Lauren2000 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been in an LDR for several months. We see one another about every 2-3 weeks. He claims I'm the most amazing person he's ever met and offers me a lot of reassuring sweet talk when we are not together. We talk on the phone every day (sometimes more than once) and text constantly. On my most recent visit to see him I took time off from work and flew halfway across the country to be with him. While I was there, he slept in for half the day every day and never wanted to do anything. I started getting annoyed just waiting for him to wake up every day and I felt like, gee, our time is so limited, I come all this way to see him and he'd rather sleep than be with me. I felt so hurt. The time before this he was just slightly more motivated to go out and do stuff, but never seems too enthusiastic. He says he's far more into me than anyone he's ever liked, but this doesn't come across in his actions or his eyes. He doesn't maintain long eye contact with me. He constantly interrupts me when I talk, never has anything prepared for me when he knows I'm coming to visit, etc. I end up suggesting we go to the market and I always get stuck making him dinner and lavish desserts at his request. I am starting to wonder what the hell I am doing. Should I get out of this now before it gets any worse? Is it even worth talking things through with him?
Enema Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Yes, any time you find yourself in a LDR, break up with him.
TMichaels Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Should I get out of this now before it gets any worse? Yep. Is it even worth talking things through with him? Nope. If this is how he acts when you're "courting" can you imagine how "considerate" he'll be when the "honeymoon" is over? <shrugging shoulders/shaking head> Best, TMichaels 2
justwhoiam Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been in an LDR for several months. We see one another about every 2-3 weeks. So that means you've met him multiple times. We talk on the phone every day (sometimes more than once) and text constantly. On my most recent visit to see him I took time off from work and flew halfway across the country to be with him. While I was there, he slept in for half the day every day and never wanted to do anything. 1) What time does he usually get up when you're LD? 2) Was he waking up at his usual time? 3) Was he off from work too? If so, he was on vacation, and who wouldn't want to take advantage of that to sleep a bit more on vacation?? 4) If he was waking up late, was he willing to stay up with you till late at night? 5) Does "never wanted to do anything" mean he wanted to stay in bed or stay in with you? Because in this case, I fully understand what that means. He goes 3 weeks without you physically there, so when you are there, he'd like to make the most of it, that is he was lacking physical contact. I know there are tons of other things you could do together, you just need to find some balance. I started getting annoyed just waiting for him to wake up every day and I felt like, gee, our time is so limited, I come all this way to see him and he'd rather sleep than be with me. Is there a time difference between you two, usually, when you're LD? I guess so, because you said you flew halfway across the country. The time before this he was just slightly more motivated to go out and do stuff, but never seems too enthusiastic. Have you explored things that make him enthusiastic? If so, what are they? He doesn't maintain long eye contact with me. What do you mean by this? He constantly interrupts me when I talk This makes me think you're starting to pick at his flaws, to the point that you can't stand many things about him anymore. And that's just a symptom on how you're falling out of love, or your infatuation is fading. Sure this trait of him is not to be praised, but not something that can't be solved. (He) never has anything prepared for me when he knows I'm coming to visit, etc. I end up suggesting we go to the market and I always get stuck making him dinner and lavish desserts at his request. I am starting to wonder what the hell I am doing. So, if I understood well: 1) His fridge is empty 2) He doesn't ask you to go grocery shopping with it, it's you suggesting that 3) He doesn't cook and you end up cooking for him, but cooking is not your thing 4) He doesn't take you out for lunch or dinner 5) He asks you what to cook 6) You'd rather have him cook for you Is that correct? Should I get out of this now before it gets any worse? I guess. I'm not sure about your situation, as I don't know the answers to my questions above. Is it even worth talking things through with him? Only if you really love him, but honestly, I don't think it's your case. 1
LittleTiger Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 In a LDR, time together in real life is not supposed to 'make up for' time when you're apart. Especially not in the beginning of the relationship. It's about getting to know each other better, just the same as when you are dating somebody who lives close by. Presumably you've been to visit him a few times. Is this how he always behaves or was he on his best behaviour the first couple of times? If this is 'normal' for him, then I'm surprised you haven't already dumped him. It's not so much his unwillingness to make sure you are happy while you're there, it's the fact that the way he lives is clearly not compatible with your own expectations. If you enjoyed sleeping half the day at every opportunity you would probably be a great match. But you obviously don't, so you're not. Reassuring sweet talk does not make a relationship - compatibility does. Yes, you should break up with him.
Author Lauren2000 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 Thanks guys. I'm going to break up with him. There's no sense in staying in a relationship that doesn't make me happy--especially at this phase. Plus with the time and expense involved in a LDR, it's really hard to justify what's happening. I feel like in an LDR situation, if things aren't going super well right off the bat then I'm even less inclined to stick around. How about you guys?
justwhoiam Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 So you decided not to answers my questions? Sorry but I'm astaining from providing any suggestion lacking so much info about your situation.
Tk123 Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 Move on. He's not worth your time. LDR meetings are supposed to be special in that you get to learn more about your significant other in person. If he spends more time in a day sleeping and not wanting to do things together with you when you're there for such a short period of time, then I really don't see it working.
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