darkmoon Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 (edited) Just ended a friendship because he kept on advising me, on and on. On any petty subject. I think he liked feeling superior, but unless somebody is an expert on something, they can be plain wrong. Why do people issue forth like this? Not all my friends do. Do others have a similar problem? He is not the only one who has done this, one other ex-friend, yes ex, was like this. How long before anybody realizes that they are the target of being deemed the idiot? I have no idea how to handle these people except to ask them to stop to or to give advice when I ask, but they do no stop, they like the chance to sound clever, so then it's goodbye. What do others do? Edited June 20, 2013 by darkmoon
whichwayisup Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Cut them out of your life or make them less important (if you can't cut them out completely) and ignore their advice/rants/judgements/telling you what to do. I cannot stand people who are bossy and feel the need to tell you how to run your life. 3
writergal Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 (edited) I agree. Those types make the worst friends but the best acquaintances, or better yet as complete strangers. In other words, what WWIU said: drop those types from your life or down-grade them to someone you only see or speak to occasionally. I've ended friendships with extremely narcissistic, bossy women and am better off as a result. I had lunch with one a few weeks ago whom I hadn't seen in three years. She proved me right when we sat down to eat. I spent about 90% of the two hour lunch listening to her go on about how great her life is, and only had a 10% window to update her on my life. Ugh. Very draining experience that validated to me that I'd made the right decision to down-grade this toxic friendship. You did the right thing ending the friendship, darkmoon. Don't second guess yourself. Fill up that social void with a more healthy, more mutual friendship. Edited June 21, 2013 by writergal
GG3 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I haven't found a solution yet other than ending the friendship. I just had another one happen again. When I finally put up a boundary so he would stop trying to tell me what to do he blew up and unfriended me. (He's 40 btw...not some young kid)
writergal Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I haven't found a solution yet other than ending the friendship. I just had another one happen again. When I finally put up a boundary so he would stop trying to tell me what to do he blew up and unfriended me. (He's 40 btw...not some young kid) I think ending the friendship is the only solution when a friend invades your personal boundaries. I don't think there's an age limit to boundary invaders' behavior either. I've been the recipient of it from people of all ages. Of course he blew up in your face and unfriended you; you put up healthy boundaries which changed the friendship dynamic and shifted the power balance more in your favor, so that this guy no longer had as much power over you anymore. When boundary invaders realize that the person they have power over is on to them and changes the dynamics, the boundary invader reacts by being more aggressive in an attempt to regain control. Very passive-aggressive, boundary invaders are. Boundary invaders are not the kind of people you want as friends because all they will do is take from you and manipulate you. They are cotrolling and deceptive and never take responsibility for their actions and get mad when others hold them accountable for their actions, since they don't want to be held accountable. Count yourself lucky that you're rid of him now.
Philosopher Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I haven't done this personally but it might be a good strategy to deal with these sorts of people in future: Firstly try telling them that you do not need their advice and try to get them to justify their behaviour. If they can not come with any suitable justification on why they feel like they need to give you advice all the time hopefully they should get the message that you find it annoying. If after this they continue to be on the bossy side, have a conversation with them about their bossy behaviour, explain to them why you find it annoying and tell them to stop that sort of behaviour. If that still does not work, then
Philosopher Posted June 26, 2013 Posted June 26, 2013 If that still does not work, then Sorry missed out the end, I was meant to say: "If that still does not work then end the friendship."
SpiralOut Posted June 27, 2013 Posted June 27, 2013 People do that because they don't feel in control of themselves, so it's easier to look at someone else and tell them what they are doing wrong. I deal with "friends" like that by cutting them off. Every now and then if I miss them, I may try to hang out with them again to see if they have changed or not. Most times they haven't, so it's goodbye again.
Author darkmoon Posted June 27, 2013 Author Posted June 27, 2013 I hooked up with an old friend, but he was another bossy type, which would be okay, but he's no genius, his advice/instructions were not wise, but boy, he liked the sound of his own voice, I ran, he's been like this before, same old same old, I've learned to leave it/him 1
Recommended Posts