tinkerbelldandy Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 My ex messaged me on my birthday. Instead of the expected simple "Happy Birthday" greeting, I get a long letter telling me how much he misses me and loves me. He can't imagine having anyone other than me as a wife and loving him as much I as have. He can't imagine loving any other woman as much as he loves me. He tells me his family expected that we were to marry after his sister, who will be married this September. Mind you HE broke up with me! I tell him our story doesn't have to end but he replies back that I am happier...don't know where he came up with that conclusion. He found out I'm on holiday and asks me when will I return home. Any insight as to what's going on here? He's got me confused.
hoping2heal Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 My ex messaged me on my birthday. Instead of the expected simple "Happy Birthday" greeting, I get a long letter telling me how much he misses me and loves me. He can't imagine having anyone other than me as a wife and loving him as much I as have. He can't imagine loving any other woman as much as he loves me. He tells me his family expected that we were to marry after his sister, who will be married this September. Mind you HE broke up with me! I tell him our story doesn't have to end but he replies back that I am happier...don't know where he came up with that conclusion. He found out I'm on holiday and asks me when will I return home. Any insight as to what's going on here? He's got me confused. Honestly, no insight as even I'm completely confused. I think you should ask him straight out "Did you write that letter because you want to get back together or not?" make it clear that way his answer can be clear for you.
TheWhitestRice Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 It sounds like he's done some thinking and has a more refined idea of what he wants. However, I wouldn't use his prompt gestures as an excuse to rush anything. Did you two break up on good terms? Granted, relationships rarely end with both people on the same page. But if it's just something that couldn't work at the time (Petty arguments, trust issues, soul searching, etc., that's better than the relationship ending with him cheating) Also, how long have you guys gone without contact? Or have you kept in touch? Perhaps you should just take a step back from your old emotions being stirred by him, and just enjoy the conversation. Do some catching up, maybe?
TheWhitestRice Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Honestly, no insight as even I'm completely confused. I think you should ask him straight out "Did you write that letter because you want to get back together or not?" make it clear that way his answer can be clear for you. This is also a very good (obvious) point that I seemed to have missed. I assumed that he wanted to get back together, but you should make it a point to get a cut-and-dry explanation from him.
athousandquestions Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Not to be the pessimistic one - these are my two cents (sorry) He felt guilty, lonely, emotional on your birthday (guilt for leaving you, lonely for knowing you would be having a party/good time on that day, emotional because he was reminiscing about your relationship) and thus wrote you that letter. Maybe even pressure/resentment due to his sisters marriage If NOWHERE in that letter did he actually say 'I want to get back together', he does NOT want to get back together. Yeah it's messed up that he would tell you he loves you and misses you etc, but your reply showed him YOU still cared, which gave him the emotional validation he sought by contacting you. When he then REJECTED YOU by saying 'You're happier' (without him, i'm assuming is what he meant) he is saying he is HAPPIER WITHOUT you. If I were you I would tread very carefully if you continue to talk. If you play your cards right, maybe you guys could work things out. But remember, there is a reason he broke up with you in the first place. If all of those things are true - he wouldn't have ended it. He obviously can imagine a life without you, he chose to leave you.
Author tinkerbelldandy Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 We've been together for 2 years and we remained caring and respectful towards each other post breakup, even though I was strongly against; he felt like he was forcing me to make changes in my life and that I wasn't happy. However, he continues to hold sentimental items of mine he promised to return two months ago...don't know if it's his way of holding on. To make things more confusing, when I asked him if he wanted to get back together he tells me "I didn't mean to ruin your holiday. Don't think about these past two months (since we broke up). Enjoy it now...you deserve to relax. I want to believe in true love too (when he broke up with me I told him true love will always find a way because we are meant for each other). Are you home already?" Trying not to drive myself crazy over this...but what does he want? My heart needs a break from all the trauma, I'm scared that I may experience it all over again.
inaya42 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 this sounds very confusing and very painful. do you think you might benefit from a period of NC, 1 to 3 months? your ex has strong feelings for you AND he has chosen for his own reasons not to be in a relationship with you. he has let you go, and each time you bring up reconciliation you let him know that you haven't actually left. if you keep yourself in an emotional holding pattern, he holds the power to make the decision about whether to reconcile or not unilaterally. there is such an imbalance there, and the only way to correct it is to let go a bit and become the "one who got away." you do this by getting a bit angry, going NC, and trying to move on. good luck, my friend. 1
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