Leigh 87 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 My friend really really wanted me to write this on here. She SEIROUSLY wants other peoples input as to what she should do next and what she should expect. She really, really cares about a guy that she met on a tour. She is Aussie, they met on a tour of the USA. He is Kiwi and lives in New Zealand. She is in her early 30's. Never had a long term relationship, as she does not easily click with guys. She has never felt anything special towards a guy before. Until this dude. She felt an insane connection with from the first time they met. He could not keep away from her. He texted daily and invited her to dinner the first two nights of the tour; they arrived at dinner in the evening, and ended up talking ALL NIGHT, until 3am. Just talking. Not even partying or anything like that. They talked all night at restaurants, until they got kicked out, due to the place closing. During the tour, it took a week or so for anything sexual to happen. Everyone on the tour though they seemed like they had known each other for a long time. People were surprised they were not a couple, even though they did not openly declare anything, or hold hands or do obvious things that are indicative of a relationship. They wanted to keep it private; yet everyone just knew something was there between them. This is really big to her, she has never felt like this about anyone. She is really independent, has her own house, a LOT of friends and she is always SUPER busy with her life/socializing/work/netball team she is on. She is NOT that woman who needs a relationship. She NEVER seeks them out or feels the "need" to "find someone special"/ She is super confident and happy within herself. She just wants to know what the situation is with this guy. ................................................................. The day the tour ends, the bus driver asked " aww, are you going to miss each other?" To which my friend responded " no way haaha, we are great friends but we may catch up again one day" It really hurt his feelings. He asked her later " are you really not going to miss me?" She said " of course I am, but I do not want to tell others how we feel about each other. It is none of their business" To which he said " well I am so glad you miss me. I will miss you SO much" ................................................................ You know how it goes. They go back to their home countries. They call and text several times a day. Eventually, he stops. He ignores her two messages that she said, simply stating " look, we had something going on. I am not sure what it was, but you are ignoring me, and I want to know where I stand" She sent two messages, short and to the point. He ignored them both. .................................................................. He is 40 and travels the world often. Once married. Recently, she accidently "liked" one of his facebook pictures. It ended up peaking his interest. Now they are talking again. She is playing it cool. Seeing what he has to say. ..................................................................... Lastly, she is going on a tour of Scandinavia soon. With me, actually. The dude knows about this, and recently posted on facebook that he too, is going to Scandinavia. Is it because he knows that she is going? He found out indirectly, through a mutual friend on facebook, that she is going there. She too, found out indirectly, that he was going to Scandinavia. It is OBVIOUS that he at least has no urgency to tell her he is going to Scandinavia at about the same time SHE is going there. ......................................................................... He has started to put kisses and hugs at the end of his messages. He stopped doing that initially, upon first contact. He is doing it again now. What is the deal with this guy? She SERIOUSLY feels for him. She knows about No Contact, but she wants to just know once and for all, what will happen with them. She is cool. She will not be going psycho if, say, they do meet up, and he just wants sex or a friendship. And no commitment. She is the type of lady who would walk away with dignity, albeit upset. Please help! She is SO confused as to WHY he is visiting Scandinavia at he same time she is! He DID mention that he had always wanted to go there, when they were still together.
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 My friend is SUPER busy lol and does not even have time to scratch her own bum. She asked me urgently to post this. She has never felt this way about a guy so yeah. I told her about No Contact, that if a guy wants you he will make it clear... Yet they live countries apart, they travel a lot, and maybe the long distance thing truly did split them up, in spite of him falling in legit love with her? What do you all think?
Els Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Uh, all I can say is, those two REALLY need to just have a freaking phone conversation with one another (since talking IRL isn't possible), about what's going on in their 'relationship'. If she's not invested at all, she could just go and see what happens if they bump into each other, but she's invested at a level that's unhealthy because he's not returning that investment.
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 Uh, all I can say is, those two REALLY need to just have a freaking phone conversation with one another (since talking IRL isn't possible), about what's going on in their 'relationship'. If she's not invested at all, she could just go and see what happens if they bump into each other, but she's invested at a level that's unhealthy because he's not returning that investment. Is it clear that he is not interested? I mean, normally if a guy does want to be with you, nothing is really going to stop him from being with the girl he wants. However, there are also situations, when people are alcoholics, addicts of some sort or one person is dealing with a mental illness. Where being in love is not enough to keep two people together. Surely, the fact they live in different countries and they only met for about two weeks, could be a driving force in his actions and decisions? It may not come down to him just not being into her enough? I mean, is 14 days with a woman and then a long distance relationship enough to keep a relationship going? She is not as invested as I must have made out, sorry. She seldom talks about him, unless I asked. She was not too hung up on him after a months went by without him messaging her back. She says she is not expecting anything from him at all, but wants to see what happens if they were to meet. I guess she needs to know for sure how he feels, and what could have been.
Els Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 We could give her all the opinions we want, Leigh, but in the end IMO it's really just best for her to have a direct and up-front conversation with him. If she won't do that, I don't see any point in speculating on her behalf. 2
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 She says that he does not work like that; he does talk about things like that... He would not give her an answer, apparently. She wants to test the waters and see if his latest interest in her, as long as facebook comments like " maybe it is time to settle down and stop travelling for a living" are a show of his desire to pursue her again. She said it would not end well, if she had to have that conversation with him. Basically, she wants to keep talking for a while, just to see what he says; she will soon know. If he wants to be with her. I doubt she will stick around for long, talking to him, if he does not give her any indication he is interested. A few signs made her feel as though there was something still "there" from him. She is just checking. She said " I am just not ready to 100% give up"
Els Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 She says that he does not work like that; he does talk about things like that... He would not give her an answer, apparently. That is all the answer she needs. I really don't think there's anything more you can do for her in this regard. She has her mind made up - so be it.
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 Normally yes, if a guy gives up, it means he just does not love her ENOUGH. ...I am just unsure though, in all cases. I mean, they are both established and mature adults in their careers. They travel a LOT every year. They enjoy what they have a lot. IS the fact he did not move to be with her (from New Zealand to Australia), after only ever being together for 14 days, indicative that he really did not "feel it" enough? I am just not sure that all guys would necessarily up and move countries, albeit to a neighbouring country, after meeting a person for just 14 days. Irrespective of what actually happens, she is not 100% sure he did what he did, because he just lacked the feelings for her to warrant a move. She is not sure he WOULD have moved for a woman if he DID like her enough. She feels like he could be one of the few guys who do not just give up everything for a girl they really like, due to his stubbornness. She is not actually talking about it too much, and only reached out to me with it because she knows I come on here and have a better idea than most about the different ways men end relationships, since I read about it so much. Also - I have read a lot about second chances. And yeah, they rarely exist. Which I told her:lmao: She will be fine. She is not the type to be a psycho ex. They are talking more like friends now anyways. She actually knows that they would just be friends initially, if they met up overseas soon. It sounds like she either wants to know if they are great friends, or if anything more is still there.
Els Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 It's MOST definitely not the fact that he didn't move to be with her (in 14 days?!), but rather that he just stops contacting her as and when he feels like it, AND doesn't want to have a proper conversation with her about where he stands... 1
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