anne1707 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 No that's not true Betsy. You have complained about the lack of attention in your marriage.
Author Helen A Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 Oh yes. I think that's why I enjoyed all the attention you know after you've been with someone for years it's not like it is when you meet somebody new and it was just exciting. But he turned out to be a total git who ended up hurting me. But il be fine I'm just lucky I haven't ruined my whole life.
anne1707 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Gawd Betsy. What I would do to you if I was in the same room as you. I would definitely be grabbing hold of you to try and shake some sense in to you. You really don't get it all do you? Your marriage HAS to change. It CANNOT carry on as it did before. You HAVE to do something. Your husband HAS to do something. You BOTH need to TALK to EACH OTHER. 1
Author Helen A Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 What I'm trying to say is my husband doesn't know anything happened does he. I know that we will talk, communicate more. Make more effort etc.
anne1707 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Talk about what? And how will he know more effort is needed?
Author Helen A Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 Just talk more (in general) instead of spending time on the phone texting the OM thinking about the OM, etc etc. actually being more involved in my own life and not thinking that the grass is greener. Just being happy with my husband and what we've got. I sure as hell wouldn't want to lose him.
anne1707 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 so not actually talking about the stuff you need to talk about. Why are you here on LS Betsy? After all, you are ignoring all the advice you are getting.
Author Helen A Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 There's nothing we need to talk about unless it involved me admitting this. Which Im not doing. I've said I'm making more of an effort, etc. I'm on here as I like the forum chatting to people, I've listened to a lot of things as it goes. Deleted twitter, done NC Etc. Think it's best to leave it here before going around and around in circles about what am I going to do but thanks for all your input.
Author Helen A Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 Didnt mean that in a funny way Anne hope it didnt come across that way. Your advice has been good
anne1707 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Betsy Even if you don't tell your husband about your affair, you could at least have the decency to talk to him about your marital relationship. There is no good reason for you not to talk to him about what you need and want and for him to talk about what he needs and wants. Take a good hard look and see what you can do for each other. You have to tell him that things are at least "off" and you think that you and he both need to make some more effort. Every married couple needs to work on their relationship. Every married couple will go through some not so good patches. What counts is how you deal with those patches. What counts is working together not in isolation. 2
Author Helen A Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 I have spoken to him about things like not making enough time for each other/sex etc and we been working on that. It's just we are opposite shifts, looking after a 3 yo - doesnt leave much us time. And we're knackered lol.
anne1707 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Get yourself 2 copies of Harley's "His needs, her needs" and read them together side by side. Then talk about what you have read and how it makes you feel. I promise you, this book could really help prompt healthy discussion.
TaraMaiden Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Ok may do, thanks Anne. Yeah, "may do" - if she actually feels like including her H in actually doing something constructive - TOGETHER - to address the issues of being taking for granted/ignoring her/not understanding her needs/being non-communicative. But no. She can do this all on her own and keep living the Li[highlight]F[/highlight]e.... because actually, she gives a [highlight]F[/highlight]..... Jeesh...6 pages of "I'm in desperate need of help in knowing what to do to rebuild my marriage but I have absolutely no intention whatsoever of doing what I need to do, to succeed." I'm out of here. I've heard of stubborn, but if this don't just beat all...... 2
stillafool Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 There's nothing we need to talk about unless it involved me admitting this. Which Im not doing. I've said I'm making more of an effort, etc. I'm on here as I like the forum chatting to people, I've listened to a lot of things as it goes. Deleted twitter, done NC Etc. Think it's best to leave it here before going around and around in circles about what am I going to do but thanks for all your input. I think you like forum chatting because it gives you a place to talk about the OM. He is constantly on your mind. You say you got involved with this man because of the "attention". You need to find out why you need so much attention that you would cheat on your husband. You need to come clean to him about what you have done so he will understand why the two of you cannot be friends with this couple and get therapy for your marriage. Otherwise nothing is going to change. 1
TaraMaiden Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I think you like forum chatting because it gives you a place to talk about the OM. He is constantly on your mind. You say you got involved with this man because of the "attention". You need to find out why you need so much attention that you would cheat on your husband. You need to come clean to him about what you have done so he will understand why the two of you cannot be friends with this couple and get therapy for your marriage. Otherwise nothing is going to change. Attention from him, has switched to attention from us.
Author Helen A Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 Attention from him, has switched to attention from us. Personally think that's a bit mean. I mean you don't have to reply to any of my messages Tara, Therefore giving me no *attention*
anne1707 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Have you checked out that book I recommended yet Betsy?
Author Helen A Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 I am going to the library tommorow Anne with my little one would I yet it there or have to buy it.
TaraMaiden Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Attention from him, has switched to attention from us. Personally think that's a bit mean. I mean you don't have to reply to any of my messages Tara, Therefore giving me no *attention* I wasn't replying to your message. I was replying to stillafool's message. 1
anne1707 Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I suggested you get 2 copies - one for your husband to read and one for you to read - TOGETHER - so you can talk about it TOGETHER. Are you going to do that? 2
Author Helen A Posted June 25, 2013 Author Posted June 25, 2013 I wasn't replying to your message. I was replying to stillafool's message. How childish. This is a public Internet forum the other man woman I mean I can come on here and discuss what I like. If I don't do as some people suggest I should well.... I dunno. It's like kids nitpicking in the playground.
TaraMaiden Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 I suggested you get 2 copies - one for your husband to read and one for you to read - TOGETHER - so you can talk about it TOGETHER. Are you going to do that? You're kidding... right? She's treating this place like some social mum's get-together for the odd occasional chin-wag... She has no intention of following any advice, as is evident throughout the thread. And by her last comment, more pertinently....
TaraMaiden Posted June 25, 2013 Posted June 25, 2013 Nobody knows how absolutely dreadfully awful cigarettes are, like a reformed smoker.... And frankly, you are the rare and shining beacon that is 'second chances'. But then, you're bound to be....You did it right. 1
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