Are we over? Im devestated!

[sadgirl29]

Hello there,

I have never used online as a tool to help with my frustrations but I am at a loss what to do/feel. I met a great guy 5 months ago, we made out at a party. Im 29, hes 33. We never though it would lead to anything serious. A couple weeks after we met (Feb 1 day we met) he asked me to be his girlfriend and said he really liked me. We were both so happy. Over the course of the last 5 months he has said he loves me, wants me forever, and is a very emotional guy. He cried once and held me close and said "Please never let go of me."

 

I feel bad for him, as I am certain he needs medication. He has a severe anxiety disorder and after about month 1 into dating things started to get a bit weird. He started saying that I have to quietly sit on the couch for 10 mins before we hug, kiss etc cause he needs to get used to the idea hes no longer this single guy on his own, hes now sharing his apartment with me for the night..... some other weird habits too.....Accuses me of being manipulative sometimes..... I asked him if he wanted to stay up late--no nagging---and he said im trying to use sleep deprevation to control his mind, and all women are the same etc.....Another time, I was trying to convince him not to be upset we didn't get into the club we wanted to and said I was just trying to make im feel better. He said "make" is a type of control, and im trying to tell him how to feel.... But this isn't usually how he is... We usually have a lot of fun but his anxiety takes over his life. ----And yes ive gently brought up the medication issue only to be shot down.

 

So anyways, ive been a good gf...He doesn't drive and we live 45 mins away.... Ive come to see him for 5 months every single week, and hes come to see me only once. I have 2 kids, so getting sitters for them every week just to see him is another thing I am doing, cause I love him.

 

This past week everything was good....He texts me all the time, says he loves me and wants me and how he sees a future with me. He invited me to a friends and a cousions wedding this month, and I have met his friends and his sister..... On Saturday, 4 days ago now, I take him and his friend out to breakfast and after we get back I have sex with my bf and everything is good. An hour later he sits me down and start balling his eyes out. Says hes not in love with me anymore, that everytime I see him he wishes I wasn't there, and how he thinks we should end things cause my personality is just "too intense" for him. Hes had no good lasting relationships and Im not sure what makes me angrier..the fact he broke my heart into a million pieces, or the fact his last gf was 13 yrs ago and lasted a month.

 

Anyways, like a psycho lunatic I beg him not to leave me. he cuddles me on the couch, kisses me, says he loves me and I deserve better. he says its the hardest decision he ever had to make-at this point, i can barely her him through his tears.... I beg and beg and say hes crazy to leave me...he told me im the best thing that's ever happened to him just a week ago!!!!! So again, like an emotional nut job, the next day I call him probably 5 times and text him so much I was humiliated with myself!!! He said he loves me but doesn't know if love is enough to make the relationship work and to please not contact him and let him think. his exact text to me was "I dunno...maybe....maybe we can try again. Now LET ME THINK PLEASE. I know this waiting is killing you but I just don't know give me a week or two to think"

 

Like am I dumped? Wtf does this all mean??!??!? I have lost 10 lbs in 4 days, I cant eat, I cant sleep, I cant concentrate. Ive completely got myself together and stopped communicating with him but I am crying so bad. I cant stop. I am sick to my stomach. I feel like my chest is tight and its hard to breathe. Ive never felt this way before.....Am I a gonner from his life? TIA

Edited June 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Ami1uwant]

Sorry this happened.....hard to say why.

 

 

Him not having a relationship for 13 years is a red flag....have you ever sked him why that was the case? Is he naturally very shy?

 

 

My gut feeling in reading what you wrote says he likely has some form of Aspergers. Part of Aspergers is taking words very literally in definition and not the contrext they are used.

 

Why doesnt he drive?

 

I think he is looking at you too analytically and has decided you two just will not last and work out. which is why he is ending it.

 

Him not having a relationship for 12 years explains is "odd" level of comfort with you staying at his place and you two sitting together. He isnt used to it. Its going against his order and norms---another sign of Aspergers.

 

 

If you dont believe me watch the movie Adam and see for yourself.

[Phantom888]

I'm really sorry. This is so sad. But please consider your 2 children. This man is very unstable. If you think there is a future with this man, consider how he would affect your children. He is mentally ill, and really not a good partner. Why would you subject yourself to his behaviors? I know love can be painful, but it will pass. Give yourself a chance.

[sweetheart5381]

This doesn't sound healthy at all for you OP. Whether he has a genuine medical disorder or not, you cannot force him to get help, but will suffer from the illness as well.

 

I'm sorry to say, but I think your best move right now is to let him walk. He may come around, he may not, but from the angst that is apparent in your post you need some time to yourself as well.

 

He could be ill, he could be a manipulator, he could be scared etc. Bottom line, you cant fix it for him, only he can.

 

Sorry for your pain

[Mws]

I developed an anxiety disorder while dating this amazing girl that ruined our relationship. I can only speak for myself but half the **** i use to do or say I wanted to do the complete opposite, but my anxiety got in the way of everything i wanted to do in life and with her. I hope this guy gets help because when I did my life changed so much.

 

You sound really nice and awesome dont change!

[scorpio1978]

Holy hell!! This has co-dependency written all over it. Please, please...leave and never look back. You will never be stable, secure, confident with this hot and cold nightmare. Sleep deprivation as a tool? Oh, dear. No. Just no. He is an unstable person and will drag you down to the lowest of the low. Please get out of there.