toc200 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 So I have been in spurts of NC with my ex gf (2.5 yr together, BU 4 months ago) for a few weeks at a time. One of us usually sends a "hey whats up" and its just small talk. Well a couple days ago we got to talking, just chit chat about her upcoming school. During this she says "I have to tell you that I started to see someone". I played it off cool, "was inevitable, etc". She said she didn't plan on this but it sort of happened. I asked her if we should stop talking because sometimes it seems that she's distant in our text exchanges and with another person around... She said "no, I like it. We pretty much small chatted to a couple "lol"s and left it at that. Well, later that night she texted me and told me that in our relationship she loved me so much, would have stayed with me if I wasn't so critical. "I loved you so ****ing much" she said. I was very critical. She had her faults too; primarily her temper. I seemed to push her buttons sometimes. I realize that you don't do the things to someone like I did. Maybe if I hadn't done this we would still be together like she said. We were such a polar couple, the highs were ecstacy and the lows were hell. I think if I had gone through heartbreak before and knew what I really had I would have done things differently. I could have helped her on hers and not aggravated them. I am not bothered by the idea of her hooking up or getting guys' attention. It is the fact that she may be building something new. I am not ready to build something new! I feel like I lost this race. All day today I have been thinking of our relationship, which was my first relationship. I was too immature/inexperienced to know how to treat a woman right.. I need to add that all over her facebook and instagram are photos of us, these romantic photos with the captions of my boy, love, etc. Who sees someone and leaves these photos up?! I have been told that maybe she is making this new person up, that she obviously still has feelings for me. The worst thing about this is I feel like I have exhausted my leads of people to talk to about this. Because after the initial break up (˜2 months) I was a wreck and my parents and close friends comforted me. The last two months; since Ive come back to my home town, it seems that everyone thinks that I am fine. I mostly was, but after this tidbit I'm back on the rollercoaster. To summarize. -Do you believe she really is seeing someone? Despite the photos and wanting to keep contact. -How can I feel like I haven't lost a race? What can I do to feel like I can see someone again. I waited so long for my first, I do not want this to happen again. Seems the longer I go through this the harder it will be. -What did her spilling of emotion this recent night mean? Thanks everyone, toc200
Author toc200 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 I just do not understand how this news could affect me like this. If you asked me last week speculatively how I would feel if I knew, I would have said that I wouldn't care much either way. I knew she would be out meeting people, I just didn't expect her to move onto making something else as soon as she did. She told me she planned on staying single for a long time. I know you say I cannot let her timeframe for moving on dictate mine. I think I am struggling mostly because it's like she's forgetting me faster than I are her. Like she had less love for me than I did for her. But doesn't 4 months sound like enough time to be moving on? To not all of a sudden find myself on the roller coaster? Lol why cant I move on? I've had a lot of attention from some girls but I am not really interested in them. I thought I was out of tokens for the BU roller coaster..
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