LoveB86 Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 I had totally lost myself since this all happened. He cheated, left me for another co worker, he doing all these things for her that he didn't do for me. I tried to sit back and be okay about it all, but I no longer can anymore. It's been 2 1/2 months of this pain. To see them together everyday at work, to see him doing all these things for her, when I was so good to him and yet he never did anything for me. I have not heard from him since... silence. I don't want to live with this pain anymore. This life is so unfair to people who done nothing wrong to anyone, but yet get hurt so bad. I given up and no longer can act like I am "strong" around them because I am not. I lost so much weight, my face is breaking out so bad, I do not look the same anymore. While some might say, I look great, others can tell that I had been hurt so bad that they can see right thru me. Alot of co workers see what he did to me, knows how he acts like life is so good without me... and they see me, a pretty girl, who got dumped and has to see the two lovebirds so in love right in my face. I don't wish karma on him nor her, he cheated on me and well... life is just unfair. I hope someday I can stop the pain. I am officially quitting my job in August after 3 years of being here. I can't no longer work with shady people especially my ex who cheated. I can't do this anymore and am starting to have suicidal thoughts. I daydream of crashing my car on the freeway. I lost... I completely lost this battle. I'm done..
Hopeinme Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Please... Your life is so valuable and you want to lose it ove that idiot? How is ending your life going to solve anything? He will probably feel guilty for a day and move on, and imagine how hurt your loved ones will be. You are so much mor than that, you have done it for 2.5 months, hang in there, things will be better after you have moved away. You nee to help yourself in this. It will fet worse before it gets better!! Please do bot give up hope!' We are all here to listen to you! Hugs xxx 1
Bito Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Emotions have a way of making things seem so much worse then they really are. Its great that you are quiting your job. I'm sure working with them must be hard. Don't victimize yourself so much though. That's why you're thoughts lead you to dark places. If what you say is true and he never did anything for you then you should be happy he is gone. Don't gauge a relationship on face value either. They are in the honeymoon phase now but it won't last. Especially because infidelity was involved. Get out of there and move on with your life. I will be rooting for you. 2
BustedUpInside Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 I am going to assume that you are in your early 20's. Is that right? The reason that I assume this is because you are mature in your posts. You write logically and seem to have well thought out words, but you also lack the long range thinking that comes with experience and having lived more years on the planet. I am older than you (I am guessing), and I remember when I was younger and I really thought that the bad things that happened to me when I was 21-25 were the worst things that could ever happen to anyone and that if my life was going to be like that, I just didn't know if I could do it. When I look back on that now, I realize how naive I really was. Life is so incredibly long. It is the longest thing you will ever do in your whole life. So what mattered to me five years ago, rarely has that much importance in my life today. I can remember being upset about different relationships, but honestly the only time I think about some of my exes is when a new relationship ends. These were men that at the time of the breakup I swore that I wouldn't be able to live without. These are guys that cheated on me and then dumped me for the other woman and I swore that I would spend the rest of my life plotting an intricate revenge that would ruin their lives and make them rue (yes rue ) the day they ever crossed me. And here it is over 10 years later (in some cases) and I can't even remember their last name or the other girl's name, or exactly how long we dated or exactly what day we broke up. I remember being sad, but mostly it just gets funny after awhile. Like sitting around with my girlfriends talking about current guys and then horror dating stories from the past. They become an anecdote, just another silly story from my past used to amuse people at a lunch date. To think I had thoughts about ending it over a guy that I now bring up just to get a giggle seems so silly when I think about it. Don't even think about suicide. You know that it is ridiculous, right? As soon as you get away from that work environment and get some space to clear your head, your logical and reasonable self is going to take over and you will be able to see that there is a great big world out there and you couldn't see the forest for the trees. Just take a deep breath and shine it on a little longer. In three months or less, I would be willing to bet money that your life is going to take a serious upturn and you will be slightly embarrassed remembering how much you thought about a man who will eventually just become another figure from your past who you only bring up to have a laugh at. 6
LovelyDaze Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Oh my I love the advice you are being given here. PLEASE DON'T HARM YOURSELF! EVER! Not just for the obvious reason thaat you are a beautiful, smart, and worthy person but think about this: Why would you want to harm yourself for someone who hurt you? You would have NO chance to love again which is on the horizon for you if you just get through this(and you WILL, trust me!). If you weren't here, your ex would STILL live his life with the co-worker or some other which is most likely going to be the case. He will have other women in his life. The new one is most likely NOT going to be "the one." Don't give your ex the satisfaction of him knowing he did the "right thing" leaving you. At the most callous, your ex would think "She hurt herself over ME!" It would be the ultimate ego boost. Make sure that there aren't other options at your job such as other departments you can work in, shifts that would differ his/theirs/etc. Don't just quit a job you like(?) over him. He also "wins" when you do that. FIGHT. Stay strong. Do your best job at work, then grieve at home. Don't discuss issue with fellow co-workers, don't speak mean of ex & new interest, do not seek any revenge either. Just do you job to the best of your ability and deal with breakup at home and with outside friends/family that care. Trust me, the best way is to keep striving and thriving. Dumpers sometimes have a sadistic joy in the dumpee being obviously sad and pathetic over them. By doing and living well, it stumps those types and they don't get the giddy joy of seeing the hurt on you anymore. Come on LS ANYTIME you even feel a need and especially call family or hotline ASAP if you even think of hurting yourself. You ARE worth it and real love will find you. Positive! 3
SadHumiliated Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I had totally lost myself since this all happened. He cheated, left me for another co worker, he doing all these things for her that he didn't do for me. I tried to sit back and be okay about it all, but I no longer can anymore. It's been 2 1/2 months of this pain. To see them together everyday at work, to see him doing all these things for her, when I was so good to him and yet he never did anything for me. I have not heard from him since... silence. I don't want to live with this pain anymore. This life is so unfair to people who done nothing wrong to anyone, but yet get hurt so bad. I given up and no longer can act like I am "strong" around them because I am not. I lost so much weight, my face is breaking out so bad, I do not look the same anymore. While some might say, I look great, others can tell that I had been hurt so bad that they can see right thru me. Alot of co workers see what he did to me, knows how he acts like life is so good without me... and they see me, a pretty girl, who got dumped and has to see the two lovebirds so in love right in my face. I don't wish karma on him nor her, he cheated on me and well... life is just unfair. I hope someday I can stop the pain. I am officially quitting my job in August after 3 years of being here. I can't no longer work with shady people especially my ex who cheated. I can't do this anymore and am starting to have suicidal thoughts. I daydream of crashing my car on the freeway. I lost... I completely lost this battle. I'm done.. I had something similar happen to me but in a small grad program. They are still together and I'm nearing the 60 day mark of no contact. Today I passed them both together in a hall for the first time in a long time and I realized I felt nothing...not anxious flutter, no anger, no bitterness, nothing. And it felt good. You will get there. But you have to be patient. What has helped me get over it all is the fact that I am so over burdened with work right now, emotionally I have no room for anything else. That "dont give a ****" feeling...the realization that I'm getting there...is an amazing feeling. You WILL get there. But it will take time. And the funny thing was....as I heard her talking to him...he was doing his bored "uh-huhs" that he started to do with me when we were leaving OUR honeymoon phase. It made me chuckle inside. They don't change. Just their victim changes. He was a liar and a cheat, and grew bored with me. He'll do the same with her. It not an if but a when. Meanwhile I, and you, would have moved on to bigger and better things. 3
Author LoveB86 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 I am going to assume that you are in your early 20's. Is that right? The reason that I assume this is because you are mature in your posts. You write logically and seem to have well thought out words, but you also lack the long range thinking that comes with experience and having lived more years on the planet. I am older than you (I am guessing), and I remember when I was younger and I really thought that the bad things that happened to me when I was 21-25 were the worst things that could ever happen to anyone and that if my life was going to be like that, I just didn't know if I could do it. You are absolutely right... And I'm 26. He is 28... :-/ 1
Author LoveB86 Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 Thanks to all for the advice.. You actually saved me a day to see the light in this dark place I created. It's like I know I will be okay, I been thru breakups before. Things might just get better next time around. I was dating this great guy a few weeks already. However, I had to take things really slow, put a pause to it all because I still am so broken up by the breakup. He understands and respects me. I known this guy for many, many years. I appreciate the support. I guess I am used to victimizing myself because the pain feels comforting to me. It's like I devalue myself because of the pain this guy put me thru. I know damn well he is not right for me. I know I deserve 1000x better than how he took advantage of my kindness. So, Me feeling sorry for myself helps justified the decisions I make even more. Suicidal or not... In 2.5 months of this, I feel as if I am falling down deeper into this hole. I think because he cheated, because he left me for a girl that knows who I am, because she is more of the attention seeker than I am, it's as if the knife just goes in deeper into me where the pain level is just over the edge... That's where I'm at and that's when I gave up on me. I am trying to find professional help right now before it's too late. I am so hard on myself, am only giving myself another chance. That's just plain sad. This breakup by far took an ammunition-blow to my ego.
Hopeinme Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Thanks to all for the advice.. You actually saved me a day to see the light in this dark place I created. It's like I know I will be okay, I been thru breakups before. Things might just get better next time around. I was dating this great guy a few weeks already. However, I had to take things really slow, put a pause to it all because I still am so broken up by the breakup. He understands and respects me. I known this guy for many, many years. I appreciate the support. I guess I am used to victimizing myself because the pain feels comforting to me. It's like I devalue myself because of the pain this guy put me thru. I know damn well he is not right for me. I know I deserve 1000x better than how he took advantage of my kindness. So, Me feeling sorry for myself helps justified the decisions I make even more. Suicidal or not... In 2.5 months of this, I feel as if I am falling down deeper into this hole. I think because he cheated, because he left me for a girl that knows who I am, because she is more of the attention seeker than I am, it's as if the knife just goes in deeper into me where the pain level is just over the edge... That's where I'm at and that's when I gave up on me. I am trying to find professional help right now before it's too late. I am so hard on myself, am only giving myself another chance. That's just plain sad. This breakup by far took an ammunition-blow to my ego. Hugs xxxx keep us updated on how you are coping 1
lop98 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I know that pain and those thoughts... what your head, heart and soul are demanding is freedom, but don't confuse it for an exit that will hurt others and there's no return from. You do need to take a brave decision right now and risk it all and that is leaving that job. Take care of yourself by distancing from all the poison and source of pain that your job has become, you're never going to heal if you keep receiving that on a regular basis... you need to look outside and realize there's still fresh air for everyone, literally. 1
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