Divasu Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I wouldn't worry about it too much. She advanced things physically (albeit, it sounds like she may have been more flirtatious with you as a result of you both drinking). Not hearing from a guy 4 days following that probably confirmed in her mind foolishness and embarrassment on her part for being so touchy-feely with you on a first date.
Star Gazer Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I think it's a combo of what she perceived to be moving a little too fast physically on a first date (for her) combined with you waiting 4-5 days to contact her after the first date. When I've been in that situation, I've interpreted his behavior as, "Not interested enough to know me as a person, but interested enough to try to get in my pants on the weekend." If you'd contacted her the next day, I don't think you'd have received a negative/upset response.
Floridita Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I think it's a combo of what she perceived to be moving a little too fast physically on a first date (for her) combined with you waiting 4-5 days to contact her after the first date. When I've been in that situation, I've interpreted his behavior as, "Not interested enough to know me as a person, but interested enough to try to get in my pants on the weekend." If you'd contacted her the next day, I don't think you'd have received a negative/upset response. I didn't see the part where you waited four whole days. Fair.
Phantom888 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 This girl is a joke. As stated, she's a tease and kinda messed up. No girl, no matter what her standards are, would be okay with dirty dancing yet no kiss. It's pure mind games. Lame. She's probably banging the other guy, and doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Who knows.
WildBillJP Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Don't listen to these people or you will never get laid lol. Girls are always testing you. You just have to pass the tests and you'll be fine. It sounds to me like shes making sure you don't wanna hang out with her just to get some action. You also have to give her reasons to hang out with her, other than her looks. For example, if it were me, I would most likely very casually invite her somewhere and say something to her along the lines of: "... I really like your energy (funny nickname for her). Im going to (blanK), you should come along. Don't think your getting some though just because we made out the other night. I'm extremely high maintenance :)"
AMusing Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 well im trying to but it seems like everyone thinks its my (the males) fault. Heaven forbid maybe the issue is with her. If she was interested in 'working' things out maybe she should speak up and communicate like an adult, not like a spoilt brat Franko, you are the one here asking for advice. Not her. Therefore we've focused on what you could do differently in the future, not what she could/should do differently. Yes, it sounds like the girl had major issues. But what does that mean for you? Did you post here so that everyone could tell you the girl was crazy & you did nothing wrong? That doesn't seem very beneficial, does it? It seems far more useful to look at questions like, what can you do differently in the future, to stop attracting women like this? How can you recognize & avoid them? Did you do anything on this date that might be a turn-off for the majority of woman? Those are the more useful questions for us to answer, because they'll be read by the person they are addressing. The posters here were trying to help you, not get into a gender war. Sheesh.
Adele0908 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 she's playing games. sounds like a great date by the way! very sexy! almost turned me on! lol you're gonna have to play hard to get. Just by missing some calls and not being so available. you can have her, but you don't get emotional. see yourself as Don Juan. See yourself as high value.
Imajerk17 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Im coming to see OP that dating is much easier when you don't do stupid things. We will debate on and on as to whether this girl is crazy or not. BUT this all would have been easier for you had you not waited 4 days to contact her about a second date... 1
Star Gazer Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Im coming to see OP that dating is much easier when you don't do stupid things. We will debate on and on as to whether this girl is crazy or not. BUT this all would have been easier for you had you not waited 4 days to contact her about a second date... Amen.
Author Franko Bleenyo Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 Im coming to see OP that dating is much easier when you don't do stupid things. We will debate on and on as to whether this girl is crazy or not. BUT this all would have been easier for you had you not waited 4 days to contact her about a second date... I posted later on i sent her a msg online asking her she was feeling the very next day, and even said it would be good if we could do something on the week end. And come on man, i bet you if i asked her out the very next day you guys would be criticizing me for acting to desperate, clingy, weak etc and thats why i 'ruined' everything and it was my fault And its true, if i asked her for another date the following date i would have looked like an idiot and like i had no life. For me waiting 4 days was seemed like the right thing to do
Star Gazer Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 I posted later on i sent her a msg online asking her she was feeling the very next day, and even said it would be good if we could do something on the week end. And come on man, i bet you if i asked her out the very next day you guys would be criticizing me for acting to desperate, clingy, weak etc and thats why i 'ruined' everything and it was my fault And its true, if i asked her for another date the following date i would have looked like an idiot and like i had no life. For me waiting 4 days was seemed like the right thing to do You thought wrong. 1
brandnew2 Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 OP, I don't know why these posters are being critical of you. It's pretty obvious what went down here, as it has happened to me a million times. The girl was on the fence about whether or not she liked you. She got drunk which tipped the scales in your favor just a bit and she was regretful about it the next day. Don't chase her and give her the satisfaction of indulging in the attention. If there's anything to regret it's that you weren't more aggressive when you had the chance. I wouldn't have sheepishly kissed her cheek when I took her home, I would have asked to use her bathroom and then banged her in her bed. Either way she wasn't going to see you again, lol.
Author Franko Bleenyo Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 OP, I don't know why these posters are being critical of you. It's pretty obvious what went down here, as it has happened to me a million times. The girl was on the fence about whether or not she liked you. She got drunk which tipped the scales in your favor just a bit and she was regretful about it the next day. Don't chase her and give her the satisfaction of indulging in the attention. If there's anything to regret it's that you weren't more aggressive when you had the chance. I wouldn't have sheepishly kissed her cheek when I took her home, I would have asked to use her bathroom and then banged her in her bed. Either way she wasn't going to see you again, lol. LOL looking back i wish i took your advice. But i was too much of a soft c_ck and listened to her ramblings how she wanted a LTR, didnt kiss on the first date etc. But maybe i dont think it would of worked. When we started kissing and progressed to using tongue she started to freak out saying it was too song and had to stop. I remember her saying 'bye' in a feminine way and i thought it was no big deal. She seems like she has a personality disorder or something
Author Franko Bleenyo Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 For those who are criticizing me about not contacting her the day after our first date, here is our conversation after date 1: Me: "hey girls name, How are you feeling after last night? I just woke up lol, i dont think i will be going to the gym today. It was nice meeting you last night, i had lots of fun. It would be good if we see each other next week end. I still dong have you number btw, when you called me it was a private number 15 June 2013 12:04 PM" She didnt respond to that so i waited untill 4 days or so to ask her out again. Me: "hey whats happening girls name how has your week been so far? Mine has been ok been working over time a bit and not like the cold weather I was thinking if you are free this week end we could meet up again for a few drinks some where 19 June 2013 1:21 AM" Her responce to this: "Hey I was thinking if I should meet with you again You're probably a nice guy like Bruna said but its a turn off for me for guys who make a move on the first date. And you tried to kiss me that night! 19 June 2013 7:51 AM" I responded with: "hey good to hear from you girls name. Sorry if i offended you, although i am very confused on what is going on, it seemed like you were having fun and happy all night. I have no problems taking things slow with you. I would still like to meet up again with you if you are interested this weekend. Maybe we can do something casual like go to a park or meet in the city? Hope all is well with you 19 June 2013 5:23 PM And thats it. I see that she has read the message but hasnt responded so far and looks like it will be unlikely that she will. So as you can see i think i did this well, she wanted a LTR and i acted like a person who wanted a LTR. Im predicting now people will criticize me for acting desperate for msging her the next day Thats why i get frustrated with modern dating its a waste of time. I wasted 9 hours with her, slept through most of the day after and wasted about $200. And all i got from it was a bit of kissing and blue balls. No wonder a lot of men are 'dropping out' of the dating game. ironically people like her complain and whine that there are no good guys out there, that its hard to find a boyfriend, most guys are 'creeps' yet the problem is they are flaky, give mixed signals and dont give most guys a chance and have incredibly high expectations.
Cutiepie1976 Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Ironic how that worked out, isn't it? Can't say I blame her given how the night unfolded! OP, keep trying. Eventually you'll find someone who finds your style of dating appealing. That's why we date. To find someone who is a good match. You two weren't compatible. Just move along to the next.
Author Franko Bleenyo Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 Ironic how that worked out, isn't it? Can't say I blame her given how the night unfolded! OP, keep trying. Eventually you'll find someone who finds your style of dating appealing. That's why we date. To find someone who is a good match. You two weren't compatible. Just move along to the next. The ironic thing is im actually a shy person i.e. woman have dumped me for taking things slow in the past, not kissing her by date 2 etc When i was dating the last girl i was actually following her lead, as in if she was touchy feely, i would be the same, if it seemed like we were going to kiss, we would kiss. And to spend 9 hours together and have a lot of things in common with some one to me sounds compatible Like i said, modern day dating has become a joke if you are average or below in looks. You need to be perfect in almost everything and if you have one flaw or make one 'mistake' thats it, its game over. I would imagine if she was dating a really good looking guy was rich as well them kissing on the first date wouldn't be an issue, and probably sex would happen
SJC2008 Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 The ironic thing is im actually a shy person i.e. woman have dumped me for taking things slow in the past, not kissing her by date 2 etc When i was dating the last girl i was actually following her lead, as in if she was touchy feely, i would be the same, if it seemed like we were going to kiss, we would kiss. And to spend 9 hours together and have a lot of things in common with some one to me sounds compatible Like i said, modern day dating has become a joke if you are average or below in looks. You need to be perfect in almost everything and if you have one flaw or make one 'mistake' thats it, its game over. I would imagine if she was dating a really good looking guy was rich as well them kissing on the first date wouldn't be an issue, and probably sex would happen Like I said, stop worrying about their windows and stay within yours. Sooner or later you'll meet someone who's on the same page as you. It may take a while but it'll be worth it because when two people have the same view of how a courtship/relationship should go, that's a great foundation.
brandnew2 Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Ironic how that worked out, isn't it? Can't say I blame her given how the night unfolded! OP, keep trying. Eventually you'll find someone who finds your style of dating appealing. That's why we date. To find someone who is a good match. You two weren't compatible. Just move along to the next. Um, no. What "style" of dating do you think this girl is looking for? It's pretty much been established that a little bit of kissing is not a big deal especially compared to dirty dancing and what not. I can't believe anyone could have trouble seeing through her BS. OP, it's pretty telling that she didn't respond to your message a day after the date. Like I said in my earlier post, she wasn't into you and she just kind of went with it because she was drunk. But the next day she came to her senses, and just wanted you to disappear. Happens all the time. So she totally ignored your polite message to her in hopes that you would vanish. When you contacted her four days later, she realized she had to be a little more direct to get you to go away, so she decided to try demonizing you with that BS line. A lot of women do this in order to justify their flakiness and rudeness. I've slept with girls before on the 1st or 2nd date and they were totally into it, in some cases even initiated the hooking up. But then they go on to ignore me and finally hit me with a "I'm sorry it just seems like you only wanted sex and I'm not that type of girl" line when the ignoring doesn't deter me. These are bitter pills to swallow, but as is the case in 99% of the love issues on here, the best solution is to just find someone else.
Author Franko Bleenyo Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 (edited) Um, no. What "style" of dating do you think this girl is looking for? It's pretty much been established that a little bit of kissing is not a big deal especially compared to dirty dancing and what not. I can't believe anyone could have trouble seeing through her BS. OP, it's pretty telling that she didn't respond to your message a day after the date. Like I said in my earlier post, she wasn't into you and she just kind of went with it because she was drunk. But the next day she came to her senses, and just wanted you to disappear. Happens all the time. So she totally ignored your polite message to her in hopes that you would vanish. When you contacted her four days later, she realized she had to be a little more direct to get you to go away, so she decided to try demonizing you with that BS line. A lot of women do this in order to justify their flakiness and rudeness. I've slept with girls before on the 1st or 2nd date and they were totally into it, in some cases even initiated the hooking up. But then they go on to ignore me and finally hit me with a "I'm sorry it just seems like you only wanted sex and I'm not that type of girl" line when the ignoring doesn't deter me. These are bitter pills to swallow, but as is the case in 99% of the love issues on here, the best solution is to just find someone else. Thanks mate - out of all of the advice here i think yours is the most realistic and honest. Woman are funny creatures. Its hard to take them seriously with their BS lies. Some times i think they are so good at lying they believe in their lives eventually. Back to this girl, even before she got drunk she was flirty with me, even asked for my birthday and put it in her calendar LOL. I thought dating older women would be easier then dating younger girls. They both act the same from my experience -so what is the point of dating older women? I thought she would be more serious but she is a waste of time. My personal opinion is that she must have bi-polar or something. Its quite funny hearing her moan about there being no good guys, she wants to get married before 30 (is 28) etc but disqualifies a guy for kissing her(when she initiated it). LOL what a idiot I have already written her off and it just proves my point women in online dating sites are a waste of time. I have been on this site for about a year and i still see the same women looking for mr 'right' and tired of 'players'. What a joke Edited June 22, 2013 by Franko Bleenyo
starrynightz45 Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 So....she was OK with grinding all over you, and you grabbing her ass, but NOT with a kiss? She seems weird/confused. Plus, she seems to remember that you apparently "tried to kiss her" so she couldn't have been so drunk that her "memory" could be used as an excuse. I'm honestly puzzled! If she had said she didn't like kissing on the 1st date, and THEN you had tried without her doing anything else, then I'd say you had it coming because she warned you. But a kiss vs. grinding? No competition - she's confused OR just using that as an excuse to say "I'm not into you." That's my best guess. And just a general note to take from the female population: IF you had a good time on the first date, please contact me ASAP and arrange another date. Don't wait 4 days. I'll start to think you didn't like me much, I promise. If you ask the next day, I'll only think you're desperate if I'm NOT into you. Otherwise, I'll be super excited. FACT.
Author Franko Bleenyo Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 (edited) I'm honestly puzzled! If she had said she didn't like kissing on the 1st date, and THEN you had tried without her doing anything else, then I'd say you had it coming because she warned you. Well that is the thing.... i told you guys im shy, and i began with kissing her on the cheek and we both started kissingeach other on our cheeks and our kisses 'traveled' to our lips and we started kissing for about 10-15 seconds. She then sort of freaked out and said it was too soon. I apologized and let her go out of my car. She said good bye in a feminine voice. I thought it was all good. Lets be honest, wouldnt it be a turn off if a guy pulled away from kissing, saying its too soon? I remembered she said didnt like guys kissing on the first date and 'dumped' them for that, but she was giving me very sexual signs all night, fliriting with me and initiated the kissing. And i was more drunk then her. Oh well what ever And just a general note to take from the female population: IF you had a good time on the first date, please contact me ASAP and arrange another date. Don't wait 4 days. I'll start to think you didn't like me much, I promise. If you ask the next day, I'll only think you're desperate if I'm NOT into you. Otherwise, I'll be super excited. FACT. Thanks i will try to take then on board the next time i have another great date. The fact is i have 'messed up' in the past by showing too much interest in the past and girls thinking im 'desperate' which is why i am always very cautious in txting girls in the first few dates Edited June 22, 2013 by Franko Bleenyo
starrynightz45 Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Well that is the thing.... i told you guys im shy, and i began with kissing her on the cheek and we both started kissingeach other on our cheeks and our kisses 'traveled' to our lips and we started kissing for about 10-15 seconds. She then sort of freaked out and said it was too soon. I apologized and let her go out of my car. She said good bye in a feminine voice. I thought it was all good. Lets be honest, wouldnt it be a turn off if a guy pulled away from kissing, saying its too soon? I remembered she said didnt like guys kissing on the first date and 'dumped' them for that, but she was giving me very sexual signs all night, fliriting with me and initiated the kissing. And i was more drunk then her. Oh well what ever Yea, it would absolutely be a turn off if a guy pulled away from a kiss and said it was too soon, because the only thing it means is that he's not interested. Unfortunately, it may be 2013, but it just doesn't work the same way, the other way around. Sucks, but it's true. A woman who pulls away is probably more worried about coming off as easy, worried she's encouraging too much physical contact too early, etc etc etc. She's worried about a lot more things. A man isn't usually concerned about coming off as "easy" no matter how interested he is in a woman, so him pulling away means something totally different. It's just the way the world works. I don't blame you for kissing her. Sounds like she sort of encouraged it through her own actions. Plus, you stopped when she asked. She's too much of a confused mess. I wouldn't blame myself at all if I were you. As far as the desperation thing - it's always the most annoying part of dating - knowing what is too much and what is not enough. For the most part though, IF she had as great a time on the date as you did, she's unlikely to perceive contact the next day as "desperation."
jolie_baby Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 I dont think it was your reaction that turned her off. She told you since the beginning that she doesn't like a feely touchy guys or to kiss on first dates yet it seems she invited you or at least did not object to any of the kissing/ touching. I think she has some inner struggle between how she wants to be and how she really is. She is trying to make you measure up to some ideal in her head but of course you fail not because of something you did but because she doesn't allow you to. Just tell her it is HER who hasn't been consistent between action and words and that you find that confusing and a turn off. I hope she learns how to be herself next time.
brandnew2 Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Thanks mate - out of all of the advice here i think yours is the most realistic and honest. No problem. It seems pretty cut and dry to me. She isn't some complex, deep, confused young lady. She's a stupid flippant child who toyed with your emotions for her own ego boost. There are women like that everywhere, but online dating is a breeding ground for them. Generally, the only way to find someone legitimate on an online dating site is to scoop them up immediately after they sign up. There are people who legitimately want something real, but let's face it: they are getting bombarded with hundreds of messages. They will meet someone sooner rather than later and begin to get serious and eventually exclusive. It's the "lifers" you have to watch out for. The girls who are still online every day after months and months of being on the site. Those people are the ones who will treat you the way this individual did, because they don't really want what they try to project. I've found in my experience that the only way to deal with them is to capitalize and be aggressive. If I'm not going to see her again anyways, then why not go balls to the wall and try to get some? I can almost guarantee you could have gotten laid that night if you tried. The key is to not be timid at all. They can sense your hesitation and it validates what makes you unattractive to them.
Author Franko Bleenyo Posted June 22, 2013 Author Posted June 22, 2013 I've found in my experience that the only way to deal with them is to capitalize and be aggressive. If I'm not going to see her again anyways, then why not go balls to the wall and try to get some? I can almost guarantee you could have gotten laid that night if you tried. The key is to not be timid at all. They can sense your hesitation and it validates what makes you unattractive to them. It just proves us guys theory that never listen to a womens advice when it comes to dating, or what they want. I tried to be accommodating to what she wanted and in the end got played. A women's words mean nothing, look at her actions and body language. If i could turn back time i would of asked to go to her apartment, or when she said to stop continue to keep going. What a waste of time and money
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