Can I call him out for lack of contact?

[maestrok]

When in a dating stage especially very early on - can a girl call a man out for his lack of contact or communications?

I am really upset and bothered by the his behavior and, despite knowing what all of you might say, i want to ask him if he is no longer interested - or if he could improve on his communications. Does this ever work?

was wondering if there is a better way of dealing with this kind of issue?

[InJest]

You'll come off as needy. Start seeing other guys. If he comes around, reconsider him.

[sweetheart5381]

When in a dating stage especially very early on - can a girl call a man out for his lack of contact or communications?

I am really upset and bothered by the his behavior and, despite knowing what all of you might say, i want to ask him if he is no longer interested - or if he could improve on his communications. Does this ever work?

was wondering if there is a better way of dealing with this kind of issue?

 

Depending on how long you have been dating that could be perceived as PRESSURE. Or even worse, you are already asking him to change... both will ruin a relationship that is just starting.

[Keenly]

So what's the problem exactly ? Do you contact him and he doesn't respond ? Or do you just wait around and then get mad when nothing happens ? Be more specific with your situation . Usually early on if a girl starts complaining about something like this the guy will get really turned off .

[NoMoreJerks]

When in a dating stage especially very early on - can a girl call a man out for his lack of contact or communications?

I am really upset and bothered by the his behavior and, despite knowing what all of you might say, i want to ask him if he is no longer interested - or if he could improve on his communications. Does this ever work?

was wondering if there is a better way of dealing with this kind of issue?

I don't know the particulars of the situation. If a guy is not contacting you much or at all, or contacts you for booty call, and you do not want that, then you don't reply/message/call him. Otherwise, maybe you should initiate every now and then. I don't know the details of the situation so I can't tell how much you initiate and how much he does, if he's ignoring your texts, etc.

[Leegh]

I would back off a little, and let him pursue you. Turn the tables, and let him wonder about you. Good Luck

[maestrok]

So what's the problem exactly ? Do you contact him and he doesn't respond ? Or do you just wait around and then get mad when nothing happens ? Be more specific with your situation . Usually early on if a girl starts complaining about something like this the guy will get really turned off .

 

He never ignores my texts but neither does he ask back any questions... He did ask me out on dates for saturdays but does not text me at all throughout the rest of the week unless I text him.

We are both really busy but I still feel like if you are interested in someone youd want to ask how shes doing how her day was and so. No?

 

Arent they fair points? No?

 

Also I just felt like he doesnt realize i am upset so whenever he sees me he will think im giving him an attitude for no reason - whereas there are obvious reasons - so maybe talking to him openly would make things either better or not but at least then i am no longer wasting time and energy pondering on this issue...?

[sweetheart5381]

I don't know the particulars of the situation. If a guy is not contacting you much or at all, or contacts you for booty call, and you do not want that, then you don't reply/message/call him. Otherwise, maybe you should initiate every now and then. I don't know the details of the situation so I can't tell how much you initiate and how much he does, if he's ignoring your texts, etc.

 

I agree, good post.

 

Everyone is different and has their own ideas about how they communicate and how frequently.

 

Hell, my 16 yr old has a gf and they text non-stop! His phone goes off every 30 seconds, all day and night!! I had a chat with him to explain that even if you don't hear from her from hour to hour its ok... she's still alive and still loves you

 

But seriously, it's not about the frequency, its the quality of the communication that counts

[maestrok]

I would back off a little, and let him pursue you. Turn the tables, and let him wonder about you. Good Luck

 

How do you do thay? Jut back off and wait until he acts? I cant concentrate on anything while anxiously waiting for sth to happen and what if he doesnt act? I feel like illl then regret thinking maybe i shouldve done sth no?

[Keenly]

He never ignores my texts but neither does he ask back any questions... He did ask me out on dates for saturdays but does not text me at all throughout the rest of the week unless I text him.

We are both really busy but I still feel like if you are interested in someone youd want to ask how shes doing how her day was and so. No?

 

Arent they fair points? No?

 

Also I just felt like he doesnt realize i am upset so whenever he sees me he will think im giving him an attitude for no reason - whereas there are obvious reasons - so maybe talking to him openly would make things either better or not but at least then i am no longer wasting time and energy pondering on this issue...?

Sounds to me like the problem is on your end.

 

You are annoyed that he doesn't communicate the same way you do. People are different, maybe he doesn't even like texting. You can't get mad at him for that.

 

 

Also, just expecting him to know why you are man or upset ? Really? How old are you? That's a lack of communication on YOUR part, so I don't know how you could be mad at him for not being able to read minds.

[SJC2008]

Sounds to me like the problem is on your end.

 

You are annoyed that he doesn't communicate the same way you do. People are different, maybe he doesn't even like texting. You can't get mad at him for that.

 

 

Also, just expecting him to know why you are man or upset ? Really? How old are you? That's a lack of communication on YOUR part, so I don't know how you could be mad at him for not being able to read minds.

 

Unless it's something blatant like forgetting a birthday or annniversary, I don't do the "You should know why I'm mad".

 

OP it sounds like have different views on communication frequency so I'd start looking elswere as that's a hard thing to fix.

[InJest]

Have you had sex yet?

[maestrok]

Unless it's something blatant like forgetting a birthday or annniversary, I don't do the "You should know why I'm mad".

 

OP it sounds like have different views on communication frequency so I'd start looking elswere as that's a hard thing to fix.

 

I am not trying to "fix him" but i feel like we can both try to accommodate each other a little better..

And because I know he doesnt read minds (i dot expect him to) so i want to tell him that him checking out completely like that upsets me and why.

Is that still a bad idea?

[maestrok]

Have you had sex yet?

 

No no no thats not happening in any nearest future

[sweetheart5381]

Ya, it sounds to me like there are expectations that he doesn't know about, otherwise OP would not be angry about this.

 

He's not ignoring, he simply communicates differently.

 

My man and I talked early about how I don't text much and I leave my phone on silent at work. He is a constant texter, his phone is always in hand. We are polar opposites but still have a crazy good relationship. We compromise I check my phone more often (once or twice a day) and he texts less often. He doesn't get upset if I don't answer right away and neither do I if he doesn't respond. He doesn't text others when we are spending quality time together, rather he puts it to vibrate and checks it to see if its important.

 

OP should not get upset if he doesn't initiate... perhaps she could see it as he is comfortable enough in their budding relationship that they don't HAVE to talk all the time when they are apart.

[maestrok]

Ya, it sounds to me like there are expectations that he doesn't know about, otherwise OP would not be angry about this.

 

He's not ignoring, he simply communicates differently.

 

My man and I talked early about how I don't text much and I leave my phone on silent at work. He is a constant texter, his phone is always in hand. We are polar opposites but still have a crazy good relationship. We compromise I check my phone more often (once or twice a day) and he texts less often. He doesn't get upset if I don't answer right away and neither do I if he doesn't respond. He doesn't text others when we are spending quality time together, rather he puts it to vibrate and checks it to see if its important.

 

OP should not get upset if he doesn't initiate... perhaps she could see it as he is comfortable enough in their budding relationship that they don't HAVE to talk all the time when they are apart.

 

You said that you guys talked about it. Did you just ask him to have a talk and then discussed it? How did you approach it specfically?

I mean the thing is ... If I ask him to hang out or see each other during the week he says no bc he has other plans EVERY single day. So its kinda not fair and i feel like he does everything his way...

[Minneloa]

OP, for clarification, is this the same guy with whom you cancelled the second date?

[maestrok]

OP, for clarification, is this the same guy with whom you cancelled the second date?

 

To be honest ... Yes. I thought about it but i think he is not a jerk but rather a flake who does not realize hes hurting my feelings. So i want to talk to him and see what he is up to. Just dumping it all without even talking about it will definitely make me feel regrettable later so Even if this doesnt go well i feel like i should at least talk to him i think

[SJC2008]

I am not trying to "fix him" but i feel like we can both try to accommodate each other a little better..

And because I know he doesnt read minds (i dot expect him to) so i want to tell him that him checking out completely like that upsets me and why.

Is that still a bad idea?

 

I said fix in fixing yalls communication differences, not fixing him. If you like the guy have a talk with him on yalls views of contact frequency. You say you don't expect him to read minds but think he should know why you're giving him attitude. What's the difference?

[miss_jaclynrae]

Have you guys discussed what you are looking for in terms if dating?

 

 

What are YOU looking for?

A relationship? Just dating for fun?

 

 

 

 

With the men who were looking for a relationship, there were never communication issues. They either told me they don't communicate via mobile a lot, or contacted me all the time.

 

I know for me, unless I wasn't seeing things going far I was never in constant contact.

[maestrok]

I said fix in fixing yalls communication differences, not fixing him. If you like the guy have a talk with him on yalls views of contact frequency. You say you don't expect him to read minds but think he should know why you're giving him attitude. What's the difference?

 

No no some of you were saying callin him out would pressure him or might make me appear needy. And i was saying i feel like i should talk to him so that he doesnt think i givin him an attitude for no reason.

 

Should i text him saying "can we talk?" ahhh idk what to say i dont think i should sound thay serious .....

[Minneloa]

To be honest ... Yes. I thought about it but i think he is not a jerk but rather a flake who does not realize hes hurting my feelings. So i want to talk to him and see what he is up to. Just dumping it all without even talking about it will definitely make me feel regrettable later so Even if this doesnt go well i feel like i should at least talk to him i think

 

Ok, in that case, I might advise just backing off for now, seeing as though you have only been on one date and he has turned down your other offers to hang out. It sounds like he is not demonstrating sufficient interest in you. If he asks you out again or initiates contact, you can decide what to do then. But I wouldn't reach out anymore.

 

Bottom line: You deserve someone who is excited to spend time with you!

[todreaminblue]

When in a dating stage especially very early on - can a girl call a man out for his lack of contact or communications?

I am really upset and bothered by the his behavior and, despite knowing what all of you might say, i want to ask him if he is no longer interested - or if he could improve on his communications. Does this ever work?

was wondering if there is a better way of dealing with this kind of issue?

 

if you can tbe honest early in a relationship with how you feel .......it will eb just as hard later on to eb honest...tell him how you feel.......make it non pressure just explain this is how i feel....dont use words like dont and you should...make it a positive conversation but make it honest..make it about what you feel...not what he should be doing......makes life a hell of a lot easier for you...and for him...he probably has no idea....tell him you would like it if you guys communicated more.......deb

[sweetheart5381]

You said that you guys talked about it. Did you just ask him to have a talk and then discussed it? How did you approach it specfically?

I mean the thing is ... If I ask him to hang out or see each other during the week he says no bc he has other plans EVERY single day. So its kinda not fair and i feel like he does everything his way...

 

Well no, it happened by accident. We met when he spent a few hrs in my home installing my cable and internet services and we had each others numbers for business purposes. We talked for a long time after about life, etc and the relationship started. When he text me that night I didn't respond for 2 full days because I didn't see the message since I forgot my phone was on silent. In hindsight, if he had have gotten annoyed with my delay, we would not be where we are today.

 

I apologized for the late reply and explained that I didn't text much, I prefer in person contact. He admitted that he was kinda feeling silly/confused for texting me, after I didn't answer, but was totally cool with it once he learned about me and my communication habits. It hasn't been an issue at all since then.

 

I would suggest initiating contact with your guy now and then... don't make him do all the work. If he doesn't respond with a desire to hang out when he isn't busy, then move on.

[Estate]

When in a dating stage especially very early on - can a girl call a man out for his lack of contact or communications?

I am really upset and bothered by the his behavior and, despite knowing what all of you might say, i want to ask him if he is no longer interested - or if he could improve on his communications. Does this ever work?

was wondering if there is a better way of dealing with this kind of issue?

 

It's ok to subtly talk about each others wants/needs in relationships but don't call him out on it.