jen_r Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Okay, so I've been talking to this guy for about a month now. We hooked up about 2 weeks ago and haven't seen each other since. We text pretty much every day, but I've since put a stop to that. Here's why: He won't make a move! He won't make any plans to meet up with me and since I initiated the last time we hung out I figure the balls in his court. I'm like okay enough with the back & forth bs, let's hang out! I've casually dropped him texts that say "were playing beer pong over so&so's, you're missing out!" And he'll respond that he's too tired to come out. So, I've stopped texting him and have kind of given up on him. After reading through our texts I think I may know the problem. He's really, really busy. School & work mon-sat. And he's mentioned a few times about trying to get his career started and trying to make money. So my question is - Would a guy withhold from making plans with a girl and trying to move forward is he didn't have alot of money? I figure if you like someone, you'll go for it anyways, regardless. Maybe he doesn't want to initiate hanging out because he assumes he'll have to pay for me?
GI_Joy Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 It really depends on the guy. I had one boyfriend who only paid for me twice out of the whole relationship, every other time we went out I paid or we went dutch. He definitely made more money than I did but he claimed to have a lot of bills and lived "paycheck-to-paycheck". He was selfish and stingy. My current boyfriend makes less money than me and actually got his pay cut in half for this month because of a logistical error. That still didn't stop him from paying for me and even getting little presents here and there. If he really wants to hang out with you he'd make the effort. And spending quality time with someone doesn't always require money. Sadly, in your situation, it sounds like being in a relationship isn't high on his priorities like his schooling/career is at the moment. 1
clia Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 So my question is - Would a guy withhold from making plans with a girl and trying to move forward is he didn't have alot of money? In my opinion, no. There are plenty of things you can do for free or cheap -- go to parks, walks, ice cream, coffee, cheaper restaurants, watch TV or movies at home, etc. If he really wanted to spend time with you, he would find a way. 2
Author jen_r Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 And spending quality time with someone doesn't always require money. Sadly, in your situation, it sounds like being in a relationship isn't high on his priorities like his schooling/career is at the moment. Bah, that's what I was afraid of! He's the one who pursued me, got my number, wanted to hang out etc. Guys are so confusing, I swear.
GI_Joy Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Bah, that's what I was afraid of! He's the one who pursued me, got my number, wanted to hang out etc. Guys are so confusing, I swear. YEP. It really is confusing. That's pretty much what happened with me and my ex, he pursued me so hard in the beginning and then realized that being with someone actually takes work, work that he'd rather put into other things, and then they do the whole fade-away thing hoping that you get the hint. It's the worst. It made me feel insecure and paranoid because I actually grew feelings for the guy. Thankfully for you it's only been a month, but don't fall into a situation where you're only seeing him at his convenience. It isn't fair to you and you deserve someone who is generous with their time.
LinangelyKerbs Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Bah, that's what I was afraid of! He's the one who pursued me, got my number, wanted to hang out etc. Guys are so confusing, I swear. They are confusing. But next time you know that when a guy is "too busy" or making excuses why he can't be with you, that just means it's time to let him go. If a guy likes you he'll show it, and he'll want to be around you a lot. 1
Author jen_r Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 YEP. It really is confusing. That's pretty much what happened with me and my ex, he pursued me so hard in the beginning and then realized that being with someone actually takes work, work that he'd rather put into other things, and then they do the whole fade-away thing hoping that you get the hint. It's the worst. It made me feel insecure and paranoid because I actually grew feelings for the guy. Thankfully for you it's only been a month, but don't fall into a situation where you're only seeing him at his convenience. It isn't fair to you and you deserve someone who is generous with their time. That's true, It'll be easier for me to duck out now rather than keep hoping for something to happen. Boo, he was hot too. They are confusing. But next time you know that when a guy is "too busy" or making excuses why he can't be with you, that just means it's time to let him go. If a guy likes you he'll show it, and he'll want to be around you a lot. You know what though, I met this other guy over the weekend and we made out (lol oops) and he invited me to brunch on Sunday and I couldn't go because I was busy & I haven't heard from him since. Sometimes people are busy haha
crude Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I don't think $$$ is a factor because he doesn't HAVE to pay, and can easily explain to you he wants cheap dates regardless of who pays what. He might just be extraordinarily busy with work and school, which means the ball is in his court because only he knows when he has a few precious hours off. Don't write him off completely, but don't depend on anything with him either.
rocketman122 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Okay, so I've been talking to this guy for about a month now. We hooked up about 2 weeks ago and haven't seen each other since. We text pretty much every day, but I've since put a stop to that. Here's why: He won't make a move! He won't make any plans to meet up with me and since I initiated the last time we hung out I figure the balls in his court. I'm like okay enough with the back & forth bs, let's hang out! I've casually dropped him texts that say "were playing beer pong over so&so's, you're missing out!" And he'll respond that he's too tired to come out. So, I've stopped texting him and have kind of given up on him. After reading through our texts I think I may know the problem. He's really, really busy. School & work mon-sat. And he's mentioned a few times about trying to get his career started and trying to make money. So my question is - Would a guy withhold from making plans with a girl and trying to move forward if he didn't have alot of money? I figure if you like someone, you'll go for it anyways, regardless. Maybe he doesn't want to initiate hanging out because he assumes he'll have to pay for me? I will give my input because this pertained to me in the past. I did wedding photography for 9 years. I was making good money. my gear was stolen and I got divorced. I fell in heavy debt. I joined jdate and got tons of messages from women but knew I couldnt afford them. I say "them" because, sorry to say, but having a GF and dating takes a lot of money. im not the cheapo kind and like to go to expensive restaurants when I go out. I said to myself, ok, so the first date, you go to a cafe and drink coffee, and then to the beach for a walk with ice cream on the 2nd, but then what? I couldnt afford going to mcdonalds. so yes, if he has no money he may not want to get into a relationship with you because of that. I wouldnt. I dont want to be thought of as a cheapo and I like to treat my lady right, so yes, you need money. sorry to tell it to you like that, but a GF is expensive. I dont need a lot of money but maybe he feels he needs to be wealthy to date properly. who knows. simple fact is that you need money. and since I almost ALWAYS (99%) pay when im with my GF I couldnt start something meaningful. I held back till I got out of debt partly. also the problem is men date out of their financial level. I know I do it many times. its very hard.
Author jen_r Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 I don't think $$$ is a factor because he doesn't HAVE to pay, and can easily explain to you he wants cheap dates regardless of who pays what. He might just be extraordinarily busy with work and school, which means the ball is in his court because only he knows when he has a few precious hours off. Don't write him off completely, but don't depend on anything with him either. I'm going to take this advice actually. I'm not going to write him off...If he decides he wants to hang out sometime, cool. But I won't be waiting by the phone for him. I figure this is just a summer fling anyways, but, we're not flinging hahaha
rocketman122 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 there's a guy at my work that says who the EFF needs all that expense?! I just go to a prostitute once a week. I get my satisfaction and its cheaper. I can understand him partly. but nothing beats waking up next to my GF while spooning her. its the best!
Author jen_r Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 I will give my input because this pertained to me in the past. I did wedding photography for 9 years. I was making good money. my gear was stolen and I got divorced. I fell in heavy debt. I joined jdate and got tons of messages from women but knew I couldnt afford them. I say "them" because, sorry to say, but having a GF and dating takes a lot of money. im not the cheapo kind and like to go to expensive restaurants when I go out. I said to myself, ok, so the first date, you go to a cafe and drink coffee, and then to the beach for a walk with ice cream on the 2nd, but then what? I couldnt afford going to mcdonalds. so yes, if he has no money he may not want to get into a relationship with you because of that. I wouldnt. I dont want to be thought of as a cheapo and I like to treat my lady right, so yes, you need money. sorry to tell it to you like that, but a GF is expensive. I dont need a lot of money but maybe he feels he needs to be wealthy to date properly. who knows. simple fact is that you need money. and since I almost ALWAYS (99%) pay when im with my GF I couldnt start something meaningful. I held back till I got out of debt partly. also the problem is men date out of their financial level. I know I do it many times. its very hard. Thank you for this! You're point of view makes me feel sooo much better. See, I may not have helped the situation by constantly talking about trying to buy a condo. Maybe he assumes I have money? Feels inadequate?
rocketman122 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Thank you for this! You're point of view makes me feel sooo much better. See, I may not have helped the situation by constantly talking about trying to buy a condo. Maybe he assumes I have money? Feels inadequate? I did! very much so. I felt because I couldnt treat my lady to nice things and treat her right with spoiling her that I wasnt good enough. it still holds true. one month we went for vacation and I payed pretty much all of it. add to that the holidays that I didnt work which means I not only didnt make money but spent more. it put strain on my account and the bank called because they didnt have enough to give other people who needed money HAHA I felt so crappy with myself that I kept evading her till the next months salary. it was very stressing on the relationship
StanMusial Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Okay, so I've been talking to this guy for about a month now. We hooked up about 2 weeks ago and haven't seen each other since. We text pretty much every day, but I've since put a stop to that. Here's why: He won't make a move! He won't make any plans to meet up with me and since I initiated the last time we hung out I figure the balls in his court. I'm like okay enough with the back & forth bs, let's hang out! I've casually dropped him texts that say "were playing beer pong over so&so's, you're missing out!" And he'll respond that he's too tired to come out. So, I've stopped texting him and have kind of given up on him. After reading through our texts I think I may know the problem. He's really, really busy. School & work mon-sat. And he's mentioned a few times about trying to get his career started and trying to make money. So my question is - Would a guy withhold from making plans with a girl and trying to move forward is he didn't have alot of money? I figure if you like someone, you'll go for it anyways, regardless. Maybe he doesn't want to initiate hanging out because he assumes he'll have to pay for me? I wouldn't over think it, he's probably just done with you.
Ripnet Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Whatever reason he is not interested. My cousin used to work 18 hour days and still found a girlfriend eventually he did work a few less hours when partying from time to time. If you want a girlfriend you will make time but mind you some people are truly busy. One of my cousin is a lawyer, she worked for a company who required to work a lot of hours. Well she experienced she had to work 20 hours days 7 days a week hardly enough time to sleep. So if he's going to school full time and working a job he might have free time that often. Still you don't want wait for him to graduate do you?
Phantom888 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I always pay on dates because I'm kinda traditional in that sense. After my $500k divorce, I got laid off, and went into heavy debt. On top of that, I met a lady who totally used me for my money, whatever was left. After 3 years, I am finally back on my feet. Now I am dating this wonderful woman, who is quite successful career-wise. I suggested for our 1st date to go to an expensive restaurant, but she rather go to a cheap casual restaurant where we could talk and enjoy each other. That bill was $25. 2nd date I took her to a really fun place next to the beach, and the bill came up to be $100, which was reasonable to me and well worth it. After that, our dinners have been around $60 - $70, and we do a couple of those per week. I must say, if I were some punk kid in his 20s, I would not be able to afford dinners like this on a regular basis. That's why I didn't date much in college. As stated above, you don't have to spend much money to be together. It's fun to do stuff, but you don't have to spend a lot of money for really fun stuff. There are plenty of free park theaters, beach, museums and concerts that are great date activities. My favorite activity happens to be free, though we can't be doing that all the time or we'd be exhausted.
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