lovemaynotbeenough Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 My husband and I were together for 10 years (married 5). We have two boys ages 7 and 5. Before we got pregnant with our oldest I caught him talking to another woman. I confronted both of them and was told that they were just friends. She said she told him on many occasions to tell me and not keep it secret and that he was the one that made that decision. He said the same thing. After that there were a few occasion where people approached me telling me that he had cheated on me or had been talking to other people. I never had proof and he of course he denied all of this. I chose to believe him because I really didn't know these people and I love him. Then when I was pregnant with our youngest he was caught again. It was a girl from work. I had suspicions and he of course denied. But when I got the phone bill all was revealed. He confessed then. He even confessed that he spent the night at her house one night after a party. He swore they didn't sleep together. That he slept next to her on the couch but there were other people sleeping in the same room. He admited that they had kissed one night at work. After that he moved out for about a week when we decided to keep on trying to work it out. We made promises to eachother to be honest. I confessed to him about kissing some guy at a bar when I had gone out with my girlfriends. I confessed to riding in some guys car to another bar (another night out with the girls). We got married after our youngest son was born. I still had major trust issues. We went out one night and I saw a guy I knew (a customer from work) introduced him to my husband. My husband didnt like it. We got into an argument and he said he was leaving and for me to get a ride with my friends. As the night went on and I had a few more drinks I wanted to go dancing. My friend didnt want to. She offered to take me home when the customer from work offered to take me dancing. I went dancing. We went to one bar danced and then he dropped me off at home. My husband was sitting on the porch when I got dropped off. He said he never left the bar. That he heard the guy offer to take me dancing and followed us. He knew where I was and knew I was telling the truth about nothing happened because there just wasnt enough time from the time he saw us go in and the time i got home.(really nothing happened). I felt awful after that. I know I was seeking revenge after all I had been through with his infidelity. I also knew that was no excuse. What I did was wrong! I knew I wanted to be married to the father of my children. I know it really bothered him. He brought it up a lot and I always backfired with what he had done to me while I was pregnant. It was a vicious cycle for a long time. Sometime between then and now we had a calm for a long time too. We seemed to have moved past all of that and were becoming stronger as a family. He knew all my passwords to email and facebook. I would leave my phone out for him to go through if he felt the urge and he did the same for me. We both still had issues with it but seemed to gain much more trust than we ever had. And then...I dont know exactly when he changed his facebook password because I hadnt tried to look at his stuff in a long time. I thought we were doing great (asside from the normal fighting couples do) I started to get kinda nuts trying to get something on him. I accused him of trying to talk to both of my sisters(one of my sisters he really did say something totaly inappropriate to) and even accused him of trying to talk to his own cousin. I know nothing ever happened there. I was just so crazy about thinking he was going to cheat again...(geez! As I am typing this all out I am realiZing just how bad things have been and it makes me really sad for my boys) I ended up finding him answering a craigs list ad. I cant remember if I still knew his e mail password at that time or if he had left it up on the computer. But his story to that one was that he was rreally drunk after a night out with the boys when me and our kids were out of town. He swears he never even got a reaponse and nothing happened. I actually believe that nothing came of it. Just the fact that he answered one of those hot and horny ads was enough to hurt me. Now we move on to our current state... about 2 years ago he started a motorcycle club with 4 others. In the early days a guy was a prospect. He and his wife had lots of problems. She had apperently cheated several times. From the very beginning of them coming around other wives in the club did not like her and were telling me I needed to watch out cuz it looked like she was after my man. My husbands mom was even in agreement with this. I thought it was crazy! My husband was actually really good friends with this guy. Our families hung out together on a few ocassions. I never really liked the girl but I really had no reason to think something was going on. Especially since my husband and her husband were becoming very close friends. Well...before thanksgiving those two (husbands friend and wife) told everyone they were going to split after the holidays. (They have 2 kids and didn't want to ruin Christmas). Well im sure you know where this is going. My husband left me in march. He said he wasn't happy. That there wasn't anyone else. He just couldn't do this anymore. I had my suspicios all along about my husband and the friends wife. He swore on his kids lives that he was not talking to her. After about a month and a half of seperation he tells me he wants to start talking to her. I got mad and called his friend. His friend tells me that my husband has been talking to his wife since back before they decided to seperate. He basically sayes he is ok with it. That he doesn't want to be with her anymore and he has moved on with someone else and he and my husband will still be best friends! This entire time my husband and I were seperated we had been sleeping together... now we have been seperated for 3 months... I still want him back. I have been through many differnt emotions. Anger when he first left... then sadness because I wanted him to come home. He refused.said he had a taste of freedom and liked it. Then when I found out my husband and her were actually talking for months I was angry again. 1 week I refused to speak to him or see him. Unless it had to do with the kids. Then I was sad again. Missing him...I told him we had to stop sleeping together. He always agrees but tries anyways. I know I shouldnt! (Before I knew about the other woman I justified it by saying he is my husband and I love him and maybe he will come back) now I know for sure about her. He has told me he is attracted to her. That they have so much in common. When he tries to sleep with me I usually give in. There has only been one time I said no and stuck to it. I have to stop. Every time we do I am back to being depressed. But he wont leave me alone and he knows I want him back. This is such a long story and theres so much more I think I should say...I have always had a steady good paying job. He has always had a job but he has been a job hopper. Sometimes because he was getting away from a woman that he had been talking to behind my back other times because he got tires of the job. I have always done all housework including taking care of the lawn. I rarely go out. I like family time with the kids and dont like getting a babysitter every weekend. So he would go oyt a lot especially since the motorcycle club started. I paid all of the bills and took care of all if the finances. He refused to even sit down with me so I could explain why we had no extra money. He did give me money towards bills but he made sure he got what he wanted before he gave it to me. Look. I know he sounds bad. But I am not a saint. He tried to talk to me about not being happy and I would just brush it off. He told me every day I was beautiful and sexy and always praised me for being a good mom. I rarely did those things for him. He cuddled me every night and I would ignore him ir pretend to be asleep. I said some really mean stuff to him when I would get mad about the weight of all the responsibilities on my shoulders. Yes he cheated many times. I know. I know there is really no excuse for cheating. I love this man and I do want him back. Yes I know things must change in our relationship on both sides. I am willing to try. He has not said since he left that he wants to come back. He has said "maybe...but not now. Maybe a year or two. But I want to be more than just dealing with the kids. I want to be friends I guess." Thats the usual gist of what he wants from me. He admits to going on one date with this other woman. He says he talks to her every day several timeas a day. But that he still gets more excited to hear from me (for the past couple weeks I have been trying to do the 180 project) I slept with him today and im pissed about it. I just would like others perspectives and advice on my situation please!
marqueemoon4 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 In before 10 people berate you for not breaking that up into paragraphs..
Author lovemaynotbeenough Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 I do apologize for being grammatically incorrect. That was written in the middle of the night last night in a rage from my little phone. I have been wanting to put my story on here for a few weeks. I just would like feedback from people who have gone through infidelity. I want him back soo bad. I am scared to start all over and I don't want to be alone. I know he is a huge jackass that probably will not be willing to work on our marraige. I am depressed. I have lost 20 lbs since our seperation started. Although I really needed to lose the weight it has not been because I am trying. I go through bouts of depression where I litterally can not eat. I have heard this in books and seen it on movies but never knew it was real. To be so sad that you can't eat or sleep. I hate what he has done to his family. That he could so easily throw it all away! Thats the hardest part. Again. I do apologize for all the errors and not making paragraphs and pretty much being all over the place in my post. Please comment with any advise or input. It will be greatly appreciated!
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