If you married your HS Sweetheart, did you just "settle"?

[MissBee]

It kind of surprises me..maybe it's just this small town, but when I was younger and my female friends were getting married just around drinking age.....it was mostly to the guy the dated in High School.

 

I, of course, went off to college and started a new chapter in my life.

 

Some have remained married but I often wondered if these people just "settled' and not considered that options OTHER than theiR HS Sweet heart existed outside of that?

 

Like, I would recommend breaking up , esp. if you're going off to college and of course meeting even NEW and different members of the opposite sex. Why not at least give college dating a try and why struggle at the LDR when you probably both left Highs chool and went off to separate colleges living seperate lives? How can one not even be tempted to get a wandering eye as a freshman in college?

 

 

I personally wouldn't advise anyone to marry out of high school. Who I was, what I've done, who I've met, what I've experienced, places I've traveled to etc. since high school is amazing, cannot imagine settling down to have married then. I think 50 years ago the world was different and the opportunities available for people, esp women, weren't the same as now, so sometimes when people talk about how it worked for their parents or grandparents, I'm like, okay so? This is 2013, it was a different time then, different pace of life, different way of seeing the world. Some things my parents did and thought that seemingly worked for them, wouldn't translate for me in this era.

 

I don't think everyone settles by marrying their HS sweetheart, but I do think people who tend to do this usually follow a pattern of living in a small town and kind of not really branching out, so for them, they see it as the thing to do and don't really consider any other way of life. I think it is much harder to marry your HS sweetheart, even if you wanted to, if you broaden your life experiences, as that inevitably widens your pool and changes you and who you're even attracted to.

 

I had friends who came to college with boyfriends, only one of them is still with her high school boyfriend, and he was still a senior in high school when she was a freshman in college, they are in a bad relationship, and most of our college years were tied up with him and their drama and because of that, she didn't even apply to med school as was her dream. I'm not saying it's because he was her HS boyfriend, I think any bad relationship or preoccupation with a guy could do this, but I think she missed out on a lot of new experiences because she was with him all through college. To make it worse, he never did go to college himself, so his circle of friends and experiences are so different from hers, and it makes him insecure and she is left with the task of accommodating him and opting not to do things because of him, so while she has gone to college, she is still held back because of him.

 

I think it can work for some people, but for me, I want to marry once and I am in no rush and know that being single and being in a relationship can change your priorities....so I'd advise people to experience life, grow, learn, and be single out of high school and into college, because they have their whole lives to settle down and marry. You can't get back that period of freedom to explore, whereas you can marry anytime.

Edited June 20, 2013 by MissBee

[irc333]

I personally wouldn't advise anyone to marry out of high school

 

It happens, esp. in these small, backwater born-again towns. I recall this one high school couple....married like 2 months into their summer vacation , RIGHT after their HS graduation.

 

Someone I was talking to was rather happy for them, was a personal friend of theirs...and I said, "I dunno man, I read that most marriages that young wind up in divorce". She kind of gave me a look of disapproval, I guess she was just as young as they were, hoping something would happen before she reached the age of 25 or something. lol

[irc333]

I don't think everyone settles by marrying their HS sweetheart, but I do think people who tend to do this usually follow a pattern of living in a small town and kind of not really branching out, so for them, they see it as the thing to do and don't really consider any other way of life

 

Good point, I live in a somewhat of a "fishbowl" community. I recall a friend of mine who would eventually get sick of the small town and routinely take weekend trips to the city.

 

He decided to take 2 female friends with him, one was recently called off an engagement and the other a single friend of THAT person, both female.

 

HE brought them to the "big city" to an event where apparently he had quite a few big city friends. He mentioned to me if I'd like to join them...and I did. I knew the same friends he did...but when they arrived, those 2 ladies only stuck together and never mingled....I asked them what their deal was, and they said they weren't much for making NEW Friends.

 

They even bailed early, heard they went dancing.

 

ANyhow, come to find out they only relish in the past, hanging.....even though they are in their mid 40's, they still hang with people they grew up since elementary school or their immediate families. Their family trees in the area go back to the founding father's of this fishbowl community.

 

Some are well known elite types that have their own community access cable shows and even sign autographs at the high school football games. LOL

 

I recall once at a function where someone had made suggestions what we could do on a Fri night. I suggested a trip to a theme park or some major city for an event or concert.

 

They were like "Well, the Mayberry High School Football team are having their semi-finals Fri, how about we do that?"

 

Apparently I was out voted. LOL Imagine full grown adults having any kind of interest in a High School football game??

[xxoo]

I'd advise people to experience life, grow, learn, and be single out of high school and into college, because they have their whole lives to settle down and marry. You can't get back that period of freedom to explore, whereas you can marry anytime.

 

I don't advise people to marry early or late. I advise them to marry when they are ready, and when they find the right person. When you find the right person--a best friend, lover, partner you want to spend your life with--breaking up to date others because you are young seems silly to me. It seems just as silly as marrying because everyone is doing it (which was not the case when I married young).

[MissBee]

I don't advise people to marry early or late. I advise them to marry when they are ready, and when they find the right person. When you find the right person--a best friend, lover, partner you want to spend your life with--breaking up to date others because you are young seems silly to me. It seems just as silly as marrying because everyone is doing it (which was not the case when I married young).

 

I didn't say anything about breaking up to date others just because you're young. If you're in a good relationship and you're young, that's fine, I'm saying rushing to marry out of high school isn't the best thing, and there is no harm in giving yourself time to grow, esp since as teenagers, we are often "soooo sure" about something this year, then next year it's a different story. If your relationship is "meant to be", waiting until you graduate college or have a little more life and independence under your belt shouldn't change that.

 

I think most high school relationships aren't meant to be forever, as it's such a fickle time for most people, so wouldn't advise anyone to marry right after high school with their HS bf/gf. I know the feeling of being sooo inlove at that age and thinking it will be forever....then it isn't as you grow and change. So as I said, marriage isn't going anywhere, you can still be in a relationship, but I'd wait to make it "permanent" until later on, if you're still essentially a teenager. I see less harm coming from that than rushing off to marry after high school.

*PS I have no idea why there is an angry emoticon here, as I didn't put it and don't know how to change it. Sorry.

Edited June 21, 2013 by MissBee
explaining smiley

[man_in_the_box]

I don't believe they are settling but it is almost a given these days that one of them will eventually catch GIGS. Back in the days this might have worked but it is a completely different ball game today.

 

GIGS isn't some incurable disease you catch that ruins relationships. People cacth feelings for others all the time, feel like there's someone else for them out there or just get temporarily enough of their current relationship. The difference is how people handle those feelings and whether they're in control of themselves or their feelings are in control of them. I do think age is not the right parameter to determine this charachter trait.