Franko Bleenyo Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 before i go into detail of my first date with this woman im not sure what the rules are of how much in detail i can go - but i will try make it a family friendly explanation Met a girl online, met up in the city at a bar. Had a few drinks, i could tell she was really interested in me e.g. the way she looked at me, bought me a few drinks, rubbed my back/shoulder and arms while she was explaining where she was thinking of getting a tattoo. She brought up how a guy she dated before me she was turned off by because he was very touchy feely and tried to kiss her on the first date,and she was turned off and never talked to him again. I figured this was some 'warning' to me and took it on board. After 2 hours she had to go to another bar to meet friends, i offered to drive her there. She asked if i wanted to come in with her, i declined at first but she insisted. Got in and met her friends, they seemed like the really liked me, They said i was cool, funny and a good person. There was this guy there that wouldnt leave me and the girl alone, i could tell he was interested in her. He kept boasting about how much money he makes, how he has a house etc. There was period where he dominated the conversation between the three of us and i felt like going home. The group decided for us to go to a nightclub down the road. He are drinking a lot right now and dancing. I start dancing with her and she starts 'dirty dancing' with me. While we are not dancing i have my arm around her waist or feeling her @ss. She seems like she has no problem with that. We talk more and we buy each other drinks. While we are dancing she is giving me that 'look' of a woman that is really interested in a guy. It was pretty obvious she wanted me. Other indicators she was putting her necklace in her mouth and biting it when talking to me etc Later i offer to drop her off home, but for me to sober up we agree to go to McDonalds. Before we leave that guy that who was trying to crack on to her gives his mobile to her or asks for her number, i cant remember. He asked because he wanted help with 'tax returns' later on. Anyway at MDonalds she buys us food, she has no problem with me having my arms around her waist or us holding hands. With the last few chips remaining she picks up and 'feeds me' the chips, i think on purpose she places her fingers next to my lips. Drop her off home and its obvious we are going to kiss, to be safe/shy i begin by kissing her cheecks but she keeps kissing me and we eventually kiss on the lips and use a bit of tongue. She pulls back and says its too soon and gets out of the car. I said good bye and hope to meet her again, she says by in a very 'feminine' way. Keep in mind we spent 9 hours together. I msg her about 4 days later online asking her if we want to go out on the weekend. She replies saying she is not sure about me because guys that 'come on to her' are a huge turn off and also guys that kiss on the first date and that i 'tried' to kiss her LOL So i am confused because she brought up the issue of hating touchy feely guys and guys that kiss on the first date, but she seemed to initiate all this and had no issues with me doing it. Is she playing me? testing me? or perhaps in the 4-5 days we never met she met some one else is finding a way to blame me and use it as a excuse to get away from me? Im confused because it seemed like everything went great and we enjoyed each others company
bolase Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 It's her trying to hold you and her to some idealised standard in her head, it's kinda silly. She has an idea that it's not classy to kiss on the first date, but she can't even stick to that herself. I think it's a bs response to you - either she had a good time or she didn't. Nothing to do with you initiating the kiss or her. So, if you want to try again I'd ignore her silly stuff and just say that you want to know if she wants to hang out again. Suggest something during the day. Good luck! And maybe don't wait 4d to ask a girl out again...
GI_Joy Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 she sounds like a jokeshow/waste of time. I agree with the poster above. Weird idealized notion in her head, she's going to have a hard time finding someone who fits her "mold".
Author Franko Bleenyo Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 Good luck! And maybe don't wait 4d to ask a girl out again... hmmm i dunno, i mean we went out friday night, and i thought it would be stupid to ask her out again as we just met and maybe she had stuff on during the week. I thought waiting to about tuesday was fair enough. I might just ask her one more time and make it at a venue at a park or something. If she flakes again thats it
Balzac Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Look at it this way, ply her w drinks, get naked-worry about he said/she said next day? Uh not smart.
Author Franko Bleenyo Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 Look at it this way, ply her w drinks, get naked-worry about he said/she said next day? Uh not smart. lol well thats what i was doing, we where pretty drunk friday night (she was also buying drinks for us).
Balzac Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I got your scenario, that's not a problem, it's her follow up reaction that'd make me skittish. Admittedly liquored up is two consenting adults but her balking implies or could imply that consensual sex is maybe going to be her issue. That's me concerned about the law. Consent by an inebriated woman you now have to worry about.
BradJacobs Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 You seem into her and she seems like she has some issues (or is the type of girl that enjoys toying with men). So play it out ... could be pretty fun? Ask her out again but this time come prepared with something to do and invite her to go with you.
clia Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I msg her about 4 days later online asking her if we want to go out on the weekend. Maybe she's ticked off that you waited four days to contact her again, and merely contacted her online. Doesn't show a lot of interest from your side. Maybe if you had at least called her or texted her in the meantime (did you?). But the impression you left (IMO) is that you are only interested in hooking up. 7
Author Franko Bleenyo Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 Maybe she's ticked off that you waited four days to contact her again, and merely contacted her online. Doesn't show a lot of interest from your side. Maybe if you had at least called her or texted her in the meantime (did you?). But the impression you left (IMO) is that you are only interested in hooking up. listen us guys get criticized for bing 'needy' when we show too much interest and then if we try to be 'normal' and dont contact her strait away people think we 'dont care'. What does this mean? For average guys we walk a small tight rope and one 'mistake' and its over And listen i cant contact her because she has my number, i dont have hers. When she called me it was a private number. I have asked her a few times before the date,durng the date and after for her number but nothing. And finally the day after the date i msged her on the dating site asking her how she felt the day after and no response. In before some wise guy comes in here and says "nah brah you showed too much interest when you called her the next day, thats clingy brah" YOU CANT WIN IN THE DATING GAME AS A AVERAGE MAN!
clia Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 And finally the day after the date i msged her on the dating site asking her how she felt the day after and no response. Well, I didn't know this from your initial post. She seemed to like you in the beginning. Now she doesn't. Oh well, that's what happens a lot of times after first dates. As for her reasoning, I think maybe she drank too much and regretted allowing you to put your hands all over her and to kiss her. She also may have let her inhibitions go with all that you two drank that evening and is embarrassed about it. Maybe you pushed it a lot and she just gave in because she was drunk -- I've been out with guys like that who just won't lay off of grabbing ass, putting their arm around me, touching me, etc., and it can be a huge turnoff if it happens too soon. She might've woken up the next day and thought you were all about a hookup. Who knows...move on...
Balzac Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Work on getting her to meet up, hit it n see what's there. Meanwhile pursue a new opportunity. You've not really stated what it is you're in search of. Fun is fun until it becomes work.
Emilia Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 (edited) I msg her about 4 days later online asking her if we want to go out on the weekend. You waited too long and you didn't call her. You screwed up basically. edit: just read your response to this. Why didn't you have her number? It doesn't sound like the two of you built much rapport. This is key in my opinion. There was nothing for her when she sobered up. Edited June 20, 2013 by Emilia
Author Franko Bleenyo Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 You waited too long and you didn't call her. You screwed up basically. edit: just read your response to this. Why didn't you have her number? It doesn't sound like the two of you built much rapport. This is key in my opinion. There was nothing for her when she sobered up. I dont know i didnt get her number, as mentioned before i asked for her number before we met, during our date and after. She called me as a private number. Im guessing she has trust issues or dating multiple men? As for building rapport, i dunno, when she was sober we talked a lot. Im not sure it was that im pretty sure it was the kissing thing and 'making a move' what ever that means Seems pretty childish to eliminate one guy when he makes ONE 'mistake' and especially when she initiated the kiss Woman are funny, i think i meet some one that can be a great long term girlfriend and gee whizz she flakes and plays games. The more i think about the more i just see her as a ONS and get angry
Author Franko Bleenyo Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 She is filipina new to this country (8 years) btw, late 20's From what i hear most filipina woman are 'crazy' like that, maybe its just typical erratic filipina behavior
Emilia Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 She is filipina new to this country (8 years) btw, late 20's From what i hear most filipina woman are 'crazy' like that, maybe its just typical erratic filipina behavior way to go! instead of working out why you weren't able to build a connection with her, just blame something stupid like that good luck with dating, you will need it 1
Author Franko Bleenyo Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 way to go! instead of working out why you weren't able to build a connection with her, just blame something stupid like that good luck with dating, you will need it well im trying to but it seems like everyone thinks its my (the males) fault. Heaven forbid maybe the issue is with her. If she was interested in 'working' things out maybe she should speak up and communicate like an adult, not like a spoilt brat
Author Franko Bleenyo Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 next time i take out a girl on a date and she starts dirty dancing with me i will politely tell her to stop because its not appropriate. When she is 'eye f_cking" me i will look to the floor because i dont want to offend her. And when it feels like we are about to kiss i will politely tell her that kissing is forbidden before marriage. Then next minute i will be dumped for being too shy, maybe hes virgin etc
SJC2008 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 It's her trying to hold you and her to some idealised standard in her head, it's kinda silly. She has an idea that it's not classy to kiss on the first date, but she can't even stick to that herself. I think it's a bs response to you - either she had a good time or she didn't. Nothing to do with you initiating the kiss or her. So, if you want to try again I'd ignore her silly stuff and just say that you want to know if she wants to hang out again. Suggest something during the day. Good luck! And maybe don't wait 4d to ask a girl out again... ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
SJC2008 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 next time i take out a girl on a date and she starts dirty dancing with me i will politely tell her to stop because its not appropriate. When she is 'eye f_cking" me i will look to the floor because i dont want to offend her. And when it feels like we are about to kiss i will politely tell her that kissing is forbidden before marriage. Then next minute i will be dumped for being too shy, maybe hes virgin etc I can relate to this, about falling within somones "window". A couple months ago I met a woman at a bar and she was putting her hands up like I was being pushy lol. A couple weeks after that I met another woman and before we left I asked her for her phone number and she bluntly said "But you didn't show interest". The point is do you, what you're comfortable with, when you're comfortable with it. Sooner or later you'll meet someone who's "window" you fall in and it'll be natural because it's you:)
serial muse Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 well im trying to but it seems like everyone thinks its my (the males) fault. Heaven forbid maybe the issue is with her. If she was interested in 'working' things out maybe she should speak up and communicate like an adult, not like a spoilt brat Heaven forbid that maybe the issue is with her, and not with "women" as a group. WTH. My sympathy initially was with you, because what she did was really annoying...but after reading your replies following your original post, I'm fast losing that sympathy. I'll bet her profile telegraphed that she's unstable (and it's not because she's Filipina :rolleyes:), and frankly, that's probably just what you like. So maybe reexamine your dating priorities in future.
Floridita Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Wait, so she takes you to a CLUB (lol forever), grinds all over you, gives you the **** me eyes, and then is super upset that you "came on to her too hard." lol. Give me a ****ing break. Don't waste your time on her.
Author Franko Bleenyo Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 Heaven forbid that maybe the issue is with her, and not with "women" as a group. WTH. My sympathy initially was with you, because what she did was really annoying...but after reading your replies following your original post, I'm fast losing that sympathy. I'll bet her profile telegraphed that she's unstable (and it's not because she's Filipina :rolleyes:), and frankly, that's probably just what you like. So maybe reexamine your dating priorities in future. I didnt say all women and lumped all woman in one group, but lets be honest in this topic and others around the internet when ever a guy's date goes wrong people (both men and woman) blame the guy. He was too shy, he was too aggressive, he was too arrogant, he came on too strong, he should of txted her the next day, he should of waited a few days and is now too clingy etc Im not having a go at anyone but its the truth. As for the filipina thing, i know many filipina's as i grew up in a community that had them, a lot of my friends are half filipino and they even agree that filipina woman are crazy and erratic. I had my suspiciousn of dating a filipina chick because of their reputation and what i have seen/heard - and sadly it seems like those stereotypes are true As for her profile, seemed normal enough to me
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