Eternal Sunshine Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Do you agree or disagree with this? If you for example chose to largely ignore dating and focus on your career and you turn around in your 30s to find that everyone has grabbed a chair and there is nothing left. Or rather what is left is something that nobody wants (including you).... I know that this technically includes me and I am aware of my issues and that dating me is no walk in the park, so no need to point that out. Thanks
xxoo Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 The "good" news is, a lot of those chairs start opening up again in the late 30s/early 40s due to divorces. 5
pcplod Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Call me a selfish git, but Pluto seems a long way to go for a sure-fire date, never mind anyone who's confessing to having issues and, in paraphrase, is difficult. I think that may be you are just being a bit too hard on yourself and are maybe hardening yourself against disappointment and disillusion. It would be understandable in many respects and we can all find ourselves doing it at some time. The only problem is that it gets you absolutely nowhere in terms of progress and achievement. To get where you want to get, you have to be prepared to open yourself to vulnerability and disappointment and master the disillusion. Avoiding disappointment is really a negative self-management technique. The only real answer is to welcome disappointment and deal with it when it happens. How can you tell yourself that you might even progress if you aren't willing to to put yourself on the line, to take the risk? It took me decades, far too long, to come to terms with that. And even now I will freely admit that it isn't easy to deal with. Why should it be? But, what other realistic options are there? I think you will get there one day, but you might take forever over it like me. It won't change you, but it might let you accept it and allow yourself to deal with it on those terms. As the saying goes, "You have to kiss an awful lot of frogs before meeting the prince for you". It is only a metaphor, the kissing is just a figurative term for whatever action and thoughts are necessary to get you where you want to be. Don't think "hopeless" think "bloody-minded determination" (to the point of masochism) and if you do have issues that need to be addressed then get your finger out of your proverbial wassit and get it done! Now. 3
sillyanswer Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Do you agree or disagree with this? I agree that a lot of people are already coupled-up by your age. I'm not sure that the remainder are all undesirable, though. 2
Balzac Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Do you agree or disagree with this? I'm not seeing anything remotely close to what you're talking about. Grad school over, careers starting, majority not married. 1
BradJacobs Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Agree and it's the reason why I date younger women.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Do you agree or disagree with this? If you for example chose to largely ignore dating and focus on your career and you turn around in your 30s to find that everyone has grabbed a chair and there is nothing left. Or rather what is left is something that nobody wants (including you).... I know that this technically includes me and I am aware of my issues and that dating me is no walk in the park, so no need to point that out. Thanks I would actually do just that if I could do it over again. I did really well in college, and I could have been a dentist or something. Instead, I decided to grab a so-so career and chase my real joys with my time, thinking women would appreciate that more. Being a dentist would have helped a LOT more.
Balzac Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Oh I don't know. The likely debt and delayed earnings aren't the stuff dreams are made of. If one is fortunate enough to have no or minimal education debt, setting up the practice/business means investment debt. Not all potential partners are into delayed gratification.
JuneJulySeptember Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Oh I don't know. The likely debt and delayed earnings aren't the stuff dreams are made of. If one is fortunate enough to have no or minimal education debt, setting up the practice/business means investment debt. Not all potential partners are into delayed gratification. If I went straight out of undergrad, then my debt from dental school/medical school would have been wiped out a long time ago. As is, I have no debt, and other degrees, but will never be in that upper income bracket. It makes a big difference to women.
Imported Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I disagree OP. Every time I turn around there is always an open chair primping itself up to be more attractive to me. In fact, there are even more open chairs now that I am older. Still getting the chairs that are pretty much brand new to the game, chairs that are on my level for time and grand old chairs just looking for a good romping. All of them attractive of course because I have blinders on to the ones that are not. The game of musical chairs seems to be pretty damn easy.
Author Eternal Sunshine Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 I disagree OP. Every time I turn around there is always an open chair primping itself up to be more attractive to me. In fact, there are even more open chairs now that I am older. Still getting the chairs that are pretty much brand new to the game, chairs that are on my level for time and grand old chairs just looking for a good romping. All of them attractive of course because I have blinders on to the ones that are not. The game of musical chairs seems to be pretty damn easy. yeah, but it's very different for women
Balzac Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I hear what you're saying. It's a crap shoot in some cases. Divorce is expensive and beyond 30ish many a man is starting over again. I think income level desirability is a fact. Modifications to women's expectations becomes reality though. Hang in there. 1
salparadise Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Or rather what is left is something that nobody wants (including you).... If you merely have a thought that is limiting, it is easy enough to dispel the irrational, turn around and see unlimited possibilities from a rational perspective. But if you integrate that thought as a belief, the limitation becomes your reality. Thinking rationally about limitless possibilities will expand your universe and change your life in ways you have not yet imagined. 2
Imported Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 yeah, but it's very different for women I wouldn't worry about it. It isn't actually a game of musical chairs 2
iris219 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 The "good" news is, a lot of those chairs start opening up again in the late 30s/early 40s due to divorces. This ^. I agree the people "leftover" when you're over 30 are largely undesirable. Your best bet is to wait until marriages fail. And they will. That's how I met my bf. Many marriages are failing well before people are in their late 30s too. 1
Woggle Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Just live your life and see what happens. Don't desperately chase love but be open to it if you find it. If I remember correctly you are 34 which is hardly old. The only bad thing about this age and older is that so many people have been hurt so bad that having a healthy relationship with them is damn near impossible. Very few people have the introspection to look at where they went wrong and not bring past baggage into current relationships. 1
clia Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I disagree. There are plenty of desirable chairs still available in your 30s and beyond.
melodymatters Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 All it takes is one chair. Don't lose hope... 1
Star Gazer Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 The "good" news is, a lot of those chairs start opening up again in the late 30s/early 40s due to divorces. Very true. The music starts playing again... 1
Woggle Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 People get divorced but divorced also seriously messes some people up and they won't make good partners. 1
Star Gazer Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 People get divorced but divorced also seriously messes some people up and they won't make good partners. IME, the guys who are 40+ and never married (i.e., have gone through many, many women) have far more issues than those who were committed for 10, 15, 20 years to one woman, and it didn't work in the long-term, even if she was horrific. 2
Woggle Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 IME, the guys who are 40+ and never married (i.e., have gone through many, many women) have far more issues than those who were committed for 10, 15, 20 years to one woman, and it didn't work in the long-term, even if she was horrific. I guess it depends on how you look at it. The divorced guys I know just seem beaten down and unable to be on their own while the never married guys seem to have awesome lives.
xxoo Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I guess it depends on how you look at it. The divorced guys I know just seem beaten down and unable to be on their own while the never married guys seem to have awesome lives. What about you, Woggle? You are happily married to your second wife 1
Woggle Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 What about you, Woggle? You are happily married to your second wife Yeah and I don't think anybody here can deny that that first marriage messed me up. Everything would have been better if my current wife was my first wife.
Star Gazer Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I guess it depends on how you look at it. The divorced guys I know just seem beaten down and unable to be on their own while the never married guys seem to have awesome lives. I'm not looking at it from the man's perspective, for obvious reasons. I'm a woman. I'm interested in who's experience makes them better suited to be a good relationship partner for me. Someone who's been unable and unwilling to commit their entire life, and they're now in their 40's, is unlikely to be a good partner to me. A divorced guy who's shown he has the ability to commit yet who got a little messed up by a woman has a much better chance of being a good partner to me.
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