wmrjw82 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Hi everyone here is my situation: 3 weeks into breakup. She dumped me. Basically, we dated for 4 months. I'm 31 she was 28. She lives over an hour away and we made it work for the first 3 months long distance, but over time we started to fight. The fighting was eventually the reason we broke up. She's a daddy's girl and a princess. She's very good looking and used to getting her way with guys. I think that was part of the problem with her and I, because I put her on a pedestal and always gave her her way. Anyways, the first 2 weeks after the BU I chased her. No results. She tried to friendzone me 2 Sunday's ago. This is when I started to pull away. I had a good looking friend at work that made it look like she was into me on fb and then on a planned exchange of personal belongings between myself and the ex, I made it a point to not be there. (She just dropped the stuff off at my door). After I received my belongings, I promptly deleted her from my fb. This sparked a sudden reaction from the ex. Suddenly she wasn't getting her attention from me and the seed had been planted that I was into someone else. On Monday, (the day after I deleted her on fb), I received 10 txt's and 5 calls from the ex (all of which were ignored). All of which were about 1) why did I deleted her...i thought we were okay with being friends 2) could she get the dishes from me (that I bought for us when we were planning to move into together) On Tuesday, simply because I was getting annoyed at this point... I finally replied and told her: 1) I'm not interested in being friends with you 2) you're not getting the dishes that I paid for and 3) I've moved on. You dumped me 3 weeks ago. Her reply was "that's all you had to say... why the sudden change"... I simply replied, "just got tired of being hurt". Nothing since then. I dont plan on contacting her again. It just makes me mad that my assumptions about her needing attention and then trying to friendzone me were correct. When I pulled that attention away....she freaked out. The thing is, I do love her. I just told her I moved on because I was pissed that she tried to friendzone me. But I want things right. I dont want to be played, I want her to miss me for good reasons and to treat me right (I really treated this girl good throughout the relationship). Do you think she'll reach out again or do you think i've put the nail in the coffin since I told her i've moved on? She's really used to having her way and loves attention and I can imagine she's pretty pissed about being "dismissed". I feel bad, but in a way...also good that I stood up for myself. Anyway... thoughts?
McGriff Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I like the way you handled it. You kept your dignity and stood up for yourself and what you want out of the relationship. Bravo. Now comes the hard part. You played your hand, and now it's out of your control. You have to wait. She may come back, she may not. She probably WILL contact you at some point, but that doesn't mean she wants you back. Remember, you'll probably start freaking the longer you have to wait, but live your life as if she's not coming back and you win either way.
flitzanu Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Hi everyone here is my situation: 3 weeks into breakup. She dumped me. Basically, we dated for 4 months. I'm 31 she was 28. She lives over an hour away and we made it work for the first 3 months long distance, but over time we started to fight. The fighting was eventually the reason we broke up. She's a daddy's girl and a princess. She's very good looking and used to getting her way with guys. I think that was part of the problem with her and I, because I put her on a pedestal and always gave her her way. Anyways, the first 2 weeks after the BU I chased her. No results. She tried to friendzone me 2 Sunday's ago. This is when I started to pull away. I had a good looking friend at work that made it look like she was into me on fb and then on a planned exchange of personal belongings between myself and the ex, I made it a point to not be there. (She just dropped the stuff off at my door). After I received my belongings, I promptly deleted her from my fb. This sparked a sudden reaction from the ex. Suddenly she wasn't getting her attention from me and the seed had been planted that I was into someone else. On Monday, (the day after I deleted her on fb), I received 10 txt's and 5 calls from the ex (all of which were ignored). All of which were about 1) why did I deleted her...i thought we were okay with being friends 2) could she get the dishes from me (that I bought for us when we were planning to move into together) On Tuesday, simply because I was getting annoyed at this point... I finally replied and told her: 1) I'm not interested in being friends with you 2) you're not getting the dishes that I paid for and 3) I've moved on. You dumped me 3 weeks ago. Her reply was "that's all you had to say... why the sudden change"... I simply replied, "just got tired of being hurt". Nothing since then. I dont plan on contacting her again. It just makes me mad that my assumptions about her needing attention and then trying to friendzone me were correct. When I pulled that attention away....she freaked out. The thing is, I do love her. I just told her I moved on because I was pissed that she tried to friendzone me. But I want things right. I dont want to be played, I want her to miss me for good reasons and to treat me right (I really treated this girl good throughout the relationship). Do you think she'll reach out again or do you think i've put the nail in the coffin since I told her i've moved on? She's really used to having her way and loves attention and I can imagine she's pretty pissed about being "dismissed". I feel bad, but in a way...also good that I stood up for myself. Anyway... thoughts? there's no reason for her to reach out again because she already dumped you. i don't necessarily agree with the game part of it that you played, but, still...well done. you obviously got her attention. but the point is, she didn't want you back in the first place, but that doesn't mean she wants anyone else to have you. people are just fickle that way. she wanted to have you as a friend after dumping you, and to go bang other dudes. win win situation for her. cut the cord and don't let her have the satisfaction.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I think the general premise -- No Contact -- is fine. You need to stay away and move forward from her. I don't like the game playing. The staging of Facebook pictures was kind of lame, and you shouldn't tell someone you are over them when you aren't. As for whether or not she'll come back, who knows.
Author wmrjw82 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 I agree..the fb game was pretty lame, but in my defense (who knows, maybe i dont have one)... I didn't like the game she was playing. Ever since the BU it's been the "idk what i want...", telling me she is talking to other guys, wants to be single right now, loves her freedom, etc. All the while, she wanted to (i feel) keep me in her back pocket as a friend. I would have gone insane. I wanted a reaction out of her. As bad as it seems, I loved that attention she gave me. The whole idea was my coworkers...and she called my ex's reactions (batted 1000)... she even advised me to keep it up for a few days to really twist her up. In the end, I realize I wasn't getting anywhere, so I wanted to be clear and let her know I had no interest in being friends. I just wonder if I made the mistake of telling her i've moved on. Who knows... she doesn't even care probably at this point and i'm making more out of all of this then there really is. Bottom line she doesn't want me and will never want me if she doesn't have the space to miss me. And who knows, maybe by the time she comes around, i'll really be over her. That was a CRAZY reaction from her though....literally 12 txt's and 5 missed calls. I actually felt wanted again Just ticks me off things went this way.... dont ever rush.
flitzanu Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I agree..the fb game was pretty lame, but in my defense (who knows, maybe i dont have one)... I didn't like the game she was playing. Ever since the BU it's been the "idk what i want...", telling me she is talking to other guys, wants to be single right now, loves her freedom, etc. All the while, she wanted to (i feel) keep me in her back pocket as a friend. I would have gone insane. I wanted a reaction out of her. As bad as it seems, I loved that attention she gave me. The whole idea was my coworkers...and she called my ex's reactions (batted 1000)... she even advised me to keep it up for a few days to really twist her up. In the end, I realize I wasn't getting anywhere, so I wanted to be clear and let her know I had no interest in being friends. I just wonder if I made the mistake of telling her i've moved on. Who knows... she doesn't even care probably at this point and i'm making more out of all of this then there really is. Bottom line she doesn't want me and will never want me if she doesn't have the space to miss me. And who knows, maybe by the time she comes around, i'll really be over her. That was a CRAZY reaction from her though....literally 12 txt's and 5 missed calls. I actually felt wanted again Just ticks me off things went this way.... dont ever rush. if she wants you, and she thinks you moved on, then she'll try harder to contact you and tell you she WANTS TO DATE YOU. telling her that you moved on didn't really do much at all, because she's already "moved on". if you kept chasing her she'd eventually have said that as well that she "moved on" and you should "do the same". of whatever "chance" there is, you didn't ruin it by telling her anything, so don't second guess it.
mutant Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 You didn't ruin it. It's far better than pleading, begging etc and it's highly likely that she will contact you in future. The HS games on FB were pretty lame and immature. I think the relationship was not healthy considering the games you've had to play and the overall dynamics. You should really consider moving on and looking for a much healthier relationship even if she wants you back
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