen when the time is right and you shouldn't even want it to overnight any way. Go slow. Recover personally. My advice would be to get away from your wife asap since divorce seems inevitable. If she is an alcoholic and you are having business troubles, she could make it much worse quickly. Watch any and all expenses. Cancel any joint credit cards and accounts asap. If she is already 'nasty', it is likely she will get much worse in the divorce. Insist on splitting assets AND debt 50/50. People always seem to forget about splitting debt. She owes 1/2 - just no doubt about it. Good luck.
lovemaynotbeenough Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Yes, I think you should reach out. Your friends if they are true friends will not be in the "I told you so" mode. You will need all of the support you can get!
phillygirl Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 True friends understand. True friends will support you. You are experiencing REAL grief; and your reaction is appropriate. Sending your peace and support... (((hugs)))
Author lcwilson29 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 Thanks for the kind messages. It's been good to read on here and see people making progress. Gives hope. I'm hoping that being absent from peoples lives for 6/7 years isn't too long to rekindle relationships. It's a tough thing to accept that someone you spent 24/7 with for so long, and that you thought you knew, can turn out to be a person you don't know at all.
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